Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[PinkRibbon]

Piggy,

Sitting here at the keyboard thinking about you as usual. Trying to understand what was so wrong with us that you gave up on us and our future. I talked to a friend today who I told about us not being together and her response was she thought the last time she saw us we would be together for a long time. A party and you were so attentive to me and my friends. I remember telling you how wonderful you were that day.

 

I met the realtor tonight to sign the paperwork for the offer on the home I am buying a mile and a half down the road from you. I don't think I would have taken this step if we were together because I would have been thinking about us and our future. And you are not in this future. I am alone in this picture. I filled out my admission papers to grad school so I will find out about that hopefully soon. Another step I don't think I would have taken because I would have wanted to spend all time with you and you spend all your time with me. Just the way we were always together having fun and loving each other.

 

God I miss you. I feel so empty without you.

POG

[fabulous_chk]

I wish to stop thinking about you. Here I am stupidly waiting for an email. Ugh.

[Soul Bear]

Hey there,

 

 

Just wanted to thank you for doing this

Seriously.

 

I have spent the last month trying to run away from the truth and the pain of losing you, I would find excuses as to why I treated you so badly recently, or why you left me, finding other people to blame...but i was wrong.

It was me! All along.

 

I am using this time wisely to face my deamons, whether you come back or not, I have realised that I have no one to blame but myself for the way I was.

 

Either way, I have had some big wake up calls.

 

And the fact of the matter is, that it was not my parents who were the problem, it was not you, it was not my family, and is was not where we lived. I tried to blame them all for my actions and attitude, and as to why you left me- i tried to justify my behaviour.

 

I have been trying to find excuses for what happened, and someone else to blame to try and excuse my own behavior, and say your making a mistake..... Well i finaly manned up and faced the truth. I cant ignore it forever.

When you can sit with that as the truth in total acceptance, there really is an incredible bliss in that.

 

When I stopped, sat still and felt the pain of that void...without any attempt to move or act on it...I found some good advice from myself. Some truth and acceptance. Truth that I have no one else to blame for what happened but me, and truth that I am glad this happened- I needed to wake up and accept responsibility for my own actions.

 

I believe that every future relationship benefits when the individuals, possibly us, have each conquered their own deamons and are not using the other partner to avoid meeting themselves- which is, i think what I was doing- avoiding myself.

 

So for now, i must use this time wisely to continue to grow and learn about myself

 

So this parting has ended up being a saviour!

I turned and met the tiger of my own pain, and was amazed at what i realised.

 

Im sorry for being a jerk, im sorry i wasnt more honest with myself.

I miss you like crazy.

I love you

 

xxxx

[IfIwereabird]

Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.

[fabulous_chk]

Hi Steve, my love, how are you? You are constantly on my mind even though this weekend is one of the busiest...I wish I can be with you right now....We broke up on March 16. I last saw you April 6...so it has been a month and a half of break-up and a month of not seeing your face...I've kind of gotten used to not seeing you...sometimes I don't even think about you.

 

You probably think I have moved on and that's why my reply to your email about us seeing each other again as friends is cold and dismissive...but I haven't, not really. I accept that we are through and there will be no second chance for us but you are still inside my heart.

 

My love, this is the email that I will never send you. It will just create guilt for you and hope for me. I have no doubt that you love me, that you want me to stay in your life because I'm the only woman who had treated you right. I know you have just come to this realization. But this is not the right time for us to be friends again...I'm still IN love with you. Wait until I'm in love with someone else...by then I can face you with no danger of falling for you once again.

[playlislay]

Hey!

(Sometimes I do wonder if I am totally crazzzzzzy writing on here....for you.....whe you cant read it? lol!!!)

Ok, so youve got a new gf. I cant say it didnt hurt when I heard. Oh and the fact that you have plastered it across your facebook actually hurts like hell. Do you know how much I wanted that when we were together? The recognition by others that WE were together. You and me. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops and you........wanted to hide it because you are 'secretive'. Hmmmmmm, I took that as a warning sign in the past and my instincts were right!!! Ah ha! Yes, one is clever with her thoughts and technology. And no, Im not a feckless bint (only you could use that stupid terminology, lol!) and my indecisiveness is part of me, like it or lump it!

 

So yeah, you having a new girl has really helped me move on. Of course I still love you doughnut brains, with all of my heart and forever, but your move has helped my move. You know the wonderful world of gumtree? Well late after we split I saw a man at tescos express and I put an add on gumtree in the 'missed connections' sections, and what would you know? 8 weeks later I get a response from him!!! :OP Good old gumtree eh?

 

Squidge, part of me still feels that one day we may make it, I really feel it in my heart. But I need this time to grow and being with you helped me learn alot about myself and how I make decisions toooo quickly without much thought. Ive also learnt the essence of communication and how important it is to be straight and upfront about how Im feeling. I hope that life will teach me more lessons that will only make me a better person in the long run. The person that I want to be; understanding, loyal, loving, open, considerate-basically an all round good partner. Ive also learnt that there is more to life than building a future with someone.Its about creating your own happiness, working hard on what you believe in, creating goals and reaching them, and most importantly, improving yourself to be a better and more cultured person. Being single has opened up new doors and opportunities from which I can build my life experience with, but it has all come at a disheartening expense-losing you.

 

I treasure you and I always will, nothing or nobody will take away what you and I had. Never. You know this and you know how much I think that you are an AMAZING man that I admire and respect (innit blood, lol!). I still wish I was there to watch you grow old, I want what we dreamed of; holding hands forever until we die )

 

Also gorgeous, I have realised what you were going through with becky. I wish you would have spoken about it to me, I would have understood and listened. Infact it would have helped alot with what happened in 'our past', you know what Im talking about. Im now in the position that you were in: your heart is still with someone, you dont want to settle for the first person that comes along, keeping your options open, not wanting to build a bond when you are still detatching yourself from the last. I think you deal with seperation by sleeping around and drinking, just like when I met you. I dont mind about that, if thats how it helps you cope then so be it. We are not together so you do as you please sweet. But honestly, you could have spoken about becky. I wish I would have mentioned this to you before and Im really sorry for not understanding about how you were feeling about her when we first got together. And yes, Im DEEPLY sorry for ever mentioning her in our arguements, she must have meant alot to you and hurt you badly, so I was (in your eyes) ruvving salt in a wound that I knew nothing about. Im sorry.

 

I know youre not perfect but youre bloody super duper perfect in my eyes and I wouldnt want you any other way. Thats a fact. I miss YOUR love, not anyone elses but yours because you gave it your all, and you done a perfect job at that! Im learning sweet, learning to be me but a better me. You loved me and if you ever loved me again then I would want to do it right and think about my actions before I carry them out. To be fair, we were a pretty great couple, I couldnt have wished for more. You amazing beautiful man, you. )

 

I love you C.D.J loadths and loadths.

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[playlislay]

Second day running-wtf?! lol!

 

I dont know if its the fact that I found out that you have a new gf or what, but all I know is that I really miss you today. Loads. I was driving along from roys earlier and just thought of you and started to cry-AGAIN!! I really do miss you and your sweet spirit. I miss your face incredibly so, and I still get all gooey over you if I see your pics ) Despite feeling angry towards you, I cant help but love you and think about us........ahhh.

 

You confused me the other day. We had a nice lil text chat (dont worry, I didnt see anything in it!!), I help you with your uni work via email and then you dont reply? wtf? Did I say anything wrong in the email???? Maybe its just you being bitchy by recieving help from me and then fobbing me off. Its unlike you.........at least I think so? Ive never known you to be that much of an ass! Never mind. Just proves how much you value me as a person. *sigh*

 

Never mind, uni work calls. Jst want you to know that youre a plumb C.D.J. A big rugby-playing, scruffy plum. Half cat, half plum-catplum! lol!! And I stupidly love you for it.

 

Love you loads squidgy bum-beeboop! :OP

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[PinkRibbon]

Please just come back to me....to us.

[brokenglass]

Its been a good 2-3 weeks since you and I have had any real conversation. Sure, I see you for a grand total of 5 minutes a week now since you're out "cleaning with your father" on Monday nights when I go to the house to see our son. I get the hint loud and clear. You don't want to see me, talk to me, interact with me.

 

And that's fine, because I don't want to see, talk or interact with you either.

 

Don't mistaken that statement for anger, resentment, etc. The reason I don't want to do any of these things is because I am on a streak of stress free, very good positive days where I feel very, very good about myself.

 

When I look at your face, into your eyes, I think nothing but love. I think of how I know just where to kiss you on your neck to make you smile and give you goosebumps. I know just how to hug you so that you feel warm and protected, and thats all I want to do.

 

So, since you're doing your absolute best to avoid me, I am doing the same thing. But its not because I don't want to, its because I have to.

 

If I don't I stand the change of ruining everything I have become, even if only for a few moments. I cannot accept this.

 

Even the messages you send me, just asking if I could bring you some things from the house, or if I could do this, telling me what time you'll be home, telling me you need medication for you-know-what, it all tugs at my heart a lot harder than I should let it. But thats why I don't respond with more than 2 or 3 words.

 

If I do anything more I stand the chance of losing myself and my focus.

 

I only hope that all this distance and what not makes you think about me more, but knowing you and your family, I am sure I am the last thing on anyone's minds these days.

 

And for once I think I'm ok with that.

 

I do still love you though as ridiculous as that may seem.

[bluewolf17]

I am angry with you today. That's a hard thing to be. You never really ever made me angry. You always tell the truth, you always do the "right thing". Your not a "bad person". It's so hard for me to feel like I hate you, but I truly feel like I do, today.

I hate that when you talk with me, and we hang out, you give me hope. I hate that you make me feel like the most brilliant, beautiful creature you have ever met. I hate how excited you are when you see me. Is it just an act? I really hate how you talk about us...."oh you know, when you and I are married and sitting on our front porch..." Uhm, we are broken up! In fact, you know I am trying to reconcile with you...then you say things like this and give me hope. Then a day goes by, then another, and I don't hear from you. We wen out last Thursday, and had another fun night, and here it is, Monday, and no contact. I feel like I have to play this stupid game. I don't contact you either, because I shouldn't act needy or desperate. I hate that I have to play games with you. Futhermore, I hate that it's all my fault. You told me..you said I would regret leaving you, and I do.

I hated that I was so cold to you. You were the rare man, that loved to show me his emotions. You always said I love you. You always told me how pretty I was. You always told me how much you wanted to be with me forever. I was not used to that, and would use my "I love you's sparingly". It wasn't until we broke up, that I realized how deeply you affected me. How much I did love you. I had bottled that all up, and now I have no release.

 

I hate that I don't think I will ever get to pull up to your house...and have you run out that front door with your arms held out for me.

[brokenglass]

You're talking to me right now over messenger, and again my one word answers are deliberate. Anything else would put me in a frame of mind I don't want to be in.

 

What makes you think you would have been welcome with open arms at the show on Friday? What makes you think that my friends would have been happy to see you? Do you really think they would have appreciated your stories of how abusive I was? They all know about your tryst with the fellow in Florida. They all know everything.

 

Please don't just assume that they would have been happy to see you. These are my friends. I don't make plans to go see your friends and expect them to welcome me.

 

I'm SO glad you weren't able to come to the show Friday. I would not have had nearly a good time like I did. I would have been miserable, constantly looking behind my back to see what you were doing or who you were talking to.

 

And yeah, you couldn't go out because you had to watch our son. Please don't attempt to make me feel bad about it because it will not work. YOU decided to not make this work. It was YOUR decision to give up. I opened up to you, I opened up to everyone and got the help I am getting. You slammed the door in my face and blamed me for everything.

 

So do us both a favor, and stay out of my social circle please. Go to your dance clubs and gay bars, you probably fit in much better there than you would with my friends.

[Flying Burrito]

I found one of your hair thingies in my car from when we played tennis.

 

I should have called you before. It was selfish and cowardly. I couldn't bear to see you I was so close to the breaking point.

 

I am sorry. I know you don't understand, that you think that I do things like this to hurt you, but this isn't the case.

[LadyV]

It's been 24 hours since we last spoke, with every conversation we share, I feel that everything you have ever said to me over the past few months, were a total lie. You tell me that you wish I believed you when you say I love you. I don't believe you....if you loved me you would try to change for us...but you made it clear to me yesterday that you will never change....You yourself said you do not change for anyone, well, when it comes to relationships, isn't it about "working together?" You have made it very very clear and told me time and time again, that you will only hurt me, yet you want to be in my life. I do not want you in my life anymore. I do not want to think about what you are doing, who you are with, or if you even think about me....

 

I finally did it, blocked you from everything I have, to include my cell phone and Social networking sites....I just don't trust myself to not look at your page, and don't want to sit wondering when I will hear from you again....I was doing so good a month ago, and now, here I am....wondering why you contacted me again, to only send me into yet another downward spiral of emotions..

 

I'm done. No more....

[Nikki Sahagin]

Baby, bear, prince, angel, soulmate....

 

Why has this happened to us? Is it fate/destiny/coincidence/bad luck/a cruel joke/immaturity/God....is there something or someone better that both of us are destined for? Or are we just too young, too selfish, too damaged, to have held onto the true love we have

 

I LOVE YOU, so much, that to lose you shatters me, fragments me, splinters right through me. I feel ripped in half. I feel ripped apart. I FEEL ****ING MUTILATED. You are so deep a part of me. You are part of who I am. No-one has ever been so close in my heart, my soul, my mind, my body. I feel you like blood in my veins. You were my first kiss, my first love. You will always be special to me. I can't bear to think of you with someone else, someones elses boyfriend, fiance, husband. Father to someone elses kids. God I love you so much, why can't that be enough???? There is no other man in the world I want but you. I don't even know I want to fall in love again. Its YOU. Every big adventure in life I wanted us to take together. We damaged each other so much, but it was the passion, the fear, we were just too little lost souls who connected, fell in love, and messed it up because we ran so fast and carelessly. We lit the match and ran with it. We played with fire.

 

I love brushing our teeth together. And cuddling you to sleep in my arms. I love when you lie between my legs and I hold you, and you call me your home. I love holding your hand. I love dreaming of you. I love when i'm scared and you wipe my tears. I love how we fit together. I love how I lose myself in your kiss. Is this to teach me to be strong? Loving you was my strength. I would give anything, even at this age, to live this life with you. I'm not one of those girls who wants 2 billion sexual partners, or other mens attention, I just want you. You are my one, your body forever, your kiss forever, your hand forever. I just want you I was never bored of you. You were all for me. My gift. For being such a good girl I thought. Don't take yourself away. I know its hard but love is hard. Don't let me go. Don't let us go. Fight for us please. Don't leave me crying alone without you beside me. Don't take away my dream.

 

To think I will never hold you in my arms. Thats what hurts most. Your beautiful face when you sleep. I want to care for you, love you. You are my baby. The person in this world I love more than myself. If thats true, why can't I let you go? I'm torn between wishing for your happiness and hoping that no-one can love you as I did, just so you know how much you meant. To think one day you'll look into another girls eyes...no please This is torture and hell and suffering and I can't bear it. You were my piece of heaven. You gave me meaning each day to wake up. Part of me just wants to self-destruct, to die, without you...........I can't be here without you. Maybe its delusional, but are the Romeo to my Juliet. If I can't be with you, whats the point? This isn't stupid. This is LOVE. Real real love. How can I live and just let that go? Let you go? HOW CAN I LET US GO? When its love? The most beautiful thing in the world?

 

Your eyes and face and heart are perfect to me. I miss my best friend, my lover, my angel, I will always miss you. I wanted you with me on my journey through life, by my side I love you, thankyou for showing me what my heart is for.

 

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[Soul Bear]

I am angry with you today. That's a hard thing to be. You never really ever made me angry. You always tell the truth, you always do the "right thing". Your not a "bad person". It's so hard for me to feel like I hate you, but I truly feel like I do, today.

I hate that when you talk with me, and we hang out, you give me hope. I hate that you make me feel like the most brilliant, beautiful creature you have ever met. I hate how excited you are when you see me. Is it just an act? I really hate how you talk about us...."oh you know, when you and I are married and sitting on our front porch..." Uhm, we are broken up! In fact, you know I am trying to reconcile with you...then you say things like this and give me hope. Then a day goes by, then another, and I don't hear from you. We wen out last Thursday, and had another fun night, and here it is, Monday, and no contact. I feel like I have to play this stupid game. I don't contact you either, because I shouldn't act needy or desperate. I hate that I have to play games with you. Futhermore, I hate that it's all my fault. You told me..you said I would regret leaving you, and I do.

I hated that I was so cold to you. You were the rare man, that loved to show me his emotions. You always said I love you. You always told me how pretty I was. You always told me how much you wanted to be with me forever. I was not used to that, and would use my "I love you's sparingly". It wasn't until we broke up, that I realized how deeply you affected me. How much I did love you. I had bottled that all up, and now I have no release.

 

I hate that I don't think I will ever get to pull up to your house...and have you run out that front door with your arms held out for me.

 

 

Sounds to me like he's

willing to reconcile....watch you dont play games for to long....you might just lose out on a good thing.........

[bluewolf17]

Thanks Soul Bear,

 

Trust me, I am doing everything I can. My "games" I mean that I don't call all the time, don't text all the time, when I really want to. I am doing the dance, waiting for him to call, or calling sparingly and being "upbeat and breezy" when I am really sad about everything.

 

After I read your post, I immediatly texted him, and told him I couldn't wait for Friday (we have tickets for a play...I bought them a long time ago).

But I won't take my possible 2nd chance for granted..I won't make the same mistake twice.

[missy555]

I am aching... physically and emotionally

 

Last night we drank too much...screamed too much...

and hit too hard.

 

I am ashamed how i placed myself in this situation

I am so angry that you are such a child that can only react

with punches and chokes.

 

I AM SO CONFUSED that you can be so sweet and sensitive on moment

then if we argue you treat me like a punching bag.

 

I am feeling so lost

So hurt and so stupid to still have HOPE

 

AM I STUPID??? am I wasting my time????

 

I KNOW I AM committing another form of SUCIDE

by staying with you...but I can let go of the dreams of GROWING old

with you.

 

I am scared but all i want to have that those peaceful times with you.

DO THEY EVEN EXIST

[ahhhchooo]

I want to kick you in the head repeatedly until your pretty little face looks like a complete mess. I want to feed you burgers until you are a huge fat b*tch instead of just a b*tch. I want to stand there laughing while you are in complete misery.

 

Any time you feel down, feel free to give me a call. So I can laugh at you.

 

B*tch.

[1bee]

it's been almost two years and i still f##king hate you. you can make all the money in the world but money won't buy you class or charm. i hope your current/next piece of eye candy takes a sh*t in your hand and runs off with your money. better yet, i hope she plays you like you played me. strings you along, makes you want her while she's really pitying you inside. then rips your heart out when you least expect it while taking you home to her mother just so she can tell you to "have a nice night" you huge d*ckhole.

[brokenglass]

I feel good about myself today, at least I think I do. Days like today, I usually don't feel this way but, I really miss you. After lunch with our son yesterday I really was reminded why I am so in love with you to begin with.

 

I don't really have anything else to say except I hope work is going well, I hope our son is ok and I hope you are doing great. I miss you to pieces and love you very, very much.

[fabulous_chk]

i do not know what you are up to. i hate talking to your mom - she says things I wanted to hear, always giving me false hopes.

 

 

i am never gonna take you back. you made my life hell for a month...now that i have moved on it would be sheer idiocy for me to pay attention to you.

 

 

make it work with her...after all, you deliberately threw away 4 years for a p*ssy. maybe her and you can build a relationship on that. good luck.

 

 

but leave me alone.

[bluewolf17]

Tony,

 

I wish I could just call you. I have a sticker next to my phone that says "Do you really want to make this call"? The reason for that is when I call you, it seems you are always in the middle of somthing, or in class. Or if I text you, sometimes I have to wait a few hours to get a reply. I hate that feeling, of needing you, and feeling desperate. So I am not calling you anymore. I always prefer it that way, because at least I know you are taking the reigns.

I am just so confused about everything. I guess I should be. We are broken up. So I shouldn't be taking your calls and having "dates" with you. But why are you seeing me? It's not a physical need as we haven't been intimate since the break up. I know neither of us is dating, and I told you I wasn't interested in being "just friends" and you agreed. You also said you didn't know if us seeing eachother is the right thing. That we are in a gray area. No ****. We go out once a week and have a great time and you flirt and we talk philosophy, politics, friends, family, authors and sports. We always connected on things like that. You made a point of telling me how your friends all think your crazy for breaking up with me, and how they all "love me". You are all excited to see me, but then you don't call for 4-5 days. So I am done caling/texting you. I just need to feel better, to stop wondering when it will happen. I love you. I thought we would grow old together. I use to fantasize about walking down the isle, and seeing you in your tux at the end of that isle. I saw everything with you. Now there is just fog when I think about us, like there is a "us" anymore.

I am sorry that I haven't taken the break up with grace. I should have just walked away in the beginning, instead of waiting around. I am not that girl. I will do us both a favor, and just end it. So I don't have to feel sad, and you don't have to feel guilty.

 

ALC

[richardcory]

J.R.

 

I didn't talk to you for eight months because of what you did. I'm glad you guys were f****** against the door because if you weren't, I probably would have actually broken the door down, gone in there and ended up in jail. I've met plenty of women since then, but I haven't been able to date anyone since it happened. Not a single one. I was too scared about getting hurt again.

 

Now all of a sudden you are telling me that he took advantage of you that night, even though I know it was also to spite me. I guess he really deserves the cancer that's in his body. Some people say that even though he was my friend, and even though you both f*****, that I should still feel bad. But I don't. And I won't. Ever. You both taught me incredible lessons, at your own expenses. But your expense was different.

 

You told me-that you thought/think about me all day every day, even though you picked up a rebound bf a month after THAT. You never should have told me that. Kinda shows that you really are the pathetic one. I started to feel bad for you, but tonight made everything crystal clear.

 

We went to dinner tonight and you told me that what you did probably won't happen to me again (atleast as bad as it was that night). I believe you. It hurts every time you lightly brush against me. You know that I am attracted to you, but I am human, and now also attracted to other women, who, like you said, are out there and can give me better (you said it yourself). I used to think I would never find anyone like you again, but I will, and that will be the day that I really do start to forget, not just about what happened, but you as well.

 

I am incapable of setting foot inside that house ever again. For me, it feels like death when I walk through the front door, and to see the room where it happened. You won that much, and I'll give it to you. All of those people who used to be our mutual friends--you can have them--it is clearly not a place where I should be spending time with my life now or ever; nor are they people who offer any positivity or benefit to me.

 

I am not going to see you for a very, very long time again, J. I hope you make it through this life ok, and at some point, see life the way I now see it.

 

C

[Graduate]

I miss you. I feel like a pathetic loser for saying this, but all I want is to be with you. I am going out on many dates with many nice guys, but all I think about is you. When I come home after another date, I feel even lonelier than before, if that's possible.

 

Why are you avoiding me, why do you run the other way when you see me coming, why do you never call or write to me?

 

Do you know how I feel? Are you sometimes thinking about me too? What am I supposed to do? I want to give you your space, but it is so difficult, I wish I could turn back time and change everything. Especially that one night when I said we would be better as friends. I was just worried I might get hurt again, I did not know you were going to disappear out of my life after that.

 

Is there anything I can do to make you change your mind? To make you hang out with me again? Soon I am moving and then I will probably never see or hear from you again. It breaks my heart to think of that.

 

I love you.

[fabulous_chk]

I'm so sorry for being so cruel last night Steve, for laughing at you and saying I want no friendship from you. Hearing you close to tears made me feel vindicated.

 

I was cruel - but I threw up after talking to you because I felt disgusted with myself.

 

I want to call you today to say I'm sorry and invite you for drinks...but what good would it do? I cannot comfort you and you cannot comfort me and it's best to severe all contact. You realize now that I was your only true friend - too late. You threw away everything - we had the best relationship in the world - for a whore.

 

You will be alright, I know. Forget about me - I was just one of those ships passing by. In a few years you will have trouble remembering my face. And that's how life is.