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bluewolf17

TB.

 

Wow! 2 weeks! I made it. I have left you alone. I haven't called/texted/emailed. I refuse to let you know how much pain I am really in. I couldn't stand for you to know, and then tell me "you just don't know what to say". That's okay. You don't have to say anything. I know you missed me too, at first. That's why you kept in contact. That's why you wanted to see me. I know also, if we got together, we would still have a great time. That's why we went out so many times, post break up.

But I also know that it's not enough. You still didn't want to try, for whatever reason. Your busy taking 22 credits, your focusing on school. Maybe there is someone else that you think will treat you better. Maybe you just got tired of all the drama we had. You took a good long hard look at our relationship, weighed the pros and cons, and decided you were better off alone. I guess I should be thankful. There wasn't any cheating, no devious plans. For the most part, you ended things in a caring way. You even let me call you up and cry and cry and plead, and you still cared enough to let me go on.

I feel a little emberrassed about that. I should have just accepted it. But I am doing that now. I will accept that you didn't want to try again. I will accept that we can't contact eachother anymore. It wasn't like a strict NC. I just saw things clearly after our last date. You weren't going to budge. You would be happy staying broken up, and staying in contact. Well I am not. As hard as this two weeks were, I HOPE that things will get better. I no longer think you will reach out for me, and I will have to anyalize your call/message. I don't have to worry about that. You know me, and you know that I won't call you, and you shouldn't call me.

 

Accepting that it's over, it the hardest part. Especially when I feel like there is so much love leftover. But what's the point, of all the love I want to give you, if you don't have any left for me? It wouldn't work out. You have to love me, and want me back. And you don't. I don't know whats down the road, and I try to block out the strong feeling that we will reconnect downt the road. I would prefer to just beleive your dead. My TB has died, and I am grieving. What sucks, is that I learned so much from this relationship. So the next guy I meet, is going to get the best me. A Bluewolf that is much more loving and patient, then the one you got. He's going to get the girlfriend I should have been to you. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry I wasn't what you wanted. But you weren't exactly what I wanted either. I do what a responsible partner. I want someone ambitous. I do want to get married, and have a home and a family. I thought it would be with you, but I see now that you never wanted that. I imagined my wedding day. I always thought I would see you at the end of the aisle in your tux. I cried with happiness just thinking of it. But that was never for me, that will be some other girls day.

 

One of these days, I am going to wake up and not be haunted by you, and everything I think I lost.

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i'm still here, j. i haven't seen you for half a year, but i'm still here.

why are you being silent? ..what happened..?

have you forgotten me again? one word would be enough.

i still have the most tender feelings for you.

w.

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crackerjax9

why do you love texting me thigns like i miss you and then if i answer u ignore them? i just gave u antoher ultimatem and u havent responded. what did i ever do to u? do u not realize im going to move on and ur going to lose me forever? do u really want that? i really hate you. you tear me up and make me feel like ive never felt before. i just wanna crawl up in bed and never wake up. i hope you feel like this . i hope you miss me. i dont get waht ur doing right now tho. ur effing around with my head and it kills me to not answer u. jaskdfjasdfk when will i learn

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bluewolf17

TB,

 

Another okay day. Day 15-but I realized somthing..

 

Our relationship wasn't perfect. It wasn't even as great as I am making it out to be. I am only focusing on the happy times, which we had a lot of. That's why we made it to 3.5 years. But now I rememeber the bad. Your jealousy, your ineptness, your lack of ambition. Your depresssion that you woudln't handle. Your stinky basement room you refused to clean.

 

There were some serious reasons to break up. How could I marry you? You couldn't even keep a checking account. You couldn't wake up in time for work. You couldn't keep a job. Your are swaddled with debt. You have no idea what you want to do. We fought over these things, a lot. Yes, I was a bitch to you. I even got cold to you, and didn't want to have sex anymore. I was resentful. I wanted better for you. I'm sorry we didn't communicate sooner and figure it out, but it is what it is.

 

The break up was bound to happen. I just wish I didn't react so badly to it. I just saw my husband walking away, and didn't consider that it would have been a disaster to get married. I am okay with the break up today. I don't like that fact that I no longer get to laugh with you and know you. I also think it would sting if I knew you loved someone else, so I will keep up NC. Just know that I did love you, do love you, and wish you the best. I am not holding out for anything, any longer. I accept the break up. And I forgive you.

 

Bluewolf17

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XBF,

 

In the short time we were together, I thought I was happy. Wow, looking back to the way that things were with us, the intensity, the eggshells, the back and forth, the way you made me feel, I am so happy that I have cut you out of my life. Although we tried to remain friends, this is the very best thing that could have happened. You showing me your true colors.

 

I know, I do take blame in part of what happend between you and I. There were times when I felt like I pushed you, or tried a little to hard to keep us together...Maybe I came over too much or tried to much to be a part of your life? I was just going with the beat of the drum, thinking that is what we, being in a commited relationship were supposed to do. I knew that it was too soon. I knew deep down inside that we were not going to get too far because you were the first relationship after my divorce. I didn't want things to get so serious between us, but as as someone said to me once before..."You can't help who you fall in love with..."

 

As each day passes, I do not wonder nearly as much. I just imagine you with her and that is all I need to get through....I've done so good sticking with the NC. 26 days today!!! :) I can't wait to get to 30, then to 60. Who knows if one day I will take the blocks off. Right now, the answer is no. I don't want to know what you are up to, I don't want to know how you are. I don't want you to know how I am...All I want you to think is that "Wow, she hasn't tried at all the contact me. She is doing so good without me....She doesn't need me" Because you know what? I DON'T!

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It was nice to see you today.

Im sure after the way things turned out today you got some food for thought!!

hahaha

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Nikki Sahagin
It was nice to see you today.

Im sure after the way things turned out today you got some food for thought!!

hahaha

 

Interesting....

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Jdw_Icequeen

Hey J, Its me. Whats that you don't remember me? You know the women that gave birth to your children. YA, that one. Just wanted you to know the kids are great! I am sure your really enjoying your "SINGLE" life with your friends and your sluts. You haven't found a job yet?

 

You know what you would be great for a billboard for STDS.

I think it would not only work for you but pays well. Then you could actually take some small form of responsibility and help me with the kids.

 

The baby still calls the phone daddy, awww isn't that cute. At least the phone is reliable. Its the weekend I am sure your spending it with that girl.

The one that you keep telling me "it isn't like that with" and then she loves you and your together. What you have changed your mind again?

What is she today? O thats not nice to say. You should really have more respect for people.

 

I find it REALLY funny. You know you told me you cheated on your ex 8 times and then you left her for me. Now your doing the same to me.

Your right I learned alot from you. But it wasn't that I should have treated you better. Its that I deserved better. To find a man that dosen't think relationships are perfect but love is enough for them. You really are just a little boy. Yes I do blame myself. i beleive people can change. I thought you wouldn't do to me what you did to her. I thought you wanted a fresh start. Shame on me.

 

I told you over and over again not to leave your ex for me, that things would never work. But you insisted. It won't be long before you slip into your old patterns with the new one. Your confused you say? That sounds familair. But I won't be your doormat or an option for you anymore, so its time for you to get "unconfused". Why do you keep telling your friends I want you back?

 

Its like your a special kid that was dropped on your head. I have never apologized for anything. I have never said lets try and work this out.

Infact after I found about about ur little w*ore, all bets were off.

Why do you think I don't want to be your friend. WHAT??!?! I am selfish for not wanting ot be your friend? That is the pot calling the kettle black isn't it!! Grow up! Do yourself a favor get your S*it sorted so you can see your kids. Your doing alot of damage to them and your relationship with them. Besides the fact your missing the best years of there life.

 

That or you could take a small leap off a large cliff. Whatever floats your boat..

 

*click*

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I thought you loved me. If that were true you wouldn't have made sure you set yourself up with a new relationship before finally leaving me. That is heartless! I was so good to you. I don't think you will ever be happy with just one person. You need constant attention from other guys and lose interest when the "new" excitement in a relationship wears off.

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bluewolf17

TB-

Hmmmm

 

I only cried because I watched Nick and Norah's infinite Playlist, and Michael Cerra always reminded me of you. It made me sad.

 

Other than that, today was fine. Day 16.

 

PS-You bored me.

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I was thinking of you today and it made me sad. i miss the old you. why did you become so cold and arrogant to me? i guess i was no longer good enough for you but my conscience is clear. i have no regrets because i was willing and ready to give us a go and i believed in us. I can move on now when i heal knowing i tryed my best. you did'nt and i think someday you'l regret your decision to throw a relationship with the only person who ever listened to you and cared for you.

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bluewolf17

TB,

 

Nice. I just started to accept it. I just started to feel "okay" instead of sad and lonely. And your empty text put me back into thinking what was behind it. But it was nothing. You feel bad? Guilty? Miss me, just a bit? Wondering if I am dating? Hopeing I would have texted you back right away, like I use to?

 

No. You don't get me anymore. Not my text, my time, my tears. You really that interested in what I am doing? Date me then. Otherwise, there will be nothing. Just like you left me with.

 

Bluewolf17

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Hi,

Sometimes everything has been said, everything has been done. I left it all on the floor for you, for us. Our issues were so great even our love could not overcome them. One day you will understand that I wasn't just "being a guy" the ironic part is that then, you won't see the point in contacting me to let me know.

 

We always regret the steps we don't take out of fear rather than the steps we do take too hastily. I know that in our case, I will have no regrets. 2 years together, 2 years on hold waiting for you to get your act together, long enough. I am not holding on anymore.

Goodbye,

best,

me

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Gottabestrong

Hey babe,

how are you doing? Are you glad to be back home with your family? Is it everything you hoped it would be? Are you thinking about me? Probably not. You are probably happy I am out of your life and hope to never hear from me again. Well, I hope you are happy and everything works out of you. I am still here thinking about you. But I will do my best to stay away from you and not contact you anymore. As well to do you a favour but also because I know it is the only way for me to heal and move on. Miss you.

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I can't stop thinking about what I saw on Friday night. We were hanging out like everything was fine, we were joking around like friends, like nothing has happened... and then I saw her stuff in the bathroom. Where mine used to be. And her hair on your bedsheets. It killed me and it's all i've been able to think about. I wake up in the morning and imagine you doing the same. You turn around to see her face, instead of mine. You smile and hug her good morning, instead of me. I can't bear the pain... how could you have fallen in love so easily again?

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I know i pissed u off friday night, I made myself look pretty desperate to be honest. I know one thing, you'll never see me do that again.

 

I cant WAIT for you to see me at the christening in august (i've decided I dont wish 2 see u until then and i know youll be there)

I'll be about a stone and a half lighter and lookin gorgeous. I promise u that. N maybe we can be friends again and i can continually show u what u couldve had.

 

Until then, You know i start my new job sunday, I have a feeling all the friends i'm gonna make at my job will put the pieces of me back together. I need to clear u out my head and have time away. Im sure youd agree.

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fabulous_chk

Aw, Steve. I'm still in love with you. I stayed up last night to try catch you on IM. And when i fell asleep that's when you went online and IM-ed me. Then I sent you multiple messages. I feel like a love-sick idiot but I know you need extra love at this time. And believe me I have a whole lot to give!

 

I wonder why God led you back in my life. I have asked my other ex who's a missionary and he told me to fast. So I have given up rice for 6 months. 6 months Steve! I'm praying for clarity, for purpose in life.

 

I am so in love. So in love. God help me. This is the guy I chose to be the father of my kids. Help me let him go when he's done grieving.

 

But oh, how I love you! I love you and you love me and it sucks that we cannot be together.

 

I'm praying for you as well. I hope God is taking care of you my love. Me and my other ex are praying for you, for your dad, for your family.

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bluesky123

Allo, Sweetie

 

How was your weekend, I miss you a ton, I miss everything about you. I wish we can make things work. I keep on thinking about the day we met, the eye contact you gave me,and the memories we shared form that day on. God do I miss you hunny.

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Nikki Sahagin

You give so many mixed messages. Do you even know what you want? Do you stop to think how I could interpret you? Or am I just overanalysing? You break up with me, get back together, break up, want to be friends, have a go at me, then text me updating me on your work. I mean....do you just want me to keep thinking of you? Any time a certain amount of time passes where we don't speak, you get in touch.....are you just trying to stop me moving on? I was doing fine but I just burst into tears. If you want me you could have 100% of me, but with these games I can give you nothing.

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I thought you loved me. If that were true you wouldn't have made sure you set yourself up with a new relationship before finally leaving me. That is heartless! I was so good to you. I don't think you will ever be happy with just one person. You need constant attention from other guys and lose interest when the "new" excitement in a relationship wears off.

 

wow, are you me??? crazy. i could swear that that is how my relationship went with my ex....

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Mr. Noname

Dear Ex,

 

Are you happy now you regained your freedom? Are you having a good time? And are you already flirting with boys?

 

I don't understand why your love for me has vanished. I'm f*ck*ng pissed at the moment, I want you back in my life. You meant everything and now I'm on my own without your ''love".

 

Do you still look at the pictures where are on? Why can't you just understand we were made for each other! I made some mistakes, but to make mistakes is human.

 

I thought it was only my mistakes that caused the break up, but I know now that you were a part of it too!

 

I'm angry, but I really care for you. I don't want to say this but deep inside I feel the need to say it: I hope you become succesful in your life and you will find great happiness.

 

I forgive you, you are young and are going to have a great future. It's not common to be with each other from that young age, I thought we were different than other young couples but unfortunately it isn't true.

 

You're dead for me now, you're nothing for me anymore, no friend no acquintance, only a painful thought. After a great amount of time I will accept it and look only at the good times we have had.

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bluesky123

Having a bad moment, I wrote this earlier today I did not send it to her. Just wanted to get things out. I have never wrote something like this about a person before.

 

It’s been three days since I last heard your voice. I feel, as though it’s a bad dream, how could this happen to us. My mind is racing, there are so many things I want to tell you but I can’t call you, I want to but can’t. I have good moments and bad moments. My love for you is so genuine. I miss the smell of your hair, your pretty hands your perfect smile with that little dimple. I have this reoccurring thought of the day we met, the first date we took the outfit you were wearing, gosh I can still smell the perfume you had on. I remember you holding my hand by **********. I miss the way you welcome me with your arms wide open your eyes closing every so slowly and the perfect kiss you’d give me. I miss the way you’d put things in perspective after a bad day. Sometimes it may feel as though I was unhappy, I just miss you so much. I want to grow old together like we dreamed about. I miss my best friend. As I write this I’m having a good moment, reminiscing about all the great memories we shared. I try to think of the bad times and they are none. We had our fights; it’s been always over something small. I don’t feel angry, I feel empty. The love of my life is gone I miss your voice. The nights are the hardest; I check my phone every night before bed. I miss holding your hand. What I miss is you; everything about you and that is tearing me into pieces. I could write pages upon pages of the things I love about you; the best way to describe is I love everything about you. Sweetheart I will respect your wishing because I love you so much. It still doesn’t make sense to me. I want to call you but have to resist. You are a strong woman and what scares me the most is that you made your decision, and when you make decisions you stick with them. That is why it makes it so real. I know your gone for good, but the I still have hope that I’ll get the chance to hold you in my arms tight. I love you with all my heart.

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hey my Darling girl,

I had a good day today. I still really miss you tho. Your behaviour is confusing me a little too...

 

I wanted to ask you WHY when you came over to get some things a few weeks ago, did you switch those rocks about??? What does it mean??

 

I dont get it!

 

I know you said its over, but some of the things you have done confuse the hell outa me babe.

 

I guess one day I will know.....

Funny thing is, the psychic guy said something about a tree being an important part in our relationship and that I should take care of that tree....I dont know which one as there are 3 in the house, and all 3 you put different stones in, when you cam over you switched the stones about....Im so confused

 

This is day 4 again, of NC...it seems like forever ago.

You looked so good when I saw you

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