Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[lovdnlost]

I’ll start off by saying I miss you terribly. Of course I do. This weekend was extremely rough with adjusting to life without you. The one person that I found reasons in. The one person I loved and still love unconditionally. The one person who made me believe that the reason for all the failed relationships I had in the past and hurt I felt was because I was meant to be where I was with the person I was with which was you. The one person who I couldn’t picture my life without and now the one person that I have no choice but to.

 

I feel bad for the way we said our goodbye because I was mad and sad at the same time. Shocked, numb, dumbfounded. I felt bad because when you hugged me, I wanted to hug you back so bad but was pissed off that it would be the last time I would hug you. I want to express so many things to you right now but I know that there is no point. That there is nothing that will change your mind or feelings yet the urge and want is still there for me to do so. You know me, I love to let it out so I will.

 

I keep reminiscing about us and about what we shared and it pains me because you are no longer here. It pains me that you’re moving on with your life without me and will eventually be over us, most likely before I am over us. This break up pains me not because of another guy which I completely respect you for but for the simple fact that you no longer feel the same way about me and about us. That hurts deep, but I’ve learned to accept it (for the most part) and am doing my very best to keep moving forward. I haven’t picked up the bag of clothes that you left with your brother yet but just knowing that you packed it all up and are giving it back really hurt. I guess its because the reality that you are letting go of me is happening. The reality that you too are in the process of moving on without me is happening. I’ve been on and off with the denial and acceptance of this whole thing. Denial that it really is over and then acceptance of the same thing. I find it hard to believe that what we shared when we were together is over but the grip is lessening and my trust in the fact that time and love will heal the wounds is what I’m focusing on. Slowly but surely.

 

I find myself thinking about you more often than not and I think of memories that seem so fresh still. I know that these things don’t help me at all but at this point, its challenging to not think about you and worry about you and wonder what you’re up to. I’ve been doing that for a year and a half and to all of a sudden not do that is so foreign to me. I still hope for us you know. And I know I shouldn’t but the fact is, the truth is, that I do. I hope that maybe one day you will fall in love with me again. I hope that one day you and I can share a life together again. All the things you said to me about being my soulmate and that you know deep down that this isn’t the last time we’ll be together, I still put hope in that and feel that you were being sincere. Maybe you just said those things because that is how you felt in the moment. Maybe those thoughts and visions will remain with you throughout your growing years but at the same time, maybe those feelings will change as you continue to grow without me and the thought of that hurts right now.

 

I know that I’ll be happy, one day, about this whole thing. Happy because I’ll be in a better place in my life. Happy because I know I’m not this person I am right now who is constantly down and out, trapped in my thoughts and controlled by my emotions. Happy because I know I loved you whole heartedly knowing that you’re not just another girlfriend but someone so much more special. Knowing that I will only be stronger because of this. I asked the question to a friend, “do you think I love too much” to which I received the answer, “there’s no such thing as loving too much, you just loved the wrong girl too much”. I don’t believe you were the wrong girl because I loved loving you and I’m happy that I was able to show you what true love is by sharing my completeness with you, sharing my life with you, sharing my love with you. Its just unfortunate that at this point in your life, its not something that you’re truly ready for or truly want. As hard as it is for me to accept that, to believe that, I have to.

 

I guess part of me is writing this because you were not only my love but also my bestfriend. The one person that if I had any problems or felt I needed to express anything, was the first person I would think of. The one person I would run to knowing that I would be comforted just by hearing your voice, just knowing that you were listening, knowing that you cared, knowing that all was going to be ok simply because you said it would be. Its so strange not being able to talk to you everyday and know what’s going on with you or let you know what’s going on with me and I guess that’s another reason why I’m writing this to you now, to let you know. I really wish things between us were different. I wish our situation was still all good and that you and I were still happy together. I really miss you baby! Ever so much. I’ve been trying and trying to forget but I know I’ll never forget. I’ll never truly forget how you made me feel because it was such an amazing feeling. I’ll never truly forget the good memories, the good times and experiences we shared on our trips together, our nights out, our times staying in. Our conversations, our silence, our playfulness and our intimate moments. I know I’ll never forget because when I think about all those things, they were all good memories. They were all part of the happiest moments of my life to date. The only painful thing about all of that now is that its over. Repeating that statement, that fact, that its over, is extremely hard but I’ll continue to repeat it until it truly sinks in and I truly begin living it.

 

I really don’t want to be in love with you anymore but I still am. I really don’t want to have these urges to still be in your life but I still do. Now that the weather is so nice, my first reaction is to get up, get ready, head over to your house and go with you to the beach and then reality hits. My second reaction is to just call you up or text you, think about what we’re gonna do today and then reality hits. Ugggh. I know how to move on from this but it’s the actual doing that I’m struggling with because I’ve never felt a stronger connection with anybody in my life and to just cut that connection off seems so unnatural for me but so necessary. I find it hard to breathe without you. Being with you, to me, was the essence of heaven on earth. And today, as I write this, there’s a pain in my heart that is so overwhelming. What makes this so much more challenging is that you did me no wrong. You were an amazing girl with so much to offer and so much love to give and letting go of someone I love who is such a good person is so much harder than letting go of someone who treated me like sh*t or someone who cheated on me or someone who didn’t respect or love me. This isn’t who you were, this isn’t who you are and it is because of this, because of your good nature that letting go of you, of us of what was and what could have been, is so so hard.

 

We live, we learn. We love and we experience loss. We hope and we move on. We hold on and we let go. Its all part of falling in love.

 

“When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go! You know you really love someone when you want her or him to be happy, even if their happiness means that you're not part of it. Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try. You'll never love a person you love unless you risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love. Love doesn't hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow.

 

Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing.

 

The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves.

 

On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time. To love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self, to love is to risk not to be loved in return.

 

How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end.

 

Loving people means giving them the freedom to be who they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know, that these were the things that helped you grow. Loving someone means giving them the freedom to find their way, whether it leads towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you'll experience the fullness of humanity and that is love. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why. If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take the risk, if you're not ready to feel the pain, then you're not ready to fall in love. There was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love 'coz every time we do, we get hurt, then i figured that's why it's called falling in love.”

 

I wish I was in a place where I could be friends with you and take the time to see you and call you and enjoy our time together but that’s not where I’m at right now. The constant advice I’ve been receiving is that in time, this will all be ok, day by day, keep busy, focus on something else, keep up with no contact, she’s moved on and so must you. They are all right. They are all looking out for me and its what I would tell my friends if they were in the same situation. I feel it sometimes, that its getting better and then it all of a sudden gets worse. The roller coaster ride continues and will continue as long as I let it but I keep pushing forward for the day when I don’t feel so bad anymore. When I can experience the complete calm after the emotional and mental storm. The day when I can truly embrace this and be happy that you are happy wherever you are, with or without me but more importantly that I am too.

 

[playlislay]

Oi uneducated! lol!

 

Im doing pretty well at the mo, in many aspects of my life. Job hunting is the biggest load of pants EVER Form after form after form......you get the picture! All I can say is.......DONT DO IT! GIVE UP UNI NOW! ITS A DEATH TRAP I TELLS YA! he he he. I dont mean that sweet, infact Im pretty scared that youve already given up. Please dont. Ive always believed and had faith in you completeing the course and becoming a teacher. Maybe a slightly lapsidasical teacher, but a good one all the same ) C'mon, you love faffing with the kids and playing the fool-dont let your last placement get you down. please.

 

I know what happened at christmas f*cked you up with uni-it done the same to me too. I became serverly depressed, got put on some lil pillios (wahey lol) but didnt take them. Yes, I enjoyed becoming a retarded mess..........nah, I just didnt want to be on a loony pills. It made me really sads when I found out about you failing a module, I couldnt help thinking that its my fault. That you would have been in if I hadnt of funked up. Dont bloody sit there and deny it, you know its true. I was even sadder when you expressed that you were giving up all together. murf. I didnt want that for you. Double murf.

 

I know you would have made it if all of that didnt happen, coz we supported each other-innit bruv? You is, or were, my homey- my thtuddy buddy. :OP

Thats what I enjoyed about us, we were both losers trying to make it in the big wide world. Going into the same profession would have meant that we could have helped each other through the ****ty times AND earn loadsa dinero. You and me made a great team and I still dont mind supporting you if you wish to continue with your studies-platonically of course. I just want to see you become successful in life, to be that clever man that I always looked up to and listened to.

 

God Im waffling, but this is my only out-let. I cant contact you, ever. I dont want to hassle you or ruin your life, I just hope that you manage to read this. Funk it, I might make this a regular thing. I'll bore all of these poor gummerainians to death, lol!

 

Anywho, I was just sorting through your old emails. One made me freak out, hence why Im writing here. It was one where I had obviously been really upset (last may) over what had happened, from which you replied to say how deeply sorry you were, how you funked up because of who I had living with me, how deeply you loved me and how you cant imagine living your life without me. MUUUURF! ( Like you would love me forever. I honestly believed you when you said those words to me, I believed because I knew that you felt it too. The feeling that we were perfect for each other, would love each other until death do us part, hold hands to the grave.

Hahaha! I remember how sad I was when I found out that your family die young, lol! To this day it still upsets me as I know that some other lucky lady will get to stand by you for the short years that you have left.........*cheeky grin*

 

I miss you dude. despite the amount of men Ive totalled up in the last few months, no one compares to you. I still know, deep in my heart, that you were the one. I dont care what you say to that, but I know how much you bloody loved me and how hard it was for you to give up on me. If I had seen it coming then I would have changed and tried to understand you more, I would have done anything for you you silly old man! (that reminds me, I put 'silly old man' on one of my old posts to which someone replied-you shouldnt date old men, ha ha ha)

 

Soz, too long! Oh and Ive just lost half of my funking diary which I planned on printing off..............its finished at the beg of march and Ive written so much since! Bloody ballsing b*ll*cks!

Anywas.....

 

I bid you farewell tarticus, I hope you can forgive me for everything, I really do. And yes, I still mourn for you as it feels as if you have died........died early, just like you said you would. It was only a few nights ago (God, Im welling up again ) that I laid on my living room floor and started to reminis about us playing rugby tackles.......lol, you always used to bloody win! I just started balling my eyes out, repeatedly telling you how sorry I am and how much I wish you were still with me. My life just feels incomplete without you, despite the opportunities that I now have, you made me sweet. I loved you for that, you brought the best out in me. You made me indescribably happy (yes, I cant spell, Im being lazy).

 

I even balled my eyes out infront of char the other night. Her man cheated on her for 6 months, she took him back at christmas, but the other night he gave this girl a lift home. Char found out, they had a massie arguement and she told me that when they were in bed he squezzed her so tight, like he didnt want to lose her. Just like you used to do to me. And that was it, I choked up man (no, I didnt choke up A man, that would would be silly, lol).

 

I never thought I would be so upset over losing someone, but you were something else. Something special. Mum still cant believe that Im still inlove with you-she's never seen me this way over someone. Sweet, did you mean it when you told your mum that I was the one for you? That you were 100% sure that I was the one? It may not matter to you now but it does to me. I dont want to grieve over a lie.

 

Funk this, Ive waffled enough and got myself upset-for what? Nothing. I just want you to know that nothing will ever change in my heart, you will always have someone that loves you uncontrollably (thats waht it is, uncontrollable love), like a mother loves her child, and I will ALWAYS be there for you. Remember that sweet. If you ever need anything, I will support and help you to the best of my abilities (which sadly, are very limited, lol). Please dont be afraid to ask.

 

I love you, to infinity and beyond (Buzz lightyear-two hundred worlds, get it? lol) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[robaday]

Well its been 9 months of pain, self torture and making a bigger dick out of myself every time you try to be friends. I've survived a lot in my life, 5 deaths, being held at gun-point, od'ing on crystal meth, being stamped on the head for not giving up my wallet, having my father kick the **** out off me for not picking up some rubbish, being hijacked in my car after a rave with a screwdriver held to my throat, and you know what you finishing things in Sept was by far the hardest thing I have had to go through.

 

I still cant speak to you as a friend, still turn into a little boy every time you get in touch, I dont even want you back, know your spoken for, but still seem to think about you all the time. Part of me wishes we'd never met, that was the worst year of my life and the last thing i needed was a complex head**** of a relationship to drag me through it. Part of me would like to think you understand why i self destructed, why i couldn't be bothered pretending my life was great when you left, when i admitted i was struggling.

 

But what do you want from me now? why the odd text now and again? you know I'm damaged, you know what i wanted from you, you know that no good can come from further communication between us. NC didn't work, it just made me think about you all the time, which meant when you did get in touch my attention deficit disorder exploded.

 

What a mess? I am the only one left with the baggage of that screw up? am I the only one suffering here?

[digitalwizard]

Hi, T-----a!

 

How could this have happened? How the hell can you be talking with another guy who you will probably never even see? How can his feelings be more important than mine? How can you smile when I mention his f**kin' name?! How can you smile when I ask if you've been having phone sex?!!? I gave you 9 years! Oh, by the way, our anniversary is on the 10th...did you forget? Are you going to be talking to him on the 10th? I've checked the records, you call the mother f*cker every night over and over. What can he possibly be doing for you that I can't do? I can talk. I can give you attention. I can love you..and I do! Didn't he say that he had a girlfriend that he was deeply in love with right before you two started talking? Maybe that should be a red flag! Wake up and remember me!

 

- Thomas

[Gottabestrong]

I still think about you first thing in the morning when I wake up. I hate that. It is like I get hit in the stomach every day before I even get up. And it takes an awful long time just to be okay again, I have to tell myself over and over again why we are not together and should not be together. And just when I think I got it into my deep skull that you are gone and will never come back, I remember your smile, your hug, your kisses and I am right back where I started. I hate this. When will this stop? If this is for the best why are you still in my heart, are you still in my head? Just get out of there and leave me be!

[kizik]

I’ll start off by saying I miss you terribly. Of course I do. This weekend was extremely rough with adjusting to life without you. The one person that I found reasons in. The one person I loved and still love unconditionally. The one person who made me believe that the reason for all the failed relationships I had in the past and hurt I felt was because I was meant to be where I was with the person I was with which was you. The one person who I couldn’t picture my life without and now the one person that I have no choice but to.

 

I feel bad for the way we said our goodbye because I was mad and sad at the same time. Shocked, numb, dumbfounded. I felt bad because when you hugged me, I wanted to hug you back so bad but was pissed off that it would be the last time I would hug you. I want to express so many things to you right now but I know that there is no point. That there is nothing that will change your mind or feelings yet the urge and want is still there for me to do so. You know me, I love to let it out so I will.

 

I keep reminiscing about us and about what we shared and it pains me because you are no longer here. It pains me that you’re moving on with your life without me and will eventually be over us, most likely before I am over us. This break up pains me not because of another guy which I completely respect you for but for the simple fact that you no longer feel the same way about me and about us. That hurts deep, but I’ve learned to accept it (for the most part) and am doing my very best to keep moving forward. I haven’t picked up the bag of clothes that you left with your brother yet but just knowing that you packed it all up and are giving it back really hurt. I guess its because the reality that you are letting go of me is happening. The reality that you too are in the process of moving on without me is happening. I’ve been on and off with the denial and acceptance of this whole thing. Denial that it really is over and then acceptance of the same thing. I find it hard to believe that what we shared when we were together is over but the grip is lessening and my trust in the fact that time and love will heal the wounds is what I’m focusing on. Slowly but surely.

 

I find myself thinking about you more often than not and I think of memories that seem so fresh still. I know that these things don’t help me at all but at this point, its challenging to not think about you and worry about you and wonder what you’re up to. I’ve been doing that for a year and a half and to all of a sudden not do that is so foreign to me. I still hope for us you know. And I know I shouldn’t but the fact is, the truth is, that I do. I hope that maybe one day you will fall in love with me again. I hope that one day you and I can share a life together again. All the things you said to me about being my soulmate and that you know deep down that this isn’t the last time we’ll be together, I still put hope in that and feel that you were being sincere. Maybe you just said those things because that is how you felt in the moment. Maybe those thoughts and visions will remain with you throughout your growing years but at the same time, maybe those feelings will change as you continue to grow without me and the thought of that hurts right now.

 

I know that I’ll be happy, one day, about this whole thing. Happy because I’ll be in a better place in my life. Happy because I know I’m not this person I am right now who is constantly down and out, trapped in my thoughts and controlled by my emotions. Happy because I know I loved you whole heartedly knowing that you’re not just another girlfriend but someone so much more special. Knowing that I will only be stronger because of this. I asked the question to a friend, “do you think I love too much” to which I received the answer, “there’s no such thing as loving too much, you just loved the wrong girl too much”. I don’t believe you were the wrong girl because I loved loving you and I’m happy that I was able to show you what true love is by sharing my completeness with you, sharing my life with you, sharing my love with you. Its just unfortunate that at this point in your life, its not something that you’re truly ready for or truly want. As hard as it is for me to accept that, to believe that, I have to.

 

I guess part of me is writing this because you were not only my love but also my bestfriend. The one person that if I had any problems or felt I needed to express anything, was the first person I would think of. The one person I would run to knowing that I would be comforted just by hearing your voice, just knowing that you were listening, knowing that you cared, knowing that all was going to be ok simply because you said it would be. Its so strange not being able to talk to you everyday and know what’s going on with you or let you know what’s going on with me and I guess that’s another reason why I’m writing this to you now, to let you know. I really wish things between us were different. I wish our situation was still all good and that you and I were still happy together. I really miss you baby! Ever so much. I’ve been trying and trying to forget but I know I’ll never forget. I’ll never truly forget how you made me feel because it was such an amazing feeling. I’ll never truly forget the good memories, the good times and experiences we shared on our trips together, our nights out, our times staying in. Our conversations, our silence, our playfulness and our intimate moments. I know I’ll never forget because when I think about all those things, they were all good memories. They were all part of the happiest moments of my life to date. The only painful thing about all of that now is that its over. Repeating that statement, that fact, that its over, is extremely hard but I’ll continue to repeat it until it truly sinks in and I truly begin living it.

 

I really don’t want to be in love with you anymore but I still am. I really don’t want to have these urges to still be in your life but I still do. Now that the weather is so nice, my first reaction is to get up, get ready, head over to your house and go with you to the beach and then reality hits. My second reaction is to just call you up or text you, think about what we’re gonna do today and then reality hits. Ugggh. I know how to move on from this but it’s the actual doing that I’m struggling with because I’ve never felt a stronger connection with anybody in my life and to just cut that connection off seems so unnatural for me but so necessary. I find it hard to breathe without you. Being with you, to me, was the essence of heaven on earth. And today, as I write this, there’s a pain in my heart that is so overwhelming. What makes this so much more challenging is that you did me no wrong. You were an amazing girl with so much to offer and so much love to give and letting go of someone I love who is such a good person is so much harder than letting go of someone who treated me like sh*t or someone who cheated on me or someone who didn’t respect or love me. This isn’t who you were, this isn’t who you are and it is because of this, because of your good nature that letting go of you, of us of what was and what could have been, is so so hard.

 

We live, we learn. We love and we experience loss. We hope and we move on. We hold on and we let go. Its all part of falling in love.

 

This is such a heartbreaking post. Made me cry and took me back to a year ago. Lovdnlost, you will make it. You have the intelligence and talent. Look at what you wrote, it was beautiful and brilliant and inspiring. Thank you for sharing the above.

 

“When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go! You know you really love someone when you want her or him to be happy, even if their happiness means that you're not part of it. Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try. You'll never love a person you love unless you risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love. Love doesn't hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow. Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing.The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves.

 

On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time. To love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self, to love is to risk not to be loved in return.How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end.Loving people means giving them the freedom to be who they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know, that these were the things that helped you grow. Loving someone means giving them the freedom to find their way, whether it leads towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you'll experience the fullness of humanity and that is love. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why. If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take the risk, if you're not ready to feel the pain, then you're not ready to fall in love. There was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love 'coz every time we do, we get hurt, then i figured that's why it's called falling in love.”

 

Where did this come from? It's quite well-written, and so true.

 

Keep posting on this site, LNL. You could really help a lot of people here. You've got the goods - now trust in time.

 

-kizik

 

I wish I was in a place where I could be friends with you and take the time to see you and call you and enjoy our time together but that’s not where I’m at right now. The constant advice I’ve been receiving is that in time, this will all be ok, day by day, keep busy, focus on something else, keep up with no contact, she’s moved on and so must you. They are all right. They are all looking out for me and its what I would tell my friends if they were in the same situation. I feel it sometimes, that its getting better and then it all of a sudden gets worse. The roller coaster ride continues and will continue as long as I let it but I keep pushing forward for the day when I don’t feel so bad anymore. When I can experience the complete calm after the emotional and mental storm. The day when I can truly embrace this and be happy that you are happy wherever you are, with or without me but more importantly that I am too.

[t0ri]

I'm still mad at you, but intense sadness and hurt has reared it's ugly head again today. She's really pretty and is more of your type. Funny that she's opposite of what I am. I can tell I've been replaced. I'm happy that you're probably happier now, but I never would've imagined your happiness would bloom from my exit from your life. That's incredibly hurtful, but I think I will be happier without you as well...eventually. We weren't good for each other. Plus, your lovely friend would've continued to interfere with our relationship since you were a big vagina and couldn't stand up for me, or US. My mom really hated you, and hates you even more now. That definitely stood in the way as well.

 

I never found you attractive at first, but you grew to be the most handsome and sexy man ever as I fell in love with you. Nobody in my life could see what I saw in you. Now I'm confused about what I saw in you as well. I'm back to finding you unattractive, because now I've realized that you're an ugly person inside. The two people you ever have treated like ****, are your mother and I. Now I agree with the advice of looking at how a man treats his mother, as it is an indicator of how they'll treat their girlfriend.

 

Thank you for being so mean and heartless and completely unremorseful. It made it a little easier to walk away, but doesn't make me miss or think of you any less. I hope you miss me at least a little bit. If I cross your mind, I hope they're good thoughts, at least some of the time. I don't think you have any reason to act like you hate me when all I did was love you, and you're the one who dumped me. I miss you. I even miss the things about you that irritated me.

 

I hope you find encouragement, gratitude, reliability, trustworthiness, laughter, kindness, affection, friendship, and everything else you always appreciated in me, in someone else. I'm crying my eyes out in a million emotions, but still find a part of me wishing you all the happiness in the world. And you don't wish me well, you're just happy to never see or hear from me again, and hearing you say that shattered my heart. It killed the last glimmer of hope I had that you'd realize, for a second time, that you cannot live without me. But you're doing just fine without me.

 

I'll never understand how it was so easy for you to walk away and forget that I exist. I'll never understand why you came back after dumping me and acted like we were back together, constantly told me you loved me, missed me, were thinking about me, and then you dumped me again. I can't believe you J. You were so selfish to toy with my heart. I've already forgiven you, I think?, but I'll never EVER forget.

[fabulous_chk]

I love you Steve. I love you. We said it enough last week. You said you love me soooo much. I'm still drunk from the two nights we spent together. It was like we plucked a page from our past. I was deliriously happy, and I could tell you were too.

 

 

I love you. I will always do. Something feels right when we're together. We are "home" to each other, don't you agree? I love you and you love me and everything's all right with the world. That's how it feels to me.

 

You did not waste time telling everybody you were with me. You told your brothers, your friends that I am the one you wanna be with at this difficult time.

 

I love you - forever it seems. I've been deceiving myself that I don't. I want to un-love you. But you came back to me and Oh God help me cope with this. Help me.

 

 

I love you. I cannot say these words to you right now. I love you.

[xxSRMxx]

I miss u today, yesterday i was ok but today sucks.

The weathers beautiful today, I know we'd more than likely be going out tonight to enjoy the weather.

[bluewolf17]

TB,

 

How stupid of me to hope that a few tiny text's from you would mean anything. Why can't you just leave me alone? Now I keep hoping more text's will come, or a call, and it hasn't! What the hell is wrong with you? You told me you didn't want to get back together, then you asked me out, then you would call and say you missed me. Then you said you didn't. Now I almost made it to 3 weeks NC, and here you are again. If you don't want me, then just go away. Let me pretend you are dead. I hate that you contacted me. It just reminds me that your are out there, and you still don't want me. Who cares how I am doing? What was the point of asking me?

You just set me way back. Now I miss you more than ever. I hate that you have that sort of power over me. I just want to go home and sleep and not think about this at all. I just want to wake up from said nap, and not think about you at all. Can't you let let have that?

[fabulous_chk]

I love you. I love you. I love you. I know I can love another but for now you are the one I love. Why is today so difficult? I love you with all my heart.

[lovdnlost]

This is such a heartbreaking post. Made me cry and took me back to a year ago. Lovdnlost, you will make it. You have the intelligence and talent. Look at what you wrote, it was beautiful and brilliant and inspiring. Thank you for sharing the above.

 

Thanks for the kind words and for the the reassurance that i will make it. Some moments, that statement, is so so difficult to believe but I have to believe. I'm struggling right now for sure as it is only day 5 since the final break and NC. I live everyday with the hurt but do not want to be a result of what has happened but rather a better person because of it. So I move forward.

 

 

Where did this come from? It's quite well-written, and so true.

 

A friend of mine sent it to me a while back and I was just re-reading it and found it to be so fitting. Definitely well-written and alot of truth.

 

Keep posting on this site, LNL. You could really help a lot of people here. You've got the goods - now trust in time.

 

Thanks, I'm pretty sure I'll be posting as I'm still working on stabilizing these, at the moment, uncontrollable emotions.

[SweetyBear]

I'm so confused. I don't know how to get you to talk to me again. You are the one who always said communication was the key to a good relationship, and you won't even talk to me. You keep saying that you're going to. You say we need to sit down and talk. You say you're going to call, but then you don't. I'm sorry, but I don't buy that if it was really important to you, if I was, that a couple of months could go by and you would honestly have no time. So, why the lies? Why say you want to work things out and you love me, but then never follow through? I could guess. I could guess that you're finally not feeling guilty about putting everything above me anymore, making everything else a priority. You told me that I'm selfish. You told me it's all about me all the time. That is such complete bulls***. I told you many times during our relationship how important it was to me to feel loved and appreciated. I don't think anyone gets in a relationship hoping for less than that. After the first few months, when you started to spend less and less time, I spoke on it. You apologized and told me it would get better. I waited months and months and it never did. Finally, I got so upset about it that I broke up with you. That was when you called me in the middle of the night. I regretted breaking up with you because I realized how much I love you and thought that we could work through it. What a load of ****! You don't want to work through anything. You just want me to accept that you can't call if you're going to be late or if you don't show up at all, I should just be fine with that. I AM WORTH A PHONE CALL!!! A TEXT!!! SOMETHING!!! 30 seconds of your time. I feel I am worth that. So, you're probably right in not sitting down and talking to me because obviously I don't take a priority in your life and never will, so why give me false hope? I am just confused as to what you thought a relationship should be? Honestly, is seeing me every two weeks and watching movies with me enough for you. Oh, and I forgot the five minute phone conversations "just to make sure everything's okay." It was like you were just checking in to make sure I wasn't flipping out or anything and then it was onto business as usual. You even made me feel like I wasn't supposed to talk during the movies. Are you kidding me? Two weeks of not seeing you and communicating very sparsely and your GIRLFRIEND is supposed to just sit there and watch the movie and not try to hold a conversation with you? And oh, don't let me distract you from the movie by kissing on you either. Those things were red flags to me, but when I asked, you told me you were just tired or whatever. I tried to take that at face value because I know your job is very demanding, but to not have time/energy to talk, kiss, make love, or do anything but watch movies and sleep is a bit extreme. I don't really know why I was doubting that I made the right choice in breaking up now that I'm writing all of this. Truth be told, I love you. I think if we could each see each other's point of view, things could be good. I don't know when we stopped caring about each other's happiness. You have been focused on your work and I have been focused on my family issues. If this was the first big snag of our relationship and we can't work it out, I don't know what that says about either of us. I was angry when I broke up with you and I was still very hurt and upset in the days that followed. In fact, I'm not an angry person, but I was so hurt that in order to stop being hurt, I turned it into anger. Anger is an easier emotion with which to deal. I tried my last try this past weekend when I was texting all the things I miss and love about you. I asked you what you miss and got no response. I guess that is a response in itself, isn't it? You don't miss anything. So, why do you keep saying we need to talk? What more is there to say if there's nothing about me that makes you want to reach out any more significantly than just saying we need to work it out? I broke up with you in anger and regretted it when the reality of really not being with you hit me. It seems like you must like not being with me. Maybe it made your life easier. You didn't have to schedule that one night every two weeks anymore. You could watch a movie in peace without your girlfriend trying to talk to you or kiss on you. You could not have to make another phone call to her.

[Soul Bear]

I was in town today, I kept looking over my shoulder...thinking I would bump into you. I was looking good today, I got eyed up a few times, but i brushed them off and walked on. No one compares to you. I wanted you to see me....I wanted to see you. Probably best we didnt bump into each other....

 

Out of all the hundreds of women I saw, still none of them compare to you, they dont even come close. I seem to compare everyone to you. This is frustrating like you wouldnt believe. I bet you arent even thinking about me at all. Or if you are Im sure that I made an even worse impression when I last saw you.

This is now why I am in NC...at least I cant do anything to make my situation worse!!

 

I look fwd to the day when we can have a great chat about all this.

 

ugh....this is so hard, I would do anything to have you back in my arms again my Darling girl. I love you so, so very much.

[LadyV]

XBF

 

I can't believe it has been 29 days....

 

I went to my counselor yesterday. He is so very proud of me....He hasn't seen me in the last 29 days since I decided to go NC. He says I have done all the right things, and he said I look happier.

 

I did tell him about the anxiety attacks I have when I think about contacting you. I know why they happen, because the thought of talking to you sends me into a panic mode. I don't want to talk to you....I don't want to see you. Sometimes I worry about the way I will be if I do run into you. But then again, I may not even do anything. I may be freaking out for nothing. I may be underestimating myself.

 

I am so much better. I feel good today. I think about you with her, and I don't care. I think about the way you were so wonderful and caring, then I think about how you turned so cold and mean. I don't want someone like that in my life...who claims to love me, yet has the capabiltiy of making me feel so worthles....

 

29 days, I have done so good. I didn't even respond to the card you left on my door. It only angers me to think about it...Like How day you do something like that???!!!!

 

IT FEELS GOOD to not have DRAMA!!! I hear so much about friends of mine who are splitting up, cheating, or divorcing. Although I'm already going through my heartache, at least I am 29 days into it...and havn't looked back since!!! I am keeping my head in check and my heart on the mend!!!

 

I heard a song yesterday that reminded me of you....it's called. Goodbye by:Kristina DeBarge...What a great song!!!! I wish I could send it to you, but won't. Just know that whenever you do hear that song....It's me, thinking about you!!!

[gypsi]

thought i was forgetting about you today, i actually felt like i could move on and be strong but then like always the feelings come rushing back and all i want is you....when will this rollercoaster from hell end?? I always loved you for being so stubborn but right now i hate that about you, i am sad coz its 3 months of being broken up and i thought that i might have had you back by now...i realised now that il never have you again its to late. You are going to love someone else and my heart will be broken all over again i have a feeling this pain inside me is going to be there for a long time thats all you left me with.

[fabulous_chk]

Wow Steve. I sent you an email, several IMs and I can't seem to stop myself! I have no control right now omg. That's why I'm here at LS posting several times so I can control the urge. I need to turn my phone off.

 

Damn you for just saying hi. Hi? See, I'm demanding too much already and with your dad's burial you certainly have no time for this emotional burden.

 

Steve, forgive me for being irrational. I did not contact you for 18 days and I certainly can restrain myself from doing so. Only, I don't want you to feel alone and depressed. I loved your Opa. He was such a gentle person. I was surprised when your mom told me your Opa said I was a beautiful and pure person. I wish you and me could have had kids and your Opa could have had the chance to hold them. But he died too young.

 

My love, I think I want you back. But do you want me back?

 

God will lead the way. He brought you back to my life. He will tell me why, in time. There is a purpose in everything. If He wants you out of my life also, He will tell me.

 

My love, I hope you are okay.

[bluesky123]

I'm having such a hard day, my morning was ok. But the afternoon is killing me.

 

 

Hey, How are you ? How was your day at work ? I guess your off to baseball tonight. Have fun ! xo

[bettedaviseyes]

Hey babe, I just wanted to let you know that I love you from the very bottom of my heart, but it just breaks my heart to know that I should let you go. We could have had a good future with each other, but I guess you have lost interest in me.

I was willing to make some sacrifices to be with you, but I guess you don't care anymore. I'm going to be the bigger person and just keep things cool. I'm still willing to be your friend, but I don't think I can go back to being your girlfriend anymore, since you've hurt me so badly when you make me feel that i don't exist. I can go on forever, but I'm so wrecked right now I can't think of anything else to say. I hope you're alright and doing well, I'll always and still care about you. I think about you all the time, and I hope you still think about me sometimes, but I doubt you do.

I love you,

you're cheri

[bluesky123]

Just got home, I keep on check my phone. I have a little glimmer of hope. Maybe it's just false hope. Good Night Hun

[SweetyBear]

Why do you say you want to talk, but I don't hear from you? I keep thinking if we could just communicate, everything would be okay. I know what I did probably felt like a betrayal. I wasn't happy and I was willing to just walk away. I didn't know saying goodbye that night would be goodbye forever. You keep telling me it was my choice. You keep saying that you don't have time for games, but this all feels like a game to me. You're so cold when you do pick up the phone. You say you love me and we need to sit down and talk, but you say it like you need to make a dentist's appointment or something. There's no feeling behind it. That kills me. Your seeming indifference kills me. Did you ever care or did I just fall for a lie? See, there's that lack of trust you hated so much. You texted me that it's sad I don't have any faith in our relationship or in you. How can I keep my faith when you will not give me even a shred of anything to hold onto? I love you and just want you back in my life.

[xxSRMxx]

AS IF I texed u yesterday :-( stooooooooopid.

Guess i wanted to test the water afta our row friday night, U didnt respond. says it all really. NC has been broken twice now, Yesterday was def the last time! I hope your ok, I miss u x

[gypsi]

**** im broken today i miss you SO MUCH!!!!!! plz come back to me you are all i want my angel xxx

[fabulous_chk]

Steve, I will treat our relationship like a dance.

 

I will retreat when you retreat. I will give you a little when you give a little. When you give a lot - i will give a lot.

 

In this games of love, i don't want to be the loser. I will love again, if not with you, then with someone else. In fact, I have a date this Friday and I will kiss and hug him. I will cuddle with him. He is I think a little bit in love with me.

 

You had your chance, and right now i'm willing to give you one more. One more Steve. I will not give an inch if you won't give an inch. I am strong enough- and will continue to be strong.

 

I am strong enough to initiate NC again, and this time forever.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I thought it was usually the one who got dumped who persistently contacted the one that dumped them....but its been you ever time bar once thats contacted me. Ironically, since you've broken up with me you've opened up so much more. Why couldn't you do that during our relationship? Why couldn't you open up to me THEN, when it could have saved us? How come you quit your job? (the source of much of our misery) only AFTER we break-up, not during. You couldn't end that crap, deadend job for a relationship that promised a FUTURE. You quit now, why not quit then? Or do you just want a complete life overhaul?

 

You email saying how things are hard and you're hurt. Its not that I don't care, because I do SO deeply and I always will. Its not just for you I care; I care for people, all people. I'm too sensitive and emotional for my own good. But i've learnt something amazing, developed something amazing. I can have those emotions, that sensitivity, that heart and NOT be a doormat, and not be weak. I can use that compassion as a STRENGTH. To the people that deserve me I will be an amazing comfort...but I can't be that for you. I find it so strange how you can break up with me in my exams, before my birthday and then email me saying how things are hard and you're hurt and that I don't care. Do you not even care about the hurt/confusion/pain that you've caused me?

 

It hurts to know you're hurt. To be honest you could be a mass murderer and i'd still bloody care about you, because I love you, as a person, and I always will. Its unconditional really. No matter what you do/don't do in life, I DO LOVE YOU, and always will. But I can't be with you no matter how much I want to because you hurt me, you drain me of life, you make me question myself, and break down. Do you know whilst I was with you the rollercoaster was so intense I questioned if I was bipolar, depressed etc? But i've found a kind of peace, a calm and I realise it wasn't me being insane or 'ill' - it was simply us - it was hurting me. I lost my equilibrium.

 

I really do honestly love and care for in the most purest way. I mean it when I say I would have stayed with you throughout anything; throughout poverty, disability, sickness, tragedy - ANYTHING, because I KNOW and BELIEVE in my love for you. I was proud of you, proud of us, what we had was beautiful, rare, unique and special to me and I wanted to last this life forever with you, because everytime I held your hand, felt your skin, looked into your eyes....no matter how much time passed, you just grew more and more beautiful to me. And when you were ill cuddled up in bed and crying you never looked more perfect to me - even though you'll never believe it. I loved you when you snored because I loved the reminded that you were beside me. I loved you when we went camping for a weekend and didn't wash because you were there. I loved you through ANYTHING. I honestly did and I would love you through anything. You pushed me away and it hurts to have to turn off a love that I know was so pure and tenacious. It does feel like being forced to give up something beautiful because someone else shuts you down; like having to stop believing in Santa because your parents tell you he isn't real.

 

Truth is baby boy, I will always love you and care for you so deeply, and the greatest tragedy is that you will never believe that. But your email was all about your hurt, your pain, your confusion - you didn't care about mine. And so I need to be strong. I don't know why you ended us really, because I know from the beginning what we had was mutually mad for each other, I don't know when/if/why that changed for you and i'm genuinely sorry in all honesty that I can't hold you in my arms and stroke your head and tell you everything will be fine, but you don't have the right to expect that anymore of me. I'm sorry for that....because I want to....but you didn't care about me....and I can't let you step on me anymore and take the love I had for you for granted. I hope you can find someone who can do that for you, and you can do it back, even if I don't manage to find it for myself, because as I said, I love you genuinely and I want you to be happy. I'll miss you forever because you've left your mark, you are a scar on my heart, but I don't regret you because you are a page ripped straight out of a storybook, a scene from a movie, honestly you were the kind of love I didn't believe existed; a combination of calm/pure/tranquil/chaotic/intense/obsessive/addictive/destructive - you broke me down and built me back up. We broke each other and rebuilt each other. I will never forget that. You taught me that movies/stories are achievable in real life. You were mine. Thankyou for that beautiful boy. I hope life is kind to you. I hope you learn to trust, to be free, to be open, to believe you are worth love and care. I'm sorry your dad left you, i'm sorry about what you've been through - but you really are perfect in my eyes and the sad thing is I would never have let you down or left you.

 

I love you always. Maybe in another life.....