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polywog

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Why can't we be together? Why can't you get past your confusion and indecision and be with me? We love each other like others wish they could love.

 

Sundays are so hard...I wake up in the morning and miss you so much. The time we would be together, lie in bed, laugh, enjoy each other. I feel so alone, and this doesn't make sense to me because I know you are missing me right now. Others here are angry and I hear them rant against their exes. I can't imagine as my heart only hurts and aches wanting to be with you.

 

I think I should try and go out and meet someone else, get my mind off you, move on....but each time I start to try, I realize it is not you, and I can't continue on.

 

I will love you forever........

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I got your text. Of course you're thinking of me. That's because I've left you alone. I've left you alone to think what you will and to reach your own conclusions. I know what my conclusion is. I know that I made a mistake to give up on us. I believe that we're meant to be together. I don't want you to contact me any more unless you're serious about making it work with me. Unless you really want me, I don't need to hear that you're thinking of me. What does that even mean? Are you thinking of the good or of the bad? We each have both inside of us. I'm not claiming to be perfect, but I do promise to give it my everything if you give me another chance. If you don't think you can do that, then please let me move on in peace. As you know, I have a very busy, productive life. I just want to live it without being constantly reminded of how I messed things up with you. I only want to hear from you when you're ready to be with me again. If you're not, I accept and respect that, which is why I've left you alone. I don't know what to do. I don't want to play power games and I don't want to manipulate you. I want you to come back because you have concluded it's the best thing to do. I love you.

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Moo, I had a little laugh just now because I came on here with the exact same thought right when I read that, "I hate you."

 

G,

 

Sometimes I do think I hate you. I hate what you did, and how you did it.

I think one of the things that kills me the most is for someone so intelligent, you seemed to have turned into someone quite stupid; I just don't get any of it.

 

I want to break NC all the time, the only thing stopping me at this juncture is that horrible feeling after..and knowing you won't talk to me, why are you being such a coward?

 

I'm sad most of the time, but I've been angry lately more than anything.

You were never a jerk, yet your actions since leaving me say something else entirely. I've never loved someone so much and hated them so much simultaneously.

Damn you for all of this.

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TB,

 

 

You were boring in bed. I wanted you to slap my @$s and you never would. What a wuss.

 

Bluewolf17

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soheartbroken

Dear L,

 

It's 2:45 in the morning and I have been stirred from sleep with thoughts of you on my mind. This isn't unusual - you are always on my mind, every minute of every day.

 

I was thinking about how you treated me after you broke my heart. I asked you to be respectful of my feelings as we unbuilt the pieces of the life we created together. I guess that was too much to ask. Taking your sweet ass time to respond to my emails. Prolonging the already agonizing process for me. Couldn't take ten minutes out of your day to at least tell me you would get back to me? But whatever. I'm not going to judge your character based on 3 weeks of your behaviour post-split. You are a good person, and I know that.

 

I wish I could be angry with you. But I can't. I don't understand how or why people's feelings change, but they do. Sure, you could have handled it better, but we don't take lessons on how to break someone's heart. Plus I blame myself; I poisoned this relationship from the start.

 

I was unhappy too, but I still loved you, and would have stuck it out. I want to believe that I was unhappy before you started to pull away, because that would make me feel better. But who knows. Some people can't even look back and say that they were unhappy. Some people get blind-sided, out of the blue.

 

Remember how, one year ago, I held you in my arms as you sobbed on the bathroom floor? You had just broken up with me, but thought you had made a mistake. I took you back, silly me. We blamed the depression. Remember how afterward you told me that you would never break up with me again, that you would never hurt me like that? Please don't ever say that to another girlfriend, when you know it's impossible to keep a promise like that.

 

Remember all those times when I asked you why you never kissed me anymore, or why you were not affectionate, or why you didn't smile at me? I do. And I remember all the lame excuses you gave me. Next time, please don't make excuses. Please recognize it as a sign that you are unhappy, and either give your partner a chance to fix things, or get out.

 

What is most on my mind these days is how you told me we "should go our own separate ways". Five years together and you have no interest in maintaining contact? Don't care how I'm doing? Maybe I've gone off and slit my wrists for all you know. **** you.

 

I don't want to close by saying that I'll always love you. That would be cheesy (though a closure letter is in itself cheesy!) I hope that I don't always love you like this. I hope my feelings for you become indifferent, just like yours for me. I want to move on so badly from this, but I can't fastforward time. My greatest fear is that I will pine after you forever. If that is the case, I should choose to end my life - no one can live like that, longing for someone untouchable.

 

I wish things hadn't turned out this way. I just wanted to make you happy.

 

Love me

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SHB, that made me tear up.

 

G,

 

I forgot to say a part of me has been secretly hoping you don't get the days off from work I know you'll be requesting over the next 4 months to watch your Gator games on t.v. since you're not in school this semester to attend them.

 

Childish? Yes. I'm pissed at you and think you deserve a taste of unhappiness since you decided to start off the Summer by crushing mine.

Goodnight.

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D,

 

You called for me yesterday but I didn't call you back. Everyone asked if I was going to return your call. Why would I? You don't want me! You're a wonderful artist you painted the picture! D, you called at 11:45pm last night! My mom answered the phone but of course you hung up! I believed it was you so I checked your phone records this morning and what do you know? IT WAS YOU. I guess that was your pride telling you not to talk:laugh:

Not a day I don't think of you! Just know that I love you.

On the way home from the beach I seen a sign that made me think.

"You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future."

 

You were always right...I can't plan the future, I can only live for today...

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lynn... I cant understand why the day before you went I apologised to you, you turned the tables right round ! It feels like you manipulated me from start to finish, I never did anything wrong to you, even when I saw you in the car with him and you stared straight at me, I was still seeing you then, I never challenged you, I loved you and didnt want to lose you, I wish I had dumped you then, I couldnt, I didnt have the strength . Then you went and that was that, ...I just wander if you ever think about me, or if I ever meant anything to you...you were so cold to me that last week....Ive never text you since and I wont, Its sad , because we were friends before, I just feel robbed of my friend, it was you who wanted the relationship , I was hesitant .Thats the worst part of it, we'l never get that friendship back, the only consolation for me is knowing I did nothing wrong, Ive nothing to regret , it was always your choice.

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bettedaviseyes

J.A.

 

It's been almost 2 months since you broke up with me, and I have kind of gotten over you a bit. I remember a week after you broke it, you told me you missed me, and that you still loved me. That I still remember more than the words you said to break up with me. I did good for the long part. I still think about you everyday. I have mixed feelings about you now. Part of me wants to get back with you, even if it means having to leave everything I have behind here. Part of me wants to totally forget about you, wishing that I have never ever met you. I stumble upon your emails sometimes and I read them. It makes me cry everytime because it makes me remember all of our good times and the good things that we could have had together. You said you found someone that feels the same way about you as you do to them, when you never really saw how serious I was about you when I told you that I loved you more than I could ever love anything. I would have given up the good life for you. You were my everything. You were my motivation to succeed, you made me happy to get up in the morning. You made me happy to go to sleep, because I knew when I would wake up, there would be a message or call from you , and that's what I looked forward to everyday. I don't know what happened to you or us, but this time it was all you. I try my best to forget and keep my composure, but sometimes I remember the good things about you and it makes me tear. I don't know what's wrong with me, I remember everything you said to me too well. My wounds are still fresh ,and they are not healing well. I hope you rethink things, but if there was a way of letting you know, I just want to let you know that I still love you, and I really really really miss you so much. I'm just incomplete without you. I told you when we broke up that I have my arms wide open for you, or if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm there. I'm there for your shoulder to cry on. I was ready to leave everything to be with you, but I guess that was not convincing enough for you. Maybe you need to be with other women to know what kind you really want. Maybe I was too loving, or who knows, maybe I was not loving enough.I would have provided you with anything you wanted, cook for you, scratch your back, cuddle with you, please you, anything you wanted, as long as it made you happy, even just to make you smile, I would do it. I'm making myself sound really desperate right now, because you are the only one I want. I had you, but someone stole your heart, and you went their way.In the end, I hope you realize who really loves you, and who would do anything for you. I hope you make a decision later who you really want to be with in life. Who you want to grow old with. I did all I can. I dont know what you have done, but I'll leave the rest to you. While you're at that, I will continue to try to move on and forget.

 

I love you no matter what, with all my heart from the bottom of my heart, and everything I say to you is true, or else I would not say it at all.

 

Love,

me

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TB,

 

Thank you for finally letting me go. Your constant contact with me, after I would ask you to stop, broke my heart.

 

It's unfair for you to ask someone who loves you, to be friends and take things slow. It's cruel to blame them, for not being able to do that.

 

I might have wanted it one way, or the other. But at least I knew what I wanted. At least I tried. I was honest, direct, faithful, and loving. What more can I do? I don't regret what I told you Friday. I don't regret telling you, one final time, to either take me as is, or leave me forever. No contact, nothing. Actually, i should have done it sooner, but I can't change the past.

 

ALC

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G,

 

I began crying pretty badly a while ago; my sister had to come in and just hold me.

 

I just want to understand..yeah, like that's going to happen.

I don't have the words for any of this, I never did.

I want you, you don't want me. I feel like I'm dying inside.

You're all I think about. No matter how much time goes by, I still just can't believe you did this.

 

I never thought it was possible to long for someone as much as I do for you..every second.

God if I could go back; I just want it all back.

Do you miss me at all? Do you ever think about me? Will you ever love me again the way I love you..

I fear it will never go away.

I feel like such a fool for you.

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Wow, icy, you took the words right out of my mouth. That's exactly how I feel.

 

 

*hugs* I'm sorry..it sucks. :(

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Goodness. I keep thinking I'm doing really well and am almost over all of this, but then something happens, emotions resurface, and I have no idea where I am in this healing process.

 

I wish you didn't text me today wishing me a happy BELATED birthday text. Were you trying to be nice or shove in my face that my birthday is not important to you, or was forgotten? Leave me alone. The TWO times I've heard from you since you left me for good have only drug me down to utter and complete sadness - and I didn't even respond today!

 

You know what's funny? You always complained that I "didn't trust you enough." Despite my damaged trust for you, due to CATCHING you in many lies, I trusted you with the most valuable thing to me - my HEART. And you broke it. My faith/hope/value in our relationship, and in you, was so great. I don't know what happened to yours.

 

I don't know if you ever really loved me, but I'm beginning to think not. You NEVER appreciated me. I was thrown away like a dirty rag, and TREATED like one, too. That feels horrible. I wish I could erase every memory of you, seriously.

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Icyness, I'm glad your sister was there for you.

 

As for you L,

 

You were only there for me when it was convenient for you. You have NO idea what love is. You are an emotional parasite. You are a dirty box full of psychiatric messes: lies, selfishness, deceit, rationalizations, arrogance.

 

You are an emotional cripple who's not man enough to stand up and be an active member in a relationship.

 

Go to ****,

 

Have a nice time while you're there.

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T-

 

I've watched time drift on. I've wondered at the meaning of this decision. I've learned. I've become cold. Calculated. I've lost alot of faith in love, and in general, relationships.

 

I remember the first time you wanted to end it. I held you. You cried. I cried. Then, without me begging, you decided not to end it. That was 3 years ago. Oh, I shoulda seen the signs. Why did I stop you then? But now, 3 years later, you give me the same response you had to give- but you actually ended it. Was it not worth saving after 3 years?

 

But I won't be fair. I won't be soft. I won't be caring. Or sweet. I will be cold. Deathlike in my resolve. You will not get back in, if ever you return. I will remain as callous as you were in ending this. Spite, maybe, but you have created this beast.

 

I do miss you. Or who you were. You never really let me inside. You just were. My biggest regret- spending 3.5 years with someone I never truly knew. And sitting idle while she destroyed everything like a child who stumbles upon an ant hill.

 

But I digress. I won't divulge my memeories to you, ever again. You have been cut out. And the memories locked in the vault until the sands of time diminish.

 

-B

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I woke up today, realizing that I CAN ABSOLUTELY control my actions. I had not wanted to. I had wanted to be real and honest in what I say and do so that you would see the changes I'm trying to make. All I've done is hurt myself. You get to know how much I love you and how much I'm seeking your forgiveness and how much I want to work this out. Meanwhile, I get nothing. You respond when you feel like it. You send me random texts about how you care or are thinking of me when I've not contacted you for a while. In my heart and mind, it's all or nothing now. I'm not willing to settle for breadcrumbs when I need a good mean or to cling to any little thread of hope as if it's a rope suspending me over a deep chasm of despair. I woke up today ready to live again. With or without you, I can do this. All of it. I can do it. I hope with all my heart that you want us back, but if you don't, then please don't contact me anymore. Your random texts or messages are not enough. Show a little bit of effort if I'm important to you. If you can't, then don't do anything at all. It's not necessary. I will not bother to try anymore either. It's ridiculous if I look back over the months and see how I've just thrown myself into a brick wall over and over and ended up hurt and sobbing because you do not follow through with what you say you will do. It doesn't matter if it's that you can't or that you won't...it only matters that you don't. I hope I can keep this resolve and control my actions and not try to get in contact with you again. You know exactly where I stand and you know how to get ahold of me. I told you I'd always be here when you were ready to talk. Now I guess I have to just make good on that promise and not press you anymore. I almost sent you a letter yesterday, but now I'm glad I held onto it to think of it for a day and see if I really wanted to send it. You are breaking my heart and it's all so sad because I really do believe we love each other and could be wonderful together again. It's up to you.

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Gosh. This feels weird, but I miss you today. It’s not that nagging “I’ll never be able to live my life without you” miss you that happens when you first break up but just a general “wow my life is good and it is just a general I wish you could be part of it” miss you.

 

I wish we could meet for dinner tonight and play cribbage and drink beers. I wish I could just pick up the phone and call you to say hi. I wish I could give you a hug. I don’t want to be together any more. I don’t even want you back. Not anymore. I just wish that it didn’t have to be all or nothing. I wish we could be friends.

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Why is it during a breakup we seem to run into each other more often than not.... You used to say Fate.... or maybe we both travel the same roads.... Either way... I am so glad you have tinted windows and I could not see you... Me being the first at the stop light and you being 3 cars down from me to the right of the stoplight... I know you recognized me..... then when the light turned green you sped off.... What did you think I would try to follow you..... you are such a runner.... and no.... I am definately not stalking you as you might presume.... I was on my way to a job interview.... And I must say... I looked good..... I have alot on my plate right now and keeping myself busy..... With one month of NC..... it helps me. I find your antics very imature... and so like the runner you are.... You will never get validation from me..... perhaps that will ease your guilt... I just wish I did not live that close to you.... as it would be so much easier NOT to see you on the road..... What a waste.... and yes I am so much more deserving.....The crap I put up with you horrifies me now..... How did I lose my self respect..... Perhaps I was naive and beleived in you.... What a joke..... No one will love you the way I did.... and I won't put myself out there for you again.....

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its been a couple of days since weve broken up . you told me you were going bafck to your country and theres no way youre ever coming back. i told you id be willing to drop everything for you. when you said "im breaking up with you and theres nothing you can do about it," it hurt me. you left me no choice to try to work it out. you said you love me and that you would never leave. damn you 8itch...you lied to me. wtf? i cant take this anymore. i hate you! you make me miserable! i dont wish you well at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Icyness, I'm glad your sister was there for you.

 

Thanks Moo. She's going through something very similar and pretty bad at the moment, so she can relate..unfortunately.

 

G,

 

I keep going back and forth between pure anger and pure sadness.

One minute I want to contact you professing my undying love and reassure you for the millionth time, no matter how you feel or what you do, I'll always only want you.

The next minute I want to contact you simply saying something like "you're not worth it, bye." Just to try and say I'm over it; far from the truth though it may be. I just want you to feel a bit of the sting for once..you won't though. You're just Mr. untouchable right now aren't you? On top of the world, and I'm just some clingy, emotional psycho that held you back.

 

I'm mad at you for the hurt you caused by leaving me, and of course for avoiding me like the plague, yet I still love and want you more than anything. That's just it though, I want the old you back..I don't know who this new guy is, and I don't like him.

I feel ashamed that I keep trying to pick out little things about you that I'm hoping would drive others away; things I know only I'd be tolerant of or find adorable; I do it to convince myself you're not with anyone or going to be..I feel pathetic.

 

As unsure as I am about anything as far as you and I go, I feel pretty confident that you'll regret this.

I don't know when, but I feel you will deeply regret letting me go, someday.

My head tells me it'd be the best thing ever if I was over you by then and able to tell you "sorry! too late" but my heart tells me I'd throw myself back to you in a heartbeat.

Time will tell I suppose.

 

In the mean time, I hope the grass really is greener for ya..god knows you threw away something extremely precious indeed for it. (who am I kidding, that was sarcasm. I definitely hope the grass isin't greener..that'd teach you a lesson and a half right about now.)

Sleep well.

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