wezol Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Hey all, Ive been having a problem with my girlfriend, for well, a long time now. We have been together for a year and 4 months now and live together. The problem is, she is extremely jealous. Everywhere we go, if I am looking off in a direction and there happens to be a girl, I get accused of checking her out. If I am driving and say we are at a 4 way stop and I take more than one look at a car and theres a girl in it, I get accused of checking her out. Basically, everywhere we go I am getting accused of something, WHEN I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING. If I tell her I'm not, I get called a lier. Another instance. I am in the Army, Texas National Guard. I went to drill one weekend and my NCO's gave me blood wings. It is tradition. The unit tradition to drink from a kevlar, and receive your blood wings. To me, its an honor, and a privilege. Now she thinks that ALL we ever do is drink and goof off. When in reality we train. Also, we are going to Florida for our 2 week annual training. We are jumping, doing some helo-cast and fast roping and spending many nights out in the woods. But the FIRST thought that came to her head was me cheating on her on the beach. WHAT! I don't know what to do. I'm pulling my hair out. I have talked to her many times about it, told her how I felt and what it was doing. In ways, she has gotten better. Her accusations have gone down a little, but it still happens. I love her, and I really want to work it out. I need some suggestions, please. For what it's worth, I'm 21 and shes 20 and we are in college. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Your girlfriend is insecure and obviously has trust issues that need to be sorted out. Maybe she was cheated on in a past relationship or something to do with her childhood, whatever it is though HAS to be fixed because it will ruin your relationship. You aren't doing anything wrong - Even checking out other women is a normal thing. (As long as its' not obvious and you're aren't verbal about it to make her feel jealous) Either way, she has no real reason to get upset if you are looking at women. Everybody does it! It also sounds like she has control issues and likes to tell you how to behave, what to do/not to do and her making accusations, thinking the worst in you is NOT helping. She needs to get a grip. Flipside is this. IS it possible SHE is cheating on you? Or doing something that something that could make you wonder what she's up to? I just ask this because sometimes when people cheat, to hide it they reflect their own guilt of what they're doing onto their partner. If you love her and want this to work, suggest couples therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
Davis Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 I think people that are very jealous have low self-esteem and low self-confidence issues along with some possible control issues (which can all be interconnected). No, I don't think she's cheating on you. Her behavior really doesn't indicate that IMO. I think about your only choice is to tell her "I really care about you, but I'm not sure we are going to make it because of your jealousy issues. If you want this to work, you're going to need to go to counseling". Be supportive and caring! Re-assure her that you're not breaking up with her. Re-iterate that you really care about her and want to stay together. Explain that she's not going to get any better without some help. I assume your school has some type of counseling if she can't afford it or get it elsewhere. If she won't go, obviously you may have to cut her lose at some point. Good luck, bro!! Link to post Share on other sites
BohemeRose Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 I'm a very jealous girlfriend, as I have said in a thread of my own, I readily admit it, my boyfriend accepts it and he loves me anyway....though I know full well it annoys the hell out of him. The truth is I'm a product of a poor childhood and crummy past relationships. None of which are my current boyfriend's fault in any way shape or form, but it is who I am for now and he understands that. He always offers reassurance, but never without reminding me how rediculous I'm being and how annoying it can get. Over time, I've settled down quite a bit and don't get nearly as worked up as I used to. I really don't know if that helps at all. I mean, I don't think you should stay in a relationship that's making you overly unhappy but if this is the only issue, my point is it can get better. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 She's a jealous, insecure, controlling moron. Why don't you confront her, tell her she's full of it, and demand that she shut the hell up? Or better still, dump her - unless you want your love life to turn into an episode of the Jerry Springer Show. Link to post Share on other sites
mandypandy Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 well i dunno if you have ever cheated but if you have thats it right there!!! but i dunno if you see a change in her since you'ev been talking to her the best thing is to keep talking to her obviously shes getting it and if you dont feel thats working scare her ass a little it worked for my man i was acting out (not like that) but he kept sitting me down and telling me about myself and i started to change you could see a difference but finally he told me we should take time apart and "do our own thing" man i flipped out we stayed like this for like 2 or 3 weeks then i finally got it i didnt want to loose him and now im a totaly better person because of it!!! but you have to be prepared to act like u dont wanna be with her for a week or 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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