xxbaddgurl83xx Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Do you think it is fair to set rules and limitations with your significant other about what they can and can not do at their bachelor or bachelorette party. The reason I am asking is because my fiance and I are having our parties in a few weeks. I know he will be going to a strip club, I'm not stupid! I told him that I don't mind that he goes to a strip club but I don't want him to touch any strippers and I don't want any strippers touching him. I don't have a problem with him looking but I don't want him touching. I don't think I'm being unreasonable and he seems cool with it. Well I'm going out with my girlfriends to a club and he has given me a set of rules too. He told me that if he finds out that I am dancing with any guys, wearing a "suck for a buck" shirt or playing the scavenger hunt game than we won't get married. Okay so I guess I'm just going to be sitting in the corner then! I'm not going to act like a slut, I'm getting married for god sakes, so I don't see why it would be any harm if my friends and I had innocent fun. I'm not going to dance with guys and I don't believe in acting like a skank on your last night out but if someone wants to buy me a drink or something because I'm getting married I shouldn't be afraid to accept it in fear that he will find out. I think my request is reasonable and I think his is absurd. Maybe I'm just only seeing things from my point of view. What is your take on this? Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Well first off, I think that what both of you are asking is reasonable. If you're making requests of him then it's only fair that you honor his requests. Secondly, if you're not going to be doing the stuff that he wants you to avoid anyway, then what's the problem?? You said you want to be able to accept drinks but he didn't say anything about that (according to your post). Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Why not just skip this stupid crap all together and have a big engagement party with all your friends? How old are you by the way? and got news the strippers will pull your H on stage and do the traditional floggin and grinding crap on him. They have a preset B-party routine they normally do. And with his buddies egging him on most likely he will participate. Nothing too like having a B party and going to your own wedding with a serious hang over.... nothing makes that day more special. :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 It sounds to me that you started the whole " Rules " thing and he took it a step up on you to prove a point.. You can't control what someone will or won't do at a bachelor party. I understand the insecurity that comes from the whole scenario.. but you can't have your cake and eat it too.. If you want him to abide by your rules then you need to abide by his.. simple.. Personally I feel both sets of rules are absurd.. yours and his.. Just go out and have fun and get married.. then enjoy the rest of your life together.. Life is too short to worry about who gets to touch who .. you trust him ? well.. then trust him ? and he should feel the same about you Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxbaddgurl83xx Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 I'm not going to be doing those things but I just think its crazy for him to tell me that he won't marry me if he finds out that I did do those things when I know damn well that he is going to have all the attention on him at a strip club since he is the bachelor. That is what bothers me the most. Its not so much the "you can't do this, you can't do that" thing, its mostly the fact that if by chance I do something that he doesn't approve of than he won't marry me! I'm going to be around fully clothed people at a club, he is going to be at a club with naked chicks. I think if anyone needs to crack the whip its me! haha I am 23, and he is 29. I'm not sure what my age has to do with anything though? I guess I'm just nervous because you hear about so many guys cheating at their bachelor party that I'm just afraid he is going to get really drunk and do something stupid! Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 there are already problems with the rules..... wait until the rules are broken. :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 23....... you are still just a kid. I know you don't believe it because at 23 I would have laughed at someone making that comment to me. and face it right now there will be touching and who knows what.... can you live with that or not? You don't have any control over what he does at the party. I would be concerned over him threatening you, indicator that there will be more where that came from. You are probably facing a marriage of double standards?????? Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 I guess I'm just nervous because you hear about so many guys cheating at their bachelor party that I'm just afraid he is going to get really drunk and do something stupid! So why are you marrying a guy you don't trust? And don't respond with "But I DO trust him!" because if you did you wouldn't have made this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Kristix Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 I love it when a girl says, "I am fine with strip clubs as long as there is no touching" Ummmmm.....Yeah the Bachelor Party strip club performace is all about touching and all up in his face grinding. Anyhow. I also think this could possibly be his way of saying "ok your going to put rules on me? here are some for you" It shouldn't be about "rules" It should be about respecting eachother respecting eachothers feelings and boundries Hope it all works out. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Well first off, I think that what both of you are asking is reasonable. If you're making requests of him then it's only fair that you honor his requests. Secondly, if you're not going to be doing the stuff that he wants you to avoid anyway, then what's the problem?? You said you want to be able to accept drinks but he didn't say anything about that (according to your post). I gotta say I agree with this. You should both respect the other person's wishes regarding what you do/don't do at your party. Did he say anything about you getting someone to buy you a drink? I didn't see anything about that in your post. If you find out he doesn't honor your requests will you still marry him? Link to post Share on other sites
Sundancer Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 My husband and I decided to avoid problems like what you're talking about by excluding the whole bachelor / bachelorette party. I don't like the thought of another woman on top of him any more than he likes the thought of men groping on me. Who made this stupid ritual any way? Are you not already committed to each? Just my thought on the matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Jane Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 There are lots of threads on this topic--just search and read some of the posts. Some are lengthy but I think you'll get lots of perspective. I posted on a few of these and I wanted to repeat one of my posts here for you: It's not just the temptation of the strippers--at bachelor parties or outings with the guys-- it's also the peer pressure that will get them even if they're not that interested. My husband got a lap dance when out for a night with the guys. He was the only one that hadn't done it and the guys were telling the stripper to give him a lap dance and he ended doing it. Granted he could have said "no". I found out about it several months later--he "forgot" to mention it and honestly, I was devastated. It's amazing what some T&A can do to the male brain-- I've heard a lot of wild stories about what goes on with bachelor's at bachelor parties in strip clubs. It probably depends on what state you live in and what the laws are, but on one post I heard about a "lollipop" dance. Use your imagination or find the post--I didn't know what kind of "activities" were going on in strip clubs. This "lollipop" thing might have been at a private party--I'm not sure--I couldn't find the original posts. I don't think he could do anything about what happens to him at the party--it's all about his buddies. And they all will just think it's funny. Also, you can look up strip club info if you know what club they are going to. It's linked to all sorts of porn sites too since that is basically what strip clubs are--live porn--JMO! Link to post Share on other sites
Wedded25 Posted May 5, 2007 Share Posted May 5, 2007 Who made this stupid ritual any way? Are you not already committed to each? Just my thought on the matter. What Sundancer said, at least as far as bachelor parties go. It sounds like your bachelorette party will be more focused on celebration, whereas a stripper-driven bachelor party sends the message "you'll never be so sexually free and frisky ever again, guy" -- making marriage sound like a sexual prison sentence. This is quite the double standard indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted May 5, 2007 Share Posted May 5, 2007 Do you think it is fair to set rules and limitations with your significant other about what they can and can not do at their bachelor or bachelorette party. The reason I am asking is because my fiance and I are having our parties in a few weeks. I know he will be going to a strip club, I'm not stupid! I told him that I don't mind that he goes to a strip club but I don't want him to touch any strippers and I don't want any strippers touching him. I don't have a problem with him looking but I don't want him touching. I don't think I'm being unreasonable and he seems cool with it. No..you are not being unreasonable. If you are his everything and he loves you...why would he need to touch another woman? I don't buy into this whole, "one last fling" thing. If thats the way someone looks at it, then maybe they shouldn't get married. Well I'm going out with my girlfriends to a club and he has given me a set of rules too. He told me that if he finds out that I am dancing with any guys, wearing a "suck for a buck" shirt or playing the scavenger hunt game than we won't get married. Okay so I guess I'm just going to be sitting in the corner then! huh??...you just said you don't want him touching another woman, but you want to touch other men? uh...how is this fair? I'm not going to act like a slut, I'm getting married for god sakes, so I don't see why it would be any harm if my friends and I had innocent fun. I'm not going to dance with guys and I don't believe in acting like a skank on your last night out but if someone wants to buy me a drink or something because I'm getting married I shouldn't be afraid to accept it in fear that he will find out. You didn't mention anything about him setting rules as far as accepting drinks from other guys...what he mentioned involved physical contact....same thing you demanded of him. I think my request is reasonable and I think his is absurd. Maybe I'm just only seeing things from my point of view. What is your take on this? You don't want him touching other women and he doesn't want you doing the same. Sounds like the same type of ground rules to me. Or is it that you want to touch, but don't want him to? His ground rules aren't any more unreasonable than yours....although i don't know about the scavenger hunt game...what is entailed in that? Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted May 5, 2007 Share Posted May 5, 2007 its mostly the fact that if by chance I do something that he doesn't approve of than he won't marry me! I'm going to be around fully clothed people at a club In my opinion, that is worse than a strip club....the stripper doesn't want a damn thing from your hubby to be other than money. Don't get me wrong..I don't go to strip clubs and never would while in a committed relationship. But going to a club, you getting drunk..you have a far greater chance of hooking up with another guy than he does with a stripper. , he is going to be at a club with naked chicks. Naked chicks that could care less about him other than emptying his wallet. I think if anyone needs to crack the whip its me! haha I am 23, and he is 29. I'm not sure what my age has to do with anything though? Uh...me neither....you're the one that brought up the age thing. I guess I'm just nervous because you hear about so many guys cheating at their bachelor party that I'm just afraid he is going to get really drunk and do something stupid! I don't condone either for a bachelor party, or bachelorrette party....but if I had a choice between the 2...I'd rather my wife to be to to a male strip club. the guys are there making money...rather than a club where they are out drinking..trying to get the ladies drunk and trying to get them in bed. Link to post Share on other sites
b_nextdoor Posted May 6, 2007 Share Posted May 6, 2007 Do you think it is fair to set rules and limitations with your significant other about what they can and can not do at their bachelor or bachelorette party? I think that you need to become more secure in yourself, and also try to understand a little bit about the human condition. You and your fiance' can make all of the rules you want. I think it is human nature to sometimes test rules and boundaries, especially if they exist. Can you see what I am driving towards? If you are really worried about your fiance' touching a stripper or having a lapdance while at the club, I myself would recommend you use a little negative psychology. I would tell him that he should feel free to do either of these things, just as you will feel free to do the same at chip-n-dales too. Link to post Share on other sites
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