ash519 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 So, basically as some may know I am a bit insecure etc. Well, I truly feel I have made some major improvements. So real quick, we live together, have been dating for 2 years and our life styles are a bit different. We both work full time during the week but he is also in a band and practices one night a week and has gigs at least one night/weekend. He loves to go be with friends, play music, have drinks. He only tends to do this once/twice a week, but adding it to band stuff that is 4 nights. How do other women react to this, I know this is kind of a repeat thread but I think since i feel differently /word it differently maybe my responses will be different as well. I trust him, he knows better now than to lie about anything! BUT, one thing is all his friends are single and are girl obsessed and my bf does tend to stay out late as well. (just a few facts to take into consideration.) I told him I want to be getting engaged in the next year or a bit more. Only reason i told him this is because nobody in his life is doing that right now so i dont think he thinks of it much, but I do. He told me he does want to marry me one day, but my attitude towards him having his own life (going out late etc) needs to change, more or less saying i need to just trust him 100% and realize he isnt giving this up. He wants me in his life but also wants to keep that as well. What do you all think? I am sorry this is all so jumbled up info wise. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 What do you all think?. I don't see any problem... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ash519 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 Hey Alpha- Very to the point...thanks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 I told him I want to be getting engaged in the next year or a bit more. Only reason i told him this is because nobody in his life is doing that right now so i dont think he thinks of it much, but I do. He told me he does want to marry me one day, but my attitude towards him having his own life (going out late etc) needs to change, more or less saying i need to just trust him 100% and realize he isnt giving this up. He wants me in his life but also wants to keep that as well. Unless you're biological clock is literally about to scientifically implode, I would strongly suggest that in the future you do whatever it takes to refrain from telling your BF that you want to get engaged and setting a timeline for your expectations to be met. I agree with your BF. You cannot change him. Simply getting engaged/married is not going to change his love for music and his band. You do need to trust him 100%, and he should be able to have both. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ash519 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 I agree, he should have both, it's just sometimes hard to cope with due to stupid insecurities and all the darn worrying and negative thinking I do. I dont expect getting married etc to change him, that is not my intentions...i said it because i love him and he is who i want it all with, and i want a kid before 30. But I will take your advice and not bring it up anymore. I am very close to 25 and he is almost 29. Thanks Star! Link to post Share on other sites
Topper Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Does he exclude you from his other activities? Do you every once in a while go out and meet him and his friends for a drink ? Do you go to The clubs where his band is Playing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ash519 Posted April 24, 2007 Author Share Posted April 24, 2007 Hi Topper- Yes, I go to most shows. Not all. And yes, I am invited everywhere he goes (for the most part). I just dont really go out on weeknights and stuff. And I choose not to go to his band practices, BORING!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ash519 Posted April 25, 2007 Author Share Posted April 25, 2007 I feel like I am finally really coming around on this. Last night I had a girlfriend over and my bf asked how I felt about him going out to the city with 3 friends to see a friends band (a band he had never seen because him and his friend were growing apart). So, I wasnt psyched, but i was like "I feel fine with it." And for the most part I was. No fight, nothing. Then he came home late, like 1:30am (Which he didnt want to stay out that late but he drove with 3 friends and had no choice). Anyway, he woke me up coming in and we chatted about the night and I was fine. I have to let him live his life and if he decided to cheat or meet someone, well, that is doing me a favor so i really shouldnt worry about it. He loves me and that is enough, he just wants to live his life as well. I want the same thing. When I think of being with someone who doesnt want a hobby or goo out i get an 'ick' feeling because I LOVE alone time, to watch tv, clean, relax, have friends over. It's actually helpful on my end too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ash519 Posted April 26, 2007 Author Share Posted April 26, 2007 Last night I had two gf's over again for the Idol special ( I know) and my bf went out. The girls left at 10 and I went to bed. My bf went to a open mike night with a friend. He got home at 1:15am and I was mad! I had woken up an hour earlier frustrated that he was still out considering he was out late the night before. He told me that since he feels as though he couldnt do what he wanted to do back then that i should excuse him a bit if he does it often now and it wont last forever, that he is stressed and being out with his friend helps that. He asks why I get so mad when he didnt do anything wrong, he just sat with his friend and talked about music, no girls etc. I guess i just have this belief that when you are in a relationship doing this stuff is, i dont even know how to word it. I love him, tons. I dont know if this is worth a break up. I was ok with the night before...everything was fine, but then last night I just got mad. As far as tonight goes we are spending it together, Friday he has a show, Saturday we are doing something together and Sunday we usually spend together. I would really love some more opinions here. Link to post Share on other sites
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