Cloudy Future!

[IpAncA]

All my life I've lived by a schedule. Each year I knew what I wanted to do and get done. If not then my schedule was put back making me hit "the panic button".

 

I rushed through school because I had it in my head I had to get it this and that done by a certain age. I was determined not to be in school until I was 30.

 

Now I've been done with school for a while but have no schedule to follow. I had everything planned up until I graduated. Never thought about the things AFTER graduating. My life was school and finding a good job. Now I don't know what to do. I have a job but there's nothing else further than that. Probably should have continued with school and headed towards a PhD.

 

I have no idea what my future holds because I have no plan of things to do. I have nothing to look foward to in the long run. With school I knew what to look foward to and each month I got closer.

 

Now this has nothing to do with hobbies. This goes deeper because I feel like I've lost my purpose. It's like I went to school, got married, and now.......................nothing. There is nothing left but for me to work, come home and go on-line or do work related things? It's like I'm just floating along with God knows what.

 

I mean is this what lifes like outside of schooling? If so it SUCKS!

 

Anyhow I'm just ranting. Obviously I have to much time to sit around and think about this.

 

Actually I know what it is, it's my major. I know to much life cycle crap and it's affecting me. I probably shouldn't have even majored in it but love it because I'm good at it. It's part of my calling.

 

I look at each cycle I compare myself and think "Oh I've got 5 more years until 30 before all goes down hill." or " Oh my parents are entering this stage and this is what I can expect." or " I only have so many years before this happends to me." Crazy crap like that.

 

Ugh...I hate analyzing but love it at the same time. I can't even look at anyone without analyzing. I can't even look at people as people. I look at them and the ripple effect happends. I could look at them age wise and think "oh their probably at this stage and probably think this way."

 

BTW this is only part of it.

 

I also can't separate work from life. What I mean by that is they go together. I cut back on work but it's still going on in my head. Always thinking about things. My mind never stops. I can't even sleep in silence because if I do my mind disrupts. I could sit up all night, look through books, go on-line seaching for things that relate to my major. It's facinating.

 

Even when I was going to school I couldn't separate it because it's ALL was I doing. I can't separate it because I don't know how.

 

I don't see it affecting anything outside of me because it's ALL me but like I said I see a cloudy future because I don't know what to do. It's like I want to know what will happen so I can prepare for it. I know it sounds crazy but it's like I fear the unknown and it scares the crap out of me because I have no control over it.

 

Anyhow I'm done ranting and feeling sorry for myself for now.

 

I'm not really asking any questions. Just throwing my thoughts down.

[Pyro]

If I were you, I would use this time to do some traveling. I am not sure how you feel about having kids, but if you do want them, this would be the time to travel, before having them.

[IpAncA]

If I were you, I would use this time to do some traveling. I am not sure how you feel about having kids, but if you do want them, this would be the time to travel, before having them.

 

Yeah I stuck kids deep in the pile for now. I not ready to REALLY tie myself down.

 

No I was having a bad day. Once in a while I feel sorry for myself and lose it. Probably shouldn't have posted this but oh well. I sound quite pathetic.

 

I still don't know what to do. I've never had that before. I've always been in school and now that I'm not, I haven't a clue what to do.

[Pyro]

Yeah I stuck kids deep in the pile for now. I not ready to REALLY tie myself down.

 

No I was having a bad day. Once in a while I feel sorry for myself and lose it. Probably shouldn't have posted this but oh well. I sound quite pathetic.

 

I still don't know what to do. I've never had that before. I've always been in school and now that I'm not, I haven't a clue what to do.

 

You are not pathetic. We all have our bad days. I had mine last week.....

 

You just need to find something else to do to fill in that time. Hobbies, join a club, or travel, or come up with something else.

[IpAncA]

See I have no trouble filling in time. I'm a master time filler.

 

It's hard to explain.

[Pyro]

See I have no trouble filling in time. I'm a master time filler.

 

It's hard to explain.

 

Well if you feel like explaining, here I am.

[IpAncA]

Okay I'll explain as best as I can without sounding nutty. Might actaully be over you I don't know.

 

Come back to what I said in my first post about separating life itself from working. I somehow managed to put it together so that they go with each other. It's not like being an accounting and at 5p.m. you leave and join your private life. Mine go together. I don't have to bring home WORK (physical things) because it's part of me no matter where I go.

 

It's like a drug. I'm doing it all the time and can't stop because I like doing it. I have taking myself and added it to a career.

 

I've told other people this of my field and they told me that I HAVE TO somehow figure out how to separate the two or learn to live with it.

 

So here I sit searching on-line trying to figure out what the heck to do. I don't like having to figure things. I like the solution in front of me.

 

BTW this is all ME. It's not affecting anything on the outside because I don't let it.

[Pyro]

Do you think that separating the two will make you feel better? This is interesting, but I thought that the problem was not having enough to do with your time.

[IpAncA]

You know I don't know. Somedays yes and somedays no.

 

But you have to go beyond that. It's beyond hobbies and having time.

 

It's about having something that matters. Maybe like a sense of purpose but not so much. It's like when your in school you have all these goals and your working towards something. When your done, you don't know what to do becaue you've done it. It's like saying "now what do I do."

 

Oh I'm so sorry if I'm confusing you.

[Pyro]

You know I don't know. Somedays yes and somedays no.

 

But you have to go beyond that. It's beyond hobbies and having time.

 

It's about having something that matters. Maybe like a sense of purpose but not so much. It's like when your in school you have all these goals and your working towards something. When your done, you don't know what to do becaue you've done it. It's like saying "now what do I do."

 

Oh I'm so sorry if I'm confusing you.

 

I think I get it. You want a new milestone to accomplish in regards to improving yourself. Does that sound right?

[blind_otter]

I'm not really asking any questions. Just throwing my thoughts down.

 

What's the smell? Is it existential crisis again?

[IpAncA]

What's the smell? Is it existential crisis again?

 

Yeah something like that.

 

I think I get it. You want a new milestone to accomplish in regards to improving yourself. Does that sound right?

 

Yeah.

[Pyro]

Yeah.

 

You sound pretty successful already. What else can you do? I now see why you are confused by all of this.

[IpAncA]

You sound pretty successful already. What else can you do? I now see why you are confused by all of this.

 

Exactly, what else is there? Nothing and it's driving me nuts.

[Pyro]

Exactly, what else is there? Nothing and it's driving me nuts.

 

Look at it this way. You are a college graduate, married and who has a great job. Mission accomplished. You are done. Now its time to enjoy yourself and have fun. Like I said before travel, or even start on some sort of craft or something. You have been serious enough for one lifetime. Take the time to enjoy yourself now. You have payed your dues.

[IpAncA]

I've been through more then you know and have had more stress, pressure, and anxiety then anyone should have to undergo. Still do in some areas.

 

This many sound funny but I feel like I've reached what old people reach, Lol!!

[Pyro]

I've been through more then you know and have had more stress, pressure, and anxiety then anyone should have to undergo. Still do in some areas.

 

This many sound funny but I feel like I've reached what old people reach, Lol!!

 

Time to give yourself a much overdue mental vacation. Relax and enjoy yourself some. There is nothing on earth right now that can stress you out.

 

IMO, you are taking life too seriously if you are feeling this way.

[IpAncA]

IMO, you are taking life too seriously if you are feeling this way.

 

You got me there. I do take things serious. Never use to.

 

I actually didn't realize this until last year when I went to Cedar Point.

 

Everyone else was running to get back on the rides. Not me. I was more or less walking and saw no fun in it. Now don't get me wrong, I love going but I didn't have the joy like I normally do. I was too busy thinking of something else or what I was going to do the next day or week.

[Pyro]

You got me there. I do take things serious. Never use to.

 

I actually didn't realize this until last year when I went to Cedar Point.

 

Everyone else was running to get back on the rides. Not me. I was more or less walking and saw no fun in it. Now don't get me wrong, I love going but I didn't have the joy like I normally do. I was too busy thinking of something else or what I was going to do the next day or week.

 

Well then problem solved. Have fun with your life. Get to it.

[IpAncA]

Well today was interesting.

 

I had to do some observation/help out at a high school and confirmed today that I'm not ugly.

 

I looked like a student. Actually a lot of guys thought I was a new student and tried picking me up, LOL!! Now why couldn't I have been hit on like this during my high school days? Shesh...and these guys were good looking too. Think they had blinders on or something because they missed my left hand or maybe they thought I was, hmm...I don't know, how werid.

 

It was interesting except for that retard jock senior that thought I was a kid. I let him have a piece of my mind.

[Pyro]

Well today was interesting.

 

I had to do some observation/help out at a high school and confirmed today that I'm not ugly.

 

I looked like a student. Actually a lot of guys thought I was a new student and tried picking me up, LOL!! Now why couldn't I have been hit on like this during my high school days? Shesh...and these guys were good looking too. Think they had blinders on or something because they missed my left hand or maybe they thought I was, hmm...I don't know, how werid.

 

It was interesting except for that retard jock senior that thought I was a kid. I let him have a piece of my mind.

 

Sounds like someone was enjoying the attention.

 

Guys assumed you were the new girl in school and to them that makes you fresh meat, plus being older gives you that sophisticated look and that is a big turn on for a lot of guys.

 

Guys that young don't pay attention to details, hence your left hand.

 

Why are you mad that he thought you were a kid? I thought you referred to that as a compliment.

[IpAncA]

Sounds like someone was enjoying the attention.

 

Guys assumed you were the new girl in school and to them that makes you fresh meat, plus being older gives you that sophisticated look and that is a big turn on for a lot of guys.

 

Guys that young don't pay attention to details, hence your left hand.

 

Why are you mad that he thought you were a kid? I thought you referred to that as a compliment.

 

So what am I? A piece of meat just waiting to be seasoned and flipped over? Never mind I don't want to know what guys their age focus on.

 

Anyhow yeah I did a little.

 

I was annoyed because he looked down on me like I was below him.

[Pyro]

So what am I? A piece of meat just waiting to be seasoned and flipped over? Never mind I don't want to know what guys their age focus on.

 

Anyhow yeah I did a little.

 

I was annoyed because he looked down on me like I was below him.

 

You said it yourself, a piece of meat waiting to be consumed.

 

Well then that does deserve a nice back hand.

[IpAncA]

You said it yourself, a piece of meat waiting to be consumed.

 

Oh my!

[Pyro]

Oh my!

 

Glad that you enjoyed being queen for a day.