Boy do I need advice

[XCWking22]

Okay here's my situation everyone...

 

I am sort of seeing this girl. We started off in class together, and talked but never really persued anything. Then I found out she worked close to where I lived and I took her out to dinner a few times. We started building this relationship, and she told me about this guy that she was seeing.

 

So it wasn't anything huge. Well eventually she and I started to hang out more, and before you know it she's not with this guy anymore.

 

A group of us go to Disneyland, and this happens to be the 9th date. I make the move, and everything is happy. Disneyland pulls through once again as the happiest place on Earth.

 

So we're walking back and she proceeds to tell me how she's terrified of having a long term relationship or jumping into anything right now. She is 26 with a 2 year old, and she's in the middle of a divorce...so she does have a lot on her plate. I don't have a problem with waiting, I told her I just wanted to have fun whenever we went out.

 

So after Disney I didn't talk to her for a day...I finally spoke to her on Saturday, and I asked her out for Sunday. She said she couldn't find a babysitter, but if she did she'd call me. Well we didn't talk at all on Sunday, and then I talk to her on Monday and she tells me she went to a movie (doesn't say with who), and that it was after her daughter went to sleep. Then she cuts it short because someone is at the door.

 

Then New Years Eve rolls around, and we go to lunch. She proceeds to tell me that her Uncle came over and she had to entertain him. Then she asks me what I'm doing on Thurs/Fri...and she invites me to Magic Mountain. I say yes...and wish her Happy New Year.

 

Okay we didn't talk at all until the 1st, and I call her up but she's at work. I tell her that whatever the deal is for Magic is fine with me just let me know the details. I was headed to the movies so I told her to leave me a message.

 

When I get home it's her on the answering machine talking about how she can't go because she has "stuff" to do...and she can't go Friday either. So she says she had a pretty okay New Years, and that she'd wait for my call until midnight...well I got home and called her at 12:04 am, no answer. So I left a message saying call me when you get up...no word.

 

So I'm sitting here at 5:45 on the day we were supposed to go to Magic...

 

And I haven't heard anything.

 

What is it? Do you think she's seeing someone? Do you think that she's avoiding me? Do you think she was really busy?

 

Why if busy is the case...hasn't she called me for even two seconds?

 

Anyway any advice would greatly help.

 

Thanks.

 

- Chad

[clia]

I just think she's not interested!

 

9th date? You said you never pursued anything, so how was this a date? Was it really two friends hanging out?

 

So we're walking back and she proceeds to tell me how she's terrified of having a long term relationship or jumping into anything right now.

 

Code for: I have no interest in any type of relationship with you, but if the right guy were to come along, I'd take a relationship in a heartbeat.

 

Based on her actions, she has no desire to hang out with you unless she has nothing better going on. I'm sorry to have to put it like this, but it's true. If she wanted to go out with you on Sunday, she would've either found a way or called you. Instead, She Went Out With Someone Else!

 

Busy is no excuse for anyone ever when they are really interested. The most busy people around have time when they really want to pursue something (or be receptive to something). She is not interested. Even if she couldn't find a sitter or whatever, you would get the message if she really wanted to go out with you. She didn't.

 

She asked you out and cancelled plans with you...code for: It's not that important that she sees you! She doesn't care. Something else more important to her came up!

 

Look, she may like you for a friend, and as someone cool to hang out with, but I'm not feeling any romantic vibes here. You aren't getting any positive signals. I don't even think she's playing hard to get. If she was, you'd at least be getting some encouragement, but You Are Not. I just think she's not interested.

 

I'm sorry.... Mooooove On!

[XCWking22]

See the thing is and maybe I didn't make it clear enough, but at Disneyland we were romantic...

 

The whole time.

 

She was hanging on me, doing the whole kissing the neck deal. I mean I walked her to her car and we stayed there for 15 minutes doin' our thing.

 

I don't know if wrote this in the first message, but she told a girl friend of mine that I am what she's looking for but we'll see how it goes.

 

Plus why did she invite me to Magic in the first place?

 

So that's why I'm confused. If there was no phsyicality at all then I'd understand...but the fact she was hangin' on me, kissing me, throws a wrench in things. To me anyway...

 

Thanks for responding, but now that I have written the rest should I still move on?

[yes]

i think you should move on. to some gals, making out really isn't a big deal.

 

you should move on, because:

 

-if she's interested, the ball is 200% in her court, and it's up to her to finally make & not break plans with you - so you don't have to do a thing.

 

-if she's not interested, obviously moving on is the thing to do.

 

(btw, I'd be difficult about it if/when she tries to make plans with you next)

 

from personal experience: i've had a guy who dates me, made out with me, and then acted mostly uninterested, yet making plans now -n then & sometimes going through with them. And just like you, i thought - he didn't make out with me for nothing, he just needs space, yada yada - filling my head with silly reasons not to move on. And guess what - it never worked out. He stayed somewhat nice to me, contacting me now -n then, and one day he called to say he's got a new gf, that "he thinks I should know".

 

I know it's frustrating!

 

good luck,

-yes

[clia]

Tell me this...

 

1. Have you asked her out on a proper date?

 

2. Had she been drinking during the Disneyland trip?

 

3. How did you find out what she told the girlfriend, and is the girlfriend trustworthy?

 

She might've invited you to Magic because she had no other plans, and then something better came up. I mean, come on, don't you think if she really wanted to go with you that she would've gone, or at least given you a solid excuse for why she couldn't? Isn't that just proper manners?

 

Don't put a whole lot of stock into physicality. Seriously. Maybe you were just there and she felt like kissing someone. Maybe she just felt close to you since you'd spent all day together. Who knows?

 

This situation could be a number of things. Maybe she does think you are a great guy, but maybe there is something about you she is still questionable about.

 

I just think that you shouldn't make too many excuses for her. The way she acted with the Magic Mountain trip was fairly rude, at least IMO. You don't invite someone somewhere and then not call them. That speaks volumes to me! Seriously, even busy people make time for those who they really want to spend time with.

 

I think you need to play some hard to get...

[XCWking22]

Honestly I haven't asked out on a proper date. Before Disneyland we'd call each other to go to lunch or dinner...I have tried to ask her out this week, but with New Years and she's been busy with work and her child...so I don't know how much I can put into that.

 

No drinking at all.

 

Pretty trust worthy, and I've asked her a million times if it was true. I had my doubts at first, and then she swore on her child which is pretty heavy.

 

You're right about the proper excuse.

 

She left a message and just said she had stuff to do, Thursday and Friday. That was the last I heard...so yeah it felt a little rude.

 

As far as hard to get goes...I don't ever call her, she's the one who calls me.

 

Thanks for responding.

 

Keep the opinions flowing.

 

- Chad

[Tony T]

This lady is jerking you around big time. Don't even waste your time wondering what she's up to. Delete her from your hard drive and empty the recycle bin.

[Just A Girl2]

I'm with Tony on this, I say forget her (easier said than done, I know).

 

My gut says, based on what you've written, is that she's seeing someone else.....I'd suspect it's someone she recently met......like within the last week or 2......and these excuses she's giving you (having to entertain her uncle, having "stuff" to do, couldn't get a babysitter, etc).....they're lies to cover up the fact that she's spending time with someone else. Don't mean to hurt your feelings, but that's really how it seems to me.

[Bizzit]

I agree with tony and just a girl2 on this, You should move on. There is someone out in the world worth your time:)

[Sunflower]

Hi Chad

I am going through a very similar situation myself so I couldn't help but reply to this thread. In fact, your situation is almost the same as mine.

 

I think everyone is right about moving on.

 

Kisses, hugs, sex, etc. mean very different things to different people. To some, they are just as casual as say, giving a high five to a pal. To others, it means the whole world. ( I know, it's scary how much sometimes). People get physical at the spur of the moment and then later forget it even happened. I made the mistake of basing relationships on physicality (thinking romance! love! he's the one!) and man, did I learn the hard way!

 

Clia is right. I think if she were truly interested in you, she would make time and not be busy all the time. And even if she were busy at that particular moment, she would make effort to make up for it if she really cared. As for "entertaining her uncle," the guy I was having issues with told me he couldn't make the date because he had to "do something with his dad." And then didn't call for a while. Riiiight.....

 

She may be seeing someone else, then again, she may not. The point of the matter is, she's not interested enough in you to invest her time and effort to you. She'll contact you when she feels like it. But that's not fair to you.

 

Move on. I know it's annoying and frustrating and confusing. Believe me, I know...

 

Let this lady go about her own business, and the next time she contacts you, be busy! I am sure there are tons of cool girls that will be way worth your time! Good luck!

[Jamie31]

Honestly - from a girl's point of view - I think that maybe she was being honest about not wanting to get involved seriously right now. I think that maybe she does have genuine feelings about you and she cares about you, maybe she just doesn't want to hurt you. Maybe you should just back off for a little while and see how things go. Or if nothing else - talk to her. Tell her she is sending you mixed signals, and you want to know what is going on. I think that if she cares for you at all, she will be honest and tell you how she really feels and what she really wants. She is probably just going through a lot of stress with her divorce and trying to care for a 2 year old. You don't want to complicate things for her further do you? Just give her some space.....but let her know how you feel about her. I think she will respect that more than anything.

 

Also, think about if you really want to get involved with someone that has such a load on them. A 2 year old is a lot to handle, and you need to make sure that you could commit yourself to her baby as much as you could commit yourself to her, because she will always put that baby before anyone else. Just Remember that.

 

good luck, i hope my advice was helpful, and let us know how things are going.

 

Nurse_Jamie