I kissed a married man and am falling in love!

[Trimmer]

Maybe you are imagining some sleazy man who will move on to the OW.

Yes, that is exactly what you have described. You do realize that you are the OW now, yes? What? It's only sleazy if he moves on from you to a second OW?

 

Until this happened, I have always been against having relations with married people...

... and so now are you OK with it for everyone, or just for yourself, in this one, unique situation in all the world?

 

Calm down, so far it's been a kiss.

I'm sure his wife would be relieved to hear that. If you do happen to be together 5 years down the road, will you be OK with him accepting kisses from other women? Well, it's not so bad because he didn't initiate it, right? Hey, calm down, it's just a kiss!

 

Since I am getting the same response, I have to really think it through. I mean just because he's serious and responsible and all those things, maybe he's a player?

No, because he's been flirting with and kissing a woman outside his marriage, he's a player.

 

I was scared to post this in case I'd get a lot of negative attacks...

In fact, most of what I see here looks like tough love, trying to keep you from doing something stupid. They look like negative attacks to you because they don't agree with what you want to do anyway.

[Island Girl]

In fact, most of what I see here looks like tough love, trying to keep you from doing something stupid. They look like negative attacks to you because they don't agree with what you want to do anyway.

 

I agree Fun2B -

 

I think people are really trying to stop you from becoming a real life version of your avitar. A woman who is alone, obviously hurting over romance, and crying.

[Trimmer]

When you start seeing a man, on your second date do you ask him to basically marry you?

You don't have dates with a man while he's married.

 

Would he fall in love with you that quickly, before you've even had sex? Or do you give it time, let things develop, at the least have sex and then see first for yourself if he is developing feelings and if yours are in fact as strong as you initially felt them to be.

Not while he's married...

 

Then you can get to the stage to handling finding out what you each mean to each other.

Not while he's married...

 

I mean I can't realistically expect him to say he'd leave his wife for me this early on.

Not while he's married...

 

We just kissed, and the sparks are starting. I do believe we're soulmates for sure. I'm scared if it's not a mutual feeling but I think so far it is but to be realistic don't I have to give it some time first to 'develop'?

Not while he's married...

[serial muse]

Fun - it's true you're getting some harsh realistic advice here. But yeah, I'm really surprised that a long-time poster like you doesn't hear how sadly familiar her own words are. You said you don't spend a lot of time in the OW/OM forum, so I guess that explains it.

 

But if you really want to know what happens, then that's the simplest thing to do. Just read in here for a while. The truth is, many women (and some men) arrive here saying they've found the love of their lives - but the pain involved in those relationships is invariably excruciating - EVEN for those who remain convinced of the MM/MW's feelings after months or even years of heartache - and many more suffer a very rude awakening. Truly, there is so much pain recorded in these boards that it's just staggering.

 

And so, why oh why would you do that to yourself?? You have the benefit of this documented heartache, all right here on LS. I know it's hard to see it now, but please, just read. That's all you have to do. The story is always the same - whether or not there's real love there (and in your case, I honestly don't see any evidence for it, I must say - your story does sound sadly familiar) there is ALWAYS, ALWAYS an ocean of hurt and pain, and the truth is, it rarely works out. All you have to do is read.

[Fun2BMe]

You don't have dates with a man while he's married.

 

 

Not while he's married...

 

 

Not while he's married...

 

 

Not while he's married...

 

 

Not while he's married...

 

So how do we get to take things further for us to find out if we're meant for each other to the point of him leaving his wife? This is too confusing. I can't ask him to leave his wife over a kiss and he wouldn't do that in all sanity. So what do we do?

[Fun2BMe]

Fun - it's true you're getting some harsh realistic advice here. But yeah, I'm really surprised that a long-time poster like you doesn't hear how sadly familiar her own words are. You said you don't spend a lot of time in the OW/OM forum, so I guess that explains it.

 

But if you really want to know what happens, then that's the simplest thing to do. Just read in here for a while. The truth is, many women (and some men) arrive here saying they've found the love of their lives - but the pain involved in those relationships is invariably excruciating - EVEN for those who remain convinced of the MM/MW's feelings after months or even years of heartache - and many more suffer a very rude awakening. Truly, there is so much pain recorded in these boards that it's just staggering.

 

And so, why oh why would you do that to yourself?? You have the benefit of this documented heartache, all right here on LS. I know it's hard to see it now, but please, just read. That's all you have to do. The story is always the same - whether or not there's real love there (and in your case, I honestly don't see any evidence for it, I must say - your story does sound sadly familiar) there is ALWAYS, ALWAYS an ocean of hurt and pain, and the truth is, it rarely works out. All you have to do is read.

 

 

I'm hesitating to read others stories because I don't think it could be like mine. I mean I feel this love connection that is so powerful. I'm scared if I let it go, I might always wonder if I am walking away from the soulmate God has put in front of me.

 

I have however read in the other forums that love takes work, so for him to leave the wife is work, but how does he arrive to that decision if we can't have any sexual relations to bond ourselves to figure out if we're right. It seems like a tricky situation in my case and I can't believe I"m posting here but these things are never expected:confused:

[serial muse]

There is nothing, nothing for you to do, Fun, except walk away. Unless you want to give up the opportunity to choose your fate with him altogether.

 

If he is unhappy in his marriage, he needs to work that out. If the way that he chooses to explore that unhappiness is through an affair, then is he really the type of person you would trust with your own heart???

 

You can do nothing except tell him you don't want to do this, and let him figure out his primary relationship on his own. He still has one, and you aren't it. That's just the bottom line, as much as it might feel like she's not important when you two are together. She is, and she will become more and more important to YOU as time goes on.

[Fun2BMe]

If he is unhappy in his marriage, he needs to work that out. If the way that he chooses to explore that unhappiness is through an affair, then is he really the type of person you would trust with your own heart???

 

I think what makes my situation different is the possibility that his marriage might be a good one, not unhappy. He falls in love with me and leaves his wife for ME. It's not like he's bored or unhappy, but if we are soulmates he is drawn to me because we are meant to be together, right? This is what's complicated, how to know for sure we are meant to be together yet for him not to cheat. I don't know what to do.

[serial muse]

I'm hesitating to read others stories because I don't think it could be like mine. I mean I feel this love connection that is so powerful. I'm scared if I let it go, I might always wonder if I am walking away from the soulmate God has put in front of me.

 

I have however read in the other forums that love takes work, so for him to leave the wife is work, but how does he arrive to that decision if we can't have any sexual relations to bond ourselves to figure out if we're right. It seems like a tricky situation in my case and I can't believe I"m posting here but these things are never expected:confused:

 

If you read the other stories you will hear how closely they echo what you have written here. I know you don't want to hear it, but be strong and listen.

 

And as far as whether he should leave his wife - honey, that has NOTHING to do with you, or with any other woman. Don't confuse the issue. He doesn't need to have sex with you or with any other woman in order to figure out if he wants to divorce her. Those decisions are just not ever going to be about you, and it's vitally important that you understand that. He has free will. He has an opportunity to cheat because you're letting him, but it's not about making a decision about whether to divorce!!! I hope you can hear how misguided that really is. You have nothing to do with his marriage.

[serial muse]

I think what makes my situation different is the possibility that his marriage might be a good one, not unhappy. He falls in love with me and leaves his wife for ME. It's not like he's bored or unhappy, but if we are soulmates he is drawn to me because we are meant to be together, right? This is what's complicated, how to know for sure we are meant to be together yet for him not to cheat. I don't know what to do.

 

 

Wrong. Please, please read around on here. There are many variants of the same story, but this one is NOT new either. I'm sorry, hon, but it just ISN'T.

[Woggle]

Honest to god I know this sounds cold hearted but when he plays you I will laugh because you will have deserved it. You are just a quick piece of ass on the side for him and nothing more. You two are not soulmates and he is not drawn to you. You said yes and that is why he is persuing. You would do yourself good by ending this now before you go on here and make more posts about how men should be bred out of nature so we can improve the world.

[Fun2BMe]

Honest to god I know this sounds cold hearted but when he plays you I will laugh because you will have deserved it. You are just a quick piece of ass on the side for him and nothing more. You two are not soulmates and he is not drawn to you. You said yes and that is why he is persuing. You would do yourself good by ending this now before you go on here and make more posts about how men should be bred out of nature so we can improve the world.

 

I repeated a million times that that was from an anthropological and nature point of view based on how animals go extinct. So if you didn't get that point, maybe you don't get this post? Seriously. I mean that is really cold of you to laugh at someone's heartache. But if memory serves me right, you're the one who is so anti-woman just because your mother mistreated you (and ur ex wife or was it the gf who shot u).

[TheDiva]

I think what makes my situation different is the possibility that his marriage might be a good one, not unhappy. He falls in love with me and leaves his wife for ME. It's not like he's bored or unhappy, but if we are soulmates he is drawn to me because we are meant to be together, right? This is what's complicated, how to know for sure we are meant to be together yet for him not to cheat. I don't know what to do.

 

As gently as possible I say this to you.

 

If you were "soulmates" or meant to be together he would not have a wife already.

[Woggle]

I repeated a million times that that was from an anthropological and nature point of view based on how animals go extinct. So if you didn't get that point, maybe you don't get this post? Seriously. I mean that is really cold of you to laugh at someone's heartache. But if memory serves me right, you're the one who is so anti-woman just because your mother mistreated you (and ur ex wife or was it the gf who shot u).

 

It may be cold but if a person sticks their hand in boiling water and gets burned they sort of deserved it.

[Meaplus3]

SInce I am getting the same response, I have to really think it through. I mean just because he's serious and responsible and all those things, maybe he's a player? I really don't know, but I will be cautious and for sure set my boudaries the next time we see each other (which is for business reasons not just to see how we are feeling about each other).

 

What's to think about? If he's married and "Messing" with you than he's a player! Where do you think it will get you to be in an "R" with him?

 

AP:)

[a4a]

Fun it is amazing to see you post this.

 

After knowing the pain of having a man not be upfront with you.

 

(the japan trip with your X and the tart he took)

 

you are now the tart.

 

remember how you felt?

 

you are now the dirty little secret....... it might feel exciting right now, but when push comes to shove you will be nothing more than that dirty little secret.... their is no happily ever after in your future with this guy.

[Art_Critic]

I would suggest that you call your therapist and schedule a session and explain this scenario about the MM to him before things go too far.

You are vulnerable with your past breakup and the MM will only exploit the vulnerabilities you have.

[NearlyThere]

I can see you have had quite a few replies, however, not alot from OW or exOW, which I supppose it why, possibly in some ways you are finding it hard to take in their advice. I am a current OW, please please try and take heed to what I'm going to say, I dont mean anything I say in a particularly negative way, just truthful and how it REALLY is in a R with a MM. Not being disrespecful to those people, but I suppose its a bit like a person who has never smoked, telling a person, how to quit and how bad smoking is for them, they know the facts but not experienced the doing.

 

I can't believe I'm posting in this forum. I am always against getting involved with a married person - BUT today I kssed a married man I've had a crush on and now it feels like we're on fire.

 

He is happily married but initiated the kiss, a full long one:love: whereas in the past I have initiated short friendly peck kisses.

 

Do I pursue this? He asked to see me later in the week and I have butterflies just thinking about him. I am falling in love with him, but I have to remind myself he's married and am not sure what to do.

 

I think he is the love of my life and don't want to miss the opportunity of having a future together. He used to talk about his wife (nice things) but lately he has not mentioned her so I can also assume they might be having problems though they seem happy together so I don't know, am so confused. Any advice?

 

To be honest, I believe you initiated this in the first place, by giving him pecks. He has now taken it a step further to see how far he can get and if you are a willing partner to an illicit affair. He probably wont talk about his wife so much now, he wants YOU to forget she is there and to possibly make the assumptions you have made. Do not pursue this any further, it is not too late to back out now.

 

I haven't read much in this forum to know how these things work out. Are you saying this out of your opinion based on it's wrong, or real scenerios? I used to be very against this too but I guess it's different when you're in the situation.

 

Yes it is different when you are the one in the situation, what you thought was black and white, becomes a grey.

 

So far it's only been a kiss yet along with the excitement considering how much I had a crush on him, the guilt is also unexpectedly getting big.

 

Yes, you are so right. I should take the future potential for hurt into consideration and at this important point before things go any further, at least discuss with him the consequences should I invest further emotion into it and what he would be willing to do for me as far as a future together. Thanks for the wake up info.

 

With all that said, I am so excited by the whole thing that after a few hours of sleep I got up because it is a very powerful feeling that is overwhelming me with emotions.

 

Please do not take it any further, really, the excitement is great, the emotional impact on the climb to the steepest part of the roller coaster is an enormous high, however, if you decide to continue this A, the lows of the roller coaster are very bad. I have read a lot of your posts and I get the feeling you are a very emotional person, and I dont mean that neccessarily in a negative way, who would find the lows very difficult to deal with, along with the loneliness that you would experience, when he is not going to be able to see you, nights you are alone, holidays you are alone.

 

I really wouldn't say that I am just a toy to him. He's not a player type and he has deep feelings that are mutual. But I do need to consider the possible outcome before I take it any further, which I think I was blindly on the path of doing.

 

He might not be a player, I agree, you might be the first person he as ever had an affair with, however, this does not make it better. Yes do consider the outcome. Either you, you and him or you, him and his W will be hurt.

 

When you start seeing a man, on your second date do you ask him to basically marry you? Would he fall in love with you that quickly, before you've even had sex? Or do you give it time, let things develop, at the least have sex and then see first for yourself if he is developing feelings and if yours are in fact as strong as you initially felt them to be.

 

Then you can get to the stage to handling finding out what you each mean to each other. I mean I can't realistically expect him to say he'd leave his wife for me this early on. We just kissed, and the sparks are starting. I do believe we're soulmates for sure. I'm scared if it's not a mutual feeling but I think so far it is but to be realistic don't I have to give it some time first to 'develop'?

 

No do not let your feelings develop, get out now, do not talk to him or see him for a while, wait for these feelings die down, find another man, go out flirt alot with single men, forget about these feelings. This is where I went wrong, we allowed the feelings to develop instead of knocking them on the head right at the start.

 

Please do not make the mistake I made and a few others before me. Whether or not you think he is the one for you or not, whether or not you have not met anyone like him before, please leave now, sorry to harp on, but I cannot say it enough. I noticed you said somewhere that your story is different, well, the people taking part might be different, the way it started though is very much the same, the middle will be the same and the ending will surely be the same, you will get hurt.

 

All the best

NT

[hotgurl]

So how do we get to take things further for us to find out if we're meant for each other to the point of him leaving his wife? This is too confusing. I can't ask him to leave his wife over a kiss and he wouldn't do that in all sanity. So what do we do?

 

Here is what you do you leave him alone. You walk away. You don't get involved in someone else marriage.

 

Remember the pain you felt you your last BF went to China with another girl and you were convinced he was cheating on you? remember the agony?

 

why would you ever want to do that to another person?

 

You yourself said you are not an animal and have control over yourself. So do the adult thing and leave him be!

[Jinxx]

I think what makes my situation different is the possibility that his marriage might be a good one, not unhappy. He falls in love with me and leaves his wife for ME.

 

This is exactly how it was with my XMM. He had a *good* marriage. He got along with with his wife. She is good person. What he lacked was passion and sex from her. Sooner or later they come their senses and STAY in the marriage. Be careful. Right now you are not thinking clearly because the crush you have had on this MM man has escalated into something deeper.

 

Now, your situation could be different. Sometimes they do leave. If he falls in love with you and wants to be with you then he will take that step to leave the marriage. I wish you luck on this. With that said be prepared for the pain and heartache this new life will bring you.

[Salicious Crumb]

I can't believe I'm posting in this forum. I am always against getting involved with a married person - BUT today I kssed a married man I've had a crush on and now it feels like we're on fire.

 

He is happily married but initiated the kiss

 

Which goes to show, there doesn't have to be anything wrong with a relationship for someone to cheat. Some people just like screwing around with more than one person for the thrill of it.

 

, a full long one:love: whereas in the past I have initiated short friendly peck kisses.

 

Do I pursue this?

 

If you were married would you want someone to pursue your husband?

 

Or maybe you don't care and just want to mess around with him, in either case I'd say....NO...do not pursue this. Find a single man.

 

He asked to see me later in the week and I have butterflies just thinking about him. I am falling in love with him, but I have to remind myself he's married and am not sure what to do.

 

You said he's happily married...what is there to think about? Even if you thought he may leave his marriage someday...he cheats on his wife...he is a cheater. What is to say he wouldn't do this to you too?

 

I think he is the love of my life and don't want to miss the opportunity of having a future together.

 

Does he have children? What are your feelings about homewrecking?

 

Or do you not care as long as you get "yours"?

[Izzar]

I think you're in lust, not love. IMO.

Big difference & still way wrong.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

F2BM,

 

I went 7 or so pages back on your posts and never saw before today a post on the OW forum from you. This is not a FUN place to be. POLL: anyone here who wants to be here????? Its like signing up for the STD forum or the infidelity forum for that matter. Here is the best advice that I can offer you. Read and reread this link. [COLOR=#0000ff]Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia[/COLOR]

 

I promise you that his will not turn out well. He stopped talking about his wife not because they are having problems but because he saw an opportunity. No doubt they are having problems, whether she knows it or not, because he likes to kiss other women. That part is about him, it doesn't mean that he is feeling the soulmate thing.

[Freedom Now]

Fun,

 

I felt exactly as you do now. Oh the allure of those rose colored glasses...

 

I kept telling myself that MY MM would NEVER hurt me. He loved me too much.

 

Guess what?

 

He did. Over and over and over again. And it is messy and heartwrenching and soul crushing and life changing.

 

If you have the stomach, read about my life. It was absolute hell.

 

And if I would allow the affair to continue, it would continue to be hell on earth for me.

 

These things never turn out well. Even if he left (which is very, very doubtful), it would still be hell for you: trust issues and betrayal issues and lingering guilt for starters.

 

STOP THINGS NOW.

 

Unfortunately, I think you have already made up your mind. You think your situation is different.

 

But it isn't.

 

I wish you luck. Truly.

[Star Gazer]

When you start seeing a man, on your second date do you ask him to basically marry you? Would he fall in love with you that quickly, before you've even had sex? Or do you give it time, let things develop, at the least have sex and then see first for yourself if he is developing feelings and if yours are in fact as strong as you initially felt them to be.

 

Then you can get to the stage to handling finding out what you each mean to each other. I mean I can't realistically expect him to say he'd leave his wife for me this early on. We just kissed, and the sparks are starting. I do believe we're soulmates for sure. I'm scared if it's not a mutual feeling but I think so far it is but to be realistic don't I have to give it some time first to 'develop'?

 

No. When you start seeing a free, available, SINGLE man, you let things "develop" to see whether or not it's something to pursue.

 

He knows what he means TO HIS WIFE. He knows what HIS WIFE MEANS TO HIM. YOU should NOT be entering that equation to see what he means to YOU and vice versa. He pledged his life to another woman, NOT YOU. You can't even use the laaaaaaaaaaaaame excuse most MM use that they're ooooh soooo miserable to justify trying to "develop" things with him, because you said it yourself - he's HAPPILY MARRIED.

 

Listen to yourself. You're inconistent all over the place just to justify chasing some butterflies in your stomach. In one breath, you're saying you need time for things to develop to make sure your feelings are real, and in another breath you're saying that he's your soul mate. BS. He's NOT your soulmate. Your soulmate is a SINGLE, available man who wouldn't chase some pretty tail for a momentary thrill because he's a little bored in his marriage.

 

I'm telling you - DO NOT DO THIS. You will be MISERABLE. Those moments of thrill and excitement will be just that - moments - and oh so fleeting. The vast majority of your time will be spent crying over this man, so miserable and sad because you'll know each time he leaves you to go home he's going home to the woman he REALLY loves: his wife.

 

Don't do it.