I kissed a married man and am falling in love!

[pelagicsands]

Why can't you just admit that your'e insane?

I'm neither insane, nor paranoid. Oh... you weren't talking about me. Sorry.

[Touche]

Geeezzzzz, this guy is a real piece of work. Cheats on his wife and then isn't he violating some code of conduct for therapists or something? Conflict of interest maybe? What a loser. I wouldn't even LOOK at a guy like this...let alone fall in love with a loser like this...sheesh..don't you think you can do better?

[Fun2BMe]

So needless to say him being your therapist and all which I knew from the beginning, (Thanks for admitting it) Is that you really need to stop seeing this man, how can he help you work through issues and heal if the two of you have an unhealthy relationship.

 

I know you are comfortable with him and he with you, however who knows who else he is doing this with...

 

You should be thinking of ways to say goodbye to him and get another therapist.

 

It does feel a load off my back to share that info, but I was scared of the reactions I'd get. The thought that he is doing this with others would drive me insane. I can't imagine he'd actually be in love with another patient as well. And if he would kiss anyone else. Now that has my heart aching at the moment:o I wish you hadn't said that! But I can't put my head in the sand. But he really isn't the type to be doing that really.

 

As far as saying goodbye, he is a good therapist and I have a lot of months invested in him. It was a miracle he got me to finally officially break it off with the bf so now I have to act like a grown up and turn down his advances. I'm sure he won't persist since I am at the end of the day a paying client and he'd have a lot at steak to pursue a client who is not returning his advances.

 

I pray to God I 'll be in this mindset when I see him Monday (for our session) and am glad I didn't go by to see him Thurs.

[pricillia]

I can't believe I'm posting in this forum. I am always against getting involved with a married person - BUT today I kssed a married man I've had a crush on and now it feels like we're on fire.

 

He is happily married but initiated the kiss, a full long one:love: whereas in the past I have initiated short friendly peck kisses.

 

Do I pursue this? He asked to see me later in the week and I have butterflies just thinking about him. I am falling in love with him, but I have to remind myself he's married and am not sure what to do.

 

I think he is the love of my life and don't want to miss the opportunity of having a future together. He used to talk about his wife (nice things) but lately he has not mentioned her so I can also assume they might be having problems though they seem happy together so I don't know, am so confused. Any advice?

 

 

sigh...

 

so you are only going to your therapist because you are in love with him and have has a crush on him for a long time.

 

and he allows this and he initiated the kiss....sounds like he needs therapy as well.

 

And why is a professional talking to his patients about his family life anyway???

 

I think this "Therapist" had this planned from day one

[pelagicsands]

fall in love with a loser

Whilst I agree that losers are people too, there are many threads on LoveShack along the lines of "Why did I fall in love with a loser?" They're not too happy about it. So, in short, don't. Not if you can help it.

[Lizzie60]

crazier.

Nuff said.

[Star Gazer]

As soon as I read WWIU's post followed by star gazer's, both pointing out how the sex wouldn't change anything in his mind, that then I would have more chance of greater heartache waiting around for him all the while after we have sex he goes back to his wife, the combination of everything all of a sudden changed my mind about the whole thing.

 

I was focusing on us loving each other. Now I am almost mad that he has stopped mentioning his wife for so long, it's like a pink elephant in the room that is not being commented on. And there's another twist I haven't revealed so all of it combined and I am really feeling released from the 'love' feelings that had me hostage and logically thinking it through.

 

What I hadn't revealed in the thread was the fact that he's my therapist. He knows how messed up I am. He's the one who encouraged me to break up with my boyfriend which yes, I needed to do. But I really have a lot of issues and at the same time he is hitting on me and starts kissing me and telling me he loves me. I was feeling very fragile losing my bf and felt it was very healing to get his love.

 

I'm very glad we were able to provide you with some greatly needed outside perspective. WWIU is a kind soul and would never lead you astray, and I've been in your shoes.

 

Your description of his wife as the pink elephant is right on point. On one romantic weekend getaway with my MM, he said to me, "Please don't get upset if I leave the room to answer a phone call." I knew he was talking about receiving a phone call from his wife. I acted like it didn't bother me. When the phone rang, and he quietly exited to answer, I ran into the humongous marble bathroom of the $1,500 a night S.F. suite we were staying in and cried. I wiped my tears when I heard him return, and pretended to be that "perfect woman" I knew he wanted (but would STILL never leave his wife for). That was the first time "she" really entered our "relationship." She never left.

 

NOW. On to the much bigger picture.

 

You need to report your therapist to whatever board can discipline him, and seek alternative therapy arrangements IMMEDIATELY. He is TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU. He knows how completely inappropriate and GROSS it is to get involved with a client/patient, and yet he's doing it anyway. He's got bigger problems than you do.

[burning 4 revenge]

Oh this was your therapist?

 

Id just do whatever he tells you to do

[pricillia]

Quote by SG

NOW. On to the much bigger picture.

 

You need to report your therapist to whatever board can discipline him, and seek alternative therapy arrangements IMMEDIATELY. He is TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU. He knows how completely inappropriate and GROSS it is to get involved with a client/patient, and yet he's doing it anyway. He's got bigger problems than you do.

__________________

 

Yes but she has invested time into him.... I think that he set her up to feel this way and she is going along with it.

 

We are all telling her things to the contrary and when Monday comes sha-bam... he has her wraped around his finger again.

[pelagicsands]

Oh this was your therapist?

 

Id just do whatever he tells you to do

Even if he wants anal? Even then?!

[Fun2BMe]

sigh...

 

so you are only going to your therapist because you are in love with him and have has a crush on him for a long time.

 

and he allows this and he initiated the kiss....sounds like he needs therapy as well.

 

And why is a professional talking to his patients about his family life anyway???

 

I think this "Therapist" had this planned from day one

 

No no no. I started going to him because he is supposed to be this wonderful therapist, and to be fair, he has helped me a lot. I think i'd still be a basket case over my last bf. In fact the last bf is such a work that I am still in the process of getting him out of my life. As soon as my therapist literally MADE me officially end it with him (I was always wishy washy telling him I didn't want to talk but then would respond to an email), he has been driving to my house and I call my therapist and he encourages me to not talk to him, not answer my door, not answer his calls and to email him in firm wording to leave me alone. Without my therapist, I would be posting here about yet another dramatic event I went through with the ex. I finally have the ex out of my life which I doubt any other inidividual would've helped me to acheive without allowing him back in.

 

I don't want to bag on him. We really do have a lot of chemistry. He listens to all my problems and he reveals things about himself which I am encouraging of, being in love with him and all I do want to know about him.

 

I don't all of a sudden hate him. It's just that I feel empowered to do the right thing, which is not give in to any physical contact and activity. If he really is as serious about me as he professes, then let's see what he does about it knowing I will not have sex with him as long as it is a cheating situation, which from the very beginning I posted that I was trying to figure out a way to act out without it being cheating. I just didn't have the desire to take the option of not having sex! Now I see that is the best path and choice and am ok with it.

 

The reason I don't think it was planned from day one is that our feelings developed over time, at least I think his did towards me. Now I am being more open and will consider the thought if he had this in mind from the beginning. But he is really a very professional and kind man and I don't think he has a bad bone in his body other than the weakness of what happened, which got me thinking he must really love me THAT much to kiss me while married.

[whichwayisup]

Look, it has taken FUN alot of courage to come out and open up about who her MM is. I commend her for that - She knows how easy of a target she could be now for telling more info about her situation, so atleast respect her for that.

 

I DO have faith that she'll figure it out and end the client/therapist part of this. And as for the rest, she isn't going to jump into the lake quite yet.....

 

Who knows, maybe come Monday he will be telling her he can't keep her as a client.

[Fun2BMe]

Oh this was your therapist?

 

Id just do whatever he tells you to do

 

Are you being sarcastic, or do you think he really is doing the right thing?

[pricillia]

Well I am glad for you that he helped you get out of a situation that was not healthy for you that is something to be proud of, but at the same time it is also not healthy to lean on someone in this mannor. You have not even been alone that long and you are still healing.

 

He has you wrapped up and tangled in emotions towards him. He is your therapist not your BF....

[Star Gazer]

Fun, you are his PREY. All of his patients/clients are his prey. He's likely doing this with other patients. There are ethical rules and codes of conduct STRICTLY PROHIBITING romantic relationships between therapists and their patients/clients. He crossed that line. He knows it's wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. He is the most untrustworthy human being on the planet.

 

Don't give us this B.S. about "at the end of the day you're his patient" and allathat CRAP. He has manipulated you this entire time. Just because you received a derivative benefit from his self-serving actions doesn't mean you should let him control you in this manner.

 

Get a new therapist. Period, end of story.

[pricillia]

Are you being sarcastic, or do you think he really is doing the right thing?

 

Yes BFR is being sarcastice... see that is what I am talking about of course Therapist is not doing the right thing...

 

moment of death people 10:11pm...

[pelagicsands]

Are you being sarcastic, or do you think he really is doing the right thing?

I've never known B4R to be sarcastic. I'm just saying.

[whichwayisup]

Fun is aware of this too, as it was discussed on another one of her threads - About tranference of feelings. Sometimes clients get crushes and develope strong feelings of attachment for their therapists. It's because one opens up completely, becomes vunerable and talks about deep issues...And to have someone listen, not judge, and care - CAN bring out feelings that are confusing.

 

The thing is though, MOST therapists know about these tranference feelings and handle it professionally. This is why I really hope FUN, that you be the one to tell him that he is no longer your Therapist. He has alot to lose if he continues keeping you as his client.

[Fun2BMe]

As far as reporting him, I think this was a mutual path we both knowingly took. As I said, I'm in love with him. The way to find out how sincere he is is to see what happens when I tell him I do not want any intimate contact. I don't want to report him because I don't THINK at THIS TIME he has done anything wrong which granted if I fall out of love or he doesn't respond nicely to my request, I might think differently.

 

But right now, it is 2 humans who to the best of my knowledge are truly in love with each other and I have now firmly made the decision to not get physical, which feels very liberating, empowering and right thing to do. I will see if therapy can continue as usual and how he responds to my decision.

 

If I feel I want more and he is not willing to do anything about it, then I'll consider a new therapist. But I don't think it's right to lead him to honey only to sting him because I have the stinger in my court right now. We were both feeling a lot of chemistry, love and closeness, sharing ourselves with each other and so on over the course of many months.

 

But everything you guys right, even if I say "no no you don't get it you're wrong" the truth is I'm thinking "oh my gosh" in my head and it is over time leading me to where I've come and slowly peeling away at the layers of grandiose I have come to see him as.

[pelagicsands]

He has alot to lose if he continues keeping you as his client.

I think he's already lost his virginity. What else is there to lose??

[pricillia]

As far as reporting him, I think this was a mutual path we both knowingly took. As I said, I'm in love with him. The way to find out how sincere he is is to see what happens when I tell him I do not want any intimate contact. I don't want to report him because I don't THINK at THIS TIME he has done anything wrong which granted if I fall out of love or he doesn't respond nicely to my request, I might think differently.

 

But right now, it is 2 humans who to the best of my knowledge are truly in love with each other and I have now firmly made the decision to not get physical, which feels very liberating, empowering and right thing to do. I will see if therapy can continue as usual and how he responds to my decision.

 

If I feel I want more and he is not willing to do anything about it, then I'll consider a new therapist. But I don't think it's right to lead him to honey only to sting him because I have the stinger in my court right now. We were both feeling a lot of chemistry, love and closeness, sharing ourselves with each other and so on over the course of many months.

 

But everything you guys right, even if I say "no no you don't get it you're wrong" the truth is I'm thinking "oh my gosh" in my head and it is over time leading me to where I've come and slowly peeling away at the layers of grandiose I have come to see him as.

 

 

You are thinking this way because he seems to be the one controlling your life, it is not that he helped you through the process of making your own decision with breaking up with bad bf but he mad the decision for you.

 

Now that he has made you too dependant upon him you think that this is love.

[whichwayisup]

He if takes your money and lets you still be his client with everything that has just happened, you SHOULD just walk away completely and never look back.

 

Bottomline, beacuse of what has happened between you two, he has crossed the client/therapist professional line and once it's been crossed and violated like that, you can't go back. Even if you don't find a new therapist this upcoming week, you gotta stop talking to him as your T.

[Star Gazer]

As far as reporting him, I think this was a mutual path we both knowingly took. As I said, I'm in love with him. The way to find out how sincere he is is to see what happens when I tell him I do not want any intimate contact. I don't want to report him because I don't THINK at THIS TIME he has done anything wrong which granted if I fall out of love or he doesn't respond nicely to my request, I might think differently.

 

But right now, it is 2 humans who to the best of my knowledge are truly in love with each other and I have now firmly made the decision to not get physical, which feels very liberating, empowering and right thing to do. I will see if therapy can continue as usual and how he responds to my decision.

 

 

The above B.S. sounds just like what a 14 year old boy says when the media finds out about his torrid affair with a woman 20 years older than him. "But it was okay for me," he says. Bullsh*t.

 

You didn't VOLUNTARILY agree to this nonsense, Fun. He is charged with the responsibility of helping his clients/patients. He knew how vulnerable you were, and pounced. That's sick.

 

How about this... ask him if he's willing to go with you to see a couple's therapist? Watch his facial expression.

 

End this, now. End all contact. RUN.

[Fun2BMe]

He if takes your money and lets you still be his client with everything that has just happened, you SHOULD just walk away completely and never look back.

 

Bottomline, beacuse of what has happened between you two, he has crossed the client/therapist professional line and once it's been crossed and violated like that, you can't go back. Even if you don't find a new therapist this upcoming week, you gotta stop talking to him as your T.

 

The above B.S. sounds just like what a 14 year old boy says when the media finds out about his torrid affair with a woman 20 years older than him. "But it was okay for me," he says. Bullsh*t.

 

You didn't VOLUNTARILY agree to this nonsense, Fun. He is charged with the responsibility of helping his clients/patients. He knew how vulnerable you were, and pounced. That's sick.

 

How about this... ask him if he's willing to go with you to see a couple's therapist? Watch his facial expression.

 

End this, now. End all contact. RUN.

 

Now I'm feeling kind of hurt and confused. It was only last month I posted stating how hurt I was that he had increased his rates when I thought we had a 'connection'. He sent a formal letter stating he had remodeled his office and was passing on the cost to his patients.

 

One month later he's kissing me and I pay to see him. I thought I had it all figured out but now I'm feeling all mixed up. If he doesn't really love me, I will be feeling crushed. Here I am thinking he'll leave his wife for me all we need to do is have sex. Yet you're saying he crossed the line.

 

We both obviously know he crossed the line- mainly by being married and secondly by being a therapist. That was a given and why I was posting. But for some reason I am feeling not so good about it:confused: very confused. If you met him, you'd see his a a VERY NICE man so all this stuff you guys are saying is either you don't know the situation, or I don't.

[pricillia]

Fun...

 

You substitued the relationship with your BF with the one with your therapist and made him more important in your life then he needs to be...

 

 

HE IS NOT YOUR BF... YOU DO NOT LOVE HIM... HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU

 

YOU HAVE A CONNECTION BECAUSE HE IS BEING PAID TO BE THERE FOR YOU.

 

HE SAW AN OPPORTUNITY WITH YOU AND TOOK IT

 

HE PROBABLY GOES AND BRAGS TO HIS FREINDS ON HOW HE CAN EASILY BAG A PATIENT

 

IF HE REALLY CARED ABOUT YOU THEN HE WOULD NOT HAVE KISSED YOU

 

HE WOULD NOT LEAD YOU DOWN THE WRONG PATH

 

YOU NEED TO FEEL CONFIDENT AND INDEPENDANT ON YOUR OWN BEFORE YOU SHOULD GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP AGAIN