I kissed a married man and am falling in love!

[pelagicsands]

He sent a formal letter stating he had remodeled his office and was passing on the cost to his patients.

Did he get a new loveseat?

[pelagicsands]

YOU SHOULD GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP AGAIN

Steady on, I think it's too early. She needs time to get her thoughts in order. And there's no need to shout.

[Fun2BMe]

Fun...

 

You substitued the relationship with your BF with the one with your therapist and made him more important in your life then he needs to be...

 

 

HE IS NOT YOUR BF... YOU DO NOT LOVE HIM... HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU

 

YOU HAVE A CONNECTION BECAUSE HE IS BEING PAID TO BE THERE FOR YOU.

 

HE SAW AN OPPORTUNITY WITH YOU AND TOOK IT

 

HE PROBABLY GOES AND BRAGS TO HIS FREINDS ON HOW HE CAN EASILY BAG A PATIENT

 

IF HE REALLY CARED ABOUT YOU THEN HE WOULD NOT HAVE KISSED YOU

 

HE WOULD NOT LEAD YOU DOWN THE WRONG PATH

 

YOU NEED TO FEEL CONFIDENT AND INDEPENDANT ON YOUR OWN BEFORE YOU SHOULD GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP AGAIN

 

Ouch that hurts bad bad bad, but I have a feeling you might be right:(

 

I guess instead of being on cloud 9 with the thought "I'll tell him no sex and watch him run after me and we will then really be together" I think reality is slowly but surely sinking in.

 

Ouch if he doesn't really love me, but I do know I love him.

 

He is very professional and a very nice man, so I am thinking he must REALLY REALLY love me to be in this situation. He is too professional with a lot on the line to brag about anything to anyone or act out of line.

 

I just am getting more and more turned off and have to show and tell him that I really don't have any feelings, not "I can't have sex while you're divorced" route.

[pricillia]

you are dealing with familiarity and the attachment that you think you have with this man...

 

Break the connection and it will go away....

 

You are liking being wanted and that is natural, but at the same time not in this context

[Star Gazer]

Now I'm feeling kind of hurt and confused. It was only last month I posted stating how hurt I was that he had increased his rates when I thought we had a 'connection'. He sent a formal letter stating he had remodeled his office and was passing on the cost to his patients.

 

One month later he's kissing me and I pay to see him. I thought I had it all figured out but now I'm feeling all mixed up. If he doesn't really love me, I will be feeling crushed. Here I am thinking he'll leave his wife for me all we need to do is have sex. Yet you're saying he crossed the line.

 

I've worked for firms that moved to larger offices, remodeled, got new computers, whatever. Rates may have been increased as a result, but we would NEVER inform a client that they were paying more for the aesthetics of the office. C'mon, that's just nuts.

 

And yes, if he truly cared about you and your well-being (1) he wouldn't be seeing you as a patient, and (2) even if he were treating you, he wouldn't be charging you for it.

 

We both obviously know he crossed the line- mainly by being married and secondly by being a therapist. That was a given and why I was posting. But for some reason I am feeling not so good about it:confused: very confused.

 

Flip that order. FIRST, his MAIN ethical, moral, and every other type of transgression was getting involved with a patient/client. The fact that he's married is secondary.

 

You have every right to feel uneasy about this, and you should. He's been manipulating you in the worst way imaginable!

 

If you met him, you'd see his a a VERY NICE man so all this stuff you guys are saying is either you don't know the situation, or I don't.

 

Ted Bundy was one of the most handsome, friendly, charming men around. So was Scott Peterson. Need I say more?

[pelagicsands]

Ouch that hurts bad bad bad, but I have a feeling

Stay with the feeling. Soon it will intensify, and it will all be worth it.

[norajane]

Ouch that hurts bad bad bad, but I have a feeling you might be right:(

 

I guess instead of being on cloud 9 with the thought "I'll tell him no sex and watch him run after me and we will then really be together" I think reality is slowly but surely sinking in.

 

Ouch if he doesn't really love me, but I do know I love him.

 

He is very professional and a very nice man, so I am thinking he must REALLY REALLY love me to be in this situation. He is too professional with a lot on the line to brag about anything to anyone or act out of line.

 

I just am getting more and more turned off and have to show and tell him that I really don't have any feelings, not "I can't have sex while you're divorced" route.

 

He's not in love with you. He's taking advantage of you. You're too involved with him to see this objectively. Even worse, you are - as it turns out - PAYING him to take advantage of you if you continue therapy with him. Did he kiss you at the end of your session? You PAID for that kiss.

 

Find a new therapist immediately. Because you aren't going to get any helpful therapy from him. Now, instead of dealing with your issues, you're going to spend your next session obsessing over your luuuuuv for him. Did you really need this additional problem, or did you already have enough to deal with?

 

Find a new therapist - a woman.

[LucreziaBorgia]

At this point, the further this goes I'm not entirely sure that this whole affair isn't an erotomaniac delusion - a fixation on someone who may very well not even be aware of how she feels for him.

 

A therapist's worst nightmare: transference coupled with erotomania, as suffered by someone with BPD.

 

Wouldn't that be whacked? The whole thing exists only in her mind...

 

Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me at all.

[amerikajin]

As far as saying goodbye, he is a good therapist and I have a lot of months invested in him. .

 

Wrong, wrong, wrong!

 

He is an absolute shyte therapist. If what you are saying is true, he is unethical at best, and in many states, he can actually be put in jail for what he has done. He is crossing a very big, fat, important line. Therapists do NOT have any kind of sexual relations with their patients.

 

p.s. Are you trolling?

[amerikajin]

At this point, the further this goes I'm not entirely sure that this whole affair isn't an erotomaniac delusion - a fixation on someone who may very well not even be aware of how she feels for him.

 

A therapist's worst nightmare: transference coupled with erotomania, as suffered by someone with BPD.

 

Wouldn't that be whacked? The whole thing exists only in her mind...

 

Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me at all.

 

What the Christ?! What ARE you saying, Borgias?

[Star Gazer]

At this point, the further this goes I'm not entirely sure that this whole affair isn't an erotomaniac delusion - a fixation on someone who may very well not even be aware of how she feels for him.

 

A therapist's worst nightmare: transference coupled with erotomania, as suffered by someone with BPD.

 

Wouldn't that be whacked? The whole thing exists only in her mind...

 

Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me at all.

 

You mean like she imagined the kiss and text messages?

[NoIDidn't]

FUN

 

OMGosh! Its your therapist!!!

 

Please listen to everyone telling you to report him and get a new therapist. Monday morning, even.

 

And, please don't feel bad for falling for this. I don't have any links to give you right now, but this man played you in the worst way - and in a common way. There are many men and women who have been manipulated by their therapists when they were most vulnerable.

 

I am SOOOOO sorry for thinking you had Histrionic Personality Disorder! That he is your therapist is a form of ABUSE. I agree with the person before who said switch the order. This time his first abuse was of his authority and presumed trustworthiness as a therapist, not the fact that he's married.

 

Please don't feel bad. He DID set you up from the get go. Please report him and don't be ashamed to tell ALL the details including so many of the feelings you wrote here. A board of his peers will almost IMMEDIATELY see how he PLANTED so much of what you felt by HIS ACTIONS. He treated you like an EXPERIMENT. One I am certain that he has done LOTS of times. Report him and watch how many OTHERS come forward as a result of YOUR COURAGE.

[whichwayisup]

Please don't feel bad. He DID set you up from the get go

 

The big red flag that keep waving like crazy to me is - Your T is friends with you exbf. While you were with your bf, or in the process of ending your relationship with him - Your bf at the time set you up with the therapist, in the sense of him, the therapist, to help you. So, in turn the T helped you deal with and end your abusive relationship with your bf. Great!!

 

BUT, knowing your history, knowing your ex and that previous relationship, your T making moves on you, allowing something to grow between you two, OR to lead you on (cuz he knew about the transference of feelings) took advantage. Love or not, FUN, something stinks and it ain't you. Your T is shady, so please, on Monday, just tell him you don't need him as your T anymore. If you have paid for other sessions, make sure you get your money back.

[whichwayisup]

And NID is right. What if he's doing/done the same thing with other female clients? I know reading this stuff is probably freaking you out, but you gotta hear all sides of what could be happening. Noone wants to see you hurting and most of all, NONE of us want to see you get taken in by a very unprofessional therapist. A T is someone one is supposed to trust, not have makes moves on them..

[dropdeadlegs]

I'm glad to see you return to your thread, Fun.

 

I'm not really surprised that the MM is in fact your therapist. I am, however, seriously upset that he has taken advantage of you. From your many posts, I know it took a big leap of faith for you to start therapy in the first place. I fear this man may have already had such a negative impact that you will find it difficult to open up and trust in another therapist. I hope you will come to see that one bad apple doesn't spoil the whole crop.

 

Kissing you went way beyond every ethical standard know to mental health professionals. While your relationship with your ex wasn't healthy, and you should have broken up with him (which you did) it still gives the appearance that by him suggesting the break up, that he had an ulterior motive. That motive being to lure you to himself. If I could report him to the appropriate board of medical practices, I would do so now. I am so appalled by his behavior.

 

Please, please, please, dump him as your therapist. Find a woman therapist and continue the work you have started. I want nothing more for you than for you to find the love you desire, but this man is wrong if he is leading you to believe that he is the right person to give you the love you need.

 

I'm so glad that this hasn't escalated to something more. Thank you for your honesty. Despite some of the posts, you really have a lot of people in your corner rooting for you.

[pelagicsands]

Are we absolutely sure that this guy is unprofessional? I mean, we haven't exactly established if he slipped her the tongue. That's the real issue for me. I just want to be certain that we don't go off half-cocked.

[LucreziaBorgia]

What the Christ?! What ARE you saying, Borgias?

 

You mean like she imagined the kiss and text messages?

 

I found this interesting bit in an article about erotomania:

 

They also go for people who have shown them kindness or helped them in some way – for example, a doctor. And they do more than innocently daydream about the object of their desire. They fabricate a whole relationship with that person, going in to great detail. They believe that they will be with that person one day and won't accept rejection.

 

What am I saying?

 

Given the nature of what I'm reading and how it is evolving into a deeper form of romantic delusion with each post, I wouldn't be too quick to rule any possibility out.

 

Did she imagine it?

 

I don't know... did she? People who suffer from these types of disorders can give very convincing details. Why? Because for them, fantasy becomes reality - the line between the two blurs in ways that it doesn't for others.

 

The jury is out on this one for me.

 

The more I read, the more 'off' it seems to me.

 

Who knows though. For all I know, this guy is an seasoned unprofessional predator who targets vulnerable patients and cheats on his wife on a regular basis.

 

Then again... what if he isn't? He wouldn't be the first therapist to fall victim to an erotomaniac.

[Island Girl]

He is very professional and a very nice man, so I am thinking he must REALLY REALLY love me to be in this situation. He is too professional with a lot on the line to brag about anything to anyone or act out of line.

 

http://www.apa.org/ethics/code2002.html#10_06

 

this is the code of conduct and ethics for a psychologist

 

of particular interest is 10.06, 10.07, and 10.08 but all of it applies.

 

I've taken the liberty of quoting it here:

 

10.05 Sexual Intimacies With Current Therapy Clients/Patients

Psychologists do not engage in sexual intimacies with current therapy clients/patients.

10.06 Sexual Intimacies With Relatives or Significant Others of Current Therapy Clients/Patients

Psychologists do not engage in sexual intimacies with individuals they know to be close relatives, guardians, or significant others of current clients/patients. Psychologists do not terminate therapy to circumvent this standard.

10.07 Therapy With Former Sexual Partners

Psychologists do not accept as therapy clients/patients persons with whom they have engaged in sexual intimacies.

10.08 Sexual Intimacies With Former Therapy Clients/Patients

(a) Psychologists do not engage in sexual intimacies with former clients/patients for at least two years after cessation or termination of therapy.

(b) Psychologists do not engage in sexual intimacies with former clients/patients even after a two-year interval except in the most unusual circumstances. Psychologists who engage in such activity after the two years following cessation or termination of therapy and of having no sexual contact with the former client/patient bear the burden of demonstrating that there has been no exploitation, in light of all relevant factors, including (1) the amount of time that has passed since therapy terminated; (2) the nature, duration, and intensity of the therapy; (3) the circumstances of termination; (4) the client's/patient's personal history; (5) the client's/patient's current mental status; (6) the likelihood of adverse impact on the client/patient; and (7) any statements or actions made by the therapist during the course of therapy suggesting or inviting the possibility of a posttermination sexual or romantic relationship with the client/patient.

 

Fun2B --

 

He is WRONG in every way shape or form to start or pursue a relationship with you.

 

These standards are set forth so that therapists who are put in a position of ULTIMATE trust do not violate their patients trust or use what they have learned from their training and patients confidentiality to manipulate their clients romantically/sexually.

 

How easy would it be for therapist who has had training in various behavioral dysfunction and gains extremely personal detail from a patient to manipulate that patient into feeling "love"?

 

With the complete trust that is already a given -- a therapist is already halfway there aren't they?

 

Hence the code of ethical behavior and conduct.

 

He has violated this code and, if reported, could face losing his license to practice for this.

 

It is THAT serious.

 

Now, go back to the quote from you above...

 

He is not professional - or he wouldn't have done this.

 

He is not "nice" - by any stretch of the imagination - for taking advantage of your trust and confidence.

 

He certainly HAS acted "out of line".

[amerikajin]

I found this interesting bit in an article about erotomania:

 

 

 

What am I saying?

 

Given the nature of what I'm reading and how it is evolving into a deeper form of romantic delusion with each post, I wouldn't be too quick to rule any possibility out.

 

Did she imagine it?

 

I don't know... did she? People who suffer from these types of disorders can give very convincing details. Why? Because for them, fantasy becomes reality - the line between the two blurs in ways that it doesn't for others.

 

The jury is out on this one for me.

 

The more I read, the more 'off' it seems to me.

 

Who knows though. For all I know, this guy is an seasoned unprofessional predator who targets vulnerable patients and cheats on his wife on a regular basis.

 

Then again... what if he isn't? He wouldn't be the first therapist to fall victim to an erotomaniac.

 

Is she a CRACKPOT? Is that what you be sayin'?

 

p.s. Goddamn, I'm ripped. Too much burgundy tonight. I'm not even witty. Sorry.

[Island Girl]

I just want to be certain that we don't go off half-cocked.

 

This is bad -- if the details are in fact "real" as Lucretia pointed out.

 

PG --- I just want to be certain that we do go off full-cocked.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Is she a CRACKPOT? Is that what you be sayin'?

 

Nah, I don't think so. A crackpot would be something more along the lines of a troll, I would think - making stuff up just to stir things up a bit.

 

I think that she honestly believes that she is having a relationship with this man, that they are deeply in love, and that he was destined from birth to be with her.

 

The big question would be: are they in fact having this sort of relationship, or did her therapist sense her transference and begin to put up an indifferent front - thus triggering an erotomaniac episode?

 

A good therapist sees transference coming from a mile away and will do one of two things:

 

Ethical: withdraw any and all personal interaction, keeping it focused on the patient and his/her therapy. Will often request to have the patient paired with a different therapist, should the tranference prove to be stronger than professional indifference.

 

Unethical: Be drawn into the patient's delusions and become personally attached to the patient and cross inappropriate boundaries.

 

Could be either, I guess. I just know that what I'm reading isn't coming from a sound mind - so its a little hard to tell what the reality of the situation actually is.

[Fun2BMe]

I think you guys are way overreacting and need to calm down.

 

This man is a trained professional. He is not a preditor. So far we have only KISSED which is not considered sexual intimacy. Yes, we have expressed that we love each other but we have not had sex. I have already decided not to have sex with him. All this "report hiim" is really nonsense.

 

I am feeling confused about a few things which if I shar with you, I just need some calm responses. So far as you can see, you guys have been helping me tremendously. BUt when you get all hysterical it scares me away from the thread.

 

He had expressed his love for me early on. I thought it was the type of "I love you" he would say to all his patients to make them feel accepted and open and loved.

 

As time went on I started to develop feelings for him and even though I would never be this forward in a real relationship with a boyfriend, I felt the feelings so strong and feeling safe that he had already said I love you, during one of our sessions I told him I had to express my feelings and told him I loved him. He seemed normal and said there's a term for it called transference. This hurt my feelings and confirmed he didn't really mean Love LOve when he said he had loved me so I no longer said it to him.

 

Then as time went on, he started saying I love you again at times I was feeling especially vulnerable about things going on in my life, and my love feeings returned. He would hug me after the sessions and I was the one to initiate a kiss on his lips out of spontanaeity. Over time a lot of chemistry developed, a lot of I loves yous said until this past week when the kiss turned into a french kiss and he asked to see me again later in the week which I had not done before, but ended up canceling it after posting here.

 

I can't say it's his fault, I feel like I initiated things and at this point maybe I should step back, take a breath and turn it platonic before it becomes sexual. Maybe it would never have gotten sexual, but the sparks were so off the wall that as you read earlier I was game for it.

 

We do have a lot in common, genuinely enjoy each other's company and I think we are both innocents who got carried away and just need to get back to reality even if we really do love each other, considering all the laws involved and that he's married. I think I have now come full circle with the whole thing.

[Star Gazer]

I'm now 60/40 that LB is right.

[pelagicsands]

the kiss turned into a french kiss

That's a bit unprofessional - don't you think?

[Storyrider]

FUN, what do you think was going through his mind when he kissed you? Was he thinking,

 

A. "I love her so much that the consequences don't matter"?

 

B. Nothing. His blood had all left his brain and traveled to his penis.

 

C. "She has it so bad for me that I can make a move on her without being reported"?

 

I am thinking it is B and C. Or if not that, D:

 

D. Why is she kissing me so long? This is rather awkward.