I kissed a married man and am falling in love!

[LucreziaBorgia]

Get a new therapist. Preferably a woman. Someone more 'safe' for you.

 

Regardless of whatever is going on, one thing is clear:

 

You need a different therapist.

[whichwayisup]

But it IS his fault. He's letting personal feelings get in the way of his professional boundries, the Dr/Client boundry line has been crossed.

 

Love or not, NO Dr or ANYONE in the medical field can do what he is doing. It's against ALL the rules in the medical field. He took an oath. That is what we're just trying to point out to you.

 

At best, he MUST not have you in his life as a client. If he doesn't tell you this, please, tell him he can't be your therapist anymore.

 

Imagine how you're gonna feel in 2 weeks or a month if your feelings grow even more and you get a nice big bill in the mail for his professional services as your Therapist.

[pelagicsands]

I'm now 60/40 that LB is right.

What if you're only imagining that she's making the whole thing up? You could be imagining that she's imagining - imagine that.

[amerikajin]

But it IS his fault. He's letting personal feelings get in the way of his professional boundries, the Dr/Client boundry line has been crossed.

 

Love or not, NO Dr or ANYONE in the medical field can do what he is doing. It's against ALL the rules in the medical field. He took an oath. That is what we're just trying to point out to you.

 

At best, he MUST not have you in his life as a client. If he doesn't tell you this, please, tell him he can't be your therapist anymore.

 

Imagine how you're gonna feel in 2 weeks or a month if your feelings grow even more and you get a nice big bill in the mail for his professional services as your Therapist.

 

Would that make him a prostitute? Errr, I mean, escort?

[pelagicsands]

He could also be a licenced sex therapist. He could be wearing a few different hats. Or, in extreme cases, he might have to get his helmet out.

[Fun2BMe]

But it IS his fault. He's letting personal feelings get in the way of his professional boundries, the Dr/Client boundry line has been crossed.

 

Love or not, NO Dr or ANYONE in the medical field can do what he is doing. It's against ALL the rules in the medical field. He took an oath. That is what we're just trying to point out to you.

 

At best, he MUST not have you in his life as a client. If he doesn't tell you this, please, tell him he can't be your therapist anymore.

 

Imagine how you're gonna feel in 2 weeks or a month if your feelings grow even more and you get a nice big bill in the mail for his professional services as your Therapist.

 

I pay him after each session so it's not like I will get any surprise bills. I know what I owe for each session, a fixed amount.

 

Considering his reputation and all, I would not want to ruin his life over something that I was a participant of. I think we both got carried away. Monday I'll apologize for 'what happened' and with this whole transference coming into view, I will tell him "remember a while back when I expressed my feelings for you, that you told me it was a normal thing that happens in therapy? I think I let those feelings get carried away and acted out on them!"

 

I will let him know that I realize that it is a therapy induced feeling, which I am beginning to realize might be the case, and don't want him to make me think it's real. I am so friggin confused. Some of those posts are like wake up calls considering how he had INITIALLY reacted to my feelings, now he is to act like it's not transference? Maybe now that HE TOO has developed feelings for me, he is responding to m y transference since in the past he was very matter of fact about it:confused:

[NoIDidn't]

As time went on I started to develop feelings for him and even though I would never be this forward in a real relationship with a boyfriend, I felt the feelings so strong and feeling safe that he had already said I love you, during one of our sessions I told him I had to express my feelings and told him I loved him. At this point he should have recommended another therapist He seemed normal and said there's a term for it called transference. This hurt my feelings and confirmed he didn't really mean Love LOve when he said he had loved me so I no longer said it to him.

 

Then as time went on, he started saying I love you again at times I was feeling especially vulnerable about things going on in my life, and my love feeings returned. He would hug me after the sessions and I was the one to initiate a kiss on his lips out of spontanaeity. Over time a lot of chemistry developed, a lot of I loves yous said until this past week when the kiss turned into a french kiss and he asked to see me again later in the week which I had not done before, but ended up canceling it after posting here.

 

I can't say it's his fault, I feel like I initiated things he set you up to feel this way, in his field and with his training its easy to do and at this point maybe I should step back, take a breath and turn it platonic before it becomes sexual. Maybe it would never have gotten sexual, but the sparks were so off the wall that as you read earlier I was game for it.

 

We do have a lot in common, genuinely enjoy each other's company this is delusional and part of the illusion he helped you create, you have never even had a date with him - the only time spent is time spent in therapy sessions and I think we are both innocents who got carried away and just need to get back to reality even if we really do love each other, considering all the laws involved and that he's married. I think I have now come full circle with the whole thing.

 

Right there in living colorl. No one is over-reacting. You are under-reacting. Report him.

[Fun2BMe]

He could also be a licenced sex therapist. He could be wearing a few different hats. Or, in extreme cases, he might have to get his helmet out.

 

So are sex therapists allowed to get sexual?

[pelagicsands]

So are sex therapists allowed to get sexual?

Sure. That's the whole point. But it's completely safe - they're trained not to get emotionally involved.

[Art_Critic]

Can I ask the "Real" reason that you won't consider getting another therapist ?

 

You mentioned earlier that it was becuase of time/money already invested.. I have walked away from a marriage counselor before after a few months of seeing her because she was no longer seeing thing properly.

 

Why wouldn't you just walk away from him and find a therapist that really can help you and not suck vital energy from you ?

[Fun2BMe]

Sure. That's the whole point. But it's completely safe - they're trained not to get emotionally involved.

 

Can anyone confirm this?

[pelagicsands]

Can anyone confirm this?

I just hate it when people take me seriously.

[Fun2BMe]

Can I ask the "Real" reason that you won't consider getting another therapist ?

 

You mentioned earlier that it was becuase of time/money already invested.. I have walked away from a marriage counselor before after a few months of seeing her because she was no longer seeing thing properly.

 

Why wouldn't you just walk away from him and find a therapist that really can help you and not suck vital energy from you ?

 

If you met him, you'd see what I mean that he's really a very nice man, family type with grown kids. He has helped me a lot already. I don't know if it would be my weakness to just walk away from someone who is helping me just because I am having a hard time separating a natural 'transference' thing that happens in therapy. The fact that he is responding this way is to be honest flattering and tells me he feels the same. But some of the posts are giving me the not so good sinking gut feeling that is worrying me as to WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

 

Does he share personal info on purpose to make me feel like I'm someone close he confides in? Is it all a set up? That would be way way over the top for a professional to do it. I am just really confused. I have spent big bucks and a relatively large chunk of time into this, so it seems to overwhelming to just walk away. And yes I do have feelings for him and that is part of the reason obviously.

[pelagicsands]

http://www.aasect.org/codeofethics.asp

[Island Girl]

Monday I'll apologize for 'what happened' and with this whole transference coming into view, I will tell him "remember a while back when I expressed my feelings for you, that you told me it was a normal thing that happens in therapy? I think I let those feelings get carried away and acted out on them!"

 

This is funny!!!!

 

YOU are going to tell the therapist what happened between the two of you ---

 

AS IF HE DOESN'T know!!!

 

How long has he been practicing? Not that it matters. They cover this in classes in college for Christs sake!

 

It IS a big deal. It is serious enough that he could lose his license for good reason.

 

And to think he may be oblivious to what has happened with your feelings is just ridiculous.

 

By the way, a good, professional therapist would have stopped you from kissing him -- THE FIRST TIME.

 

And a lot of this could have been avoided when he told you he loved you - and you took it seriously - if you'd have said "then why are you still married?"

 

I'm quite sure he'd have explained himself and you'd have a clearer picture of what is really happening.

[pelagicsands]

(N) The member practicing counseling or therapy shall not engage, attempt to engage or offer to engage a consumer in sexual behavior whether the consumer consents to such behavior or not. Sexual misconduct includes kissing, sexual intercourse and/or the touching by either the member or the consumer of the other’s breasts or genitals. Members do not engage in such sexual misconduct with current consumers. Members do not engage in sexual intimacies with individuals they know to be close relatives, guardians, or significant others of a current consumer. Sexual misconduct is also sexual solicitation, physical advances, or verbal or nonverbal conduct that is sexual in nature, that occurs in connection with the member’s activities or roles as a counselor or therapist, and that either (1) is unwelcome, is offensive, or creates a hostile workplace or educational environment, and the member knows or is told this or (2) is sufficiently severe or intense to be abusive to a reasonable person in the context. Sexual misconduct can consist of a single intense or severe act, or of multiple persistent or pervasive acts. For purposes of determining the existence of sexual misconduct, the counseling or therapeutic relationship is deemed to continue in perpetuity.

http://www.aasect.org/codeofethics.asp

[GregsBad]

Fun2BMw is a whack job who wants to use sex to control her shrink into leaving his wife. She’s kissed him once. She thinks sex will “consummate a relationship”, consummation is a word used to make sure the wedding vows really took. There’s not gonna be any consummation, someones just gonna get laid and then Fun2Be will spring into the leading role from Fatal Attraction. Oh, and she’s gonna go masturbate tonight just to make sure she’s not too horney to say no on Monday. Gotta wait til Tuesday insted.

 

Now several of you chicks are showering her with accolades. You’re coaching her on, like Hooraah! Another one of us will withhold punnani from the SOB to get what we want. We want to marry a man!!!

 

Fun2BMe, have you got a platinum vagina or something? You think giving that thing to him will give you more leverage to demand that he divorce his wife? You’re a player too. You’re manipulating and controlling and contriving you’re way into “having the right to demand that he divorce his wife.”

 

I WISH I KNEW HIM. I’d call him and ask him to read this stuff. He’d turn white. He’d look like a deer caught in the headlights. Then we’d all laugh at his ass for being so stupid. The doc who get's in a jam trying to lay his nut case patient.

 

Early in this thread, some of the females with a little more insight called Fun2Bme a psychopath, and now I see they were right.

 

Now I’m afraid to drive to work tomorrow. One of you chicks might be on the same highway.

[pelagicsands]

Then we’d all laugh at his ass

Is there something funny about it? Something about the shape, or its wobbliness? Honestly, I think it's what's on the inside that counts.

[Touche]

Fun2BMw is a whack job who wants to use sex to control her shrink into leaving his wife. She’s kissed him once. She thinks sex will “consummate a relationship”, consummation is a word used to make sure the wedding vows really took. There’s not gonna be any consummation, someones just gonna get laid and then Fun2Be will spring into the leading role from Fatal Attraction. Oh, and she’s gonna go masturbate tonight just to make sure she’s not too horney to say no on Monday. Gotta wait til Tuesday insted.

 

Now several of you chicks are showering her with accolades. You’re coaching her on, like Hooraah! Another one of us will withhold punnani from the SOB to get what we want. We want to marry a man!!!

 

Fun2BMe, have you got a platinum vagina or something? You think giving that thing to him will give you more leverage to demand that he divorce his wife? You’re a player too. You’re manipulating and controlling and contriving you’re way into “having the right to demand that he divorce his wife.”

 

I WISH I KNEW HIM. I’d call him and ask him to read this stuff. He’d turn white. He’d look like a deer caught in the headlights. Then we’d all laugh at his ass for being so stupid. The doc who get's in a jam trying to lay his nut case patient.

 

Early in this thread, some of the females with a little more insight called Fun2Bme a psychopath, and now I see they were right.

 

Now I’m afraid to drive to work tomorrow. One of you chicks might be on the same highway.

 

 

OUCH!

 

Bitter much?

[GregsBad]

OUCH!

 

Bitter much?

 

Oh come on!

 

You have to admit this is over the top. We don't know the man other than through her. But we're getting a good picture of her.

 

And besides, how many women really view giving it up us as consumating a relationship, and then grounds to demand he gets a divorce? That's rich! I've met one or two, and they were both a little scarry, just for that off-base notion.

 

So these two guys are hedding out to a club see. One says to the other, "Let's go consumate a few relationships." The other replies, "No way man. Not me, you never know when you'll get caught with some chick who'll demand marriage right afterward."

 

Actully then, my fantasy is to consumate two relationships at the same time. Doesn't every guy dream about that?

[GregsBad]

So if Fun2BeMe gets her way. (After she masturbates tonight).

 

She'll work the doc into leaving his wife and marry her. (Do you think she can do it?)

 

Doesn't matter that she's told everyone here that he's a scumbag who screws with at least one emotionally ill female (she's a patient). But then she didn't know that was unethical til tonight - but she's already excused him for that one.

 

Heck - none of us will ever recognize them anyway, so I guess it's fine for her to reveal some scumminess of her next husband to all of us.

 

But oops! Gee, do you think there's any chance the doc ever reads this forum? - He might be interested in these topics. (This thread sorta' bubbles up to the top)

 

She might as well have provided names, he'll see who it's all about. All her remarks are going to be stuck here for a long time. Sorry Fun2beMe, if you read this right now it might ruin a good "release of sexual tension".

 

Well, now worries eh? The two of them are pre-destined soul mates with no chance of breaking up. As Fun2BeMe ponted out earlier, the only reason the Doc might not be happily married is becaues he and his current wife don't have the pre-destiny gene. BTW, Fun2BeMe pointed out that she's not sure of unhappiness in the Doc family but only suspects it. But she's ready to wipe it out anyway.

[Fun2BMe]

BTW, Fun2BeMe pointed out that she's not sure of unhappiness in the Doc family but only suspects it. But she's ready to wipe it out anyway.

 

I never said to my memory that I suspect his marriage is unhappy. On the contrary I said from post ONE that it is happy aside from not knowing the very latest status from when he stopped discussing it but I assume it hasn't gone bad. You probably haven't even read the whole thread.

 

Secondly "GregsBad" you are so crazy that I feel normal after reading your posts. You need to take a cold shower and relax. I don't understand what you're staying but you don't sound like the brightest light bulb around.

 

As I said, I will wait to see what happens Monday so you can in the meantime keep your immature comments to yourself. You sound 12 years old going on and on about masturbation as if you've never known of people doing it. Ooh I'm so scared if 'the doc' reads this forum. It won't be anything he doesn't know or what I woulnd't tell him myself! You got some chip on your shoulder that needs to be brushed off but don't take your bitterness, hatred and anger out on me.

[Fun2BMe]

FUN, what do you think was going through his mind when he kissed you? Was he thinking,

 

A. "I love her so much that the consequences don't matter"?

 

B. Nothing. His blood had all left his brain and traveled to his penis.

 

C. "She has it so bad for me that I can make a move on her without being reported"?

 

I am thinking it is B and C. Or if not that, D:

 

D. Why is she kissing me so long? This is rather awkward.

 

How about:

E. I know she loves meand I love her too and am going to enjoy the moment.

 

A. is no because it doesn't mean he's thinking the consequences don't matter - it happened so spontaneously he, like myself, may not have been concentrating on the aftermath although as soon as I realized what was happening I pulled away instincitively.

 

B. is a possibility but considering how intellectual he is I doubt he acts without thinking.

C. is 100% no.

D. is 100% because he initiated the french part of it.

[justice]

Fun, you really do need to find another therapist. Had this one have really cared for your mental and emotional well being, he would have never allowed your situation to be anything other than professional. GET OUT OF THIS with him now. Find therapy with another therapist, female preferrably. This man means you no good intentions. Trust me on this.

[justice]

Please keep in mind also, that lots of patients in your situation fall in love with the therapist that they see as saving them. But it's really the therapist at this point who should terminate the situation and set you up with another therapist, for him to continue this is just sheer malpractice, this man is a predator taking advantage of your feelings and your fears, please for your own mental and emotional health, seek out other counceling.