dropdeadlegs Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Fun, I hope that your session tomorrow goes well. I hope that you will be able to go through with telling him that you cannot become sexually intimate, that it would be wrong to do so since he is married. Soul mates or not. Be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Please imagine you have years of training and practice at how the mind works. You have an understanding of behaviors and attraction in relationships ESPECIALLY when the people have mental disorders or pattern problems when dealing with relationships. Then, imagine, a very attractive and intelligent man comes to see you looking for help. He divulges his most intimate secrets and details of past relationships. How easy would it be to become his "dream girl"? With the knowledge you have and now specific buttons you can push to stimulate "feelings" within him, don't you think it would be VERY easy to trigger his needs and desires? Of course it would. And don't you think that would be manipulation of him -- especially when he came to you seeking help and answers? Wouldn't it be the worst form of betrayal, to use all of the information you have at your fingertips, to suck him in at an attempt to gain something you want? Especially if he ends up even more hurt and messed up because of it? Wouldn't that be destructive and harmful to a man whom entrusted you to HELP him? Of course it would. That is why there are rules of conduct and ethics for medical professionals. THEY are the ones with the knowledge and power to be able to accomplish this. The patient has no ability to see clearly -- or they wouldn't be in therapy. So to say you were equal partners in this horrible twisted situation is absolutely ridiculous. I really hope you take a step back from the situation and realize that you are vulnerable to him. You came to therapy to work on that and have divulged very personal details to this man. He was to remain an objective party, not get emotionally or otherwise involved with you. That is why therapists do not treat their own family members or people who are close to them. They are too involved to be truly objective and can do more harm than good. He should have stopped you from kissing him -- THE FIRST TIME. That fact that he let it continue and then initiated open mouth kissing is a betrayal of your trust and faith in him as a medical professional. You should be outraged and yet your statements are supportive of him. We often see this with victims of abuse - especially sexual abuse - where the victim thinks it is somehow THEIR fault or that they played some role in it. Like the battered wife who says "I made him do it. If I hadn't made him angry..." Or the victim who says, "He didn't mean to. He really is a great guy." You are not in a position to separate your emotional attachment. It is not uncommon. But HE has had a lot of training and years of practice to be able to control the situation and keep himself separated from ANY kind of emotional involvement. He hasn't. Whatever you do you MUST get a new therapist. And I echo the others who have said it should be a FEMALE. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 You said something about being able to "detect" a good guy. Why do you say that? You weren't able to do that the last time. And you certainly aren't able to this time either since everyone but you can see that this is NO good guy. And by the way, I have a question...on top of his unethical behavior as a therapist and his low-life behavior as a husband, wasn't he your ex-b/f's friend? What a great friend. What a great husband. What a great therapist. Why on earth do you think he'll be a better person for YOU? Can't you see that he's an actor. Actions speak louder than words, you know. Please look at the actions of this "caring" man. He's a phony and a fake. And you're being gullible thinking that he really cares and that he loves you. It's called "lust" honey. Don't be naive, ok? Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 What a great therapist. Maybe she can give you a referral. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Maybe she can give you a referral. Thanks for the insult, Pelagic/Magic/Tragic. I've never gone to a therapist, and I never will. I can tell you that from personal observation they are usually the most screwed up people in society. They're the LEAST qualified to dispense advice and counsel. Why would you think that I need a referral? That was kind of funny coming from the likes of you. Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 That was kind of funny coming from the likes of you. How unusual. Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Thanks for the insult, Pelagic/Magic/Tragic. I've never gone to a therapist, and I never will. Going to a therapist is not something to be ashamed about, Touche. Asking for help takes courage. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Going to a therapist is not something to be ashamed about, Touche. Asking for help takes courage. How PC of you. I agree that it takes courage to ask for help if you need it. It also takes brains to figure out where that help should come from. Think outside the box why don't you? Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 I agree And I apologise for offending you. I blame it on the PMT... Pre-Masturbatory Tension. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 And I apologise for offending you. I blame it on the PMT... Pre-Masturbatory Tension. That sounds painful. Why don't you take care of that particular problem? And no need for an apology. You've never offended me. Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 And no need for an apology. You've never offended me. I'm sorry about that, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 I'm sorry about that, too. It's not your fault so don't be sorry. It takes quite a lot to offend me. I suppose if I were an anal kind of person, you'd bother me. But I'm not..so you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 It takes quite a lot to offend me. How big are we talking? Link to post Share on other sites
Woman Whisperer Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 He was my soulmate and his time ran out so that I would meet my next soulmate Fun2beme, I don't get this part. The reason I ask is because you mentioned earlier that the therapist is your soulmate and so you two were born to be together and would never part. But now I get the sence that time could run out on being together. Did I misunderstand something? Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 How big are we talking? Would you kindly shut the f*ck up? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 FUN, i don't think you understand that men do not operate the same way as women do in relationships. men can have sex and do things with women and HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO FEELINGS FOR THEM. likewise, a man will do and say things...i repeat DO AND SAY THINGS that a woman wants to hear. you have to read actions from a man to know if he really loves you. when a man really loves a woman...i mean REALLY LOVES A WOMAN...they will stop at NOTHIN to be with her. this is all quoted from other men and my guy friends...my brother...even my current fiance. i've been there, i've heard it all, i've seen it happen to my friends. it wasn't until i experienced REAL love from a man that i learned not to accept anything less than that. if he really loved you, he wouldnt feel awkward if you asked him the questions that u want answers to. in all reality, he is the one who holds all of the answers to the questions that you want....not LS. ask him. see how he reacts...NOT WHAT HE SAYS...bc i can guarantee that he is going to do or say something to keep you there. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Would you kindly shut the f*ck up? If you don't like someone's posts - put them on ignore. This is a very RUDE comment and I hope no one EVER takes anyone who says anything like this seriously and stops posting. Really, amerikajin, I don't like the majority of your posts either. I rarely, if ever, have agreed with you. But I enjoy the fact that this is an OPEN forum where all views are allowed. "Physician heal thyself." Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 This is a very RUDE comment and I hope no one EVER takes anyone who says anything like this seriously and stops posting. Oh, come on. It was directed at me, and I deserved it. I must admit that I cried for a little while, though. I reflected on my lack of self-worth, and proliferation of unhelpful posts, and... who am I kidding. I love myself too much. Having said that, I take your point, Island Girl. I would never be rude to you. Or make insinuations about the smoothness of your buttocks, or anything like that. I like you too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Having said that, I take your point, Island Girl. I would never be rude to you. Or make insinuations about the smoothness of your buttocks, or anything like that. I like you too much. Fuzzy beard and all! Thanks PG:love: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted April 30, 2007 Author Share Posted April 30, 2007 Fun2beme, I don't get this part. The reason I ask is because you mentioned earlier that the therapist is your soulmate and so you two were born to be together and would never part. But now I get the sence that time could run out on being together. Did I misunderstand something? No you don't misunderstand, but my philosophy of life and its meaning are in most likelihood WAY WAY different than yours and probably every one else on this forum, so on top of my issues, the last thing I have the power to do is explain my views only to get one rebuttal after another. I will for your sake state it very briefly in a nutshell, to which everyone can honestly keep their two cents to themselves. I don't need a missionary style talking out of/poking fun of/trying to change beliefs I have at this point in my life come to believe, whether they are right or wrong. Basically in a nutshell, I believe in reincarnation. Over different lifetimes our souls make connections to souls and so there is more than one soulmate. Some are closer and stronger and better for us than others. When a new soulmate enters our lives, it is time to move on from the old one as they represent a different past life. Yes, nobody agrees with me, but that is beyond the scope of this thread and I need nobody to talk me out of it or point out how stupid it is etc. PLEASE. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Yes, nobody agrees with me, but that is beyond the scope of this thread and I need nobody to talk me out of it or point out how stupid it is etc. PLEASE. If you don't want good advice, what are you looking for? Someone to approve of your decision to pursue a married man? A married man who is currently victimizing you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted April 30, 2007 Author Share Posted April 30, 2007 If you don't want good advice, what are you looking for? Someone to approve of your decision to pursue a married man? A married man who is currently victimizing you? Of course I want good advice - about the situation I am posting about. But not about my spiritual and religious beliefs. Sorry if that was not clear. Also, it's not so simple like I'm pursuing a married man. Also he's not victimizing me, as I've said it's 50-50. We are both responding to each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Also, it's not so simple like I'm pursuing a married man. Also he's not victimizing me, as I've said it's 50-50. We are both responding to each other. What you are refusing to see is it is NOT 50-50. He is in a different position than you are and he holds the tools of his trade and your divulged painful history in the palm of his hand. You are by definition extremely vulnerable to him and can be easily manipulated by him. It is not 50-50 and it never will be. That is why a therapist is forbidden to cross those boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Well, they say you learn from your mistakes - not your successes. By the time this is all said, and done, Fun you should have learned enough to earn your PhD. 1. Also, it's not so simple like I'm pursuing a married man. 2. Also he's not victimizing me, as I've said it's 50-50. 3. We are both responding to each other. 1. Yes it is. Strip away all that soulmates and crap and you have it in a nutshell. You are actively and without an ounce of shame pursuing a married man. 2. Any therapist who does what he is doing in the context of your treatment (if indeed he is doing anything) is victimizing and violating you horribly. Right now you can't and won't see that. One day you will, and it won't be pretty. 3. For now, perhaps. Once you start in with him on the delusional stuff you are posting here, and start following through on your words with even more bizarre actions, it will be more like 99-1 as he struggles to get rid of you. He truly cares for me and is good hearted which I can detect in people. I'm very sensitive and if someone is a creep I won't hesitate to get away from them. This is irony at its very best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted April 30, 2007 Author Share Posted April 30, 2007 What you are refusing to see is it is NOT 50-50. He is in a different position than you are and he holds the tools of his trade and your divulged painful history in the palm of his hand. You are by definition extremely vulnerable to him and can be easily manipulated by him. It is not 50-50 and it never will be. That is why a therapist is forbidden to cross those boundaries. IG, can you please read/respond to the PM I sent you? It might help you to better understand the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts