I kissed a married man and am falling in love!

[Prettyone]

I can't believe I'm posting in this forum. I am always against getting involved with a married person - BUT today I kssed a married man I've had a crush on and now it feels like we're on fire.

 

He is happily married but initiated the kiss, a full long one:love: whereas in the past I have initiated short friendly peck kisses.

 

Do I pursue this? He asked to see me later in the week and I have butterflies just thinking about him. I am falling in love with him, but I have to remind myself he's married and am not sure what to do.

 

I think he is the love of my life and don't want to miss the opportunity of having a future together. He used to talk about his wife (nice things) but lately he has not mentioned her so I can also assume they might be having problems though they seem happy together so I don't know, am so confused. Any advice?

 

Save yourself a ton of grief and walk away before it is too late.

[Seen_It_All]

Fun, here's a thought. Why don't you show your MM/therapist this thread - from beginning to end - and ask him what he thinks of it? It would give him a better understanding of what you're really thinking and feeling with regard to him and a possible future together.

 

Either this guy's a total skum-bucket, using his professional stature to take advantage of vulnerable woman he entraps in his office for an hour (and then gets them to pay him for it to BOOT) or he's been sympathetic and empathetic and it's been misread by you. In either event, I think it's a given that if he really knew your thoughts - that you believe you have the power to make him divorce because you're "soulmates" and that you expect a happily ever after with him - I would suspect this man's testicles would shrivel to the size of peas in complete and utter fear.

 

If he were a good therapist, he'd be able to see where this is going and nip it in the bud before his kid's pet bunny becomes Hunter's Stew. But if he's the sleazeball that you claim he is - kissing you and proclaiming his love - then I guess he's bought his very own ticket to the biggest trainwreck of his life and has no one to blame but himself.

 

I'm not going to tell you to 'run' because it's clear you're totally deluded, thinking you have a future with this guy and that you actually hold the power in your hands as to whether he'll divorce or not.

 

Please show him this thread and give him the chance a get outta Dodge before it's too late.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Fun... just remember this: pattern behavior.

 

You aren't the first, you aren't the only, and you won't be the last.

 

The worst part? You and all the rest paid to have that happen to them, some in more ways than one.

[Sheba]

I have been following this thread but have not yet posted.

 

Fun, one comment from your posts of yesterday really caught my attention and sort of haunted me: I'm not hiding behind the bush about the fact that I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM AND NOT PREPARED TO LEAVE HIM FOR ANOTHER THERAPIST. I hope this helps at least a little bit to help you understand my inside a little bit better.

 

I think that what is being suggested is that you find a new therapist, not a new love interest. I agree with this suggestion. I won't waste my words arguing that you should never see this man again, as it is clear that you intend to try to understand the relationship.

 

So, consider this, if you will. Work on gaining understanding from a more appropriate position. Get a new therapist, and continue to see your old therapist on a personal level to explore the relationship. You can see your therapist as a man and without the awkwardness of paying for your meetings. A new therapist can be objective, whereas this man is clearly no longer able to be so. Your current therapist's professional position will not be so compromised as it is presently. More importantly, you have a safety net of another professional to assist you if things go poorly.

 

I believe that if your therapist's affection for you is sincere he will see the wisdom of this transformation of your relationship from therapist/client to two people meeting on a more even playing field. I am hopeful that he will agree and support you in changing the relationship. I believe your therapist's reaction to this suggestion could be a very good barometer of his character and answer a lot of your questions about the meaning of what has transpired between you. If he refuses, you will have a good reason to ask yourself the questions the other posters on this thread are asking. If he agrees, you will know that he sees you as a whole person and with caring, and is not just taking advantage of the situation.

[Tomcat33]

I have been following this thread but have not yet posted.

 

Fun, one comment from your posts of yesterday really caught my attention and sort of haunted me: I'm not hiding behind the bush about the fact that I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM AND NOT PREPARED TO LEAVE HIM FOR ANOTHER THERAPIST. I hope this helps at least a little bit to help you understand my inside a little bit better.

 

I think that what is being suggested is that you find a new therapist, not a new love interest. I agree with this suggestion. I won't waste my words arguing that you should never see this man again, as it is clear that you intend to try to understand the relationship.

 

So, consider this, if you will. Work on gaining understanding from a more appropriate position. Get a new therapist, and continue to see your old therapist on a personal level to explore the relationship. You can see your therapist as a man and without the awkwardness of paying for your meetings. A new therapist can be objective, whereas this man is clearly no longer able to be so. Your current therapist's professional position will not be so compromised as it is presently. More importantly, you have a safety net of another professional to assist you if things go poorly.

 

I believe that if your therapist's affection for you is sincere he will see the wisdom of this transformation of your relationship from therapist/client to two people meeting on a more even playing field. I am hopeful that he will agree and support you in changing the relationship. I believe your therapist's reaction to this suggestion could be a very good barometer of his character and answer a lot of your questions about the meaning of what has transpired between you. If he refuses, you will have a good reason to ask yourself the questions the other posters on this thread are asking. If he agrees, you will know that he sees you as a whole person and with caring, and is not just taking advantage of the situation.

 

Best advice, totally agree!

[NoIDidn't]

Fun

 

You are ALREADY worst off than you started when you went to him. I haven't read your previous posts about your ex, but I can assume a couple of things. You went to this therapist to sort out feelings from that R and its upheaval, and NOW you are trying to figure out what is going on with you and the THERAPIST.

 

I hope you can see that.

 

You are no better off. But you are now threatening to harm yourself because you have trusted him so much.

 

PLEASE. I AM BEGGING YOU. REPORT THIS. REPORT THIS. REPORT THIS.

 

This guy is like a pedophile. The molested kids are ALWAYS surprised to find out they weren't the only ones. You aren't the only patient this man has abused, I am certain of it. Once you revealed that it was your therapist, his being married ceased to matter. He is in a field that promises first to "do no harm". And he is harming you.

 

Please don't hurt yourself over the users and abusers you will encounter in life. Find a new therapist. This guy isn't going to call you if you are no longer coming to his office. Trust me on that. There is no R. He is using you. He has harmed you. He has not helped you at all. But he HAS helped himself (raised his prices, gotten a wealthy cash paying client, free sex on the side, ego strokes gallor).

 

I am sad for you. Sad that you can't see how much he really IS hurting you. It is beyong UNAPPROPRIATE for a therapist to get involved romantically with his current clients. Its sickening and sad for the victims because it only harms them all the more.

[dropdeadlegs]

I have been following this thread but have not yet posted.

 

Fun, one comment from your posts of yesterday really caught my attention and sort of haunted me: I'm not hiding behind the bush about the fact that I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM AND NOT PREPARED TO LEAVE HIM FOR ANOTHER THERAPIST. I hope this helps at least a little bit to help you understand my inside a little bit better.

 

I think that what is being suggested is that you find a new therapist, not a new love interest. I agree with this suggestion. I won't waste my words arguing that you should never see this man again, as it is clear that you intend to try to understand the relationship.

 

So, consider this, if you will. Work on gaining understanding from a more appropriate position. Get a new therapist, and continue to see your old therapist on a personal level to explore the relationship. You can see your therapist as a man and without the awkwardness of paying for your meetings. A new therapist can be objective, whereas this man is clearly no longer able to be so. Your current therapist's professional position will not be so compromised as it is presently. More importantly, you have a safety net of another professional to assist you if things go poorly.

 

I believe that if your therapist's affection for you is sincere he will see the wisdom of this transformation of your relationship from therapist/client to two people meeting on a more even playing field. I am hopeful that he will agree and support you in changing the relationship. I believe your therapist's reaction to this suggestion could be a very good barometer of his character and answer a lot of your questions about the meaning of what has transpired between you. If he refuses, you will have a good reason to ask yourself the questions the other posters on this thread are asking. If he agrees, you will know that he sees you as a whole person and with caring, and is not just taking advantage of the situation.

That is exactly what I was trying to suggest a page or two back. Sheba said it much better. Same message, but better delivery.

 

Fun, I also caught (as did NoIDidn't) the part that you may "do something crazy" to yourself if you come to the conclusion that he is duping you about his feelings. That is where a new therapist could get you through the rough spots, should things get tough. No matter how things proceed with your MM, even the smoothest divorces often involve a lot of pain and other emotions. You might need someone to talk to during the transition.

 

I sincerely hope that you wouldn't harm yourself over any man or any relationship. Nothing is worth that.

[HappyAtLast]

You are just a toy to him and this will bring you nothing but hurt and pain. I know that sounds harsh but that is the hard truth you need to hear. If I were you I would end this right now.

 

My OW used to joke that she was a "plaything" for me, LOL. Been married many years now, so I think she finally believes I really love her .

 

My point? While I certainly am not in favor of having affairs, and would definitely advise her to wait until he provides divorce papers, without knowing this young lady's particular situation it is probably best for you not to make generalizations.

[whichwayisup]

Happy, go and read this whole thread.

[HappyAtLast]

Fun - this is for your man to figure out.

 

Walk away... refuse to see him or speak with him. If he is your soul-mate he will NOT let you go. Until then, do not allow him to have both a wife and a mistress, it is not fair to your or his W.

 

When he shows you that divorce papers have been filed and he can come to you freely, he is yours.

[HappyAtLast]

Happy, go and read this whole thread.

 

Wow... I had no idea this was such a long one. Reading.....

[pricillia]

36 pages of saying the same thing over and over and over again!

 

I doubt that fun will listen to any of this, this is her way of getting attention.

 

I am not saying that what she is going through is not happening however she is addicted to this relationship, and this is her next addictive relationship.

 

She knows that this is not the right thing to do... she is paying this professional to work on personal issues not to ad to them in a negative light.

[GregsBad]

 

Who is saying she's 100% innocent, again? Name me names.

 

quote]

 

You mis-quoted me. There are posters who say HE is 100% to blame which implies that she's blameless.

 

Look, she is being POUNDED on about how her lover is an a**hole, evil preditor. You're a woman right, tell me how most love-blinded females react when so many people bad-mouth her lover? I think she'll go into defence mode in his behalf.

 

Then she's being harped on about how this isn't good for her, and she'll defend that too, she has to, God gave him to her.

 

So I thought I'd try the one thing that shamed me the most, into backing out of what I was doing. I was told, that amoung other reasons to quit, I was about to seriously devastate my MM's innocent H. I didn't want to hurt the guy.

 

It bothers me that I see so many ENCOURAGEING her to make him divorce, or promise to divorce etc before she would go any further with him (early posts said "before having sex". That sounds manipulative and controlling. I think that any decision to kick your spouse to the curb should come from the one person only, not from a girlfriend or boyfriend.

 

I stll think she needs to realize that she may be manuvering, for selfish reason, to devastate an innocent female.

 

So YES! I AGREE that the doc is an a**hole. More wrong than she.

But Fun is also a ..... a .... well what's a word for a female a**hole?

 

She's freaking selfish and I see many here worried more about protecting her feelings.

 

I'll admit, there are some female posters here that say how wrong it is for Fun to hurt the doc's wife.

Did I miss something in you posts? I didn't notice any mention about it.

[polywog]

Just want to chime in to say I've been sort of following this thread out of curiosity, having never been an OW (tho I found out recently that my exH of over 10 years ago cheated... no surprise). I am just curious if this is one of the most viewed threads ever for the amount of time it's been here...?

[GregsBad]

I meant to say "My MW's H"

I've NEVER dated an MM in my life - I swear it! Or ANY kind of an M

[Jinxx]

I meant to say "My MW's H"

I've NEVER dated an MM in my life - I swear it! Or ANY kind of an M

 

Oops! Aren't you glad you caught that lil slip up?!

[whichwayisup]

You mis-quoted me. There are posters who say HE is 100% to blame which implies that she's blameless.

 

IF he was just a regular MM, not her therapist, then yes, she would be more at fault...But, this guy is her THERAPIST. He has manipulated information about her past, her previous relationship, knowing FULL well that her frame of mind and ways of thinking and handling situations are not normal - HENSE her seeking therapy in the first place - And he has taken advantage of her in so many ways.

 

The transference of feelings, he was WELL aware of for quite a while. If he felt uncomfortable about it, he IS the therapist and COULD have told her it would be best that she find someone else to talk to...But, he didn't. He lead her to believe that her feelings were being returned. Which ofcourse, has fed her feelings for him.

 

Yes, she is wrong for letting herself fall for her MM therapist, but HE is the ONE with authority and he should know better. He CHOSE to let this happen between them, he did NOTHING to stop her.

 

Anyway, the way things are going it really doesn't matter in pointing fingers in who is more wrong, FUN or her Therapist...Bottomline she needs help, she needs support and some tough love (respectful) to help her get through this and OUT of this situation in one piece.

[GregsBad]

 

Yes, she is wrong for letting herself fall for her MM therapist,

 

 

But that's copping her to mistake that's easy to sympathyze with.

 

 

And you missed my point! I should have been pithy.

 

She's selfish for being willing to screw over the guys wife!

It's NOT a mistake, it's totally selfish - taking what's not her's.

(Well, unless God gave him to her, as she said. In that case, go ahead - screw the wife!)

[pricillia]

But that's copping her to mistake that's easy to sympathyze with.

 

 

And you missed my point! I should have been pithy.

 

She's selfish for being willing to screw over the guys wife!

It's NOT a mistake, it's totally selfish - taking what's not her's.

(Well, unless God gave him to her, as she said. In that case, go ahead - screw the wife!)

 

relax.... what is the vendetta against FUN...

 

obiously she is a woman who is lonely... we all are at times...

 

so get off your freakin high horse already..

[GregsBad]

relax.... what is the vendetta against FUN...

 

obiously she is a woman who is lonely... we all are at times...

 

so get off your freakin high horse already..

 

Being lonely makes it OK?

[whichwayisup]

Go and read all threas in this section, your point about selfish is everywhere!

 

I don't disagree with you GB, I just don't see how saying over and over again that she is at fault, he's at fault or who is MORE at fault here is getting her anywhere. She knows this, she's not stupid. She is not thinking clearly, which is why I've been trying to get her to take this a step at a time. FIRST OFF she has to end the client/therapist relationship. Right now he is taking her money with a smile on his face, while letting 'whatever' happen in those sessions. THAT is wrong!

 

I can't talk about certain things out here, but FUN and I have PM'd, she knows how I feel and where I stand about this. I'm not going to bash her, call her selfish...That does NO good when you're trying to open someone's eyes.

 

I understand you're frustrated by reading this thread of hers, I guess my point is, other than saying to her how wrong she is, how are you trying to help her? Give her advice...Tell her how to get out of this situation. Give her some suggestions...

 

I'm all for tough love, but calling her an a-hole isn't helping.

[pricillia]

Being lonely makes it OK?

 

No being lonely does not make it ok... but this is a person who needed support and went to someone and now she has an unhealthy attachment with him... and I believe he with her.

 

She never mentions any family or friends so he could be and is key in her world right now.

 

Not every one is a strong as they are percieved to be.

[dropdeadlegs]

But that's copping her to mistake that's easy to sympathyze with.

 

 

And you missed my point! I should have been pithy.

 

She's selfish for being willing to screw over the guys wife!

It's NOT a mistake, it's totally selfish - taking what's not her's.

(Well, unless God gave him to her, as she said. In that case, go ahead - screw the wife!)

I think you've made it perfectly clear that you think Fun is partly responsible for her situation and that she is selfish. Point taken, can we move on to something more constructive?

[GregsBad]

Go and read all threas in this section, your point about selfish is everywhere!

 

I don't disagree with you GB, I just don't see how saying over and over again that she is at fault, he's at fault or who is MORE at fault here is getting her anywhere. She knows this, she's not stupid. She is not thinking clearly, which is why I've been trying to get her to take this a step at a time. FIRST OFF she has to end the client/therapist relationship. Right now he is taking her money with a smile on his face, while letting 'whatever' happen in those sessions. THAT is wrong!

 

I can't talk about certain things out here, but FUN and I have PM'd, she knows how I feel and where I stand about this. I'm not going to bash her, call her selfish...That does NO good when you're trying to open someone's eyes.

 

I understand you're frustrated by reading this thread of hers, I guess my point is, other than saying to her how wrong she is, how are you trying to help her? Give her advice...Tell her how to get out of this situation. Give her some suggestions...

 

I'm all for tough love, but calling her an a-hole isn't helping.

 

I know - and you're right.

 

The biggest thing that helped me was realizing what damage I was about to do to the husband. It worked for me. I had everthing all rationalized but that, had a friend who wouldn't let me schmooze over it.

 

I'm trying to help - But I'll shut up about it.

 

And I know women aren't a**holes - only men can be

[pricillia]

I know - and you're right.

 

The biggest thing that helped me was realizing what damage I was about to do to the husband. It worked for me. I had everthing all rationalized but that, had a friend who wouldn't let me schmooze over it.

 

I'm trying to help - But I'll shut up about it.

 

And I know women aren't a**holes - only men can be

 

GregsBad... confused here in LS land..are you a male or a female when I think I have it figured out I then change my mind..

 

Not trying to be a smart alec just wondering