I kissed a married man and am falling in love!

[whichwayisup]

Oh no, men and women can be a-holes, just like men can also be the C word. (offtopic here, oops, I used work with a guy who was a C..., this guy was so mean, cruel, and intentional about it too! EVERYONE I worked with, male and female thought he was a big C! LOL)

 

Give her tough love, just word it a certain way. She's not thinking and handling stuff well right now, so beating up on her and calling her names isn't going to open her up and let us in so we can all help her.

 

I'll also say too, I've known FUN since she joined, so I know alot about her past relationships, and all the crap she's been through. She's not as strong as you, which is why she sought out therapy to begin with - And, the one person who she was supposed to trust most, her therapist, has allowed something to happen, adding even MORE stuff to into her mind...It's made it worse.....

[GregsBad]

GregsBad... confused here in LS land..are you a male or a female when I think I have it figured out I then change my mind..

 

Not trying to be a smart alec just wondering

 

Awww Jeeeze .... was I ranting THAT badly?

 

OK, I'm goin jogging.

[pricillia]

Awww Jeeeze .... was I ranting THAT badly?

 

OK, I'm goin jogging.

 

 

 

lol.... wait... don't go...... ok go.... lol

[dropdeadlegs]

GregsBad... confused here in LS land..are you a male or a female when I think I have it figured out I then change my mind..

 

Not trying to be a smart alec just wondering

Post #541 clinched that he is male. But at one point, despite the User name, I thought "female."

[pricillia]

I meant to say "My MW's H"

I've NEVER dated an MM in my life - I swear it! Or ANY kind of an M

 

oh ok 100% Man...

 

sorry GB..

[norajane]

Fun, regardless of what your therapist's intentions or feelings or whatever are, YOU have feelings for him and because of that you need to find a new therapist. You cannot be open with a therapist who makes your heart flutter and pound, who makes you forget the things you want to talk to him about, who has become the TOPIC you need to discuss.

 

I know you want to keep seeing him, but you must not continue to see him under the pretense of therapy - you are paying him for the privilege of seeing him? Is there any other man you would PAY to see?

 

FIND A FEMALE THERAPIST and then figure out what the deal is with your 'love' and 'soulmate'.

[GregsBad]

oh ok 100% Man...

 

..

 

oh ... phew!

[pricillia]

Fun, regardless of what your therapist's intentions or feelings or whatever are, YOU have feelings for him and because of that you need to find a new therapist. You cannot be open with a therapist who makes your heart flutter and pound, who makes you forget the things you want to talk to him about, who has become the TOPIC you need to discuss.

 

I know you want to keep seeing him, but you must not continue to see him under the pretense of therapy - you are paying him for the privilege of seeing him? Is there any other man you would PAY to see?

 

FIND A FEMALE THERAPIST and then figure out what the deal is with your 'love' and 'soulmate'.

 

 

Very well said NJ...

 

But when someone has this attachment she said that she invested time into this man and now that she has devoloped feelings for him it is really going to take mucho support for her to do what should be done.

 

Fun... If you are out there reading no one here wants to see you get hurt!

 

Being in this kind of relationship is not easy at all, You have to share someone with another woman and for the most part you are a secret and it is hard to be yourself around him.

 

You have to decide to protect a liar and a cheater and go along with what he is doing because you are allowing him to do it...which makes you a liar and cheater as well.

 

I know that you feel that you are in love with him, there are many of us so in love with MM but ask yourself at what cost to you??? I am not asking you to think of his family because as a woman right now you should be thinking about you first a foremost... meaning you need to look out for your future happiness. If you do proceed with him then you are in for a long long long haul.

 

Are you ready for it, to invest your love and trust into him and continue to be alone alone alone??

 

And in addition he is someone that you are going to to iron out issues and emotions...

 

You have to agree that it makes it truly complicated and it is also a conflict of interest on both your parts...

 

Please think about your well being, your heart, your healthy mind!

 

It is ok to be single for a while... It is ok... someone will love you still when you get stronger and healthier!!!

[Fun2BMe]

Thank you for not giving up on me. I know it must be frustrating to keep giving advice but a lot of it is slowly sinking in bits and pieces, some of the comments lingering in the back of my head making me think about certain things, not a good feeling.

 

But when someone has this attachment she said that she invested time into this man and now that she has devoloped feelings for him it is really going to take mucho support for her to do what should be done.

 

That is very true pricillia. I was just thinking, that if God himself were to post the correct and best advice to me, and let's say it was to find another therapist. a) I wouldn't question or argue with Him and would want to do the right thing he tells me to BUT b) in practice, my feelings would get in the way. I've finally found a man who loves me the way I want to be loved, and all Gregsbad is telling me is to feel bad for the wife and leave the man I believe is made for me for a woman who I can't stand too much to begin wtih. Really think about that Gregsbad. It's nice you cared so much about yoru MW's husband and he was the cause of you to no longer see her, but unfortunately that's not working for me.

 

Today has been very very tough. I was hoping he'd at least call or text as a follow up to our last session but he hasn't. I feel like he is breaking my heart already from day one. Monday feels like a lifetime away until I can see him again:o If he asks me to schedule an additional session again next week I am going to say no because I feel like he doesn't deserve to see me twice when he's not calling or anything. He can't love me only during our sessions. I am getting very upset but I guess it's early on or ? I don't know, I just need to ask him my list of questions so I'll be more clear about everything.

 

As far as the advice to change therapists. That's like having the best hair stylist who knows exactly how to work with your hair in an amazing way, but switching to another one just because others think your hair doesn't look as good as you do, but you feel great how it is done. I can't just switch to another therapist and betray him after he's done all the hard work on me as far as helping me so much, listening to me and being there for me. I just can't do that to him.

 

I don't have too many female friends and the ones I have are very judgemental and have the perfect life with the husband and kids and any mention of this would not be a good idea. I am thinking about telling my sister though, but again I don't think she would understand, having been married with her highschool sweetheart and with kids, she hasn't really experienced the dating scene and the complications that come with it. She'd just flip at the thought and I think I might feel worse. At this point, I feel like the therapist is everything to me.

[GreenEyedLady]

I've finally found a man who loves me the way I want to be loved, and all Gregsbad is telling me is to feel bad for the wife and leave the man I believe is made for me for a woman who I can't stand too much to begin wtih.

 

Ask yourself, "How does he love me the way I want to be loved?" What actions is he performing that is the way you want someone to love you...

 

I was hoping he'd at least call or text as a follow up to our last session but he hasn't. I feel like he is breaking my heart already from day one. Monday feels like a lifetime away until I can see him again:o If he asks me to schedule an additional session again next week I am going to say no because I feel like he doesn't deserve to see me twice when he's not calling or anything.

 

You shouldn't have to pay for his time...and you shouldn't have to demand that he call or text you...

 

As far as the advice to change therapists. That's like having the best hair stylist who knows exactly how to work with your hair in an amazing way, but switching to another one just because others think your hair doesn't look as good as you do, but you feel great how it is done. I can't just switch to another therapist and betray him after he's done all the hard work on me as far as helping me so much, listening to me and being there for me. I just can't do that to him.

 

This will probably fall on deaf ears BUT what your therapist/MM is doing is unethical and unprofessional...you are in a vulnerable state and he is preying upon that...and I quite personally don't care about his marital status...even if he wasn't married what he is doing is in direct conflict with the oath he has taken for his practice...

 

You would not be betraying him by switching therapists...he is betraying YOU by the way that he conducts himself as your counselor...if he truly cared for you, he would insist that you seek another therapist...

 

I hope that you continue to post here because this is one of those situations that is not going to end well and you will need support...

 

And don't think that I am a hater...his W or family is his concern...my concern here is your mental health...you need an impartial counselor to listen and help you work through your issues...

[norajane]

You believe this:

I've finally found a man who loves me the way I want to be loved

But then you say:

Today has been very very tough. I was hoping he'd at least call or text as a follow up to our last session but he hasn't. I feel like he is breaking my heart already from day one.

Is that how you want to be loved? Breaking your heart from day one is the kind of love you want in your life? I don't believe that. I believe you want a man who can freely give his heart and his attention to you, who has your best interests at heart, and who doesn't play games with you.

Monday feels like a lifetime away until I can see him again:o

Get used to it. This is what it's like when you get involved with a MM. You wait around A LOT for little scraps of time, because he has a wife and whole life he's built that he will continue to live...while you wait...and wait...and wait...

If he asks me to schedule an additional session again next week I am going to say no because I feel like he doesn't deserve to see me twice when he's not calling or anything. He can't love me only during our sessions.

Reread this again and again and again. That you are even wondering if he only loves you during your sessions means you are finally starting to understand that it might not be true love after all.

 

If you have to pay him to see you, then it isn't true love. If you have to pay for your time together, it's not true love. True love is free.

I am getting very upset but I guess it's early on or ? I don't know, I just need to ask him my list of questions so I'll be more clear about everything.

You're upset because you are expecting him to treat you as a lover, or potential lover would. However, he only sees you during your therapy sessions. That he crosses the line and kisses you does not make him your lover - it makes him a therapist who has crossed the lines. Don't romanticize it and tell yourself he must be crossing the lines ONLY because he loves you sooooo much. That is not the only reason he could be crossing the lines. Lust is usually the reason men cross lines. In this guy's case, it could also be some need to control and dominate because he can - it's a power trip from him as well as lust.

As far as the advice to change therapists. That's like having the best hair stylist who knows exactly how to work with your hair in an amazing way, but switching to another one just because others think your hair doesn't look as good as you do, but you feel great how it is done.

No, actually, it's nothing like that. Not at all.

 

A stylist works with hair...it is superficial, external, and ultimately no big deal. But a therapist works with the inside of your head, your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, and those are a very big deal. If everyone else sees that he's screwing with your head, maybe you ought to consider that you can't see it because the effects are within you...not easily observed in a mirror. And not nearly as easily remedied as a bad hairstyle.

I can't just switch to another therapist and betray him after he's done all the hard work on me as far as helping me so much, listening to me and being there for me. I just can't do that to him.

Oh, yes, you can. And you will. Because you will never be able to find out what his feelings really are about you under the circumstances. You've blended everything into one big salad - you can't pick out your personal relationship from your doctor/patient relationship if you continue to blend the two.

 

As for hurting his feelings, do not forget that you have been writing him a check for every moment of listening he has done. If you stop seeing him as your therapist, you'll find out if he's the kind of guy who would listen to you and be there for you if there weren't a price tag attached to his attention. If you keep paying him, you'll never know if he'd listen to you otherwise.

 

At this point, I feel like the therapist is everything to me.

Nope. Not by a longshot. You have a lot more going for you than this guy. You had a life before you ever met this guy, remember?

 

And keep in mind that he has now made your life that much harder because now you have to be upset about him and your situation with him. He hasn't helped you - he's made things worse by giving you more problems to worry about.

 

You had a life before him and you'll continue to have that when you go to another therapist. If he truly loves you, you won't lose him.

[dropdeadlegs]

Hi Fun,

 

You compared your situation to a hairstylist, but I want to try another approach at comparison. I think it is closer to your situation than a therapist compared to a hairstylist.

 

Let's say I hire (pay) someone to care for my child one day a week. I have looked for and found a caretaker with fabulous credentials and references. I am certain I have found the perfect person for my child. My child loves this person and thinks the world of him/her. The caretaker professes to love the child, and has helped the child in many ways, BUT starts taking that love to a physical level, like kissing on the lips; french kissing. No matter how great that caretaker had been in the past, he/she crossed a line plainly visible to anyone by kissing the child in an inappropriate way. The child is confused by the past actions and love of the caretaker and chooses to keep the inappropriate actions to him/herself, because the caretaker LOVES him/her and wouldn't do anything to hurt him/her intentionally.

 

I know you agree that the caretaker took a position of authority and turned it into something wrong.

 

No, you're not a child, but in a sense your therapist has acted in a similar manner. He has been trusted with your feelings, emotions, and mental state and has crossed a very visible line of appropriate behavior, and is continuing to do so. Because of the love and gratitude you have for his help in the past, you are choosing to keep the information to yourself (outside of this thread, anyway) and the continued abuse of his "authority" will be allowed to continue. You are allowing it. Just like the child, it's not your fault that you are being taken advantage of, but as an adult only you can stop it. I don't think he is going to stop it.

 

In past relationships you expected, even demanded, a romantic interest to put in a great deal of work in pursuing you. Why is this so different? You are doing all the work by going to see him, and you are paying him, to boot! This is completely opposite of how you have viewed suitors in the past and I wonder when you stopped believing that you are worthy of the pursuit.

 

I like that you are going to be asking questions Monday, but I fear that he will somehow have answers that you will find acceptable. I really hope that you will point out that anonymous people who don't know either of you personally are screaming that this is wrong, and possibly illegal. At the very least it is unethical.

 

Again, I am speaking of your therapist/client relationship here. At this point I don't give a rat's ass about his marital status, either. I do care about you, though. We can get into the OW thing later. I don't think you would be happy and have lots of things to back that up, but the priority now is severing the doctor/patient relationship.

 

Please see that you could not possibly get emotional help from an active participant in your actual emotions.

 

Best wishes for a good weekend, Fun.

[lavendera]

I am just curious if this is one of the most viewed threads ever for the amount of time it's been here...?

 

 

It could very well be Polywog! The "therapist's kiss et al" has been popping up on a number of different forums that I've noticed and sending the curious racing to LoveShack to read and discuss. People are pretty horrified and I wouldn't be surprised if some people aren't playing detective and looking to bust his unethical behind. I don't know how that could be done, but if it's a legal issue, maybe internet authorities might take that step to get involved.

 

Seeing a therapist already says you are in an incredibly vulnerable position. He's playing a dangerous game.

[dropdeadlegs]

Fun, you posted a link to a website a few paged back. I got caught up in the thread and only this morning went back and read the info on the link.

 

Since there has been little or no comment on it, the link bears repeating'

http://kspope.com/sexiss/sexencyc.php

 

The info is based on a number of studies spanning several years and covering the outcome of therapist/patient sexual relationships both during and after the cessation of the therapeutic relationship.

 

Here are just a few quotes from the site.

 

*So striking were the harmful consequences associated with therapist-patient sex that Masters and Johnson wrote: "We feel that when sexual seduction of patients can be firmly established by due legal process, regardless of whether the seduction was initiated by the patient or the therapist, the therapist should be sued for rape rather than malpractice, i.e., the legal process should be criminal rather than civil."

 

Pope and Vetter published a national study of 958 patients who had been sexually involved with a therapist. The findings suggest that about 90% of patients are harmed by sex with a therapist; 80% are harmed when the sexual involvement begins only after termination of therapy. About 11% required hospitalization; 14% attempted suicide; and 1% committed suicide. About 10% had experienced rape prior to sexual involvement with the therapist, and about a third had experienced incest or other child sex abuse. About 5% of these patients were minors at the time of the sexual involvement with the therapist. Of those harmed, only 17% recovered fully.

 

What follows is a brief description of 10 of the most common reactions that are frequently associated with therapist-patient sex. These reactions are: (a) ambivalence, (b) cognitive dysfunction, © emotional lability, (d) emptiness and isolation, (e) impaired ability to trust, (f) guilt, (g) increased suicidal risk, (h) role reversal and boundary confusion, (i) sexual confusion, and (j) suppressed anger. While common, these reactions do not characterize all patients who have been sexually involved with a therapist.

 

People who become sexually involved with a therapist may become flooded with persistent, irrational guilt. The guilt is irrational because it is in all instances the therapist's responsibility to avoid sexually abusing a patient. It is the therapist who has been taught, from the earliest days of training, that engaging in sex with patients is prohibited, no matter what the rationale. It is the therapist whose ethics code clearly classifies sexual involvement with patients as a violation of ethical behavior. It is the therapist who is licensed by the state in recognition of the need to protect patients from unethical, unscrupulous, and harmful practices, and it is the licensing boards and regulations that clearly charge therapists with refraining from this form of behavior that can place patients at risk for pervasive harm.*

 

Fun, I know you led me to this information and that you have read it. Please read it again, and again. I only pulled a few things from the entire article. There is so much more that could have been placed here, but I wanted to keep the post from becoming too long.

 

You have not yet engaged in full sexual contact. There is still time to prevent any further damage to your psyche.

 

Please take care of yourself and end the continuance of sessions with him. I am very concerned about how damaging this has already been to you.

[Reckless]

Here is another interesting link that may be of help

 

Patient-Therapist relationship

[bluetuesday]

Please see that you could not possibly get emotional help from an active participant in your actual emotions.

 

this truly bears repeating. fun2bme, you are willingly placing your emotional salvation in the hands of the very person who is most abusing you right now. perhaps you cannot see how dangerous this is, but if you trust or admire or believe in ANY of the posters who have tried desperately to give you good, impartial advice, please try to take a step back and realise that you will never heal emotionally while you allow yourself to be continually abused.

 

you are choosing, through your current course of action, to be mistreated. i don't care how strong the pull is to see him, to kiss him back, to sleep with him. you have the power to stop it. you do have that power. what you lack is the desire to stop it. whatever else you might call it, that is the truth. and if you are totally ruled by your desire and it means more to you to follow that desire than not lie or not hurt someone, at least admit it. know who you are right now. only then can you decide if that's who you want to be tomorrow.

 

whether this man loves you is totally brought into question by his obvious lack of care about your emotional well being. you have opened up to him emotionally so he knows how vulnerable you are. he is now making you feel totally reliant on him, unable to leave him. that is a terrible thing to do to someone who needs your help from a human point of view, let alone a professional one.

 

i have to repeat what others have said. if he loved you he would be advising you to find another therapist. he would be the one making plans to hold off from any physical contact until you were emotionally stable enough to handle it. the fact that he is not doing these things tells you how much he truly thinks of you. i don't care what he says, we can all say stuff we don't mean. it is not what he says, it is his actions which are the key. and if you have any tiny doubts about the relationship with him mkaing you anxious, worried, upset, possessive, whatever, you KNOW in your heart that those are NOT the signs you would get from the RIGHT man.

 

be strong. everyone here is willing you to get through this and be okay. there are a million exciting, devoted, single men out there who might be crazy about you, and you them. but you'll never meet them while this guy strings you along and makes you believe that he has to sleep with you before knowing whether you're worth leaving his wife for or not.

 

ultimately, you haven't found a good man because you have CHOSEN badly. that's the deal. your actions have led you here, not some great cosmic accident or quirk of fate or bad luck. if you want men to treat you well, don't pick ones who, by definition, have to be liars and cheaters even to be with you. so take your life in your hands and YOU make the decision if you're worth it or not. don't let others decide, because either way, YOU are the one who has to live with the consequences.

[Touche]

So are sex therapists allowed to get sexual?

 

Why did you ask this? Just curious. Is he one?

 

I can't believe that you're still going to go see him and PAY him! He's a real low-life. Do you really not see that?

 

Can you tell us exactly what his redeeming qualities are? I still don't get it.

[Trimmer]

I can't just switch to another therapist and betray him after he's done all the hard work on me as far as helping me so much, listening to me and being there for me. I just can't do that to him.

Therapy is for you. You are paying the therapist to be a tool in your personal growth and healing. In a proper therapist/patient relationship, the only way you could "betray" a therapist would be to take his services and then not pay him. It is an economic and professional relationship. You pay, you get the service. And importantly, if the service is not serving your needs, you take your business elsewhere. This is a therapist/patient relationship.

 

If he asks me to schedule an additional session again next week I am going to say no because I feel like he doesn't deserve to see me twice when he's not calling or anything.

Therapy is for you. It's not about what he "deserves." Do you see that you are saying here that you no longer trust the professional advice of your therapist, and this is the case because your personal relationship has so significantly clouded your therapist/patient relationship?

 

Do you understand that as a result of your personal relationship with him, you are no longer in therapy? Fun, for all your strong personal feelings, you do know that therapy cannot work this way, right? And if he is really an educated, trained, therapist, you have to know that he understands this as well.

 

Which leads us to the question that has been asked already, which you need to address directly within youself first, and probably with him as well: given your personal relationsip, how can he pretend to continue to maintain a professional theraputic relationship with you? Aside from the economic fraud of charging you money to spend time with an illicit lover (I call him that objectively, as he is married, and we assume he hides his relationship with you from his wife...) under the guise of therapy, how can he perpetrate the emotional fraud of pretending to maintain a therapist role in your life, against the very unambiguous and clearly stated standards and practices of his profession?

 

Actually, as we know from past posts that he is a "friend of an ex-bf" or something like that, I'm starting to wonder: are you sure he is actually a trained, certified therapist? I'm starting to wonder if there may be some deeper fraud going on here, as his behaviors are so completely out of line with the standards widely recognized in his profession.

 

He can't love me only during our sessions.

I think what you are really saying is: "Since I believe that he truly loves me, how can he only show it during our sessions." You are trying to discount his observable behavior because it doesn't match your beliefs.

 

Please realize that another possibility is that your beliefs are inaccurate. "Maybe he doesn't truly love me in the way I thought, and the behavior he shows during our sessions is based on something else other than true, deep love." This, at least, is consistent with the observable behavior.

 

I just need to ask him my list of questions so I'll be more clear about everything.

I'm starting to think you should add to that list a request for a reference to the board or licensing agency from which he received his certification.

[Sheba]

People are pretty horrified and I wouldn't be surprised if some people aren't playing detective and looking to bust his unethical behind. I don't know how that could be done, but if it's a legal issue, maybe internet authorities might take that step to get involved.

 

I am certain that this relationship could be the subject of a civil lawsuit, but I don't believe it would result in a criminal prosecution. I don't see it likely in the least that any authority is going to hunt this therapist down through this forum.

 

I am ready to be corrected, of course, if someone knows that this sort of relationship can be the subject matter of criminal proceedings.

 

I want to go out on a limb and give Fun and her therapist the benefit of the available shred of doubt. Perhaps this is truly a "meant to be" relationship? Perhaps this therapist is a decent person and a good counsellor who is shocked to find himself drawn to his client/patient? Maybe, as we all write, he is tortured by the horrible moral/legal/professional dilemma he has found himself in and is unable to plan his own next move because he is in such a stressful situation?

 

If that is the case, I think that by following some of the advice here, Fun might release this man from a terrible position. If she stops seeing him as a therapist, most of his conflicts disappear.

 

The way I see it, she would be doing both him and herself a favour. He might actually be extremely relieved if she takes this initiative, because, if he is a decent person, he is right now locked into the same bizzare pattern she is. If he could call upon her as a friend and an equal, instead of client/patient, he could show his true colours, which may surprise us all.

 

Fun clearly needs another therapist or, at the least, a person who loves her and cares for her well being while she goes through this transition. Someone who will listen to her with caring.

 

Fun, I encourage you to tell your sister. I am sure she loves you and will respect your needs and do her best to be supportive.

[norajane]

Perhaps this therapist is a decent person and a good counsellor who is shocked to find himself drawn to his client/patient? Maybe, as we all write, he is tortured by the horrible moral/legal/professional dilemma he has found himself in and is unable to plan his own next move because he is in such a stressful situation?

 

No, there is no dilemma. He understands perfectly well - as well as all of us do - that he has crossed legal and ethical boundaries.

 

If you were to give him the benefit of the doubt and believed he had developed true feelings for Fun, he would have immediately recommended that they terminate their doctor/patient relationship. That he has not done so indicates that he is not a 'decent' person, nor an ethical professional.

 

There is no dilemma as there's no one holding a gun to his head to continue "treating" Fun.

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. Perhaps this is truly a "meant to be" relationship?

2. Perhaps this therapist is a decent person and a good counsellor who is shocked to find himself drawn to his client/patient?

3. Maybe, as we all write, he is tortured by the horrible moral/legal/professional dilemma he has found himself in and is unable to plan his own next move because he is in such a stressful situation?

 

Some of know more to the story than what is posted here. Trust me when I tell you that this man does not, in any way shape or form deserve any benefit of a doubt in this situation.

[Guest]

I'm not in love with my therapist but I'm certainly in lust. And he is also a MM. He's been my therapist for 5 months now and he's more than 10 yrs my senior. The subtle flirting between us started about two months ago but nothing more. Then a month ago, I revealed having had sexual thoughts about him. He initiated kissing/fondling me after that session and we discussed wanting to sleep together. He brought up the fact that we should meet somewhere outside of the office, but claims his wife keeps him on a very short leash and he's having a hard time trying to figure out how he could get away for even an hour or two to see me. Two more sessions followed culminating in kissing/intense fondling. Then last weekend we finally had sex during the last 15 minutes of my session.

 

<b>For all of you who seem not to believe FUN when she says she still has her regular therapy session I am living proof. We always spend the majority of the session like normal talking about my week and whatever other issues are important to me. It's only at the end of the session that it becomes sexual. And, although I'm sure it's hard for you to believe this, I have honestly had the most positive progress in my therapy with him. I understand his duty as a medical professional to not become involved with a patient, but I guess I also see him a man with the same feelings as any other man. I don't have any delusions about him leaving his wife for me...I really don't want that. I just feel extremely drawn to him sexually.<b>

 

Back to the sex we had...It was a quickie and it was great. I felt exhilarated. He went to the bathroom to pull himself to together and I made sure to wrap the condom in a kleenex and put it my purse to throw away on my way home so no evidence could be found in any of his office trash cans. However, he insisted on following me to a gas station near his office and watching me discard the used condom in a trash can there as if he thought I were going to try to Monica Lewinsky him or something. I could tell he was nervous obviously having never done this before but that really insulted me---I trust him implicitly and I thought he trusted me, too.

 

When I paid him that day I must admit I had feeling of anger/revulsion/humiliation. I had never been with a MM prior to this nor had I ever payed for sex. I tried to tell myself I wasn't paying for sex, I was paying for my therapy session which just happened to have been truncated to 45min instead of the usual hour. But after reading the responses on this post I feel a little sick to my stomach again about what is actually happening. Next session I plan to tell him I'm can't continue paying for my sessions if they're going to turn sexual. I'm sure that will successfully bring an end to the whole affair. I'm also going to conceal a tape recorder in my purse to record our conversation and/or any sex that occurs, not to turn him in (I refuse to do that), but to keep it as my own secret collataral just in case. I'm not planning to go to a different therapist right now. At this point I think we are both just two adults who made a mistake in judgement and since there are no love feelings involved we can put this behind us and move on.

[Sharazad]

I apologize if this is reposting (I was having trouble logging in at first so it may have posted as Guest the first time).

 

I'm not in love with my therapist but I'm certainly in lust. And he is also a MM. He's been my therapist for 5 months now and he's more than 10 yrs my senior. The subtle flirting between us started about two months ago but nothing more. Then a month ago, I revealed having had sexual thoughts about him. He initiated kissing/fondling me after that session and we discussed wanting to sleep together. He brought up the fact that we should meet somewhere outside of the office, but claims his wife keeps him on a very short leash and he's having a hard time trying to figure out how he could get away for even an hour or two to see me. Two more sessions followed culminating in kissing/intense fondling. Then last weekend we finally had sex during the last 15 minutes of my session.

 

For all of you who seem not to believe FUN when she says she still has her regular therapy session I am living proof. We always spend the majority of the session like normal talking about my week and whatever other issues are important to me. It's only at the end of the session that it becomes sexual. And, although I'm sure it's hard for you to believe this, I have honestly had the most positive progress in my therapy with him. I understand his duty as a medical professional to not become involved with a patient, but I guess I also see him a man with the same feelings as any other man. I don't have any delusions about him leaving his wife for me...I really don't want that. I just feel extremely drawn to him sexually.

 

Back to the sex we had...It was a quickie and it was great. I felt exhilarated. He went to the bathroom to pull himself to together and I made sure to wrap the condom in a kleenex and put it my purse to throw away on my way home so no evidence could be found in any of his office trash cans. However, he insisted on following me to a gas station near his office and watching me discard the used condom in a trash can there as if he thought I were going to try to Monica Lewinsky him or something. I could tell he was nervous obviously having never done this before but that really insulted me---I trust him implicitly and I thought he trusted me, too.

 

When I paid him that day I must admit I had feeling of anger/revulsion/humiliation. I had never been with a MM prior to this nor had I ever payed for sex. I tried to tell myself I wasn't paying for sex, I was paying for my therapy session which just happened to have been truncated to 45min instead of the usual hour. But after reading the responses on this post I feel a little sick to my stomach again about what is actually happening.

 

Next session I intend to take the advice given her and tell him I'm can't continue paying for my sessions if they're going to turn sexual. I'm sure that will successfully bring an end to the whole affair. I'm also going to conceal a tape recorder in my purse to record our conversation and/or any sex that occurs, not to turn him in (I refuse to do that), but to keep it as my own secret collataral just in case. I'm not planning to go to a different therapist right now. At this point I think we are both just two adults who made a mistake in judgement and since there are no love feelings involved we can put this behind us and move on. I"ll let you guys know how it goes.

[Sharazad]

Wow...I'm going through the same thing right now. I just slept with my shrink for the first time in our last session and he's a MM. I've never been involved with a MM before and I never ever thought I would do this. I can't believe this is happening to someone besides me. I plan to use the advice I've read here and tell him I'm not paying for my sessions anymore if we're going to be making out during them. I'm sure that will bring our little affair to a quick end. I'll let you all know how it's turns out.

[pricillia]

Wow...I'm going through the same thing right now. I just slept with my shrink for the first time in our last session and he's a MM. I've never been involved with a MM before and I never ever thought I would do this. I can't believe this is happening to someone besides me. I plan to use the advice I've read here and tell him I'm not paying for my sessions anymore if we're going to be making out during them. I'm sure that will bring our little affair to a quick end. I'll let you all know how it's turns out.

 

 

I just do not understand but am trying to... how does one go to therapy and end up sleeping with doc...

 

Ha ha ha ha ha..........................ha laughing because... it>>>>>>>>>>

 

goes to show that the doctor is no better then we are, most people can work out there problems without the BS.... Talk to a friend, go walking exersize, read a book, get a pet, do something nice for someone...write in a journal...

 

Getting attached to a therapist in any sort of way is unhealthy...they have no power over you, you have power over you.

 

The scary thing is they often use thier position to make or break you and or manifpulate you, if your mind is weak, they can treat you like a puppett... and make you do anything, have sex fall in love fall out of love and also numb you to feelings that you should be going through to get to the other side.