I kissed a married man and am falling in love!

[Art_Critic]

She's out to steal the wife's husband. If she were a man you'd call him a pig.

 

Give it a rest Greg....

[GregsBad]

Give it a rest Greg....

 

OK - good night.

[ridingthebulls]

Uh, let me get this straight.

You kissed him. Now you think you are in love? You think butterflies means love? WTF are you women thinking? Do you let your hormones and emotions guide you no matter what your logic insists. Get a freaking grip and grow up. Being on this board for as long as you have, you should know better. LUST FADES.. but the PAIN of entering such a situation will last longer or even a lifetime for ALL parties involved including this guy's wife! You need some sense knocked into your little azz pronto!

[Craig]

You kissed him. Now you think you are in love? You think butterflies means love? WTF are you women thinking? Do you let your hormones and emotions guide you no matter what your logic insists. Get a freaking grip and grow up. Being on this board for as long as you have, you should know better. LUST FADES.. but the PAIN of entering such a situation will last longer or even a lifetime for ALL parties involved including this guy's wife! You need some sense knocked into your little azz pronto!

 

This sums it up nicely. Good post RTB.

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. .... but you earlier presented the possible scenerio LB that things may not be exactly as Fun has presented it.

 

2. Does she have the emotional resources and mental stability to stick to her decision?

 

1. I can't really go into it, but lets just say I have information now that I didn't then. I can't go into it, nor can I give any details. That said, I don't think that it is made up, but I do think that Fun has on the rose colored glasses when it comes to his intentions and his pattern behavior. Throw wishful thinking in with a healthy dose of her mental/emotional problems, mix it up with his professional ability to manipulate her emotionally and intellectually and you have a huge mess.

 

2. I think she wants to do the right thing, but she is struggling now between what is right, and what is easy.

[Hugh_950]

 

I think she wants to do the right thing, but she is struggling now between what is right, and what is easy.

 

LB, I don't think she really wants to do the right thing. I think she wants to take him from his wife and she is looking for support from others. She's looking for a way around it being so wrong.

 

I appreciate that you seem to give her the benefit of doubt by saying she "wants" to do the right thing. And I've seen you there from the start trying to dissuade her.

 

I've read this thread from the start.

 

She views contrary advice as "negative attacks". She's not looking for advice as much as for justification from others.

 

And from the start, she's revealed that she has a plan - to get him to leave his wife and be with her.

 

She said she thinks he and his wife are happily married. But wants him anyway. She even said she suspects that God gave him to her as a soul mate.

[Seen_It_All]

WTF are you women thinking? Do you let your hormones and emotions guide you no matter what your logic insists.

Bulls, with all due respect, please do NOT accuse all women of being mindless fools because of the actions of a few. I don't remember acting like this when I was 14, much less an adult.

[serial muse]

OT: Wow. It's fascinating to read how different posters filter the replies to this thread...it really highlights how people bring their own preconceptions to someone's story, and then "selectively" (albeit, probably unconsciously) only read the responses that confirm those preconceptions. Or place more emphasis on them.

 

To wit:

 

She's out to steal the wife's husband. If she were a man you'd call him a pig.

 

You kissed him. Now you think you are in love? You think butterflies means love? WTF are you women thinking? Do you let your hormones and emotions guide you no matter what your logic insists.

 

Maybe the Ws on here should know that shouting sarcasms and screaming insults more often than not makes one wants to be more headstrong and try to prove them wrong.

 

I mean, come on. These posts are just expressions of the posters' own personal agendas (e.g. all women hate men and will always blame everything on them, women are OBVIOUSLY ruled by their hormones, all W's are just in it to scream at OW) and have almost nothing to do with what people actually said in this here thread!! It's crazy talk. I wish that people would actually read and absorb the responses before summarizing them to suit those agendas.

 

Me, after reading the entire thing, I would have said it's clear that the VAST majority of replies expressed concern that Fun is expressing serious delusion in this situation and advised her to walk away and seek therapy; and while more people felt sorry for her than not, most people took a "tough love" approach. Such responses spanned men, women, BS, OW and people who have never been part of extramarital affairs.

 

Now, Greg. Once the therapist's involvement was revealed, the general tenor of the posts changed because most people felt that he should bear a considerably larger share of the responsibility than if he were just any old MM (who might share the blame 50/50, let's say) because he's taking advantage of someone who is clearly not emotionally stable (as he has more reason than anyone to know) and is in an inherently vulnerable, unequal position, not to mention breaking the law. That seems reasonable, yes?

 

I'm trying to figure out what there is to argue about in that.

 

Topic: I hope Fun comes back and gives us an update soon.

[bab]

Topic: I hope Fun comes back and gives us an update soon.

 

I have been following this thread although I don't have anything to add that hasn't been said by somebody, but she did post a short answer, but it was deleted for some reason. Anyway, she is seeing him again today.

[whichwayisup]

I don't know why her post reply was deleted either and how some of the ruder posts have stayed....I'm sure it was a mistake though.

[ladyviola]

few months ago i was in the exact same situation as you, and i had a boyfriend at the time. but with the married guy we kissed, and i couldnt stop thinking about him that i broke up with my then boyfriend.

 

the married guy then started the divorce, said he wanted that anyway. and for a couple of months, we were really happy.

 

only now, the divorce is getting towards the last stages and all of a sudden hes going through the what if stages, thinking about his soon to be ex wife etc. of course i do understand, but to be honest, this is the toughest thing ever. trying to be supportive as a friend is one thing, but trying to nurse him through a divorce being the new girlfriend, thats something else.

 

my advice is, think about how sure you are of this. if he doesnt get a divorce, you will always be the other woman. is that what you want?

 

on the other hand, if he does get a divorce, its still not going to be easy.

so really think about what you want, and if he is really worth it.

[GregsBad]

Now, Greg. Once the therapist's involvement was revealed, the general tenor of the posts changed because most people felt that he should bear a considerably larger share of the responsibility than if he were just any old MM (who might share the blame 50/50, let's say) because he's taking advantage of someone who is clearly not emotionally stable (as he has more reason than anyone to know) and is in an inherently vulnerable, unequal position, not to mention breaking the law. That seems reasonable, yes?

 

I'm trying to figure out what there is to argue about in that.

 

Topic: I hope Fun comes back and gives us an update soon.

 

You're actually agreeing with what I've said ... and revealing that you haven't read what I've written.

 

Just to repeat my take so you don't get me wrong again:

Assuming she's telling the truth ...

I think he's more to blame - it's ugly!

I don't think she's 100% innocent.

 

I've only contended with others who clearly said he's 100% to blame.

 

And if you can't see that she has a plan to take him from his wife then you're reading with a strong accent of your own. You're doing exactly what you've said that others are doing.

 

Only an idiot can't see she's in love and outa control. I get that - OK!

 

But she's motivated by that love - to take what she wants from others.

That's part is ugly too.

That part is minimized by sooooooo many of these replies.

[GregsBad]

I don't know why her post reply was deleted either and how some of the ruder posts have stayed....I'm sure it was a mistake though.

 

If she caught it herself, before it gets followed by a reply ... couldn't she delete it by herself?

 

Or do you think it got deleted by a forum manager?

[Fun2BMe]

First thank you for your opinions. I feel stronger and not as emotional towards the negative ones ( the bad ones having been deleted for those who think I was being overly sensitive, you didn't read some of the posts that are no longer there).

 

With that said, I want to say that the posts have made a huge difference in that they are allowing me to see the situation in multiple angles and taking into consideration the OW things I had not thought about. I've been consumed with the thought that we're made for each other, love each other and all other blockages are the challenge to remove from our way.

 

Now I see things differently. I have a fear in case his intentions are not 100% pure as he is at the end of the day someone I pay for his time to help me heal. I wasn't thinking about that. For example, when I ssaw him Monday, after all the time posting here and getting the feedback that it was wrong of him and so on on multple levels - his marriage, being a therapist etc. I thought he would apologize, or at least discuss the kiss or something. But instead the first thing he did was kiss me again!

 

We then scheduled another appointment for today, so I did see him again. This time it went further than a kiss but I won't reveal (at least for now) how far things went. I am very very very very confused. On the one hand he looks deeply into my eyes and tells me how much he loves me, that the feelings are real and so on and so on - all the things anyone would love to hear, let alone from someone they are feeling the same way towards. But then when I have to hand him over a huge fat check, it makes me feel duped and like cheapened.

 

Yes, it's so easy to say walk away get another therapist. I would've resonded 100% no the day I started this post. But at this point, that is a consideration, BUT please keep in mind this one thing which some of you are not really putting yourselves in my shoes about - the fact that I am really in love with him. I look forward to seeing him, I have to admit all that. I'm not sitting back saying 'poor me, I'm trapped, how do I get away.' I've been completely honest so far and what I admit is that I in fact have developed a lot of feelings so I don't want to switch therapsits. On the other hand, it is bothering me that if it is love then why do I have to pay for it. I need your help again. Slowly but surely I think you guys are making a big difference on how I am seeing the situation.

 

I do have a lot of questions I want to ask him. I am thinking of writing them down since for example today I forgot to ask them. Such as a) How is your relationship with your wife. If he says good, then I need your help on further questions -such as then why are you doing this with me and so on.

 

To those who claim I am only looking for support - I wouldn't be writing here because I am getting the opposite feedback and it is slowly making a big impact, something I never thought would happen. It's not realistic for you to think boom I just walk away and it's over. Yes, before I was in this situation I would be advising the same way and get impatient if the person didn't do what looked like the obvious thing to do, but confusion is not a state of clarity. Throw in a lot of feelings, a lot of issues I already have and so on, and I need help help help. Thanks for all your time in reading this and for your desire to help me.

[Fun2BMe]

If she caught it herself, before it gets followed by a reply ... couldn't she delete it by herself?

 

Or do you think it got deleted by a forum manager?

 

There were comments before and following my post and all of them were deleted (those that were related to my post and including mine, very strange).

 

Also someone can edit their post but cannot completely remove it, it will still be posted and it doesn't let you leave it blank without characters either.

 

Anyways..

[a4a]

He takes your money???

 

That is not right at all.

 

He has you duped.

 

Go to another therapist asap and ask that therapist about the situation.

 

Are you making this up??? I mean really........ nobody would fall for this crap in real life.

 

If it is real and you know it is wrong....... why do you keep doing it?

 

I tell ya what I will kiss ya and tell you how we are soulmates too...... for the right price of course.

[Jinxx]

We then scheduled another appointment for today, so I did see him again. This time it went further than a kiss but I won't reveal (at least for now) how far things went. I am very very very very confused. On the one hand he looks deeply into my eyes and tells me how much he loves me, that the feelings are real and so on and so on - all the things anyone would love to hear, let alone from someone they are feeling the same way towards. But then when I have to hand him over a huge fat check, it makes me feel duped and like cheapened.

 

If he loves you and his feelings are real then he would 1) Leave his marriage and 2) Not charge you.

 

You are setting yourself up for a lot of hurt and pain.... by a therapist of all people. Please look out for yourself and be very careful.

[bab]

Fun -- This situation is bad news and you know it. But what in the world do the two of you talk about for an hour during your "therapy" session? Do you continue to talk about your problems as if the fact that you are starting an affair isn't happening?

 

On another note, you asked why she should have him when you believe that the two of you are soulmates. I don't agree with your religious philosophy, but let's use it to think this through. You believe that a person has multiple soulmates, that they come an go based on passed lives. Then if you don't get this man, you are missing out on only one of your soulmates. On the other hand his W probably doesn't believe that someone can start off a soulmate and then cease to be a soulmate (you must admit your belief is at least uncommon). So, your pain would be in losing one of which you KNOW there will be others. Her's would be the pain of losing what she believes is her ONLY soulmate. Despite what each of us takes to be true, her pain would be greater. Not to mention her added pain of telling her family, the pain of her present life being taken away. Using your own philosophy, she is the person who will suffer the greater pain, and therefore "deserves to have him" more than you. Not to mention if you believe in reincarnation, you will find him again in another life where your relationship can be pure and untainted by the stress of an affair and the pain of another. Delayed gratification is often much much greater than instant pleasure.

[LucreziaBorgia]

But then when I have to hand him over a huge fat check, it makes me feel duped and like cheapened.

 

On the other hand, it is bothering me that if it is love then why do I have to pay for it.

 

You have got to stop seeing him under these circumstances, as your therapist - he is taking your money, and is not giving you proper treatment. If you want to continue seeing him as OW, then go right ahead. JUST STOP PAYING HIM FOR THE PRIVILEDGE OF BEING HIS OW.

 

He is not going to want to let you go as a patient - he will convince you to stay. Why? Do you realize that you are paying him to mess with you behind his wife's back? Not only does he get a compliant, willing OW - he has one who will agree to pay him an hourly fee!!

 

This has got to be the worst form of abuse you could possibly take, Fun. He is stealing your money, and taking advantage of you. He is not doing a single thing to help you, and I mean REALLY help you like a therapist should.

 

Stop seeing him as a therapist. If you absolutely must, and can't help yourself - then continue to see him, but do it OUTSIDE of his practice.

[Fun2BMe]

Fun -- This situation is bad news and you know it.

 

If I knew it was bad news, I wouldn't be this confused. If he really does love me like he says, then I am on cloud 9 because I love him too. Then I go back to 'how can we be together, how can I get him' mode. I still have to find out for sure what is going on. Maybe the fact that I have had bad relationships is causing me to question one that is finally a good one, that's how I am thinking about it.

 

The physical aspect is new, so we haven't had a chance to work on that part. For example, what if all I need to do on my end is say "it is bothering me to pay you" and he responds with "I was already going to tell you that you no longer need to pay me." I can't sit back and expect everything to fall into place on its own. I guess it's still too early to know for sure what is going on exactly. That's why I need to make a list of questions to ask him so I can be clear on his feelings wtihout the doubts that are being planted inside my head all of a sudden. Deep down I think he really loves me and I should be happy instead of repeating past behavior of not accepted love when it is given to me.

[Fun2BMe]

he is taking your money, and is not giving you proper treatment. If you want to continue seeing him as OW, then go right ahead. JUST STOP PAYING HIM FOR THE PRIVILEDGE OF BEING HIS OW.

 

But the thing is, when I pay him, I feel like it is still a ligitimate amount I owe him for his therapy help. It is only towards the end of the session that it has become physical, but the remainder of the time it's all 'business' as far as him advising me and so forth. I can't just say I'm not going to pay you, right? So it's not like I am paying him for the OW part, but for the therapy, but the love and OW are what we are feeling despite things, right?

[a4a]

Fun

 

Here is the deal.

 

He is married. That makes this a bad relationship.

 

Hellooooooooo......... he is married.

 

married man screwing around with another woman = bad man.

 

shrink screwing around with patient = bad man

 

man taking your money and claims to be in love with you = bad man

 

man who lies to his wife = bad man

 

man who takes advantage of person in need = bad man

 

He probably is in severe need of therapy himself..... many therapist are.

[Fun2BMe]

If he loves you and his feelings are real then he would 1) Leave his marriage and 2) Not charge you.

I had already commented that it is too early to ask him to leave his marriage, when things are stilll so new between us. and for 2) I have to discuss the charging part with him. I guess I'll wait to update here next week when I have the chance to ask him all these questions that are now on my mind, including what if his marriage is now no longer good? Is he willing to see me during times he won't charge me to see him outside of therapy, but just because he wants to?

[Fun2BMe]

 

Fun

 

Here is the deal.

 

He is married. That makes this a bad relationship.

 

Hellooooooooo......... he is married.

 

married man screwing around with another woman = bad man.

 

shrink screwing around with patient = bad man

 

man taking your money and claims to be in love with you = bad man

 

man who lies to his wife = bad man

 

man who takes advantage of person in need = bad man

 

He probably is in severe need of therapy himself..... many therapist are.

 

Ok, I really needed your perspectives. I guess I am in la-la love land and not thinking clearly. I will ask him my questions, not be ruled with my feelings and determine his intentions and not let myself get taken advantage of. THANK YOU. I swear to God I don't think I'll ever trust another man again in my entire life if he doesn't really love me:o The thought that he might not alone is making me like the terrible way I did during my heart wrenching break up.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Fun... I'll say this as clearly as I can:

 

You have got to stop seeing him as a therapist.

 

He is no longer able to provide you the unbiased help and support that you need. Keeping it "professional" part of the time does not excuse what he is doing for the other part. All keeping it "professional" for part of the time accomplishes is that he gets to bill you for the full hour.