I kissed a married man and am falling in love!

[Ripples]

Honestly, it is almost frightening to read this. Its like a mix between erotomania and borderline personality disorder, as experienced by a sociopath.

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking this.

[Meaplus3]

He's not "messing". He is forming a relationship with me.

 

Fun2BME, Anykind of relationship that you feel he is forming with you is not REAL, it's Fantasy! This man is married and Happily at that. If you think for one minute that by continuing to Kiss him or by taking it a step further will kelp him to want to leave his W, You are VERY WRONG! This man is having a little on the side, A Classic "Cakeater". Your not the one he comes home to at night, it's his W he belong's to. The sooner you wake up to the fact's here the better off you will be. Find a Single guy!

 

AP:)

[Art_Critic]

Fun,

 

Have you made an appointment to see your therapist ?

 

Please make that call...

[LucreziaBorgia]

I just read through some of the older threads. Yes, a trip to a therapist is a MUST. Preferably a female one who will be immune to emotional tranference.

[Trimmer]

This is what I desperately need advice on. How can we develop a deep relationship i.e. one that is sexual, so that we can confirm and determine we are meant to be together so that I can demand, and he can proceed with a divorce? How can we do this while not hurting his wife, while doing the right thing?

I'm sorry, let me just restate so I can understand clearly: you want to sleep with a married man, while he's still married, to confirm that you should demand that he leave his wife, but without hurting his wife? Gosh, there must be some way we just aren't thinking of. It must be possible...

 

If he breaks his vows, it is because he now has found a woman he is actually in love with compared to who he thought he was in love with.

...and that makes all the difference. Once you find something better, that makes breaking your marriage vows OK. I see.

 

That's like saying don't bother getting into ANY relationship or EVER marrying because "even if they leave their marriage, it does not mean they would be able to stay in your life."

No, it's like saying "don't bother getting into ANY relationship WITH A MARRIED MAN!"

 

Life is about taking risks ...

Well, then, by that measure, you are about to start living life to its fullest.

 

I'm trying to be considerate to her even though I personally am not so crazy about her. She's nice on the phone but in person I sense she isn't too crazy about me.

Strange one, that. What could it be.... what could it be... Hmmm.

 

If I wasn't thinking with my head, for what reason would I be posting here, instead of getting ready for our 'date?'

Because somewhere inside you, there's a little quiet voice called "self preservation" that is trying to scream out "save me!" and the chemicals that are streaming through your bloodstream and your brain and your genitals are muffling it quite effectively. But not completely. You have some sense that this is wrong, and some sense that you need to protect yourself from the situation, in spite of your attraction to this pretty flame. That's why it's a struggle. That's why you're posting here.

 

 

Nobody is considering that it might not be the best choice to walk away from someone God has finally brought into my life who things can really work out with, who loves me the way I deserve to be loved after going through so much heartache and dramatic relationships.

This is the second time you have invoked God as the engine behind this situation, as if to ask, how could I possibly turn down what God has offered me? Given what I posted earlier about the biblical view of marriage, isn't it just possible that you are being tempted - whether by God or fate or whatever - and it's time to show your strength and your faith by doing the right thing? Do you really think the right thing, in God's eye, will be to give in to this temptation? Or are you thinking that the biblical view of marriage ("...let not man put asunder...") does not apply to you, because Matthew couldn't really have understood how special and unique your particular situation would be...

 

He is exactly what I need, and I seem to be someone he loves also, so ideal, yet I am trying to justify walking away for the sake of his wife who is not so nice to me so it's amazing I am even considering her come to think of it but that's what I'm here doing.

Yes, I think we are indeed amazed.

 

Incidentally, read more carefully - while some of the advice here mentions his wife as one motivator, most of what people are saying is to protect yourself. We're not saying "sacrifice certain happiness for the sake of his wife" (which is how you are hearing it...), we are mostly saying "walk away to protect yourself from getting badly hurt."

 

It seems absurd to ask a man who I have only kissed, to leave his wife for me! I would not trust him if he point blank said ok...

So you wouldn't trust him if he left his marriage before having sex with you, but you would trust him if he agreed to cheat on his wife? That really doesn't seem absurd to you?

 

That's where I am asking help, how a deserving couple - me and him - can determine sexually our compatibility without him 'cheating' or for me to act wrong in any way. There seems to be no other way around it. I am thinking all the options out.

As we are often reminded here on LS, we are just a bunch of anonymous posters. You can see this is a tricky situation; I think if you are serious about really thinking out all the options, you should have help from a trained professional. Will you go see your counselor/therapist, so he/she can help you calmly lay all the options out on the table and explore them? Since therapists are trained, and non-judgemental, you will probably get a more objective approach than we have been able to give here. I'm asking you directly - will you do that?

 

I'll let you have the final word, because it's pretty much what I'm thinking:

Oh well, we'll see what happens I guess.

[a4a]

Fun if you want to expedite things tell his wife you are in love with him.

 

Then he can choose you of course.

[Trimmer]

If I were this MM reading this, my nuts would be shriveling in fear...

You mean like hide the stock pot and padlock the rabbit cage fear?

[greengoddess]

This is just fascinating to me. I always wondered how someone could knowingly sleep with a married man and here it is. All the sick justifications for it.

 

It's been one kiss. This man has been happily married for a really long time. I bet he won't take it any further and he will realize how incredibly needy you are.

 

Why don't you share your dilemna with him and let him read your thoughts?

[justice]

Ok, so let's think about this. If I'm with him, he'll ruin a 'very close and good marriage' but the whole point is he will be with me because of our closeness and our good relationship. If he's with her, he'll have a good relationship with her and I'll be unhappy (and potentially him). If he's with me, she'll be unhappy. So why should I be the one who has to give him up and not her?? The more I think about it, the more it is making sense for me to answer my own questions. I think everyone is giving knee jerk reactions, which I can't blame because that's how I used to feel before getting into the situation myself.

Your "good" relationship is one that will be based on a decision steeped in the both of you choosing the wrong path, because in essence, you both will have cheated each other, and yes, the relationship will begin in lies and deciet, because....even though it was only a kiss, do you honestly think he will be telling his spouse that it happened? No, I don't think so. Therefore it becomes deciet.

 

"So why should I be the one who has to give him up and not her?"

Read that question and think about it. HE IS MARRIED TO HER! He made a commitment that was not supposed to have been broken, no matter what. If you feel you really must go forward with this train wreck, don't sleep with him, don't take it farther at this point, calmly step back, step out of his life until the moment comes when he can prove himself to you by doing what he says he will, which in this scenario, is leaving the wife and obtaining a divorce, THAT is how you can be sure what he is feeling for you is real.

 

If not, I guess we'll be seeing you on these boards again for advice on how to deal with it when he dumps you and heads right back for the loving arms of his wife. And you will know then beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was her he loved all along, and you were the one being played.

 

 

 

 

A. He is NOT 'only playing' me. That's why I feel nobody understands. He has feelings for me and for all I know I can't imagine him ever being the way he is with me with any other woman outside his marriage.

Keep on telling yourself this, maybe you can make yourself believe it after awhile, just remember though, his wife must feel the same way as you about not believeing he could be the way he is with you, with anyone other than her.

 

B. That's the tricky part, what to do while he's still married, yet it doesn't make sense to ask for a divorce when we haven't consumated the relationship to the next level.

KEY WORDS: HE'S STILL MARRIED. Sleeping with him while he's married, is very wrong, no matter how many feelings you two may have for each other, in the eyes of God, this is called ADULTERY, and is one of the ten commandments. You will be committing a sin. I don't understand your way of thinking on this.

 

What if he decided he didn't really want to divorce his wife and begins to see you as the whole blame that the marriage is over?

That would be a whole other thread should things transpire that way. That's why I don't know how to go about things at this stage to avoid problems. I'm trying to be thoughtful and preplan things so they unfold nicely and smoothly (for all involved, at least as much as possible).

If you were thoughtful, you wouldn't even be entertaining these thoughts of adultery, or wrecking someone else's marriage. Things will not go smoothly, trust me I do know this. That's quite a way of thinking you have there, let's not deal with this until I've already ruined an entire family, and their lives, lets just hop in the sack and consumate something that should have never began in the first place. Honestly, by not thinking, you are setting yourself up for a big letdown in the end. You are not going to end up with this guy.

 

 

 

 

Again this is different in my situation. In yours, it was 'temptation.' In mine, it is LOVE. We have told each other on many occassions that we love each other. I'm trying to let you know that this is real love, not temptation or playing around, which is why I am even considering it, why I am in this situation, and trying to proceed properly.

Oh yeah, LOVE. Saying it and proving it are two very different things, let's see how much he loves you when he gives in to the temptation and his wife finds out. You'll be under that bus quicker than you can bat an eye. How old are you anyway? This doesn't sound like mature, adult thinking to me. This is the reason I wouldn't sleep with this man until he does do something concrete, like telling his wife and starting divorce proceedings. What state are you in? In some areas, the wife can name you as a cause in the divorce, do you really want the public humiliation?

 

 

 

That is a scary thought:confused: As I have been saying, I don't know how to go about it so the wife won't be an issue. Yes, in the long run it will cause her pain BUT it is like having to choose between pain for her (who I'm not too crazy about to begin with) or pain for me. Even the constitution prevents us from testifying against ourselves to protect us, so why should I self sacrifice my love for another woman's love?

The wife, if she loves her husband is always going to be an issue, especially if they have children together, regardless of how old those children are. From reading this paragraph all I see is you being selfish and not even giving a thought to all of the heartbreak and pain you will be causing another human being, I feel sorry and very bad for you that you can't see past your own wants. Sacrifice your love? What you have right now is nothing more than a lie in the making. It is HER right under the eyes of God and the law to love the man you are thinking about sleeping with. How would you feel being the wife, knowing that there is someone out there, trying to get your husband into bed? Trying to take away her lifemate, trying to destroy your relationship and take away your kid's dad?

 

I hope this is worth all of the pain that is about to unfold. Please reconsider, you are making a huge mistake. Do the right thing, and don't do this.

 

 

 

 

Well of course, that is something I'd have to be able to face. But if I knew he was on my side, I wouldn't have a problem and I seriously the doubt the wife would bother me with anything. I don't think she'd want to hear from my mouth how much we love each other unless she was prepared to put herself in a hurtful situation.

 

 

 

As I've said, this is love built over many months, not momentary lust. It's not like I've never been remotely attracted to any mar.man before, but it's been automatic to tune it out. In this situation, love has been built and we have expressed it verbally to each other, and the kiss only added the ignition which has turned the sparks into a huge flame that is not so easy to walk away from.

 

Also, nothing has started in deceit. I am posting here to find out the best and proper way to go about this. There is a lot of thought going into it, not just reacting to passion. It is much deeper than that. Trust me, all I am doing is thinking about this from someone else's point of view. Please keep that in mind. Otherwise, what would I personally have to lose? I'm not the married one. I am in love with a man who has returned the feelings and I have the opportunity to act out all of the fantasies I have had on him, yet here I am questioning it for the sole purpose that there is another woman involved.

[hotgurl]

I agree with a4a fun. Why don't you inform the wife of your intentions to sleep with her husband. Tell her you love him and are soul mates.

 

That way she is not in the dark and he can make a decision.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

This cannot possibly be real. If the thread hadn't been started by and established member I would swear it was a troll. I keep thinking this is a joke, and F2BME is just making a point on the OW board. No way can someone think this. Please Please tell me this is a joke.

 

 

F2BME,

 

This is NOT OF GOD. Good grief, GOD doesn't bring temptation into our lives, HE gives us strength to overcome them. Its the other guy, the one with horns, who sets temptation infront of us.

 

God help this mans wife, because I have a feeling this will end up being about her when this man realizes that he's got a bunny boiler on his hands and ditches F2BME. I will say a special prayer for her tonight.

 

This thread encompasses EVERY attempt at justification ever posted on OW/OM forum. I just can't believe it is real.

[Freedom Now]

I am reading this thread in horror.

 

Yes, IWWH, this appears to be real.

 

And I am stunned. This is a trainwreck just waiting to happen.

 

Un-freaking believable.

 

And, it isn't like she hasn't been warned.

[whichwayisup]

It's real. All I can say is, those who know FUN's past and previous relationships, know that she's not functioning 100% and is quite vunerable, so the MM whispers sweet nothings in her ears, she IS falling for it unfortunately.

[Jinxx]

Married men that cheat deserve to get stalked by a psycho woman who can't let it go. It serves them right for betraying the women they vow to love.

 

Fatal Attraction LOL!

[IfWishesWereHorses]

It's real. All I can say is, those who know FUN's past and previous relationships, know that she's not functioning 100% and is quite vunerable, so the MM whispers sweet nothings in her ears, she IS falling for it unfortunately.

 

 

God, this is just so, so, very sad.

[smartgirl]

I think it is entirely possible that Fun2Bme is -- in fact-- Amy Fisher.

 

If you go near his wife I hope she cleans your clock.

[Izzar]

I think it is entirely possible that Fun2Bme is -- in fact-- Amy Fisher.

 

If you go near his wife I hope she cleans your clock.

 

OMGG. Amy Fisher. Would/Could she be that stupid?

[whichwayisup]

No way. Amy Fisher is married and has a kid now.

[Trialbyfire]

You mean like hide the stock pot and padlock the rabbit cage fear?

The term "bunny boiler" came to mind...

[AFarAwayPlace]

F2BM, we are understanding you, we're trying to save you a lot of pain.

 

Don't you see anything strange about having to consummate your relationship to determine if it's meant to be so he can then file for divorce?

 

If he "loves" you as he says he does, a real man would file for divorce NOW and go be with you, not after having sex to determine if you're compatible, which is screwy logic anyway.

 

Sex is only one aspect, you should already know if you're compatible in all other areas, I believe this "sex to determine compatibility" logic is just a mere excuse to give into lust.

 

You seem to be a sweet girl, and from what I read, you're VERY vulnerable right now, if this man knows your history, he's totally disrespecting you right now if you ask me!

 

All these pecks and suddenly HE initiates a kiss and a french kiss at that? It seems to me your vulnerability has attracted a dog who wants to get his piece of meat.

 

Please, please, please be careful.

 

If he loves you, he'd let you have time to grieve your past relationship, to heal, he'd not be ramming his tongue down your throat all the sudden.

 

Something doesn't smell right now that I'm really thinking about this...

[Great Gazoo]

F2BM I remember you as one of the first LS members I had a debate with about the environment and oil. I have also read some of your post on other subjects and to me you seem smart. You were also one of the few who posted in my thread about my son and I thank you for that and I think your a caring person. So please think about this, you are alot smarter than this and you know it, you must know whats going on and how all this will cause you more pain and confusion, you don't need this in your life.

[dropdeadlegs]

F2BM,

I spent over five hours this morning reading threads you have started, trying to get an understanding of who F2BM is.

 

Without going into specifics, several things became very clear to me. You seem to become attached to men very quickly, and seem able to turn your feelings off rather quickly, too. You seem to have self centered ideas about how relationships should play out. You are keen to see that your needs are not met, yet fail to see that sometimes circumstances do not allow all needs to be met. Before turning your feelings off, you have days of endlessly going back and forth, speaking many times of breaking up, but after speaking to the men you remain in the relationship, only to be back to breaking up in yuor mind by days end. You seem to need a lot of attention in the form of spending time together and in the form of calling, texting, and email. You want the attention, and then when it is given to you, you sulk that it should have happened sooner and punish the men by not taking/returning their advances. You seem to go from one prospect to another and fall into what you feel are relationships in an almost back to back nature.

 

A married man will be hard pressed to meet your needs for attention. His time for you will be limited, and when he has time, you may be too upset to speak to him on his schedule, therefore not taking advantage of his limited time to spend with you. I can't see you possibly being happy in the OW role.

 

You have said that this man has been on your mind and in your thoughts, kind of on your "love radar" for six months, yet in those months you also broke up with your ex (second time) developed feelings for your therapist, and dated the man recovering from kidney cancer. That's a lot of "feelings" floating around during the same six month time period. Have you considered that you may be in love with the CONCEPT of being in love? It appears that you feel a void in your life that can only be filled by a man, despite your education and career success.

 

I have felt only "half a person" without a SO to complete me for most of my life, but I can also assure you that nobody can fill the empty half except F2BM. To truly be capable of having a healthy relationship with any man, you must be pretty darn healthy all by yourself. I learned that (finally) in my late 30's, right where you are now.

 

Just last week or so, in your "How do you Forgive?" thread you said something that I feel is relevant here, although the context was a bit different.

 

"If she reconnected with her high school sweetheart who it sounds like is her soulmate, she should've told you and ended the marriage on preferably good terms. Instead she lied and cheated behind your back and then tried to take your money. I wouldn't forgive her either."

 

Take that apart a bit and allow it to read "If he connected with F2BM, who sounds like his soulmate, he should've told her (his wife) and ended the marriage on preferably good terms. Instead he lied and cheated behind her (the wife) back." That is how most LSers see you very own situation. That's the way YOU saw LakesideDreams situation.

 

I do hope that you will reconsider this choice and choose what is best for your own emotional health in the long run. Your history alone will tell you that you will not be happy in a backseat role as the OW. It wasn't a good place for you being in the backseat to your ex's job that required traveling. You needed more attention than his career allowed. You will need more attention than a MM can allow, too.

 

Please look at your history and make a choice that might actually make you happy, as I just don't see this as being right for you.

[Island Girl]

F2BM -

 

You have already made your mind up to do this incredibly reckless thing.

 

You say you are posting here to assist in you decision making process. However, EVERYONE, has given the same advice. Walk away - don't do it.

Yet you still persist.

I think your posting here to convince yourself that you are "weighing" your decision or thinking about both sides.

 

The wording of your posts and your insistence are indicative of your intentions.

 

You have continually tried to find reasons why this situation is different while turning a blind eye to the reasons why it is the SAME as OW have posted.

 

It is a poor decision you have made for yourself. Your heart has suffered much and you are hell bent on getting more of the same.

 

It is frustrating and sad for those of us looking at this with clear eyes.

 

It is like knowing the tracks are out and watching a train barreling down the tracks.

[blind_otter]

I don't know how to deal with the wife issue though!

 

I'm trying to be considerate to her even though I personally am not so crazy about her. She's nice on the phone but in person I sense she isn't too crazy about me. I guess that makes it easier to block her out, yet here I still am trying to take her into consideration which I'm sure many others in my situation wouldn't do.

 

This is lame, F2BM. Really, really lame.

 

I'm one of those people who would take the wife into consideration. I would take her into such consideration that I wouldn't even consider for one single second trying to interfere in their relationship. That's exactly what you're trying to do and women like you are the reason that some women are paranoid about having their boyfriends or husbands stolen from them.

 

You have no business even contemplating what you are considering. I'm very disappointed because I thought you had more integrity than that. I guess I was wrong. I used to like you.

[utwonderwoman]

I too cannot believe that this is real. It is like one of those Harlequin romance novels for teens.

 

Does no one respect the sanctity of marriage? Why is she "pecking" on a married man anyway? How in the world did this get started?

 

F2BM - I have lurked on this board for a long time. Everything that everyone is telling you is completely true.

 

I am feel so bad that you do not realize how much more you deserve from a man. You deserve someone that wants to be with you no matter what. Love comes from friendship and similiar goals in life. What if you were one of the tragic few that because of an accident or deformity (sp?) you were not able to have sex. Do you think they are incapabable of being in love, having a soul mate?

 

If he truly loves you, he will put the breaks on this and tell you to your face "Darling, I love you. I have a made a committment to honor and cherish someone else. I will tell my wife of my intentions of a divorce. When that is completed, I will come to you my darling, take you into my arms, share my life with you, share my friends with you, and share my family with you."

 

Until that happens - he doesn't love you, he doesn't respect you, and he doesn't respect his vows or his family that he promised to love and cherish before you came into his life. What makes you think that if he does leave his wife for you, he won't "fall in love" with someone else? He already made that promise to his wife - and now here you are with this supposed problem on your hands.

 

You are also not respecting yourself. If you think this is so right and you deserve all of this happiness. Talk to your parents, your family, your friends. If it is so right, I am sure they will understand and support your decision.