I kissed a married man and am falling in love!

[alphamale]

This is the sort where if MM gets wrapped up in this, he will have a very, very hard time getting rid of her when the time comes to end the affair.

Its his own fault then and he deserved it...

 

Married men that cheat deserve to get stalked by a psycho woman who can't let it go. It serves them right for betraying the women they vow to love.

"Fatal Attraction" syndrome??

[Yamaha]

I think you should live out your fantasy to the max; love him like a mad women and he will leave his wife for you because you are his soul mate. You two will be so happy and so in love. Surely no other two people in the world are this happy or fulfilled. You will make love and time will stop as you both orgasm at the same time. You will never fight or argue and he is so in tune with you that he knows what you need without you even asking for it. You can't imagine you life without him and you would die for him if it would save him any pain. He is your knight and you are his queen.

 

:love:

[NoIDidn't]

Did you think that we wouldn't notice that you are deleting posts? That is just foul. You think you could at least send a PM and let a poster know what was so offensive about what was posted.

 

 

THIS is getting OLD.

[norajane]

So why should I be the one who has to give him up and not her??

 

You have absolutely nothing to give up. All you have is the memory of a kiss. And a hella delusional imagination about soulmates.

 

She is married to him - SHE has him, though he is hardly a prize worth having since he's a lyer and cheater. She's had children with him. At least 18 years of marriage. You're in California, right? She owns half his financial assets, inlcuding their home, 401k's, cars, bank accounts, stocks, bonds, everything. And she owns his balls - trust me, she will put the squeeze on them if she catches wind of your kiss, because it is her right to do so because she owns half his life.

 

The more I think about it, the more it is making sense for me to answer my own questions. I think everyone is giving knee jerk reactions, which I can't blame because that's how I used to feel before getting into the situation myself.

No, actually, what you're getting is reactions from OW, BS, and everything in between. These are people who have been through exactly what you've been through.

 

Do you really think people enter into affairs on a whim? No, they all start the same way. Months of eye contact and some flirting. Lots of talking and sharing thoughts and deep conversation and emotions. More flirting. Light pecks. And then all the talk of love and longing and if only. Lots of people even hold back and try to walk away, but they believe their passion and love is so strong...

 

...and then they start having sex and there's no turning back. Then, all the sneaking around and hiding intensifies. Furtive meetings, stolen moments, the passion escalates.

 

Then, you start hating that he ALWAYS has to leave after you have sex and he can't spend the night because he goes home to his wife (and has sex with her, most likely). Then, you start hating that you can't call him whenever you want because he is with his wife. Then, you start hating that you never get to spend weekends together because he is with his wife. Then, you start hating that he says pretty words of love and makes you feel so loved when he is with you, but you feel so alone and unloved as soon as he walks out the door and goes home to his wife. Then, you start hating that his divorce never materializes.

 

Does this sound like a kneejerk reaction? These thoughts are the same that everyone posting on this thread has shared with you - many from EXPERIENCE. They have felt the soulmate attraction and ended up devastated.

 

YOU are having the kneejerk reaction in rejecting everything everyone has said because you don't want to hear it. You know what you want to hear, and no one can say that because they already know how your story will end.

 

 

Also, nothing has started in deceit.

Sure it has. His wife does not know that you have shared this kiss. He won't tell her. Neither will you. That is deceit. That is cheating. Take it any further, and he will deceive her more and more because he will not tell her about your affair. DECEIT is the hallmark of affairs.

 

 

I'm really disappointed in you. Thought you'd have learned your lesson that getting involved with unavailable men - be they emotionally unavailable via a boyfriend who runs hot and cold, physically unavailable via business travel, or legally and morally unavailable via marriage - only leads to your heart getting broken and lots and lots of therapy.

 

You have a therapist. Others have asked you multiple times if you've talked to him about this. Have you? WHY NOT? Are you embarrassed to tell him you're falling for a MM? Don't want him to think badly of you?

 

You went to therapy to figure out why you can't speak up for yourself, why you self-delude and hide your feelings...don't you see that getting involved with a MM is self-delusional to the extreme? That your feelings will always take second place to HIS? How are you going to feel 6 months from now if you start this affair and he makes no move to get a divorce? Will you believe his lies about why not? Will you freak out about what you should say and how to say it or not say it? Will you obsess until your therapist proscribes medication? That's the road you want to walk down, go for it. Otherwise, save yourself while you still can and wallk away.

[pelagicsands]

I think you should live out your fantasy to the max; love him like a mad women and he will leave his wife for you because you are his soul mate. You two will be so happy and so in love. Surely no other two people in the world are this happy or fulfilled. You will make love and time will stop as you both orgasm at the same time. You will never fight or argue and he is so in tune with you that he knows what you need without you even asking for it. You can't imagine you life without him and you would die for him if it would save him any pain. He is your knight and you are his queen.

Excellent analysis. I agree with pretty much everything, except that maybe she's not old enough to be a queen, yet. Shall we go with princess, instead?

 

Oh - and that "time stopping" thing was cool. I have to try that.

[Seen_It_All]

It seems absurd to ask a man who I have only kissed, to leave his wife for me!

I feel like I'm reading a story from the Twilight Zone.

 

One minute you claim he's as deeply in love with YOU as you are with him, and in the next post, you claim that "you've only kissed him, so HOW could you ask him to leave his marriage?"

 

So, the guy is older, kids are out of the house, and he's BORED. He likes the excitement of a younger gal feeding his ego, looking at him all doe-eyed, and acting as though he walks on water.

 

Fun, this is NOT a unique story. This is NOT a unique situation. This is NOT a unique 'love.' You are not soulmates.

 

A couple of other posters have actually said what you're saying is frightening and borders on psychotic. I agree with them. I thought you were a troll until I saw your post count, I honestly did.

 

Honey, this guy isn't looking to leave his wife. He's looking for some excitement on the side.

 

Tag, you're it.

[Hugh_950]

I have the power and right to demand he get a divorce. And if his response is such ... blah blah

 

Don't think this quote is being taken out of context. You're already thinking you can control another person. If he sees this in you ...

 

I doubt that you have the power - your'e already under his control.

And you don't have any rights like this (wow! that's scary) - in one day you've gone from sounding like a victim to sounding like a controlling female. Tell you what ... say what you said to him and watch the look on his face as he realizes that his already in deep ca ca with you. He'll run and probably start up a little thing with the next willling victim.

 

You ARE willing ... don't play dumb.

 

Let me guess ... you're already seriously thinking of having sex and you've also considered waiting til after (having a little more power) until you spring some demands on him.

 

You're starting doen a path into sadness and lonliness and every next step you take ... it's like a chain with every next link is stronger than the previous one. You will regret this as much as you'd regret getting yourself hooked on some narcotic.

[Hugh_950]

Some of the women here are coaching you with control methods. You're into the same mode too.

 

You've built a road map in you're brain (where he belongs to you). But his road map is probably not the same as yours.

 

You're headed for some serious pain here! And you're willingly taking each next step. You have your own motives and will have no one to blame but yourself.

 

Do you really think you can manipulate this man into a marriage with you?

[Guest]

it doesn't seem like ur asking for advice regarding your situation. you're asking basically about how u can get this guy to be with you. if anyone understands the way that men work, they do know that men don't necessarily work the same way as women. they like the chase. they like for their ego to be stroked. men are quick to "dispose" of women when they have sex with them if it's only lust. a lot of these people are telling you this stuff because THEY HAVE BEEN THERE. you have to remember that to him, his WIFE comes first. that's why she is his WIFE. I'm not trying to be rude or mean, but you have got to get a grip. you are just making excuses. and sex DOES NOT determine if he is in love with you. everyone knows that a man can have sex with a woman he has no feelings for, and he can fall so deeply in a love with a woman he has never had sex with. of course, he is going to tell you everything you want to hear. he might even tell you that he wants to marry you. but he will continue to make excuses as to why he can't marry you "yet". i can't even type everything that i want to say. a way to see if he is as into you as you are into him...make him chase you! don't be so available and don't be so quick to have sex with him.

[stillafool]

The funny thing about this is I bet you are not his first and won't be his last. I bet if his wife knew about you, she'd laugh, because she's probably seen them come and go.

 

This will never work out the way you want. You are purposely trying to hurt another person (his wife) and that somehow always comes back on us when we do that. You are setting yourself up for so much pain. It may not come through this man but be sure it will come and it will be 10-fold on your life. I somewhat feel sorry for you because you don't sound very stable right now. I think you should seek help for your unhealthy obsession.

[Hugh_950]

Thoughts and experiences can cause the hypothalamus to release peptides that swarm you, attaching to most of the cells that you’re made of.

 

In your case (that is for now) the feeling is blissful and exhilarating. It’s great isn’t it!!! And truly addictive in the strictest sense of an addiction. You’ll need more and more to feel the same bliss.

 

On the other hand, there are negative peptides that will swarm your system whenever he acts cool, cruel or flakes out of some rendezvous, or if he dumps you. Those negative peptides will cause horrible depression that also can be addictive. Strange that a human can get addicted to depression or victimization, but some of us do. Later when your cells divide into child cells, the receptors for those bad peptides, on the child cell, are more numerous than the parent cell, and the number of beneficial receptors (like for food, nutrition, etc) are less, having been crowed out by the depression receptors. I personally believe it’s there for getting us hooked into each other. It can be beneficial or it can be devastating.

 

It’s all chemistry. And I doubt that you can handle the consequences.

 

You have school girl dreams of steeling this guy for yourself and you’re tickling a dragon’s tail. I think you should back away quietly while you can.

 

On the other hand, if you’re not in this for romance and marriage, and all you want is to get banged by this guy, maybe you can get laid and survive.

 

Is he just a player? Probably.

Are you NOT just a player? I think you're a player too, but you seem to think you're excusable just because you have marriage in mind.

[lorr]

After reading certain posts on these forums, I have to say nothing surprises me anymore.

 

Fun2b is obviously delusional and refuses to listen to reason, so as the saying goes "Give them enough rope to hang themselves".

 

Although everyones provided excellent advice, I suppose its up to her to find out if her knight in shining armour is really going to have the guts to leave his wife for her(no way in hell).

 

All this "soulmates" crap is so overrated...

[whichwayisup]

I actually think once FUN sits down and thinks about it, she'll see what we're all saying. I'm not going to give up on her though, as frustrated as I am that she put herself in this situation and I think it will do SO much damage to her, I gotta have abit of faith that she WILL realize she's about to get hit by a train.

[Art_Critic]

I actually think once FUN sits down and thinks about it, she'll see what we're all saying. I'm not going to give up on her though, as frustrated as I am that she put herself in this situation and I think it will do SO much damage to her, I gotta have abit of faith that she WILL realize she's about to get hit by a train.

 

I think she needs to call her therapist and if he isn't doing her any good or if her attachment to him is hindering her at all then I think she needs to change therapists in order to deal with this MM Issue.

Fun.. this MM has your head spinning around and you haven't got your feet planted firmly yet to see it...

[pricillia]

FUN...

 

I think that you create un needed drama in your life to make things more exciting. You lure people in to your aid to get attention.

 

You may care for this man and he may care for you but why ad more drama and heartache to your life. You have been going to therapy for quite some time would you like to extend this to eternity.

 

Please think twice and then a third time and just say no to this type of relationship!!!!

[sweetscarlet]

I don't get why there's 11 pages trying to talk her out of it. When does someone EVER get talked out of it? Has that ever happpened? Not that I know of.

 

Has anyone ever seen someone convinced based on what others say when it comes to this situation? I haven't. So why do we go on for 11 pages? We already know what's going to happen. I guess that people just want to put their comments down for the record so that later, they can point back to them and say "See...told you so!" (and I don't blame them).

 

Everyone here is well-meaning but we all know it's not going to do the least bit of good.

 

I think maybe we should try a different approach with new posters in this category because this method doesn't work. Let's tell them to go for it!

Let's tell them that we can't see a reason not to. Let's tell them that he's their solemate, that it's true love, not lust, that if it weren't for them, he'd never have done something like this. I say we try that approach with the next person in this situation and see what happens.

 

What do you think? What do we have to lose? With THIS current method, we know they're going to do it anyway, right? (we've already seen that from the past). If we try the other method....maybe it'll work???

[Star Gazer]

I don't get why there's 11 pages trying to talk her out of it. When does someone EVER get talked out of it? Has that ever happpened? Not that I know of.

 

Has anyone ever seen someone convinced based on what others say when it comes to this situation? I haven't. So why do we go on for 11 pages? We already know what's going to happen. I guess that people just want to put their comments down for the record so that later, they can point back to them and say "See...told you so!" (and I don't blame them).

 

Everyone here is well-meaning but we all know it's not going to do the least bit of good.

 

I think maybe we should try a different approach with new posters in this category because this method doesn't work. Let's tell them to go for it!

Let's tell them that we can't see a reason not to. Let's tell them that he's their solemate, that it's true love, not lust, that if it weren't for them, he'd never have done something like this. I say we try that approach with the next person in this situation and see what happens.

 

What do you think? What do we have to lose? With THIS current method, we know they're going to do it anyway, right? (we've already seen that from the past). If we try the other method....maybe it'll work???

 

Your suggested method may have worked for Simon and his desire to oust Sanjaya, but it's not going to work here.

 

I've been in these women's shoes, and can honestly say that YES, after a while it was the women who urged me not to do this - and actually one particular MM poster, he knows who he is - who ultimately convinced me to stop torturing myself. Granted, I had to go back and re-read my posts to see the "big picture," but the advice I received here in THIS forum, even from SNARKY WOMEN, was very, very helpful.

[sweetscarlet]

Fun2BME, This man is married and Happily at that.

 

 

This part I have to disagree with......

 

These men are not happily married. They may act happily married while with their wives but they're not. That doesn't mean they're happy with their mistresses either. These men aren't happy period. They only person they care about is themselves...and they're not very happy with themselves even.

[sweetscarlet]

Your suggested method may have worked for Simon and his desire to oust Sanjaya, but it's not going to work here.

 

I've been in these women's shoes, and can honestly say that YES, after a while it was the women who urged me not to do this - and actually one particular MM poster, he knows who he is - who ultimately convinced me to stop torturing myself. Granted, I had to go back and re-read my posts to see the "big picture," but the advice I received here in THIS forum, even from SNARKY WOMEN, was very, very helpful.

 

 

Oh...so you recognized yourself, did you....

 

And you're saying that you did not have an affair AT ALL due to what people here told you? It totally prevented you from having one whatsoever?

 

And keep in mind that you are not the only person who knows things from experience.

[Star Gazer]

Oh...so you recognized yourself, did you....

 

And you're saying that you did not have an affair AT ALL due to what people here told you? It totally prevented you from having one whatsoever?

 

And keep in mind that you are not the only person who knows things from experience.

 

What are you doing, following me around now?? JEEEEZ.

 

But to answer your question - I WAS an OW. I was engaged in an affair with a MM. It WAS this forum, and quite literally ONLY what I read on this forum, that got me to end it.

[whichwayisup]

This part I have to disagree with......

 

These men are not happily married. They may act happily married while with their wives but they're not. That doesn't mean they're happy with their mistresses either. These men aren't happy period. They only person they care about is themselves...and they're not very happy with themselves even.

Oh, these men are happily married, that's the thing. They're just completely self absorbed and selfish.

 

I'm sure there are some MM who are not happy in their marriage, but many ARE and just are looking for some fun and excitement on the side.

 

I'm not too sure what side of the fence FUN's MM stands on though...

 

I don't get why there's 11 pages trying to talk her out of it. When does someone EVER get talked out of it? Has that ever happpened? Not that I know of.

 

Yes, it's happened in the past, and there's been afew OW who chose NOT to pursue MM after coming here and posting. There are TONS of OW who want out, and eventually get out of the A with the help of support from here too.

 

I can't give up on FUN, she's had a rough go of life in the past year so unless you've gone back and read all her previous threads, you'll understand why she's got 11 pages of support here in this section.

[Tomcat33]

I don't get why there's 11 pages trying to talk her out of it. When does someone EVER get talked out of it? Has that ever happpened? Not that I know of.

 

Has anyone ever seen someone convinced based on what others say when it comes to this situation? I haven't. So why do we go on for 11 pages? We already know what's going to happen. I guess that people just want to put their comments down for the record so that later, they can point back to them and say "See...told you so!" (and I don't blame them).

 

Everyone here is well-meaning but we all know it's not going to do the least bit of good.

 

I think maybe we should try a different approach with new posters in this category because this method doesn't work. Let's tell them to go for it!

Let's tell them that we can't see a reason not to. Let's tell them that he's their solemate, that it's true love, not lust, that if it weren't for them, he'd never have done something like this. I say we try that approach with the next person in this situation and see what happens.

 

What do you think? What do we have to lose? With THIS current method, we know they're going to do it anyway, right? (we've already seen that from the past). If we try the other method....maybe it'll work???

 

I totally agree with this post. People don't come here looking for a reason to stop what they are doing, they have already made up their minds to do whatever it is they are going to do before they even post. People (for the most part) come on here hoping to find a way to make their situation unique. It's not until they fall flat on their face and get a huge achey black eye and a broken nose that they are willing to hear all the advice. You can't talk someone out doing something they are predisposed to do, it comes from within.

 

The catalyst is the internal boilling point, not words.

[Art_Critic]

People don't come here looking for a reason to stop what they are doing, they have already made up their minds to do whatever it is they are going to do before they even post.

 

I believe that if you read SG's post you will see that you can't paint all OW with such a broad brush..

LS is a community that some people show up here and post for help.. as in SG's case she mentions that it was people here that helped talk her out of the affair..

 

I've been in these women's shoes, and can honestly say that YES, after a while it was the women who urged me not to do this - and actually one particular MM poster, he knows who he is - who ultimately convinced me to stop torturing myself. Granted, I had to go back and re-read my posts to see the "big picture," but the advice I received here in THIS forum,

[Tomcat33]

I believe that if you read SG's post you will see that you can't paint all OW with such a broad brush..

LS is a community that some people show up here and post for help.. as in SG's case she mentions that it was people here that helped talk her out of the affair..

 

No, no I understand that and it's not that I am painting all OW with the same brush it's just that it doesn't matter who posts for help, more often than not people know what they are going to do before they even post the query. The choice comes from within.

[Trialbyfire]

No, no I understand that and it's not that I am painting all OW with the same brush it's just that it doesn't matter who posts for help, more often than not people know what they are going to do before they even post the query. The choice comes from within.

Absolutely, the choice comes from within. The beauty of a place like LS is having so many choices staring you in the face, some choices that never occurred to you. The final choice resides with you.