Halo Posted January 3, 2003 Share Posted January 3, 2003 I should probably be more attuned to this sort of thing by now, but for whatever reason I can still be a bit oblivious at times. About two months ago I asked out this girl from one of my classes at school. She said she had a boyfriend. Not what I wanted to hear, but fine. I was then prepared to make some appropriate closing comment and leave it at that, except she then started asking me a lot of questions, like where I usually go on weekends, where I work, etc, etc. For the remainder of the semester we talked before every class, just as we had been doing before I asked her out, except now she seemed to be the one initiating the conversations. At the time I didn't think too much of it, but now I am starting to wonder if she was "fishing", just being nice, or what. Also, throughout the semester I thought I perceived a bit of mutual interest, but it's a pretty vague suspicion and I figured it was probably just wishful thinking on my part. Now I do wonder though. I will probably see her around next semester and if the opportunity arises I am half-tempted to retest the waters, so to speak. I know it's hard to gauge from a written account, but does anyone think my suspicion is warranted at all? Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 3, 2003 Share Posted January 3, 2003 Yes, I think your suspicion is warranted. Girls, in general, don't pursue guys and talk to guys and try to find out information about guys who they aren't at least, on some level, interested in. Although she may have a guy now, things may not be going well, or she could've always thought you were a cutie, or something along those lines. BUT, you also don't want to fall into the "backup guy" category. She may be slightly pursuing now because she knows you are interested (or were interested) since you asked her out. Girls always like to keep the guys who are interested hanging, especially if the girl thinks they are cute! (And whatever else!) This is "safe" pursuing for her, since she is in a relationship, and she may think that it will keep YOU interested in her. Very good for the ego. I suspect she is flirting a little more than before you asked her out??? Always nice to have a backup and to feel wanted...she might simply be leading you on in case things don't pan out with her guy, so she has someone to fall back on. It's your call how you follow from here. I think if she ends things with her guy, she will go out of her way to let you know that information if she is really interested in you. I think what you should do is act completely uninterested in her. (As the women of the world shoot me down for disclosing this information...) Act like you are interested in another girl at school. Tell her you went out on a Great Date the next time you talk to her. In short, let her know that you have Moved On. That will really get her going, and if she really wants you, she will Jump at the chance to get back into her life. But of course, that's just my opinion! (To steal the Trademark from Ally Boo!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Halo Posted January 5, 2003 Author Share Posted January 5, 2003 Thanks for your reply. You are correct about avoiding the "backup" pitfall. However I like this girl more than any other girl of recent memory, so I figure it might be worth gauging her situation again, after enough time has passed. I think this can be accomplished in a number of subtle ways. That I think she's interested is all that really matters I guess, since that assumption will manifest itself in the level of confidence projected. Anyone else have a thought to share? Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted January 6, 2003 Share Posted January 6, 2003 Well, actually, I totally agree with her, which is why I didn't respond to this post. You are totally the backup guy. And it doesn't matter how much you care about her...you obviously aren't her focus...her man is. I've been in her position, this is what she is thinking..... "OK, I love my guy, but he's an idiot, and really is taking me for granted. Oh but there is this guy over here who likes me....hmmmm....well, at least I know I won't have to be alone if I get out of this for whatever reason. And then once my guy sees that I AM wanted and that I can do better, he'll straighten up and I'll be happy again." Sucks...but true. You didn't ask us to tell you what you wanted to hear...but what we thought....and........ ALL TOGETHER NOW..... Link to post Share on other sites
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