What do my feelings mean?

[hope1975]

ohhh lovelace, what's wrong with him?

it's hard to work out if he was shooting you down...cos he went & got the big blanket, that may have been a hint for you to lie down with him. Were his kids around at the time? maybe he didn't want to go into your bed cos mary might have woken up & seen him there.

 

Very hard to tell....I don't understand what's going on...we're offering these guys sex, and they're turning us down...although both times it's when you & I have been drunk...maybe they don't want to do anything while we're drunk...or they may not find it attractive. I honestly don't know, I can't figure it out.

 

I'm used to men wanting sex all the time, maybe cos they're a bit older they don't need it as much, who knows.

 

But you have nothing to feel bad about...he made a move on you last time, theres nothing wrong with what you did...screw him, it's his loss.

 

Or maybe he didn't want you to think he was using you for sex, so maybe that's why he moved off the lounge.

 

I texted tim twice this weekend & got no reply, so I'm feeling a bit rejected too...and yet 3 days ago, he was callling me cos one day went by that I didn't call him. gosh it's confusing...I think the only way we're going to know is if we come out & ask. but are we ever going to have the balls to do that? I proabably won't

 

It's good that you said what you said about him staying awake for 24 hours. It might make it easier for you to have a talk with him now.

 

ohhh Lovelace what are we going to do???????????????????? :confused:

[LoveLace]

Nice avatar! Don't know what the hell we're going to do! Do ya really think the blanket was a hint?

 

Tim is just as confusing! I think we've said this before, but I'll say it again, they want things in a way that is convenient for them...but when its convenient for us, its a no-go. Stop texting or calling...again...apprently it could be the only thing that prompts him to call ya. But for example, I tried to call Tom tonight to ask him something but it was about something silly really, so I didn't bother to leave a message. But he'll manage to be too "busy" to call me back tonight. So I decided I'll try to wait up for him tonight.

 

I woke up Sat. morning thinking, "what have I done!"...did I make a fool of myself? Then tom got up just as I was going to the pool...so I'm in my 2 piece suit..but I wear shorts until I swim, little self-consious of thighs and butt! I told him I was going to the pool and invited him to join me. Sure enough, he shows up about 10 min. later, which I didn't expect, then I feel insecure in my suit with my shorts off! So we went for a short swim, then sat in the sun for a while making very small talk, he talked about work stressing him, etc...I caught him looking at me a couple times while I was doing something...I think he might have been wondering if I remembered what I asked him the night before...he sure wasn't afraid to hang with me at the pool. He even said he was glad that I dragged him there and he should go there more often. Then later, he said I was "hammered" the night before. I argued that I wasn't, just a little tipsy. Also, at the pool he was talking about the young girls that he works with. He said, "do ya think they are sucking my d*k to get more hours or somethin?"....I said, "why do ya care?"..."I don't" he says, I said, Why questions motives?

 

I thought it was odd of him to ask me that question. When I just did that very thing to him a few weeks ago....could it be he wants to know if I had motives behind it? Like I'm trying to trap him or something? Then today is fathers day so I got the idea to clean the apt. a lot more than I normally do...kitchen and bathroom mostly, scrubbed my ass off after a long day with school. I NEVER clean the bathroom...so he'll die when he sees it. He still hasn't mentioned how he plans on paying me back the cash. And you know, I didn't want to do it with him that night...just wanted to be held...somehow I think he didn't get it. And maybe he got the blanket, instead of telling me he doesn't want me to use him as a pillow...and if he's worried about hurting me or something, I don't think he would have came to the pool, what do you think? I keep hoping he might be cooking up something cool for me to pay me back...doubt that though. If I can't stay up late enough tonight, I'll see him tomorrow. I've never been more confused.

 

luv ya

[hope1975]

you like my avatar? I chose it cos it looks so much like my daughter, but all the pictures I have of her, the files are too large & I dunno how to resize them...I'll try & find a photo of her and post that & you won't be able to tell the difference.

 

The whole pool thing makes it sound like he's interested again...He's definately flirting...if he didn't want to lead you on, he wouldn't have even come to the pool, no one held a gun to his head. It was his own choice.

 

so did you stay up to see him??

 

I think I'm giving up on tim, I'm pms'ing and i'm not in the mood for any little mind games. I spoke to him on the phone last night, purely business, nothing else. I texted him a couple of times over the weekend, he only replied back once...said he'd call me, but he didn't...well it got to 9:30 & I sent him a text saying "it's too late, lets talk tomorrow." so maybe he'd been planning on calling me around 10 or so, that seems to be when he prefers to call me lately, later at night when he's at home or in bed. when I asked him what happened last night, he said he fell asleep....is that a genuine excuse?

 

we'll see what happens today.

 

as usual keep me updated

 

luv ya

[LoveLace]

....oh something's definitely going on...but Tom manages to hurt me one way or another...

 

First of all...ok well 3 yrs. ago there was incident where he spanked his daughter with a belt, because she disappeared for a long time without calling (she was only 11); her mother didn't like it and called the police on Tom. For some reason it's just now going to trial...but its the state that charged him, not her mother. And his daughter has already voiced that she only told her mom because she was angry at Tom for punishing her, etc., but the two are very close..and I'm positive it was a one-time occurrence, it isn't something he does regularly, or even sometimes. Lots of people in our generation were spanked with belts...anyhow, I missed his call yesterday at lunch time...when I called him back after work, he was telling me about the trial so far and how scared he is, etc, he had called me during lunch because I guess he wanted someone to talk to, and he thanked me for the "fathers day" present when I cleaned the apartment and said it all looked really good...

 

By the way, they already said the worst he can get is probation, however he's still scared about the whole trial thing. They couldn't come up with enough jurers yesterday so he had to go back again today. We decided to go out to eat for dinner yesterday! He's totally broke and has no money, so we settled for a pizza place that we both like a lot. I didn't mind paying, yet again, is there something wrong with me? Anyway, we had a good time just chatting...I fixed my hair and put on make-up..I wore a black shirt with lace straps...then back at home on the couch (alone) which I didn't know what the hell to think! We were both barely awake by then as we both had pretty long hard days. I steered well and clear away from any physical contact, after feeling foolish last time. So we're watching TV and there's a hot girl and he says "that looks just like the girl I wanna f*ck, lovelace"....

 

Gee thanks. God he manages to make me feel completely unattractive to him, while I know darn well I'm attractive. After that I wanted to cry and I couldn't even look at him for a few minutes. I closed my eyes for a bit and once when I opened my eyes, he was looking at me. Then he said he's to his bed where he can stretch his legs out. While he set his alarm, I went in, rubbed his back and said I'd be thinking about him today. He says "are you going in there in a minute?" I don't even know what he was talking about. I just said, "well I'll probably stay up a little longer". And I hugged him, kissed his cheek. I'm so damn affectionate; all the while, apparently I'm not hot enough for him. I feel so hurt, yet again. Should I tell him this? Or should I keep hiding it?

 

whats going on Hope! I feel so in love with this man, despite his baggage, and obviously will do anything for him, why does he have to talk about the girls that suck his d*k and the girl he wants to f*ck? WHY!!!! Everything will be going just great and then he has to ruin it with this B.S. It hurts me. What do I do now!

[serial muse]

Lovelace, it almost hurts too much to read your posts; I'm really sorry for all you're going through. My take, though, isn't going to make you happier - he knows you're hurting with love for him, and while I'm sure he does care about you, I think the various things he's done lately - talk about other women, moving away from you on the couch, etc etc are ways to create physical space, to show you he doesn't want more with you without having to hurt you directly by telling you so. I don't think he wants to hurt you, but I think he knows how you feel and therefore he is trying to set boundaries.

 

What complicates the picture is that he needs you not only as a friend, but as a financial buffer. I don't think that necessarily means he likes using you, or is doing it on purpose - your generosity does make it easy for him though. He doesn't want to alienate you for a number of reasons, but he is trying to show you gently that there will never be a real relationship there.

 

I know you want to help him, and you want to give what you can. But this is just awful for you and he will never be to you what you want him to be. He's making it as clear as he can without being brave enough to tell you to your face. You don't owe him anything, though, and you don't need to keep bailing him out. Ultimately, I'm sure he's terrified you'll realize this at some point and actually move out, as you've said you would.

 

And that's exactly what you should do. Not to stick it to him, but so that you can move on. He's a black hole for you right now. You can't find peace, or love with someone else, with him in the way.

[LoveLace]

You could be exactly right serial. I already realized, that if I move out it doesn't have to be when the lease is up, it can be anytime I want, long as I give him enough time to find a replacement roommate. I've just always hated the thought of giving him the ultimatum that if he doesn't love me I have to leave...don't want it to seem like I only help him because I love him; we've always taken care each other, that's why I do it. When he has the means to do the same for me, he does.

 

I don't want to be the one to blow the friendship either, I'm we'd still be acquainted, but this will be the 2nd time I've been through this with him, although last time was many years ago and practically insignificant now. I'll just never understand why so many other guys would love to have me...although I rarely want any of them back...I'll never understand why he doesn't want me like that...all I can guess is it's only because of my physical appearance...which angers me more than anything...cuz otherwise we are best friends that truly care about each other, and enjoy each other's company, everything about it is the perfect foundation for a lasting relationship; but I'm sure it only boils down to my looks, I don't know what else it could possibly be. I have no doubt that I'm quite an attractive woman, he just doesn't think so. He works with younger gals who have perfect little bods everyday so that's probably the only way he could fall in love with anyone. I do my absolute best to get to the gym every week but with my schedule, there is no way I could go enough to end up looking like those girls.

[serial muse]

You could be exactly right serial. I already realized, that if I move out it doesn't have to be when the lease is up, it can be anytime I want, long as I give him enough time to find a replacement roommate. I've just always hated the thought of giving him the ultimatum that if he doesn't love me I have to leave...don't want it to seem like I only help him because I love him; we've always taken care each other, that's why I do it. When he has the means to do the same for me, he does.

 

I don't want to be the one to blow the friendship either, I'm we'd still be acquainted, but this will be the 2nd time I've been through this with him, although last time was many years ago and practically insignificant now. I'll just never understand why so many other guys would love to have me...although I rarely want any of them back...I'll never understand why he doesn't want me like that...all I can guess is it's only because of my physical appearance...which angers me more than anything...cuz otherwise we are best friends that truly care about each other, and enjoy each other's company, everything about it is the perfect foundation for a lasting relationship; but I'm sure it only boils down to my looks, I don't know what else it could possibly be. I have no doubt that I'm quite an attractive woman, he just doesn't think so. He works with younger gals who have perfect little bods everyday so that's probably the only way he could fall in love with anyone. I do my absolute best to get to the gym every week but with my schedule, there is no way I could go enough to end up looking like those girls.

 

I suppose it may be that - but I think there's another way to look at it. The fact is, he owes you, and he knows it. You take care of him in every possible way, including financially. You do that because you love him, and because he needs you, and you want to show him your love. And I think he is probably extremely grateful, and doesn't know what he's done to deserve all that selflessness. BUT - I'd guess he has a pretty low opinion of himself, too. Hence the drugs, and the staying up until all hours, and the not meeting rent but not being able to face you, and the broken promises to go to dinner but watching you pay every time because he just can't do it. I'm sure he feels like a big fat heel around you (as well he should). With those younger girls, he can feel important and strong and powerful, and he can't do it with you.

 

NOTE: this is NOT your fault. You're trying to help a man who won't help himself. He doesn't need to be squirreling money away on drugs that would be better spent paying you back. But despite his unwillingness to come through much of the time, he seems like he's got some leftover sense of decency about him, and that guilt probably eats away at him. And guilt is pretty terrible for a person's sex drive. I suspect that has a lot to do with why he isn't attracted to you - he's not proud of how he treats you, but he isn't strong enough to stop it, either. So he pushes you away physically, but won't let you get too far emotionally, because he's become dependent.

 

The trouble is, there's not a damn thing you can do about it. He has to make the decision to step up, and he's not making it. It may be that you leaving would force him to do so. But it may not. That's out of your hands. You can only do one thing at this point, and that's save yourself from further heartache.

 

Either way, I'm not advocating that you issue an ultimatum - of course you'd feel bad about that. But that's the wrong framework. You're not moving out because he doesn't love you but because you're in pain and it's okay to prioritize yourself for a change. Deep down, he knows it, too - that's why he's not letting himself take advantage of you any more than he already is. He doesn't sound like a bad guy, but he sounds like a basketcase, and you don't need to be his saving angel. It may be that he needs to figure out how to save himself. And you need to focus on saving yourself. There's nothing selfish or crass or wrong about that, hon. Please, think about what's best for you for a change.

[LoveLace]

Thanks serialmuse. At one point, I did tell him that moving out would probably be best for me. He voiced that he "understood" and that he and his kids are just too much for me to deal with. He said he understood, that it effects my dating life, he knows I want a "husband". Then suddenly, he acted though he was sure that we shouldn't do this anymore...he acted as though I pissed him off. I was convinced, so I lined up a new apt. for myself. We said it would be cool to be "neighbors". It does sound cool. But its not far enough away from him. Financially I'm in a bad condition to even do it alone. Another town or something is out of the question for now....I have one of the cheapest, nicest apt's. in this whole city. Mom loves it that I live down the street; and I have to consider by school and work schedule, and locations. I've been trying to find a better paying job, but no luck yet. I could handle a 1 bedroom in this complex, barely. And we'd still be nighbors. So I eventually felt like that would just be silly. And it seemed as though he realized it all at the same time.

 

Since I mentioned the drugs, I haven't seen him party or go out at all. He's being his normal self...he's been in a non-stop good mood ever since we messed around. Since then, he's only mentioned one girl, the new mystery one that he supposedly wants to f*k. I'm actually surprised he didn't make a comment like that much sooner. Your saying he feels bad cuz I'm able to meet his needs but he can't, or won't, meet mine. I agree he probably doesn't feel "proud"...is this why he's been calling like we're best friends, and spending time with me? He thinks it makes up for my kindness? Is he hoping that this is enough? Or does he already know it's not?

 

I have to say something eventually. Eventually we'll have to talk about the meaning behind it all, right? If he knows how I feel, and knows that I want true love, then he must know this can't go on forever, and he will lose me eventually. After messing around though, I did feel like he looked at me differently...looks at me and smiles a lot. After my drunken night of inviting him to my bed, I've caught him staring a couple times. That was when he hung out with me 2 days in a row. He must figure it can't hurt me just to hang out. We went out and ate pizza and pasta yesterday, nothing fancy but we were both pretty happy. We talked and laughed; and it felt different than if we are at home. It was nice and actually somewhat hard to just enjoy, because I'm sad. I don't want it to show, but I'm starting to feel like I don't care if it shows anymore. After rejecting the bed invitation, it didn't seem to freak him out at all...it seems like he just got more curious...but I've been pretending it never happened.

[hope1975]

I agree with what serialmuse is saying, I think he's a bit ashamed that he can't meet your needs, and you do so much for him, do you think he feels like him & his kids put too much pressure on you? and he might feel like he's standing in your way of finding someone.

 

I still think you need to have a talk to him, I think it's the only way you're ever gonna know, unless he decides to come out and say something to you about how he feels, but he seems to be a bit shy about his feelings.

 

Hope everythings going well, it sounds like he's being extra nice to you at the moment (which is great) but I understand how that could also make you feel sad too.

 

thinking of you x

[LoveLace]

Hope I've missed u! Thought of you just today! Have you heard from Tim recently? How do you feel about him at this point?

 

Tom knows I want a "husband" eventually...we know that much...so if he truly felt that he was in my way of finding someone...you'd think he wouldn't encourage me to stay with him. On the other hand, he knows he needs me. At one time he did express that he understood how stressful the situation is for me, etc..and in the same conversation he was acting as though I pissed him off somehow, and that we were still splitting. That was a couple months ago. But after messing around, he said we should "re-think" it. Another time he said, "I just wanna stay together because of the money thing"--also after messing around. But I'm sure after all I've done for him lately, that I've made him feel unable to return to my needs-- which are physical and emotional...and here lately, I've made that somewhat apparent. I think he's been trying to give me opportunities to discuss it on purpose. By hanging out with me at the pool and going out to eat with me the other night. But do I ever start a discussion? Nope. I was too busy trying to figure out why he wanted to suddenly spend all this time with me--especially right after he rejects an invitation to my bed (which was an attempt to meet my need of cuddling, not sex, but I didn't make that very clear...there's a chance that spending time with me was to figure that one out?)

 

Maybe he wondered if I just want to use him for physical needs the way he "uses" me for financial needs. Because maybe he's considering it, but wants to make sure it's not only due to convenience, or because he "owes me". Maybe he doesn't want a relationship to develop at such a needy time in his life...that would make it look like he was using me for sure. I agree if he feels that it would be like I was "buying" his affection, ya know? If we got together, we'd both have to know it is because we WANT to, not just because it's convenient.

 

I'm still way bothered by the "girl I want to f*k" comment..it seemed sord of out of the blue...and right after the rejection, after I cleaned the place for his fathers day gift, after hanging out 2 days in a row...then I catch him staring at me as if to assess my reaction to this sexual statement about another girl. I have heard of men bragging a lot about other girls wanting them, hoping it'll impress 1 woman. But somehow I don't think that's what he's trying to do.

 

I know this circle of confusion won't end until a real talk happens. I think we're on our way there, but hanging out with him more lately makes me feel more comfortable about opening to him later. So I may just need time to warm up to him.

 

Unless I'm just dreaming up hope...I could swear I heard him talking about me to his older daughter the other night. Right after I went to bed, it sounded like he was trying to talk lowly. I heard his daughter say, "aawww! how sweet!" or something along those lines...and maybe I'm wrong, but I could swear I heard him say something about trying to give me time...what it all meant I don't know..

[hope1975]

Hey lacey (i've decided that's what I'm gonna call you from now on!!)

I've missed you too

You know, I really think it does sound like things are progressing with you & Tom, even if it is happening slowly, I think there's definate progress being made...he's hanging out with you alot more & paying you alot more attention, obviously none of us want to see you get hurt by him, but I think you've been hurting alot along the way as it is.

 

I've been thinking about that "girl I wanna ****" comment...you don't seem to think he was saying it to make you jealous, but that's the first thing that comes to my head, especially after what happened between the two of you....surely he's not that insensitive just to say that a couple of days after for no reason. especially when he hasn't been talking about other girls, then all of a sudden he brings it up again, and watches you to see your reaction?? sounds like he's trying to get you jealous to me.

 

I mean the guy went out to eat with you the other night....how often does he do that?? not very often from what I've heard. As I said I think things are progressing slowly, and it will take time cos you guys have been friends for years, and this isn't a new relationship just starting out, there are alot of things to consider for both of you, including the living arrangements.

 

It's quite possible he was talking about you to his daughter...wow, hope he was.

 

As for Tim....hmmmm....well lets just say that we're not making any progress at all I spoke to him on the phone the other night & I said, you know we've spoken every night for the past few weeks, it must get a bit much on you, cos it even does on me...hmmm....then I had to take my foot out of my mouth...I didn't mean it the way it came out, and he hasn't called me since. The rest of the conversation we had was pretty good, but no contact for 3 days now, except for one text message that didn't make any sense to me. I'd asked him if I could call him tonight for a quick chat..he wrote back: we'll talk tonight, I promise I'll be alert...I mean what does that mean?? maybe it was a text meant for someone else.

 

Hope things are going better for you, then me. I've been really busy with work. I think I need to take a holiday, so I can spend more time here on LS

 

anyways, gotta go, but keep me updated as usual

luv ya heaps

[LoveLace]

;)So did you call him? That's a weird text he sent you back. Well, next time you talk to him, tell him that what you said might have sounded different than you wanted it to...so sorry if he took it in a bad way.

 

I guess your right about the progression thing, I just try and not get too excited, you know how that goes. His comment did make me wonder about the jealousy thing...you could be right, I could only think of 2 reasons why I'd catch him staring at me sleeping: 1)to see my reaction to his comment or 2) he thinks I'm beautiful! ha ha..either way is good though huh!

 

I have decided to back off now, so I haven't called him or anything since I saw him last which was 3 days ago. Now its the weekend and I'm home and there are no kids--so unless he shows up with them today, I guess we'll have more alone time--makes me nervous! But I decided to play dumb for now, to see if he tries to initiate anything. After being rejected once, why would I try something again right?

 

I'm anxious to hear what the next conversation with Tim is like...oh I like your nickname for me too!!

[LoveLace]

Well I perhaps made a mistake this evening..I"m not sure...It's Saturday night, I got invited to a party so I met my girl friend there...but it was way boring...then I decided I could go to my roommate's work cuz he's working nights this weekends. I RARELY go there, cuz it's over 30 min. away..since we lived together I've only been there one other time while he worked. Since the party sucked I had nothing else to do, and I was all dressed up looking hot. I was nervous about going where he works, but it's like, whats the big deal? I never do it, so how could he think it's a check-up or something like that?

 

He said hi when I walked in, but from there he basically didn't even acknowledge me. This co-worker guy of his started hitting me hardcore just like last time I went there; I have no interest in this man what so ever. He's hard up for booty, that's all. And the bartender girl, well guess what...she looked just like the girl on TV that Tom said he wants to f*ck. The 1st second I saw her, the resemblence was uncanny. So he was not making it up to see if I would get jealous. She is like 30 lbs lighter than me. Luckily a mutual friend of ours was there so I was able to hang with them and pretend like I didn't care what Tom was doing. He was busy, I understand, but still acknowledged me very little. The only reason we're not together is because I'm too "big" for him. This bartender girl was TINY. I don't know if he thought more of my visit than he should have or what, but I just didn't have anything else to do after the boring party. I don't see what the big f*king deal is, but I guess it's too much for him.

[hope1975]

Sorry I've been gone for a few days...I have some bad news

Tims getting married...it's quite depressing. I wasn't looking forward to telling anyone about it.

 

Geez I can understand what you're thinking about Tom, and feeling like you're too big for him...I'm feeling that way myself right now. It sucks...I'm gonna go on a diet.

 

I don't think you made a mistake going to his work...I'm starting to think that these men aren't worth the time or energy we put in.

 

Even though he Tom didn't acknowledge you much, was he watching you & stuff? what was he like with the bar tender girl, did he flirt & stuff with her?

 

honestly lacey, I'm really starting to think that we can do better, maybe the only reason we're hung up on these guys, is cos there's no one else around

 

You & Tom were definately making progress, I can't work out why he acts the way he acts sometimes...I'm still convinced he's interested in you. I think he doesn't know how to handle it sometimes though.

 

so what else has been happening? I'm not really as upset over Tim as I thought I'd be. Not even that surprised really.

 

Don't let that one night upset you too much, how's he been since then?

[LoveLace]

Oh NO!! I can't believe he's getting MARRIED!!! That's sudden? Oh well you know what...I can't wait to hear about the next guy in your life...new guy, same old B.S. though right!! No, hopefully not. How long have you known about the marriage? Will she be moving to be with him?

 

Well that was just last night. I don't really know if he was watching me or not, cuz I was making it a point not to act too interested in what he was doing, etc. I kept myself occupied by talking to a buddy of ours or whatever. I even left without telling Tom bye. When he got home I was in a crabby mood and doing the dishes. Then I cried before I went to sleep and cried when I woke this morning. I didn't expect him to kiss my feet while I was there, but maybe he didn't want a certain girl to think he was attached. He was perfectly friendly when he got home though, of course. He just got up a minute ago and I can hardly look at him, not because I'm angry though. He just went to the pool, so I thougth I'd check in!

 

I feel so needy and I'm ready to explode, all I do is work and study and clean up after the slobs I live with, constantly taking care of everything else...the other night I was telling Tom how much my feet hurt from work, etc, and he doesn't do a thing, but when he tells me his shoulder hurts, my instinct is to rub it for him. Times like that reminds me a guy I dated last year that would always rub my feet, or do anything I wanted...still turned out a jerk...but he was much more concerned about my comfort than Tom who I've known for 10 years. I know how you feel about Tim though...another guy I was totally in love with just got married and had a baby. I was shocked, but it's like, what can ya do?

 

I don't know how to tell Tom that its worse living alone than living with a decent man who appears to be OK with totally depriving me of my innermost needs. I get sad living alone...but at least then I don't have something right in front of me that I apparently can't have...

 

Will you go to the wedding?...Hey, there's an idea for a new date!

[hope1975]

haha...nah not going to the wedding...I'm really glad he's happy though. Yeah she'll move here to be with him. I have to admire that...that's a huge commitment. I don't know if I could do that, the guy would have to be someone pretty spectacular.

 

To be honest that sort of commitment scares the crap out of me...I knew my ex boyfriend for 10 years & we were engaged, but I'm soooo glad now that we didn't get married...and I knew him for 10 YEARS!!!

 

But I guess when it's the right person, you just know it's right....I've heard plenty of people say that, but it's never happened to me.

 

I think the whole Tim thing was more of a challenge for me then anything, now the challenge has gone, so has the interest a little bit. I still love him as a person though.

 

It sounds to me like Tom's all caught up in his own little world at the moment. Probably cos he has so many issues with money, etc. Has he paid you back yet?

 

Don't allow him to make you feel needy...you don't need him...you want him, but you don't NEED him...he's the one that has all the issues, if anything he needs you!!

 

Men can be totally clueless sometimes...you have to spell things out for them. Tell him you're tired of cleaning up after everyone & won't be doing it anymore. Maybe that'll snap him out of it.

 

I hope things get better for you soon sweetie....I think we should both find different guys...but ones that actually treat us the way we want to be treated. The problem is meeting someone....I never meet anyone that does it for me...well not very often anyway, I think I'm too picky sometimes.

 

Let me know how you go, I'll be thinking of you xx

[LoveLace]

I'm here for you Hope!! (But I know your ok!!)

 

I had a friend from here, that met a guy while she was visiting Europe a few years ago. They fell for each other, etc, and did the LD thing for a while, then she quit her job, sold everything she owned, and moved to Amsterdam to be with him! Talkin' bout committment! They stayed together a few years..I just heard they broke up about a year ago...but she's independent and adapted now, so she doesn't plan on moving back anytime soon. I admire that though.

 

Your right I don't necessarily need Tom, but I do need someone...I've been fending for myself sooo long...which is fine. But I want someone to hold me at night, etc, I need serious TLC, I don't someone to tell me I'm special cuz I know that already! I need someone to SHOW me though..I don't get any real affection...and it's a human desire that I long for so much it hurts. I want to be appreciated. I know Tom appreciates me. I guess he doesn't want to show me that though...cuz then it would look like he wants more?

 

He's the only guy in my life, but not by choice really. My schedule doesn't allow me to get out much...and if I do meet someone special (which never happens) I don't have much adequate time for dating. I guess I'd make the time if I really wanted to. For example, I was basically out alone last night, because I don't have many friends left that are single, etc..my only options are to go to places where I already know someone working there or etc..one reason I went to Tom's work. The bars are horrible. The boys out there are getting younger...they are mostly in their young 20's and that just sounds too young to me! Online dating has always been pretty much a repeated failure for me. I might try again though..who knows.

 

Tom was talking to me before he left for work and I barely looked at him much less spoke. Now he probably thinks I'm mad at him for last night, but I'm not. I'm just upset that there's no one treating me like a queen.

[LoveLace]

Hope how are you? You know I wish we could exchange email addresses without posting them...I still think we should meet up one day! I swear I've always wanted to go to Australia! Or if you still make that trip to the US...I will try so hard to meet up with you!! I hope you are in good spirits these days...but I'm sure you are...you seem to be as strong as me...I can be pretty weak too though!

 

I'm pretty sure I've busted Tom hiding a "girl" secret from me...nothing major...but kind of a funny story...and I just wonder why it's something he wants to hide from me...hmmm...

 

We hung out last night which was cool and he bought me dinner, just a carry-out meal, but still it was nice of him. His daughter has been on a trip and is returning today, so it was our last night alone for a while...anyway, after eating he says he's going out. When I asked where, he sord of smiled and said "oh, just to meet a couple people"...I knew right away, something was up, but didn't know what yet. But he ended up falling asleep in his room. I fell asleep on the couch. He got up at about 2am...then I went to my room...but came back out to get a drink...and there he is, naked and it was rock hard!! I caught him starting his "ritual". He said sorry, as if I care or haven't seen it before!! I had to go back to my room and pleasure myself...I'm so horny and I'm about ready to beg him...I still feel hot today even, after that!

 

I was also purposely walking around in my underwear...the cotton kind that looks more like really short shorts...so my a** is hanging out of them...but they are so comfortable I figure, who cares? I've known Tom too long to even care. I could see him check out my rump from the corner of my eye...OMG I keep thinking about his hard member!!! I should have just went for it!!! But around 3:30am, he says he is still going out. I asked where could he be going at this hour? A chick's house? He gives me that sly smile again, and says "good call". Which is not "yes" or "no"...then as he leaves I said "Your already at a chick's house"....again he gives me the smile, points and says "Good point"...then bye.

 

Later he returned with his buddy. I thought ok, all he did was pick up his drunk friend...why wouldn't he just tell me that? But little does he know how MUCH I actually know!!!

 

I suddenly solved the puzzle in my head this morning...the drunk buddy works with my cousin at a restaurant called the Hive. Just the other day, my cousin told me there's a young waitress there that every guy drools over,etc, and apparently he and our drunk buddy have hung out with her a lot. Tom wouldn't pick up this friend in the middle of the night unless he was getting something out of it...and you know how guys brag to each other about hot girls they know...so Tom was going to meet this girl, obviously. It doesn't mean he's going to date her, I know that, but why did he act so mysterious about it? Cuz he knew I'd roll my eyes, that's why. Cuz he knows I hate it. Just because I've known him so long and so well, I've only seen him hide things like this from girls that he really likes. So he's starting to hide these things from me...and he wasn't even doing anything wrong! Do you make anything of it?

 

Tonight I'm going to throw him off and ask about the girl...he'll be like, how did she know!!! And I am at my wit's end here...haven't had sex in a long time...and I saw my hot roommate naked and hard last night...I can't hold back anymore...I gotta tell him I need him!!! I don't know if I care about emotions at this point, cuz I'm thinking from down there!! Maybe we won't really get together-- but as long as he lives with me and I no one else, don't ya think it'd be ok if I just came right out and asked for it?!!! Or would it be a mistake? Cuz it would just be sex, obviously, and wouldn't have to mean we're "together"...should I tell him that?

[hope1975]

ohhhh lacey shut up, you're making me horny too...haven't had sex in so long!! it sucks

 

hmmm so he's hiding things from you now that he never used to be bothered hiding? could be something in that!!

 

I'd love to exchange e-mail addresses, but how can we do it without posting them?? hmmmm

 

I'm in pretty good spirits, Tim hasn't returned my call or message from yesterday yet, but I'm not really bothered. We spoke last night....I'm assuming he's pretty busy. It'll probably be easier for me to accept once his girlfriend is actually here. At the moment I still see him as being single, and I really want sex which makes it even more difficult!!!

 

So tom was walking around naked hey? did he make noise so he'd wake you up?....you should have just made a move on him.

 

So are you thinking about a purely sexual relationship? a FWB type situation? just be careful with that, cos I don't want you to get hurt, and I know you have feelings for him, but if you thnk it'd be ok, then go for it. Gosh I wish I had someone to have sex with.

 

Go on...jump on him...I would ;)

[LoveLace]

Well I use yahoo for my email...I'll try and give you clues in my posts for the part that comes before @...he he it's like a game how fun...I'll give you the clues in the correct order...of course anyone else here could figure it out, but hey maybe not! Try to email me when you think you got it, and I'll write you back! I'm excited..amused easily, I guess! Look carefully!...there are letters and #'s involved!

 

You and Tim do have a good friendship, it would probably help if you meet her and stay friends with him/them. Start asking out guys and do the double date thing...OR--it's sneaky and not something b I'd want my fiance to do-- but you don't even know her yet right?-- last ®esort operation: get wasted and ask if he could choose to sleep with one more girl before getting married, who would it be?! I know, I'm going a little crazy with it now...

 

Well Tom wasn't exactly walking around naked, he was at the computer, where he looks at porn on the internet quite frequently...especially lately..I'm thinking he isn't getting any, just like me! 1 I don't think he wanted me to wake up, I just think he zero cares either way. I think to start with, but only to start with, I'd be ok with FWB, but since we live together...gee if you ask me there's no better way two find out if you love each other!! By sleeping together, we'd both be very much aware of the potential situation. But he rejected me that one night, remember? Yet, he was not giving me space after that or anything, he was hanging out with me more! When he was leaving last night and I reminded him he is "already at a chick's house"--I couldn't believe I said that by the way--he said "good point"-- good, huh? Obviously I was saying, why do that when you have me? Was he agreeing with me?

 

The thing is, if we do have six, I mean sex, I would think it would either be very emotional, or just very sexual, but very good either way. And I think either way would open more doors to feelings for each other and communication. He's a smart guy and knows that girls get attached with sex, etc...so if he sleeps with me, he will know what my feelings do then. Does this make sense?...maybe I don't necessarily know i want to be with him forever or anything..but I do know I want to have sex with him, not oly because of feelings, but because I'm very attracted to him! Can't I save the emotional part for later?

[Snuggle Tiger]

Women give sex to get love, men give love to get sex.

 

I see his actions and words as hurtful, thoughtless and very insensitive, I am kind of shocked you still are crazy about him, but who knows what triggers the love switch deep on the gray matter upstairs? Unrequited love hurts hard.

 

Go ahead and use your, ahem, "feminine charms" to convince the his little head that the big head should take a second look. But next time, make sure he gives and not just receives. (I'm still trying to figure out what he was doing with a brand new dildo.) Giving him :love:oral love:love: while all you get is 1st dibs on his new rubber weenie seems like an unfair deal for you.

 

Lacey, if you are even 1/2 as sweet and charming as the personality that comes out of your words and 1/4 as cute as your picture, and your roommate does not see it, then he is a total goober.

 

Please keep us updated.

 

-Snuggle Tiger

[LoveLace]

Well as of tonight he is in very deep **** and the second I see him he's going to see me more pissed off and hear me scream louder than he ever has. After that happens, I'll let ya know.

 

He gets dildos from his work cuz they have slutty waitresses and do silly contests that involve sexual objects as prizes or something...anyway too pissed to type more right now

[LoveLace]

Hope you Must read my last big post there is important info for you there!

 

Well everybody here goes, for the majority of you who insist that I'm just a blind fool in love, you all outta like this:

 

It could be that I've gone too far in jumping to conclusions. But Tom owes me a couple hundred dollars, right? But I've been patient and understanding, due to his current financial situations. He's in a court case with his Ex wife right now, and he had to give his lawyer $3,000 which he borrowed from his boss...so the boss has been keeping his routine bonus checks in order to pay back. I know this has been hurting him a lot. It makes his monthly income way less than mine which is crappy. And he has 3 kids. So I've been nothing but empathetic and helpful and kind. He doesn't even complain about these things very much, he's always been the most patient person I've ever known.

 

However, I don't want to let him drag out his debt with me as long as he wants. One day, we agreed that $50 a paycheck would be satisfactory for me. He hasn't started this yet. Mon. night I asked him if he could do it this paycheck, but he says no since rent will be due. But he did buy me a small dinner that same night, nothing special we got bar-b-q to go. Later that same night, I picked up on the fact that he was going to meet up with our single, wild buddy and some girls. He wouldn't come out and say it, but I knew it. Apparently he just went to get introduced or something, because he returned just a couple hours later with our buddy.

 

Last night I got home around 10pm. No Tom. He left the computer screen open, where I could see that he looked up info on some really nice-sounding restaurant. First I remembered how I never got the "nice" dinner he promised me, and I let it go without ever saying anything. Then I remembered the girls from the night before. I was immediately steamed but I had no desire to call him. I went to bed and left the bedroom door open so I could hear him come in. He returned around 3 a.m., again with our buddy Sam. I used the bathroom and only saw Sam. I said, "Hey, is it just you?"...he says no, Tom is here. Then I turn around and see Tom coming out of his walk-in closet, where I know he's kept a cocaine stash. He was dressed casual-nice, definitely to impress someone. He looked kind of stunned to see me awake I guess, and I slammed my bedroom door shut.

 

After that, I could hear both of them out there snorting over and over, and I could tell they were talking about me. I couldn't make out sentences, but it sounded like Tom was trying to figure out why I was mad.

 

Rewind a bit--last year when we 1st moved in, we were discussing marriage or something. He was still pretty bitter about his Ex that dumped him then. Anyway he was half-joking that he wants a "wife he doesn't have to f*ck", so that he can screw younger, hotter girls.

 

I knew that one day, I would use this to put a huge bite in his a**--that day was today!

 

I slipped a note under his bedroom door as I left for work this morning:

 

If I owed you some money, but had enough to entertain myself or someone else all night long, I would have enough to at least give you some 1st. But you are different, and p*ssy and blow is more important than your best f*king friend. Start looking for a new "wife you don't have to f*ck".

 

Lovelace.

 

He won't even find it until he gets up around 3 or 4pm today. Part of me is worried that I totally jumped to conclusions about everything last night. But the other part of me has eyes in the back of my head--know what I mean? Chances are, he might go off on me, but I don't even care.

[hope1975]

ahhhh I'm trying to guess your e-mail...this is sooo much fun!! I must be easily amused too...I use yahoo as well...ok..I think I know what it might be...hahaha if it's not someone is gonna get some random e-mail...i'll send it now and see what happens...hang on.....

ok I sent it..how funny if I got it wrong...I probably did.

 

I'll leave some clues in this e-mail & see if you can guess mine...letters & #'s

 

Now..about Tom...I'd be mad if he'd done that to me too...unless do yo think maybe someone else bought the coke for him? but if it was in his cupboard then that's not likely. I think the note was a good thing...you're letting him know he can't walk all over you. I didn't realise he was going through court with his X, but that's no excuse why he hasn't attempted to pay you back.

 

Do you think he could have been looking up the restaurant cos he's planning your dinner? or do you think he was planning it for someone else. I'd be soooo mad if I was you. I would have written a note 303 times more nasty then what you wrote.

 

oh god my clues are so lame....everyone's gonna be e-mailing me.

 

I definately don't think you overeacted. If he can afford that **** he can afford to give you $50 off what he owes.

 

A FWB situation might be ok...I understand what you mean about how he's not a stupid man & knows that sleeping with you would mean feelings are involved, so he knows what he's getting himself into.

 

Ok chick, try e-mailing me...if you could break my code lol...

 

talk soon

[hope1975]

ooohhh crap it wasn't you I e-mailed....damn

 

hmmm I'll keep trying