Cali-guy was right..I shoulda run for the hills

[NorCalDave]

Yes, Cali-guy, I found out the hard way last night that my ex is nuts and unhealthy and I should have completely disappeared a while ago.

After her being super flirty and friendly and "suggestive" for a month or so, the last 2 weeks she became distant and cold.

Why, I had no idea. I was being distant yet friendly, passive and not calling, but when I did see her, I looked great and was happy and confident.

It wasn't working for some reason anymore.

Our last 2 exchanges she was just, distant and horribly moody.

So last night when I saw her at the gym I confronted her and asked her why she's been a complete bitch to me the last 2 weeks, that I don't deserve that treatment and if she wants to be "friends" with me like she says, that she's not acting like one.

She said, "I know you want more, so it isn't a healthy friendship, and people have told me to be mean to you and that will make you leave."

I told her that was completely the wrong way to treat someone you supposedly love and care about, and that she should just be honest and talk with me and tell me that she wants NC, instead of being a raging bitch and making me wonder what I did to deserve that.

Then she hit me with it.

She said she's probably going to go back to her ex, Jim.

She told me 4 weeks ago at the beach when we were kissing, "I don't have that spark with him that I have with you, and while life would be easier with him financially, I know I'd be settling if I ever went back to him. With you David, I am myself, and happy, and I love being around you, but the age gap honestly does bother me a little. I will work on my codependency on Jim (ex) and get therapy to learn to let go of him."

So, I thought that she was done with him and trying to let go so she could be happy with me in the future.

I was wrong.

I guess him being a millionaire is too tempting for her to pass up, regardless if she feels she'd be settling.

I told her over and over, "You will regret this, you will be unhappy, I promise you. What about what you told me 4 weeks ago at the beach?"

She said, "Things change David." And "Nothing's for sure, though."

I said, "What do you mean?"

She said, "Jim and I getting back, nothing's for sure."

 

Whatever.

She is choosing to settle and be unhappy rather than seeking true happiness/healthiness.

I feel sorry for her but am also incredibly disappointed in her.

I thought she was alot stronger than she was, and now, on top of everything, I have lost a lot of respect for her.

Cali-guy, you were right on.

Time for me to give the next girl her 1st chance, instead of giving Alicia her 10th chance when she never deserved her 2nd chance in the first place.

My eyes are open now, and I am sad a little, but also excited because I know now that she is truly not the one for me, and there is someone out there waiting for me.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Damn straight some girls just be golddiggers trust me on that one. Kanye was right and you dont even need a prenup.

 

It's good that you see her true colors and her immaturity is showing. What kind of woman supposedly acts like a bitch to push you away on the advice of her friends. Nice way to be an adult.

 

Dude you cant change this woman especially now. Forget her and move on you'll save yourself a whole lot of pain.

[Sup]

Is there any way you can contact this OM, and let him know that she's only into him for his money? Not that she'll come back to you, leave her alone.

[NorCalDave]

I know, and she called ME "immature" when I started saying "You're not going to be happy babe! You're going to leave him again! You're settling!"

She replied with, "Oh David you're so immature."

I said, "I'm immature!??"

 

Then later that night when I called her to tell her she should think twice about this decision, she said, "You've gotten so mature since I've known you."

So, am I immature or mature?

Or is she calling me immature because she knows SHE'S being immature by acting like a witch in the hopes that I'd leave her alone?

God, she is so not worth my time, tears, or heartache.

Why the hell did I ever love her when all she's ever caused is 75% pain and 25% joy?

What a frickin golddigger

[NorCalDave]

Is there any way you can contact this OM, and let him know that she's only into him for his money? Not that she'll come back to you, leave her alone.

 

 

I have no way of contacting him. But he might have an idea, but I'm sure he doesn't care, as long as he has her in his grips. He's been absolutely miserable the last 3 years without her, as he is an introvert with hardly any friends. His only friends are like drug-dealers...he is very smart and I am sure he made it his life mission to get her back....he only wants to control her so he doesn't have to be lonely. She has pushed him away over and over and he continues to come back for more. I was the same way, but not anymore. That is the path to misery, I can see that now.

She is a fox, gorgeous, but besides that, doesn't have much to offer. Not only can she not have my kids, but she is afraid of marriage, incredibly vain and insecure, codependent on her ex, directionless and makes no money. And who knows, maybe she'll top it off by starting to drink again.

So of course she wants her ex back. He's got $$, he doesn't need her to have kids, and their both incredibly dysfunctional together.

I vote for them for "Couple of the Year"!!!

 

If you want to know how I feel, listen to the 311 song "What was I thinking?"

That about sums it up.

[CaliGuy]

I recommend against contacting the other guy OR telling her what she is doing is wrong. That's her life to live the way she wants to. Regardless of how she is living it.

 

I know you care about her but honestly, if you realize she's into relationships that are secure financially then why waste your time on her? You already said many times you think you are a catch.

 

Time to stop talking the talk and walk the walk. Let her go. She isn't good for you and you know it.

[NorCalDave]

I know, but take it easy on me Cali-guy, it took you a while to let go, right?

I plan on it but I have a feeling I will have my weak moments.

[CaliGuy]

I know, but take it easy on me Cali-guy, it took you a while to let go, right?

I plan on it but I have a feeling I will have my weak moments.

 

Not giving you a time limit to heal my friend. Some take weeks, some take months, others take years.

 

The point is to start on the road to recovery. And that starts with NC.

 

Remember the advice I gave you? Avoid her like the plague.

 

New Church, new gym, etc. Build a new life for yourself that doesn't include her. You'll be much happier, trust me!

[Darth Vader]

I have no way of contacting him. But he might have an idea, but I'm sure he doesn't care, as long as he has her in his grips. He's been absolutely miserable the last 3 years without her, as he is an introvert with hardly any friends. His only friends are like drug-dealers...he is very smart and I am sure he made it his life mission to get her back....he only wants to control her so he doesn't have to be lonely. She has pushed him away over and over and he continues to come back for more. I was the same way, but not anymore. That is the path to misery, I can see that now.

She is a fox, gorgeous, but besides that, doesn't have much to offer. Not only can she not have my kids, but she is afraid of marriage, incredibly vain and insecure, codependent on her ex, directionless and makes no money. And who knows, maybe she'll top it off by starting to drink again.

So of course she wants her ex back. He's got $$, he doesn't need her to have kids, and their both incredibly dysfunctional together.

I vote for them for "Couple of the Year"!!!

 

If you want to know how I feel, listen to the 311 song "What was I thinking?"

That about sums it up.

 

 

With that kind of money, he could buy someone else that's much better!

[Chrome Barracuda]

Is there any way you can contact this OM, and let him know that she's only into him for his money? Not that she'll come back to you, leave her alone.

 

Y? this chick is addicted to being the OM's plaything she has no respect for herself and doesnt have what it takes to be in a meaningful relationship, with this guy. I'd say good riddance she's the OM's problem now.

 

Once he get tired of her **** he'll dump her for someone else or he'll have something on the side while keeping her for good measure. You ask me she made her bed no she can lie in it. Good riddance.

 

She sounds greatly immature to me.

[NorCalDave]

Not giving you a time limit to heal my friend. Some take weeks, some take months, others take years.

 

The point is to start on the road to recovery. And that starts with NC.

 

Remember the advice I gave you? Avoid her like the plague.

 

New Church, new gym, etc. Build a new life for yourself that doesn't include her. You'll be much happier, trust me!

 

 

 

Caliguy you are so right. Before, my thinking was that it would make me feel better to see or talk to her....but ultimately it led to me feeling worse, because if someone doesn't reciprocate the love you give off, you end up feeling empty inside. That has been me for a while now, and it is really time to let someone else into my heart and enjoy the fact that there are limitless possibilities out there, women just waiting to meet me!

I will make it my life mission to uphold NC, as I see now it's the only way to be truly happy and healthy.

I just got caught up with a wounded bird, and she started to bring me down.

And now, it's much easier to walk away because I see she is not getting healthy, not moving forward, not making good decisions, a golddigger, and not someone healthy for me or anyone else really. Sometimes all that stuff can be cloaked in a beautiful face, great body, and outgoing personality...you think, "If she can look this good, and be this fun, she's got to be normal and the one for me!"

Well, now, after being f-d with for 3 years, I've had enough. Honestly. I have anger in me and I am going to use that as motivation to stick to my NC guns.

[NorCalDave]

Y? this chick is addicted to being the OM's plaything she has no respect for herself and doesnt have what it takes to be in a meaningful relationship, with this guy. I'd say good riddance she's the OM's problem now.

 

Once he get tired of her **** he'll dump her for someone else or he'll have something on the side while keeping her for good measure. You ask me she made her bed no she can lie in it. Good riddance.

 

She sounds greatly immature to me.

 

 

This OM will never walk away from her. Guaranteed. He doesn't have the strength, self-esteem, or determination to get healthy and get out of the dysfunction. He lives for her, and is just as dysfunctional as her. They make a great couple!!!

So, she will have to leave him again and who knows, at that point this guy may just snap and do something crazy. You can only mess with people's emotions so much...that's not my problem though, I am getting out of this mess while I still have my sanity, while I am still young, while I haven't done anything I regret...

But yes, for 48, she is incredibly immature and definitely has no self-respect, and doesn't think she deserves a healthy happy relationship.

She is comfortable in dysfunction, and I am not.

[Chrome Barracuda]

This OM will never walk away from her. Guaranteed. He doesn't have the strength, self-esteem, or determination to get healthy and get out of the dysfunction. He lives for her, and is just as dysfunctional as her. They make a great couple!!!

So, she will have to leave him again and who knows, at that point this guy may just snap and do something crazy. You can only mess with people's emotions so much...that's not my problem though, I am getting out of this mess while I still have my sanity, while I am still young, while I haven't done anything I regret...

But yes, for 48, she is incredibly immature and definitely has no self-respect, and doesn't think she deserves a healthy happy relationship.

She is comfortable in dysfunction, and I am not.

 

48????? And she's acting like this!!!! damn man run away!!!!

 

How old are you because life is to short to have some crazy old lady that still wants to act 16!!

[2ndIINone]

Once he get tired of her **** he'll dump her for someone else or he'll have something on the side while keeping her for good measure. You ask me she made her bed no she can lie in it. Good riddance.

 

absolutely. Then she'll come crawling back... you gonna answer that phone?

[NorCalDave]

48????? And she's acting like this!!!! damn man run away!!!!

 

How old are you because life is to short to have some crazy old lady that still wants to act 16!!

 

 

I KNOW!!!! She's almost 49, and when I met her when she was 45, she was pretty much exactly the same she is now, no matter how many self-help books she preaches about, or how many church services she attends.

The woman is a witch and I see her for how she really is.

Selfish, gold-digger, codependent, immature, directionless, broke, and pretty much...retarded.

I am 28, and I am soooooo glad I am not her age and still haven't figured things out yet.

I was thinking today, if she didn't have her looks (gorgeous face, brown Mexican skin, beautiful eyes, unreal breasts and a--, basically if she was ugly) she would be completely worthless.

She's been getting by on her looks her whole life and now that she's getting insecure about a few wrinkles, she is freaking out and running back to her ex with her tail between her legs just because he has $$.

A good guy like me comes along and gives her love and happiness and she pushes it away for dysfunction.

Frickin witch.

[NorCalDave]

absolutely. Then she'll come crawling back... you gonna answer that phone?

 

 

Honestly I hope I don't answer. I know I will let it go to voice mail. If she says she wants to come over and get some, then so be it, maybe I'll call her back, because physically I am THAT attracted to her (Cali-guy, I am a sinner, what can I say), but if she wants to just talk or do some "friend" thing, she can go to hell, she ain't getting any calls back from me.

[2ndIINone]

no matter how many self-help books she preaches about, or how many church services she attends.

The woman is a witch and I see her for how she really is.

I have one of these in my life... preaches all the time... goes to healings... Jesus this, Jesus that.... God Bless at the end of EVERY email... text... BUT makes the worst decisions in the world..... lost her morals and her ethics... no longer knows the difference between right and wrong. In fact.... she was alot sweeter and genuine before she found Jesus.... go figure.

 

I can be just as religious/spiritual as the next.... but I don't 'talk'.... I act on it with genuine kindness. Can't stand the talkers.....

[NorCalDave]

I have one of these in my life... preaches all the time... goes to healings... Jesus this, Jesus that.... God Bless at the end of EVERY email... text... BUT makes the worst decisions in the world..... lost her morals and her ethics... no longer knows the difference between right and wrong. In fact.... she was alot sweeter and genuine before she found Jesus.... go figure.

 

I can be just as religious/spiritual as the next.... but I don't 'talk'.... I act on it with genuine kindness. Can't stand the talkers.....

 

 

 

Yup.

That's her. You'd think she was a saint based on all the "healthy metaphysical knowledge" she drops. We go to a "science of the mind" type spiritual center, and she has SOOO many books and is always making herself out to be such a wealth of knowledge and good health, but that's her cover so people don't see underneath for what she really is, self-absorbed, vain, insecure, addict, gold-digging USER. She uses things (alcohol for 10 years) and people (her ex and me, and now her ex again) to get her by, then ditches them (good move ditching alcohol, but when people are ditched, hearts get broken) when she wants to.

Man I am starting to despise her. Can't believe I ever loved her.

[2ndIINone]

and she has SOOO many books and is always making herself out to be such a wealth of knowledge and good health, but that's her cover so people don't see underneath for what she really is, self-absorbed, vain, insecure, addict, gold-digging USER.

Ya know, I say this ALL the time about 'mine'... AND accused her of it... needless, it never went over well... but I have always 'felt' this... it's all a big front. This particular girl was set to come up to my area awhile back...( I was out of town, she wanted to look for work/real estate.... considering moving) so she starts small talk via email with my sister (she only met her once) raved about 'our' friendship and how much it meant to her. My sister offered her the vacation house for her weekend here (to save her money vs. a hotel) .... she accepted.. my sis even drove over an hour to take this girl out to dinner... set her up with a realtor.... after her weekend stay... she never ONCE emailed my sister again....not to say thanks or anything AND stopped talking to me too.

 

One of those things that just burns me up for her being so selfish... God Bless!

[Teddy and Jane]

I'm not so sure she's a gold-digger. It just so happens that her ex that she is going back to has a lot of money. From what you posted, she is emotionally attached to her ex, it's not really about the money. You stated before she was co-dependent on him....sounds like she is just emotionally attached to him like many LS posters are to their exes.

I will say she has been honest with you. She has told you straight up that she doesn't see a real relationship going with you.

[NorCalDave]

I'm not so sure she's a gold-digger. It just so happens that her ex that she is going back to has a lot of money. From what you posted, she is emotionally attached to her ex, it's not really about the money. You stated before she was co-dependent on him....sounds like she is just emotionally attached to him like many LS posters are to their exes.

I will say she has been honest with you. She has told you straight up that she doesn't see a real relationship going with you.

 

 

Well, whatever she is with her ex, I know it's not healthy. So I have nothing to be jealous of. She has pushed him away repeatedly too, I just don't see that working out...unless she's really just ready to settle.

And I DEFINITELY think $$ has something to do with it. I guarantee you if he was broke or something, she wouldn't go back to him.

That's the way she is.

All her boyfriends have always just taken care of her financially...she can't make enough being a hairstylist.

And I really don't like how you say "emotionally attached."

That sounds too sweet, like it's a loving wonderful relationship "and she just has to go back to what's best for her."

For you to only call it an emotional attachment really undermines the true unhealthiness of going back to someone you've broken up with a million times, someone who taps her phones, someone who spits on her and tosses her around and mentally manipulates her mind...it's a control thing with him....trust me....

oh, but I guess you call that an "emotional attachment."

Get real dude!

It's an incredibly unhealthy, dysfunctional, codependent, mess of guilt and untrust and pain and if that is what I am holding them back from doing, then let me hold them back no further!!!

What I say is, selfish people suck.

If she was so HONEST with me and everything, why would she call me her boyfriend for 6 months two different times....don't you think that's leading ME on a little?

It's not like she never wavered. She was wishy-washy practically the WHOLE time I saw her.

Even the last words she said to me the other night on the phone...."Nothing's for sure" (about them)

Even when she decides to go back to her ex, she still isn't even really sure what she wants to do.

Oh boo-hoo I wish I was on the other side of that "emotional attachment".

[Chrome Barracuda]

Yo Norcal, your only 28 and dealing with all this drama?!?!? damn son you need to get you some fine young thing and roll out. Forget this chick. Trust me I like MILF's more than anybody but if I wasnt married to her or had a kid and she was giving me all this drama I would drop her like a rock!!

 

She may be good for the occasional hed, I'd B-fu*k her when I'd be real nasty then kick her out. She isnt worth the time or effort.

[bina]

Damn straight some girls just be golddiggers trust me on that one.

 

Thank you Mr. Obvious.

 

However, there are just as many guys who dig for gold as there are girls. Did you have a point?

[Chrome Barracuda]

Thank you Mr. Obvious.

 

However, there are just as many guys who dig for gold as there are girls. Did you have a point?

 

Point being why would any man worth his self respect be with a woman who's only after his money, she's nothing more than a glorified legal prostitute. It is what it is. When a woman wholeheartedly embraces a man for his financial means what does that say about her? is she too lazy to get a job and be on her own? is she so weak to rely on a man to fund her lifestyle? What kind of life is that?

[NorCalDave]

Point being why would any man worth his self respect be with a woman who's only after his money, she's nothing more than a glorified legal prostitute. It is what it is. When a woman wholeheartedly embraces a man for his financial means what does that say about her? is she too lazy to get a job and be on her own? is she so weak to rely on a man to fund her lifestyle? What kind of life is that?

 

 

That pretty much sums it up with her. She had her one last hurrah with me, then...quit her night job and went back to her ex.

She went back to her ex 4 weeks after telling me she DIDN'T want to ever settle for him.

Sorry, I'm still in a bit of shock.

But I know that $$$ and codependency are the ONLY reasons she's going back.

What they have is not love, not healthy. It's addiction.

I am jealous that this old dude gets to bang my chick, but overall, I am not jealous of the **** she'll put him through.