Aloros Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 My boyfriend is going out on a "beer date" tonight with a girl he used to date ten years ago. He said he'd be done in an hour and a half, two hours, at which point we would meet up and do our thing (we spend every evening together). It was originally going to be a coffee date, but he's got hw from a community college class he's taking for fun, so he's running late. I'm feeling a little uncomfortable with this. I don't know if I should say anything, because he'll just say I'm insecure and I don't trust him. We ran into the girl at a bar a long time ago, they hugged and exchanged numbers, and he basically ignored her the rest of the night. He says they have a lot in common and he wants to catch up. I just found out it's changed to a "beer date". He's been very open and honest about this...talks to her on the phone in front of me, told me who she was, etc. He's always been trustworthy. This still makes me a little uncomfortable, and I'm not sure if I should call him and tell him this. Am I just being insecure? Link to post Share on other sites
mehim Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 I don't think that he should be with her right now, where does it say that you can leave your gf at home and go out on a date with and ex, and with her knowing. It's weird to me, I wouldn't let him do that if it was me, NO way. You should call him and tell him this is not right. Ask him what he would do if you did the same thing to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aloros Posted April 25, 2007 Author Share Posted April 25, 2007 He said he would be ok with the same sitauation. He's pretty good with these things; he's never really been jealous. Most of my friends are guys. He says he trusts me. I only have one ex though, 5.5 yr relationship, never any casual dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aloros Posted April 25, 2007 Author Share Posted April 25, 2007 Phew! Ok, so I was getting worked up for nothing. She'll probably be over for game night in a couple nights. Sounds like she's looking to my bf to hook her up with someone nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Limerent Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 It was originally going to be a coffee date, but he's got hw from a community college class he's taking for fun, so he's running late. I dont understand? A coffee date takes longer than a beer date?...Maybe I am quite a bit out of the loop, but I dont see how things went from drinking a coffee together to now drinking alcoholic beverages together on the premise of hw and tardiness....? Drinking coffee causes tardiness and inability to complete hw....something seems a little backwards to me... I'm feeling a little uncomfortable with this. I don't know if I should say anything, because he'll just say I'm insecure and I don't trust him. You seem quite sure on what his response would be...so does he make it a habit to minimize your feelings instead of validating them?? This is a two way relationship, is it not? Dont your feelings count for something? If you are uncomfortable (and rightly so) shouldnt he be understanding instead of making you feel as if you cant go to him and voice your concerns without being made out to feel as if you are an insecure mess? He says they have a lot in common and he wants to catch up. That may be so, but he would do well (as well as she) to try to remember that the past is the past. You are his present. Phew! Ok, so I was getting worked up for nothing. She'll probably be over for game night in a couple nights. Sounds like she's looking to my bf to hook her up with someone nice. Why the sudden need for the both of them to incorporate themselves into each others lives?? And why is your boyfriend (her EX-Boyfriend) now playing matchmaker for her?? Why is she "looking" to him for anything? Maybe I might be a bit jaded, but usually the damsel in distress routine plays upon a mans emotions a little too well.. Link to post Share on other sites
chaos40 Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 aaahhh...the old we're trying to fix her/him up with one of my friends line... yeah ..that one is in the cheaters manual page 37. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 Doesn't sound like he's ever given you reason to doubt him. He sounds very honest and open about this. I wouldn't be very concerned at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Bree Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 Im a firm believer in "trust no one" Maybe im just synical, but seriously your not wrong for questioning it Link to post Share on other sites
silentcharon Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 A ex from TEN years ago? From what I've read, it sounds like your bf hasn't maintained contact with her until he ran into her. He probably did that to get over her, and now he is indifferent to her. I think it's nice that they're getting together to catch up. If they start hanging out more often, etc, etc, then you can worry. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 Just make sure you are included in this new found friendship of theirs. I'm sure the beer night is just to catch up, share afew laughs. That's all. He's been open and honest with you, so believe him. If in the future you feel something isn't right, or he's spending time with her more and more, talking to her more, then THAT is the time to worry... Link to post Share on other sites
AFarAwayPlace Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 If I were you, I'd be wondering why he's not taking me along with him for this "beer date" with an ex. It's like they're seeing if there's still anything there, this is unfair to you. I don't care how open he's been and that she's coming over for game night. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 IMHO this is a boundary alert. From experience I have seen too many things "just happen". So this would be a boundary alert to me. heck why were you not invited? I would not dream of not inviting you if I were him. ehhhhh....... that is my way though, not yours or his probably. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 Honestly, I see nothing to get worked up about. They dated ten years ago. He's been completely open with you about meeting up with her. He ignored her the rest of the night when he saw her out with you; he invited her to game night at your house; she wants to be set up with someone else. None of this screams "danger! danger!" to me. If he's not the jealous type, I strongly urge you not to be the jealous type either. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts