Friends w/ Benefits & Jealousy

[Not_That_Innocent]

Should friends (with benefits) be jealous or have the right to be jealous of another "friend"? Is jealousy just a natural, human emotion that can't be helped? Please weigh in and share your experience.

[hope1975]

I've asked myself that question a million times, I guess jealousy is a natural emotion, I think it depends on how you deal with it, and what your expectations honestly are when you get involved in a FWB situation. It's natural to be jealous when you share something intimate with someone, but how you handle that jealousy is a totally different matter

[LucreziaBorgia]

Jealousy is natural. Unfortunately, when you agreed to be FWB you undercut your right to express that jealousy.

[monkey00]

Jealousy is natural. Unfortunately, when you agreed to be FWB you undercut your right to express that jealousy.

 

Perhaps that is true. But i think your right depends more on the context of the FWB situation. Although it is expected not to happen, it can happen regardless.

 

I say lay down the ground rules before starting a FWB so there are no false expectations. Not that it is 100% fool proof..but eh

[Star Gazer]

I have a FWB. We see each other once or twice a month. We've never really laid out any rules per se, but through various conversations we've had, there's a very clear understanding that we are, in fact, just FWB. I'm actually a little weirded out by the complete absence of jealousy on my end. After all the hot sex and secrets we've shared, you would expect one of to have caught feelings by now. But not yet!!

 

He, on the other hand, has occasionally made little comments here and there to indicate some sort of territorial nature, but I don't think he's jealous-jealous.

[Quinch]

I think that most people will be able to guess that they might not be the only FWB in your life but they would prefer not to know about other friends. When you share something that intimate you like to pretend, just for a while, that its just between the two of you and nobody else, even if that isn't actually the case.

[lonelybird]

FWB is like dig a pit, and youself jump in

like eat a hot capsicum, hope your tongue doesn't feel anything,

something like that

[Trialbyfire]

No. If you're in a text book FWB, you have no right to be jealous. If you are jealous, it's not an FWB. You're only using sex and intimacy to get or hold onto someone.

 

In all honesty, I don't believe in FWBs. I've yet to hear about one where one individual or the other doesn't get too attached. Both of you have to completely emotionally unavailable, in order for one to work well.

[Not_That_Innocent]

Thanks for your opinions. I was just wondering about this because my FWB tends to get a little jealous, but I think it's just a man thing and the way they are so territorial. For example, my FWB called twice one day and I didn't answer the phone because I was having dinner with a male friend. This particular friend is not a FWB, just a friend, but my FWB knows about him because he's my neighbor. My FWB asked why I didn't answer the phone. I told him because I was busy. He pushed the issue, asked what I was busy doing and I told him having dinner with a friend. He got mad and said "Well, maybe he's the guy for you then." A few days later he told me that he was upset when I told him I was busy. So to some degree, I don't think it's jealousy, I think it's his way of wanting to have control over me.

 

The other day FWB and I were at my place and he says he wants to meet my friend (neighbor.) We were sitting outside in his truck so he started beeping the horn because he wanted my neighbor to come outside. My neighbor wasn't home though. I got a good laugh out of that one. It was the first time that FWB had been over to my place and I think it was starting to get to him being here and knowing that my neighbor has been over here before. So he tells me to tell my neighbor that he's not allowed to come over to my place anymore. I just laughed. Again, perhaps a little jealousy, but probably more territorial than anything.

 

I don't get jealous of his other women, probably because we don't really talk about it. I guess there was one time I was mad because a female called and he talked to her while I was there. I could tell it was a woman by the change in his voice. Then, we they got ready to hang up he says "Talk to you later, Baby." I was pissed! Mostly because I thought it was rude that he would talk to her while I was there. He tried to justify by saying that he's not interested in her and since I know that it shouldn't matter. I happen to know this particular woman, and she is not at all attractive. But at the same time, why call her baby if he wasn't trying to lead her on or doesn't have something going with her? I just thought it was rude, especially since he calls me Baby all the time. That was the only time I've ever gotten jealous, but mostly I was just mad. I should mention that this situation happened after the situation where I told him I was busy with the neighbor, so he was probably trying to make me jealous on purpose. These situations are what got me to thinking about the original question, and whether FWB have a right to be jealous.

[dropdeadlegs]

FWB relationships are so complicated. The premise is no strings sex and sounds simple, but it just isn't that simple.

 

It sounds like your guy is both jealous and territorial. I bet deep down he would prefer a more traditional relationship between you two.

 

For most people sharing sexual intimacy without developing emotional feelings doesn't work.

[LoveLace]

Jealousy is for sure a natural emotion. There are FWB who get by without it, but others do not. In most cases, at least one of the 2 people experience feelings of jealousy.

 

But here's my question, is jealousy itself a definitive indicator of stronger feelings for another? (of course we're not talking about sibling jealousy or any other forms of the word). Or can we feel jealous without wanting more out of the relationship? What if it's just a "friend" with NO benefits but is the opposite sex. If your jealous of the people they date, does it mean you want to date them yourself, or is it just because they are your friend and your jealous of others taking up their time?

[dropdeadlegs]

Jealousy is for sure a natural emotion. There are FWB who get by without it, but others do not. In most cases, at least one of the 2 people experience feelings of jealousy.

 

But here's my question, is jealousy itself a definitive indicator of stronger feelings for another? (of course we're not talking about sibling jealousy or any other forms of the word). Or can we feel jealous without wanting more out of the relationship? What if it's just a "friend" with NO benefits but is the opposite sex. If your jealous of the people they date, does it mean you want to date them yourself, or is it just because they are your friend and your jealous of others taking up their time?

Either and/or both. Sometimes the jealousy isn't even logical, it just is. A parent can become jealous when a child wants to spend more time with their friends. Jealousy is not restricted to the romantic heart. Even when we logically and realistically KNOW that a FWB can never be more than that, jealousy is still possible, especially sexual jealousy.

[Trialbyfire]

Either and/or both. Sometimes the jealousy isn't even logical, it just is. A parent can become jealous when a child wants to spend more time with their friends. Jealousy is not restricted to the romantic heart. Even when we logically and realistically KNOW that a FWB can never be more than that, jealousy is still possible, especially sexual jealousy.

I completely agree with this.

 

As well, there's territorial or possessive jealousy. My man, woman, child, friend or FWB.