She calls me and it tears me up.

[shelby68]

Okay, so I was going out with this woman for a few months over the Winter and we really got along great. Talked on the phone almost every day and just clicked in so many ways. And sleeping with her kind of sealed the deal for me. I was really getting in to her. She was coming out of a bad divorce and I was going very slow with her trying to be cool. Well, after a while, she started to pull away when she saw that I was getting more attatched to her and she gave me some reason that she just wasn't ready to be in a relationship and that because of the circumstances of her divorce, she needed to explore what was out there.

 

Well, I guess I blew it because I spilled my guts and told her how I felt about her and it all fell apart. She gave me no clue as to how she felt about me, only that she wanted to be friends. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty awful and told her I didn't think I could be friends and didn't call her after that happened and just decided to go away and lick my wounds.

Well, a few weeks later, she calls me to say hi. I put on my best face and acted like nothing had happened and kept the conversation light and funny, but inside I was hurting, but I didn't let her know that. It ended with her saying keep in touch. Yeah right, I was not going to call her again because it was just too painful and I didn't want her to think in any way I wanted to get back together with her. Fast forward to the other day and she calls me again. I ignore the call and it goes to voicemail because I just don't want to talk to her.

 

The next day she emails me to say hello and to say she would love to catch up and see what's going on with me. Again, I don't respond. Later that day, she calls me and I finally pick up the phone and she very enthusiastically greets me. We have a great conversation and again, I mention nothing about when we dated and keep it light and funny. In the middle of the conversation though, she ask me if I am dating and I give her an ambiguous answer and turn the conversation back to just mindless banter. I don't ask about who or if she is seeing anybody because I don't want to sound like I care and I really don't want to know. But during the whole conversation, all I can think about is how bad I want to be with her, but I keep my cool and don't let on to that fact. We end the conversation and she says don't be a stranger.

 

I will not call her, but I wonder why she is calling me when she knows how much I like her. To me, it's torture and when she says don't be a stranger, that's what I want to be because I physically just can't pick up the phone and call her. If she knows that I am smitten by her, why does she call me? I want her so bad, but I know that it won't happen again because I blew it the first time. I can't tell her not to call me again because I can't be mean like that, so I am hoping that by ignoring her, she will just fade away. I just wish my feelings for her would stop and we could just be friends, but when I hear her voice, I just melt.