mandypandy Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 this is alot to read but please help!!! so we have been together and lived together for over 3 years now a few months into our relationship i got upset and told him not to talk to me any more (childish) i went crying to my friends house on the way this guy that i seen around the appt asked if i was ok and was talking to me long story short we had sex but he only put it in like twice and i stopped him well my man says that we werent officialy broken up so he says i cheated on him and along the 3 years i'ev had a few old guy friends and guys that i'ev been sexual with call my phone or i hung out with them and we agreed not to do that so he holds all these things that i'ev done with him now im not the responsible mature one in the relationship and he has supported me for 2 years basicly hed make sure **** got paid and things were done well all this just sits on his shoulders i guess because a few months ago right before our anniversary he found out i had talked to my ex that i still care for (not like that) and he flipped but he took it very mature but now we are not together but we still live together and act like a couple he said he dosent want to be in a relationship with any one but me but that its not fair that i been liven my life that way i have and that i had my teen years and hes been supporting me so now he wants to live his "teen" years and have some fun BUT he wants to be able if the situation comes up to have sex with another girl because hes only been with 2 girls but he said he would rather have a 3 some (yes im BIsexual) because he wants to experience another girl but he loves me and would rather it be a couple thing but im scared because it feels like we are drifting further apart i dont mind having the 3 some actualy id love it but hes all saying how he wants to be cool with whoever we do it with and the way hes talking it seems like hed want it to be a usual thing i just dont want him to leave me i feel that being the sweet deep person he is he'll end up finding someone else and i have changed so much for him i want to spend the rest of my life with him and he says he loves me with all his heart and he dosent WANT to leave me but i dont think its a matter of him wanting to but him accidently finding someone else plus its hard because we live together please help and dont just look at this from my point Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 WHOA, BABY, COME UP FOR SOME AIR!!! that's a long, long bit of info to digest without punctuation and breaks okay, boiling it down: You live together, but not as boyfriend and girlfriend ... he cares for you, but doesn't want to be committed to you just in case the opportunity comes up to sleep with someone else/a threesome, but then again he doesn't want to lose you … on top of all that, he's still dragging crap up from the early days of your relatinship that should have been resolved. At least this is what I think I understand. my take? You offer him a safe harbor whenever things get wild or uncomfortable, even though he wants to sail elsewhere. I'm sure he does truly care for you in his own fashion, but if you're looking for a committed relationship, he doesn't sound like he's ready to be in one with you. Are the two of you like high school sweethearts or something, and are hesitant to move beyond that? other thing that stands out is when you say "i have changed so much for him i want to spend the rest of my life with him." THIS IS NOT GOOD if you change for someone else, not for yourself. Because then those changes are conditional to the relationship, and not a natural part of your maturation. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 Is your name Vicky Pollard? Very confusing post to read... I definitely agree that he has every right to be royally pissed off with you for cheating on him. My impression is that he's going to stay with you until he can find someone else to replace you. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 ok i dont know how to send you a reply to areply you gave me but u sounded like you some what understood what i was saying but let me comment and if you could comment me back!!! yes we live together but just recently we havent been boyfriend and girlfriend like JUST recently and yes he cares for me BUT he was committed to me til he got sick of me screwing up i REALLY did do alot of **** to him then on top of that he was basicly taking care of me for 2 years and yes he is still freaking holding on to the **** that should have been resolved i think thats one of our biggest problems and hes not going out partying or even going out at all so hes not even looking for ne thing like that like i said we still act like a couple!!! and when i say i'ev changed for him i ment hes helped me change i use to be immature irresponsible childish crazy (literaly i tried to kill myself) and i could never do for myself and i didnt believe in god at all now im the exact opposite im doing soooo much better in my life see its like hes just as much confused as i am he dosent want to go do the things he says but he dosent think its fair that i have done them to him i dunno what to do i dont wanna just have this 3 some and let him have his way if we are gonna have the 3 some it will be when we are back together i just dont know what to do in the mean time its like we have a great time things couldnt be better but when we do argue even a little argument thats when hes like we arent even a couple and he gets mad i dunno am i crazy for staying or do you see the love too??? i really dont think he dosent love me i just think he has his own problems im his first love (hes not mine) im his 2nd sexual partner and we have bettered eachother sooooo much not sure how your response ended up in a whole other thread, but when you get ready to reply on this, just scroll down to the bottom and hit the button ... odd stuff ... do think that y'all are in a kind of in-between stage of your relationship – you're not "together," but you're together? And that's why those little things about your past still bug him because he's not quite made the break from the relationship? It makes sense if that's the case, because your mind says "no, we're not a couple" but your heart (and behavior) say otherwise! Especially if you still care for each other. from what you've explained, it sounds like he's been a positive influence in your life ... maybe that's why a final break from him has been so hard to make? At some point y'all will need to figure out if you want to be together as a couple and work on it from there, or just make a clean break – not live together, and wean yourself from the relationship. Again, that's going to be harder to do under the circumstances, but not impossible. bottom line: What do you want from your relationship with him? And have you told him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mandypandy Posted April 26, 2007 Author Share Posted April 26, 2007 but see the wierd thing is i really dont feel him wanting to break up honsetly i can feel he wants to be with me but he just cant trust me and he holds **** in everyone keeps saying its over but not because i just dont want it to be over but i know in my heart its not and he dosent want it to be either its weird because its not like we dont click ne more or theres nothing there ne more because our relationship couldnt be better we talk more we comunicate better the sex is better everything even our friends say its a whole different vibe in our house but he still is upset about the things in the past and i know its stupid for him to be hanging on to those things but thats him and i cant change that i just dont know how to help him get passed it Link to post Share on other sites
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