Once a commitment phobe, always a commitment phobe?

[eternalblue]

What do you guys think?

 

Is giving it a 3rd, 4th or 5th chance even worth it all?

 

Any of you used to be a commitment phobe? If so, how did you change?

 

Short background: been together 5 years, apart for 5 months now. Each breakup due to commitment phobia. I know what I want, but she doesn't.... as if 5 years isn't enough time to decide.

[bendit]

commitment phobes find Each Other. You can't be in a (long) relationship with one without being one yourself. Its just the flip side. See the book "He's Scared She's Scared".

 

regards

[NorCalDave]

Man, I know exactly how you feel and you are going to do what you want but I would just tell you that once a commitment-phobe, always a commitment-phobe.

I went on that merry-go-round for 3 years with my ex, and just recently she went back to her ex, because she's actually afraid to be in a healthy relationship with me. She prefers dysfunction with her ex, who she's broken up with a million times. Why? Because she is a commitment-phobe.

Some people (I just learned this) just can't accept and give back love. They don't have it within them to give. So, when it is required that they love back (a committed relationship) they struggle, fold, and eventually hurt the other person.

And this will happen over and over UNLESS the person gets therapy and counseling and really attacks their problems.

My ex SAID she would get help and really try to get healthy, because she is really happy when with me, but a month later here we are, she's going back to her dysfunctional relationship and not helping herself.

People don't really change.

If your ex is REALLY TRULY taking steps to work on herself, then I say yes, she may change.

But she probably won't.

Just my take, hope it helps.

[SweetOlive]

What do you guys think?

 

Is giving it a 3rd, 4th or 5th chance even worth it all?

 

Any of you used to be a commitment phobe? If so, how did you change?

 

Short background: been together 5 years, apart for 5 months now. Each breakup due to commitment phobia. I know what I want, but she doesn't.... as if 5 years isn't enough time to decide.

 

 

You could try this for the 100th time and she will never change. Commitment phobia is a part of someone and I see it always be a part of who they are. She can get help and she could tell you she will change but its a habit, you always go back to it.