shelby68 Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 This is my first time posting so I'll try and keep it as straight forward as possible. I met this woman befor the end of last year and we immediately hit it off. I mean all eight cylinders were firing at once and it was great. We talked almost everyday and I really was into her and I thought she was just as into me. We finally slept together and that kind of sealed the deal, well at least it did for me because I had real fireworks going on in my head. The thing is, she was coming off of a bad divorce and she was not ready to start anything serious and she told me this. I was cool with this so I thought and gave her plenty of room and didn't force anything. Gradually over several months, it became harder and harder to get together with her and I became frustrated. Eventually I confronted her and told her how I felt about her and that's when it all fell apart. She told me that there was somebody else she was seeing and that she just wanted to be friends. Well, as you might imagine, I was pretty hurt. I basically opened up all my feelings and she gave me nothing in return about how she felt about me other than hor great and wonderful she thought I was. We never afgued or fought and I never did anything to piss her off. I just wanted to spend time with her and now it wasn't going to be. I basically told her I couldn't be friends with her and she said she was sorry to hear that and I graciously bowed out. I didn't do anything to try and change her mind or plead my case, I just told her that I really liked her and that was it. I had no plans to call her because it would just hurt me knowing that I couldn't be with her. So, jump ahead to a few weeks ago and she call me to say hi. We had a really good conversation and I put on my best game face and made her laugh like I usually did and didn't even mention the fallout. It was like nothing had happened and I wanted to keep it that way because I didn't want her to know how much I was hurting. I wanted her to think I was just doing my own thing. The conversation ended with her saying keep in touch. A few days ago, she calls again, but I don't answer because I just don't want to bring up those feelings and want to get past the whole thing. The next day she emails me and says what's up and how she would love to catch up and se how things are going with me. Again, I don't respond. Later that day, she calls me and I do pick up and she is very enthusiastic to talk to me. I make the conversation very light and don't bring up anything from the past keeping it funny and fast even though the whole time all I can think about is how badly I want to be with her again. This time though, in the middle of the conversation, she ask me if I am dating and I just give her some ambiguous answer and quickly change the subject back to something not relationship related. All along not letting her think I miss her. We end on a high note and she says don't be a stranger. I don't want to call her, but if she calls, I will talk to her because I just can't be mean and say never call me again. I just keep thinking that if I don't call than maybe she'll stop calling and I can finally get over her even though I want her more than anything. I just don't want to put myself out there again only to be shot down, so I am trying to just dissapear from the radar. Why is she calling me when she knows how strongly I feel about her and how hurt I was when she pushed me away? I don't think I can be friends because just hearing her voice just makes me melt all over again. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 Wow I never knew men thought like that. As a woman I can tell you your behavior is driving her crazy. She definitely wants to start up something with you again. If you still like her (and she is unmarried) why not go out for drinks with her to see what's really up. However I do see your point in that you have come this far and seeing her might be a set back if it doesn't turn out the way you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 She backburnered you in the beginning and will always continue to do so.. She most likely isn't with the other guy now and is lonely.. You would only be a standin till she found some other guy later on.. Don't be second fiddle to anyone.. Show yourself that you have more self respect than that and just do a final blow off of her.. Good Luck... It is tough being the backburner guy because you never get the truth from them because you would take off if they did tell you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shelby68 Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 I also talked to some of my girlfriends about this because I wanted some of their thoughts since they might have been in this situation before. One of them said to not do anything and to not contact her again and the other said to maybe wait a little bit and see if she wants to try again. My thoughts are to just let it be and move on, but when she calls, I can't get her off my mind for the next couple of days and then I'm okay again. I don't think she put me on the back burner because I think she is just not sure what she wants. The guy she said she was seeing is a long distance thing and an old friend who became more than just friends. I never questioned it because I didn't want to seem like I was jealous of cared and I never ask her about him. The only thing I can say is that I have no malice at all towards her and I guess whatever happens happens. Right now though, I am trying my best to get out there and meet other women and to forget about her even though when I am out on dates, I sometimes have a hard time not thinking about her. She made me feel so good and I don't ever recall smiling so much as when I was with her. She had such an awesome personality above anything else and that is what made me "like" her so much. Link to post Share on other sites
InvisibleTouch Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 This girl has nothing for you. Believe it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shelby68 Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 So I finally got up the nerve to call her and get everything out in the open. She said she wants to see what else is out there. Whatever. I kind of broke down and told her I missed her and she didn't give any indication that she wanted any more. I just don't understand how someone can seem to be so into you and then push you away. Yeah, we can be friends...no way! I told her that it's true what they say. You can't be friends with someone you are in love with. She kept telling me how wonderful and sweet and cute and how I made her laugh like nobody ever has, but I told her to stop because it meant nothing coming from her. She wanted to talk some more the next day, but I said I didn't think that was going to happen. I finally said we can't talk again. I was very cool and reserved about the whole thing even though it was tearing me up inside. I also deleted her number from my cell phone and her email from my computer. I am so lonely and I really liked her and I thought she liked me too. She is all I want. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 She backburnered you in the beginning and will always continue to do so.. She most likely isn't with the other guy now and is lonely.. You would only be a standin till she found some other guy later on.. Don't be second fiddle to anyone.. Show yourself that you have more self respect than that and just do a final blow off of her.. Good Luck... It is tough being the backburner guy because you never get the truth from them because you would take off if they did tell you. Here's some advice: Listen to Art Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 So I finally got up the nerve to call her and get everything out in the open. She said she wants to see what else is out there. Whatever. I kind of broke down and told her I missed her and she didn't give any indication that she wanted any more. I just don't understand how someone can seem to be so into you and then push you away. Yeah, we can be friends...no way! I told her that it's true what they say. You can't be friends with someone you are in love with. She kept telling me how wonderful and sweet and cute and how I made her laugh like nobody ever has, but I told her to stop because it meant nothing coming from her. She wanted to talk some more the next day, but I said I didn't think that was going to happen. I finally said we can't talk again. I was very cool and reserved about the whole thing even though it was tearing me up inside. I also deleted her number from my cell phone and her email from my computer. I am so lonely and I really liked her and I thought she liked me too. She is all I want. She just wanted to know that you still wanted her. As soon as you made it clear you did, she lost interest again. Sounds stupid, but that's the way it works when you've been dumped. Drives the dumper nuts when you can be happy without them. Learn to be happy without them, truly happy and you'll find someone much, much better for you. Link to post Share on other sites
passionpeach Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 It happens a lot.. You get hurt, then decide to move on, upon moving on.. the ex reappears! The best thing to do in this situation is to think of yourself more than anything or anyone else. No one can love you better more than yourself and you of all people know what is good for you and where you will be safe. If you can't be friends with her then do not push it. Do not even try to pretend that it's ok with you because you will just end up fooling yourself. Get yourself busy. Go out. Travel. Treat yourself. Avoid the things that can hurt you right now that you know that you are still vulnerable. This is just temporary. When you are healed... Then maybe you can start being friends with her again. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 She was a player and used you to stroke her ego. Good chance she is leading a bunch of men on like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shelby68 Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 I am feeling better about this everyday. She had her chance with someone who really is a great guy and she blew it. Let her go out there and see what else she finds. She can go F*** all the guys she wants as far as I'm concerned. I just wish I had figured out her player ways before I got so attatched. She is a user who breaks guys hearts and leaves them by the wayside. I hope someday she realizes what she lost in me. I really can do so much better than chasing after someone who is aloof and not up front. If she ever does contact me again, I will ignore her. At this point I don't think she will because I think she is a selfish person and only cares about how she feels. One thing is for sure, I will never be friends with her. Being friends is for p***ies and being a man-friend is the last thing on earth I will let happen. It's either all or nothing from here on out. And the point of being someone's backup plan, they can take that and shove it you know where. I just hope she goes through some of the suffering I went through, but she probably won't because she is just too cold and too uncaring to feel any hurt. Have a nice life screwing over the next set of guys! Link to post Share on other sites
Living_For_Me Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Unfortunately shelby68, women like the one you've described have become far too common. Only concerned about their own feelings and will do whatever it takes to get their way regardless of who they step on. (trust me i know) There are women out there who know what they want and hold on to a good thing when they get hold of it. Unfortunately women like this are rare as hens teeth in this day and age. Don't bother trying to be friends with her even when you have eventually healed. If someone punched you in the face would you want to be "friends" with them? No of course not. So when someone rips your heart out they should be shut out completely. Link to post Share on other sites
InvisibleTouch Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Just remember, its not because you are not good enough for her. Your pain is more to do with rejection than loss, trust me on this. It really is her loss, and remember she will never truly be happy. Move forwards and focus on you being attracted to the right qualities in people. Link to post Share on other sites
Jack'a Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Man... If only my ex would call me .... and actually go crazy over how I'm actually getting on with my life and being happy.. I don't even have the chance to show her that I can live on my own without her.. but then again.. why would she care... Link to post Share on other sites
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