Trialbyfire Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Be lied to whenever the need arises for MM's well being. Allow MM to make you feel that what goes wrong is all your fault to give him peace of mind from guilt. Never ever ask any questions that you have the right to know because you will ruin his whole day because of it. Well played. Hmmm. Five dots. Let me think. How about a space, followed by a four-letter word? I give up. There's really not a lot of room for promises... or is it meant to be open-ended? You didn't run her over in mid-sentence?? See pricillia knows how to play. The only person I have run over, would be my ex. Line him up between the headlights and pedal to the metal...bump...bump... Link to post Share on other sites
Author scaredinlove Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 At this point there are somethings that you are forgoing for the 'benefits' so to speak. I can see the 'sense' behind this line of thinking. What happens when this get's old? Yeah it's good now, but there are some benefits that you are missing out on. I really wonder if you are so 'committed' to this situation as you say, and what will transpire when the ***** hits the fan, for the second time. I don't know if i quite understand what you said, but I am willing to saty as long as i can. Link to post Share on other sites
Jinxx Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I know it sounds crazy, selfish, stupid. But for me it is the best situation right now. Yes, maybe so. Your business, your life. If this is what finds you happiness for now then enjoy it while you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scaredinlove Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 What was his feeling on the discussion ? Was/Is he okay with you putting your life on hold for him even though he isn't putting his life on hold for you ? No he wansn't OK , he said I deserved more than he could give and If I found someone else he would understand and we would remain friends. He hopes that maybe one day thinks will change where he will be with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scaredinlove Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 There's something I wish to point out from what you have posted. Are you aware of how many I's you have used? You have mentioned that they have a father, who is now more apart from them than before because of something he didn't do wrong, or justification was made by you so you could do what you did to cause this to happen. 1. To destroy your and your husbands marriage, despite his faults. 2. To destroy OM's and his wifes marriage, continue affair, and allowing his wife to live a lie. 3. To cause your children to not see their father like they should, to interact, to have fun, to spend quality time with him. 4. Your husband doesn't get to tuck them in at night, and read them bedtime stories. 5. This is an extremely selfish attitude, to help cause the suffering of so many people, whether they have faults or are innocent is not relevent, they do not deserve to suffer like this. 6. Welcome to the Dark Side of the Force! My so called H and called my kids piece of S*** all the time betwenn other stuff. He never even allowed them around the living room when he was watching TV and he never tucked them in bed. Actually his relationship with them is improving now. Maybe the whole thing was a wake up call Link to post Share on other sites
Author scaredinlove Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 Yes, maybe so. Your business, your life. If this is what finds you happiness for now then enjoy it while you can. thanks for your wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Jinxx Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 My so called H and called my kids piece of S*** all the time betwenn other stuff. He never even allowed them around the living room when he was watching TV and he never tucked them in bed. Actually his relationship with them is improving now. Maybe the whole thing was a wake up call What a sick F*ck he is. Glad for you and your kids the stupid ass is now an ex. Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Sorry if this has already been asked but why don't you find a SG that doesn't want a M or a SR and just be f#ck buddies? Why do you have to have this kind of R w/ a MM? I'm sure there are plenty of SG out there who would love to just be in the R just for sex. I think you're being selfish for the simple fact the man is a MM. He has a W! And the poor woman thinks your A is over but it isn't. That is being selfish! Link to post Share on other sites
Author scaredinlove Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 Sorry if this has already been asked but why don't you find a SG that doesn't want a M or a SR and just be f#ck buddies? Why do you have to have this kind of R w/ a MM? I'm sure there are plenty of SG out there who would love to just be in the R just for sex. I think you're being selfish for the simple fact the man is a MM. He has a W! And the poor woman thinks your A is over but it isn't. That is being selfish! It is not only sex. I truly love him. I cannot see myself with another man.I cannot imagine myself in bed with someone else. We tryed to break up many times. I tried to walk alway and convince myself that he is not for me. I gave up, I am fully committed to him let's see what is going to happened, maybe if I stop fighting it I will be able to walk away one day. Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I truly love him. I cannot see myself with another man. That's settled, then. Bunnies all round. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 SIL, the thing I don't understand is, if he truely is unhappy in his marriage and he's even told you that one day he hopes to be with you - Why isn't he doing that now? I really don't get why he is lying to his wife, pretending to lead a life at home with her, when infact he isn't. It is just crappy that he is deceiving her, letting her believe that his affair with you is over when it isn't. I know you love him, and it seems right now you're happy enough to settle for what he can give you, but what happens in a year or 2 or 6 years from now when he is still with his wife? Something just doesn't seem right with him in the head. And, the rollercoaster ride he's put you through, and his wife too, I don't get why he's still there unless he does love her and he just wants to have two women all the time on his terms. You are committed to him, but he isn't to you. And, OFCOURSE is he going to tell you if you find someone better, to go for it...Yet, he knows by playing that card, telling you to go for it - You won't. Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 It is not only sex. I truly love him. I cannot see myself with another man.I cannot imagine myself in bed with someone else. We tryed to break up many times. I tried to walk alway and convince myself that he is not for me. I gave up, I am fully committed to him let's see what is going to happened, maybe if I stop fighting it I will be able to walk away one day. I can say I understand, but yet I don't. I loved my WH at the time of his A and even though he was screwing around on me I still loved him. He did leave me for his OW though however he did say he made a mistake and maybe we could work on the M but then again we both didn't think it would work after we discussed it. Plus, he was still seeing the OW. Even though I loved him, I didn't know if I could stay M to him. We had been together 11 years, two children, a home, etc together. I couldn't imagine myself w/ another man either b/c I loved him and he was the only man I had been w/ in 13 years and even though he was sticking his d!ck where it didn't belong I still couldn't see myself w/ another man. Friends and family tried fixing me up but I just wasn't' interested. My sil even tried fixing me up w/ a gorgeous guy. A guy that I would of been really attracted to b4 I met H but I just couldn't do it. But ya know what, eventually I would have done it. I just needed time to get away from H, start my life over, and find someone else, someone who wouldn't cheat on me. Someone who would put me number one in his life. If your MM really loved you and wanted to be w/ you he would leave his W. He is having his cake and eating it too. Link to post Share on other sites
4whatItsWorth Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 How can you be in love with a man who is perfectly fine lying to his wife over and over again? ...oh wait, you love everything about him, dontcha? Congrats on the part-time job, when is your shift over so that the next woman can chip in for a few extra hours? The man seems like a real catch. Give him my number 05050-HE-IS-JUST-NOT-THAT-INTO-YOU and I'll be his new fulltime. Because once he has that - why does he need his "dear" part-time? Or perhaps you'd love him to just be happy and do as many women as he wish? Perhaps he already has another woman, being his other "single dependent part-timer"? (And yeah, she loves him - she loves him GOOD...) Link to post Share on other sites
mrmaximum Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 How can you be in love with a man who is perfectly fine lying to his wife over and over again? And HOW do you know he isn't lying to you too? You're the second string, remember? "He loves me too!", and this is true because.......? I guess you do love him to base so much on something so precarious (even if it is part time) Wow, she cheated on him years ago, he cheats on her with you before and now lies and cheats again, yummy. Dysfunction all around people, line up and get your share Link to post Share on other sites
Author scaredinlove Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 SIL, the thing I don't understand is, if he truely is unhappy in his marriage and he's even told you that one day he hopes to be with you - Why isn't he doing that now? I really don't get why he is lying to his wife, pretending to lead a life at home with her, when infact he isn't. It is just crappy that he is deceiving her, letting her believe that his affair with you is over when it isn't. I know you love him, and it seems right now you're happy enough to settle for what he can give you, but what happens in a year or 2 or 6 years from now when he is still with his wife? Something just doesn't seem right with him in the head. And, the rollercoaster ride he's put you through, and his wife too, I don't get why he's still there unless he does love her and he just wants to have two women all the time on his terms. You are committed to him, but he isn't to you. And, OFCOURSE is he going to tell you if you find someone better, to go for it...Yet, he knows by playing that card, telling you to go for it - You won't. I think he loves both of us in different ways.I Believe you can actually love two people. It is not easy to walk away for a marriage of many years even though people here in the loveshack think it is. I was very unhappy with mine and took me 12 yrs to end it. I don't know why he stayed ,I don't think either one are happy but it is up to them to figure that out.There was always someone else in the marriage. I had two choices walk away or stay. I decided to stay. Nothing is set in stone, I may decided to leave later. He may decided to leave her, or end the affair . He has financial and family pressure and he is afraid of change , he is very ambiguous... Time will bring the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scaredinlove Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 How can you be in love with a man who is perfectly fine lying to his wife over and over again? ...oh wait, you love everything about him, dontcha? Congrats on the part-time job, when is your shift over so that the next woman can chip in for a few extra hours? The man seems like a real catch. Give him my number 05050-HE-IS-JUST-NOT-THAT-INTO-YOU and I'll be his new fulltime. Because once he has that - why does he need his "dear" part-time? Or perhaps you'd love him to just be happy and do as many women as he wish? Perhaps he already has another woman, being his other "single dependent part-timer"? (And yeah, she loves him - she loves him GOOD...) He is not perfct fine lying to her. Although you post is offensive it made me laugh. I have a good sense of humor! Link to post Share on other sites
Author scaredinlove Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 [ If your MM really loved you and wanted to be w/ you he would leave his W. He is having his cake and eating it too. Things are not that easy, believe me they are not. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Things are not that easy, believe me they are not. sil, that's fog talk. It is that easy. No matter what his reasons for staying with his wife, it's because it's what he wants to do. You are secondary in his life. Why be satisfied with only part of someone? Are you not a person who deserves a man that will give you all of him, truly a man instead of a cowardly boy? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I think he loves both of us in different ways.I Believe you can actually love two people. Yes, maybe that is possible, but a man, nor a woman can have the same intensity of being inlove with 2 people at the same time. One suffers, while the other gains. Life just doesn't work that way. Your MM sooner or later has to make a choice. It's emotional abuse to keep one woman on the side and keep his wife. If he really loves you both, then he should be completely open and honest about it. Let his wife choose if SHE is willing to let him have his cake and eat it too. To pull the wool over her eyes and KNOWINGLY LIE to her, tell her that he is no longer seeing you, yet he is, IS just wrong. He is breaking every vow he took with her on their wedding day. It is not easy to walk away for a marriage of many years even though people here in the loveshack think it is. I was very unhappy with mine and took me 12 yrs to end it. I don't know why he stayed ,I don't think either one are happy but it is up to them to figure that out.There was always someone else in the marriage. Ofcourse it isn't easy...But he shouldn't be with you while with her. All I am saying is, what HE is doing is completely selfish and unfair to you and most of all to his wife. If he really wanted to leave and start over a new life with you, he'd do that. He isn't....And you're settling for him. You're worth more than that SIL! Yes, you love him, I know...... I had two choices walk away or stay. I decided to stay. Nothing is set in stone, I may decided to leave later. He may decided to leave her, or end the affair . I wish you luck with it. It's a time bomb just waiting to happen. I mean, just look at JB's MM's wife who pushed her down an escalater! Just be prepared for all the fallout if it blows up badly.... He has financial and family pressure and he is afraid of change , he is very ambiguous... He is a grown man and he is taking the easy and selfish way out of THIS situation that he created. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Things are not that easy, believe me they are not. Well, ofcourse they're not easy. He is making it harder by not choosing between you and his wife. And, you deciding to stay with him isn't going to change his life, at all. He OWES the truth to his wife and it just seems he's too afraid to rock the boat ... Link to post Share on other sites
4whatItsWorth Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 He is not perfct fine lying to her. Although you post is offensive it made me laugh. I have a good sense of humor! Soz, darlin'. Dont' try to be offensive, but I just had to post that. Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Leaving your spouse is never easy, but it can be and has been done millions of times. Ya know, what my WH did was wrong, having an A, but at least he had the balls and the guts to tell me he wanted out of the M and filed for a D instead of banging his whore behind my back and staying M to me. My Wh and I went through the D proceeding *****. It was hard on both of us, but he did it b/c he wanted to be w/ the OW (at least at the time he did). We were together 13 years b4 his A. Your MM is just having his cake and eating it too. Your MM is a lying, disgusting, POS MM and I hope his W finds out he is still banging you and kicks his a$$ to the curb and files for a D herself. Sorry to be so harsh but when MM behave this way they deserve to have their W's D their cheating a$$es and take them for everything they have! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 He is not perfct fine lying to her But he is okay with it enough that he is allowing her to believe that the affair is over. He's scared of change - SO what? Everybody is!! Noone really enjoys or likes major change, especially if it involves two women. He's got to step up to the plate and DO instead of DO NOTHING. Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 But he is okay with it enough that he is allowing her to believe that the affair is over. He's scared of change - SO what? Everybody is!! Noone really enjoys or likes major change, especially if it involves two women. He's got to step up to the plate and DO instead of DO NOTHING. I agree, 100% WWIU! This MM is a looser! Why should he leave his M when he has his W and an OW? The guy has it made, two woman! What a pathetic excuse for a man! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I decided to be his mistress for as long as I can. MM is still married and probably will remain that way. After breaking up and making up inumerous times I decided that I don;t want end the affair and I don't want him to leave his W either. I have been in this relationship for 5 yrs, I really love him but I don't think we could be happy full time. So I decided to remain his lover and enjoy my free time with my kids. I figure if I Had a full time relationship with MM I would be robbing my kids time and putting them thru another adjustment. So I fugure I can have MM part time and the rest of my life full time. Of course he loves this arrangement. And His W is calming down because she thinks the affair is over. I know it sounds crazy, selfish, stupid. But for me it is the best situation right now. Well, SIL, if that's what you want, then good luck...if you're happy after 5 years with this arrangement, who's place is it to tell you that you should do something differently... If you're happy with it and you're obviously aware of the consequences then so be it...GEL Link to post Share on other sites
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