Author scaredinlove Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 Well, SIL, if that's what you want, then good luck...if you're happy after 5 years with this arrangement, who's place is it to tell you that you should do something differently... If you're happy with it and you're obviously aware of the consequences then so be it...GEL Yes, i am aware of the consequences. Thanks. e makes me very happy even if it is only part time. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Are you happy with the situation or only resigned and happy that you still have a piece of him? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Thanks. e makes me very happy even if it is only part time. We all have to do what we need to, to be happy...and if this is it for you, then I hope it works out the way you want it to... By the way, it's nice to see another OW around...I was wondering where they all went... Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Well, SIL, if that's what you want, then good luck...if you're happy after 5 years with this arrangement, who's place is it to tell you that you should do something differently... Ya...you are absolutely correct....to hell with his wife and kids. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Ya...you are absolutely correct....to hell with his wife and kids. OMG?! I see it in print! You said I am CORRECT!....... And yes, I am aware you're being sarcastic, but I just love how your comment looks in print! SC: That's HIS deal...I'm not going to go around pushing morality or guilt-tripping anyone...there's plenty of others around here who can do that... Link to post Share on other sites
Author scaredinlove Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 Are you happy with the situation or only resigned and happy that you still have a piece of him? I am happy, took me a yr to make this decision. I love him and I understand why he cannot leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scaredinlove Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 [ SC: That's HIS deal...I'm not going to go around pushing morality or guilt-tripping anyone...there's plenty of others around here who can do that...[/quote I agree with you, his family is HIS deal! Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 [ SC: That's HIS deal...I'm not going to go around pushing morality or guilt-tripping anyone...there's plenty of others around here who can do that...[/quote I agree with you, his family is HIS deal! So, you don't care he is M and what this could do to his W and children b/c they are HIS problem to deal w/? Sounds just like my WH xOW. She didn't give a flying f@ck who she hurt as long as she was happy. I just love women who only think of their happiness and don't give a ***** about hurting someone else in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 My so called H and called my kids piece of S*** all the time betwenn other stuff. He never even allowed them around the living room when he was watching TV and he never tucked them in bed. Actually his relationship with them is improving now. Maybe the whole thing was a wake up call Your so called H isn't the only one that has done this before, still no justification for cheating. Someone on here mentioned that your children will find out one day what you did to your husband, I don't think they will be congradulating you. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 It is not only sex. I truly love him. I cannot see myself with another man.I cannot imagine myself in bed with someone else. We tryed to break up many times. I tried to walk alway and convince myself that he is not for me. I gave up, I am fully committed to him let's see what is going to happened, maybe if I stop fighting it I will be able to walk away one day. That's called affair fog, the intense rush. It's extremely addictive, but, you'll probably not even consider this........ But if it really is love, how do you know that this OM isn't just using you, he's got everything he wants. By the way, how did your husband find out about your affair? Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 I decided to be his mistress for as long as I can. Here is the story for those that don't know me. I have been having a affair with a much older man. We were both married, 8 months ago his W found out and the hell began. I told my H and we endded our marriage. MM is still married and probably will remain that way. After breaking up and making up inumerous times I decided that I don;t want end the affair and I don't want him to leave his W either. Maybe I feel guilty or maybe I found out that I really enjoy being single and I like to see him sometimes and don't have to deal with another relationship. I have been in this relationship for 5 yrs, I really love him but I don't think we could be happy full time. So I decided to remain his lover and enjoy my free time with my kids. I figure if I Had a full time relationship with MM I would be robbing my kids time and putting them thru another adjustment. So I fugure I can have MM part time and the rest of my life full time. Of course he loves this arrangement. And His W is calming down because she thinks the affair is over. I know it sounds crazy, selfish, stupid. But for me it is the best situation right now. SIL....this is the worst possible thing you could do to yourself at this point in your life....in a sense you are stunting your own personal growth, piling up day by day the guilt, deception, keeping yourself from the real truth....self deception is the worst thing.... Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 I wish you luck with it. It's a time bomb just waiting to happen. I mean, just look at JB's MM's wife who pushed her down an escalater! Just be prepared for all the fallout if it blows up badly.... I must agree with this, people get killed from events like this all the time, is your life meaningful at all to you? That's just one way a BS can lash out, usually it's fatal when they do. Remember how she acted when she found out the first time? This next time will be even worse, because that's twice she's been lied to, IMO, your life is in danger, and you don't even realize it. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 I agree, 100% WWIU! This MM is a looser! Why should he leave his M when he has his W and an OW? The guy has it made, two woman! What a pathetic excuse for a man! Agreed. Like I just posted, he's probably just using you, such as a revenge affair? Leading his wife on, like she led him for so many years? Who says men are never scorned? Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 SIL, I wish you wouldn't have made the decision you made. I hope that you reconsider, and choose a different path for yourself someday. Good luck and best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
will2power Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 Well, any man should be that lucky to have a mistress without any self respect. How would you feel if your kids wind up doing the same when they are older? Wow... I'm glad my dutch guy isn't as mean as you are. But then again, people from all over can be just as cruel and judgemental. If your kids chose the same thing as SIL did and they tell you that they are happy because they would rather spend one more minute with the love of their life and they found it fulfilling, what would you say? Would you love them less? Life is about one's own personal choices... they might not be the choice you would make, but it wouldn't make it wrong. It is the choice that is right for them. If SIL will not regret this decision, who is anyone to say that she is settling? Who is to say that she isn't getting exactly what she wants? Her lover's W knows about the A and also made a choice. She made a choice to stay. Some will call her dumb for doing so, or some will call him selfish for keeping both Rs but its one's opinion. Doesn't make the opinion right. I look at each day with my SMM as a gift. Yes, he was M when we started and I was his OW. If I had to do over, I would have chosen the same path, painful as it was. But you know what? The pain, while great, gave me one of life's greatest lessons. It made me who I am today and I love who I am today more than I have in my whole life. I am finally at peace with my life. I have learnt not to judge. And I can honestly say if I made the same choice as SIL, I would not have considered myself settling or that I lack self respect. Its really unfortunate that you feel the need to put someone down in circumstances like these to feel whatever the heck you need to feel. Don't know your story or where you come from, but it is a damned pity. God verdomme. Link to post Share on other sites
woe_is_me Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 I was flicking through tv channels today .. i saw a re run of oprah that i know i'd seen already.. (must've been sometime between the end of the A and mm trying to resume contact...)I'm glad i saw it again today... well..the psychiatrist on Oprah .. you might know the one i mean ..."Robin" i think her name is.. she said..."It's an 'insult' to yourself ..and 'insulting' that a marrried man is trying to pursue a relationship with you" I know that a stupid part of me is still stuck in the mindset that 'he and i were different' to all the other A's. I can't believe myself sometimes. I so have to see him for the coward and typical mm he is/was. The woman on oprah had her A for 3 years and SO wanted to tell the W..so that a decision could/would be made.. I'm kind of glad i accidentally got him busted... I no longer want to be 'insulted' Link to post Share on other sites
Author scaredinlove Posted April 28, 2007 Author Share Posted April 28, 2007 That's called affair fog, the intense rush. It's extremely addictive, but, you'll probably not even consider this........ But if it really is love, how do you know that this OM isn't just using you, he's got everything he wants. By the way, how did your husband find out about your affair? Yes I tought about it . He might be only using me to his revenge maybe. He says he is passed the revenge mode and that he has feelings for me. As for my husband I told him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scaredinlove Posted April 28, 2007 Author Share Posted April 28, 2007 Your so called H isn't the only one that has done this before, still no justification for cheating. Someone on here mentioned that your children will find out one day what you did to your husband, I don't think they will be congradulating you. We were roommates only there was no marriage anymore. I am not saying I was right but the ones around me who knew him and us didn't thougt much of it. Someone even said he had it coming, the way he treated me and the kids. I know you won't think is true but everybody stayed on my side. His sister come to me and said"Well, i had to take a lot from him before..." Maybe the fact that I come and openned up and told everyone about the affair or maybe because he is/was not a nice man, put me above judgement. Again I am not saying that what I did was right but I recieve a lot of support from his family and mine. And the kids are glad he is gone, i ask if they want dad back they say NO, Please don't bring him back! Not every dad is good and not every marriage can be saved. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 I just went back and reviewed your posts. Its sort of sad really. You went from wanting to stand up for yourself and do what is right for yourself to pretty much laying yourself down like a doormat and accepting the very least for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scaredinlove Posted April 28, 2007 Author Share Posted April 28, 2007 I just went back and reviewed your posts. Its sort of sad really. You went from wanting to stand up for yourself and do what is right for yourself to pretty much laying yourself down like a doormat and accepting the very least for yourself. well I got tired of ups and downs. one day I was leaving next I was staying. I decided to make a decision and stick too it. Since I don't seem able to end it I decided to stay. Maybe I will make myself so sick of the situation that I will end up walking away.I guess it is sad but I am being honest with myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 This is exactly my type of lifestyle... I don't have any kids living with me. I love my 'me' time most of the time. I love the relationships I have with these men. It works for me. One guy around X-mas time, wanted to leave his wife and move in with me... no way. I love my single life too much... plus I don't want only one lover. I am extremely independant and loving every minute of it. To each our own... I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 Its like deciding where you want to live and what type of house you want to live in. Some people rent and are happy that way and some people buy and are happy that way and some people squat and are happy that way. Whatever floats your boat I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 I must agree with this, people get killed from events like this all the time, is your life meaningful at all to you? This is the very question that was put in my face (by God) and I could run from the answer no longer.....yes my life is meaningful and important, and getting more important everyday! Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 I must agree with this, people get killed from events like this all the time, is your life meaningful at all to you? This is the very question that was put in my face (by God) and I could run from the answer no longer.....yes my life is meaningful and important, and getting more important everyday! Worrying about being killed is not a reason to think why not to do this stop putting fear into her n reguards to this matter. Instead think of reality. OP's life is meaningfull, she is struggling with this decision or she would not have posted this thread to being with. I don't think that she wants to be his mistress forever she knows it and I know it... Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 This is exactly my type of lifestyle... I don't have any kids living with me. I love my 'me' time most of the time. I love the relationships I have with these men. It works for me. One guy around X-mas time, wanted to leave his wife and move in with me... no way. I love my single life too much... plus I don't want only one lover. I am extremely independent and loving every minute of it. To each our own... I guess. This lifestyle is fun for a season, but when that season passes comes the great pain. I am not trying to be mean, so please know this is just my opinion...I see you extremely dependant, especially concerning relationships....it may be a different form, but it is still dependant. I understand the need for accolades from a man (or men) showing attention. True independance is marked when this is no longer a need, and then one is freed up to either seek true love, or remain single.... Link to post Share on other sites
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