lostone Posted January 5, 2003 Share Posted January 5, 2003 OK: g/f, love of my life and soulmate of almost 3 years broke up w/ me on Thanksgiving. She has been seeing a Psychiatrist and is on medicine for depression/bi-polar. I truely love her and it's NOT CODEPENDENCY! She has been calling and saying, "I missssssssss you soooooooooo muchhhhhhhhhh and really need to see you and spend more time with you." So she had stopped by twice during the holidays. She kissed me, hugged me and didn't want to let go of the hug and said "I love you so much" when she left (during the holiday visit's). I'm trying not to read into anything. I'm trying to be a realist. I'm taking things slowly. I'm waiting it out. Here's what I think: I think that she is still in love with me and wants back when her meds. and mood have been regulated??? Am I focusing correctly here or am I reading the signs all wrong? PLEASE..... anyone have thoughts here??? Link to post Share on other sites
Bizzit Posted January 5, 2003 Share Posted January 5, 2003 She is telling you that she loves you misses you and your waiting? You should go if your heart feels the need. You dont want to mess around and let her go and not really want that. If you love her or want to be with her TELL HER! he could help her as much as helping your self. Bi Polor is hard to deal with, with out medication to help. You should talk to her and see where this is going. GoodLuck Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostone Posted January 5, 2003 Author Share Posted January 5, 2003 pit: I'm waiting, that's what I want and need. I tell her that I'm waiting for her, love her, care for her, support her and am there for her. If she wanted nothing more from me, why would she hug, kiss me, tell me that she misses me and need me???? Thanks for the input... Link to post Share on other sites
Bizzit Posted January 5, 2003 Share Posted January 5, 2003 Sweetheart she is telling you that because it maybe true, You can tell her all you want that you will be there for her and want and need her but you have to show her what you want if you want that then work on it from there by talking with her and seeing where this is going. You seem like you want to be apart of her life and her apart of yours. Sometimes people wait to long to do the right thing, im there now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostone Posted January 5, 2003 Author Share Posted January 5, 2003 pit: Well, I thought the holidays might churn things up. She called and stopped by. I definitely know we both want this to work. She was really down because of the lack of me coupled w/ the holidays. I sent her roses and a generic card of support and care to her at work the next day. I sent her a nice Christmas card and a gift certificate to her favorite store. Just things to show her that I care and am waiting for her. I have told her and showed her that I want and need her in my life during her troubled times. I just DO NOT want to push the issue since she has a full plate. ...Patience I feel Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted January 5, 2003 Share Posted January 5, 2003 So why did she break up with you (on Thanksgiving, after having been together for 3 yrs) in the first place? What was her reason? That's important for us to know, so that we can hopefully advise you better. Give us more details around why she ended things....what her reasons were, how your relationship had been at that point (just prior), etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Bizzit Posted January 5, 2003 Share Posted January 5, 2003 I agree with just a girl2, need responce on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostone Posted January 6, 2003 Author Share Posted January 6, 2003 In Oct., things went way down hill with her depression. I cornered her and told her how her depression was really impacting me, the relationship, her work, co-workers and her best friends. Her friends would call me and ask if everything was alright with her: obviously they saw the depression too. I wrote her a 30 page letter basically stating how everything in her life could be better if she would just get her depression and her unresolved conflicts resolved. She left on Thanksgiving by calling me an a**h*** and telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again. She came back the next day: balling, miserable and apologized for calling me an a**h***. She had wayyy too much on her plate. Her Grandmother died around the holidays and she always got miserably depressed around the holidays. Just a Girl 2: She said that she was so messed up with life that she didn't want to get mad at me and her me, she wasn't strong and I was, we're 2 different people. I've known her for almost 4 years and I only believed the part that she didn't want to hurt me anymore since I was the only man in her life that ever treated her like a queeen and a princess. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused610 Posted January 6, 2003 Share Posted January 6, 2003 I've been DX with bipolar disorder(note: Depression is affiliated with bipolar disorder, and its not noted as two seperate things if one is DX'd)..it's very hard to keep stable friendships and relationships if you are not on proper medicine or treatment (that is if you chose to do so) , I've been on medication for over a year now, and it has helped me a lot. Not only medicine, but therapy. You should be patient with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostone Posted January 6, 2003 Author Share Posted January 6, 2003 I'm being profusely patient with her. I continue to show my care, love and support w/o pushing her away. Any other ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
Confused610 Posted January 7, 2003 Share Posted January 7, 2003 Maybe she is honestly not ready for a true meaningful relationship and needs time to mature and grow..as with a lot of people in ths world. Give her some space, sometimes thats what people need to realize what is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Deadbeat Posted January 7, 2003 Share Posted January 7, 2003 Keep telling her you love her, let he know it. dont make it a habit of running the words in the ground in telling her that but always be there for her. She notices that your gone now that you are and she will either come back or move on Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostone Posted January 7, 2003 Author Share Posted January 7, 2003 THANK YOU!!! Everyone Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 7, 2003 Share Posted January 7, 2003 Ask her if it would be okay for you to talk to her counselor - she can give limited or full permission. Express your concerns to the counselor and try to gain some insight into her behavior in this relationship. I've been there and done that too. This will help you make the correct decisions and help you to know if you are indeed interpreting things correctly. It may take years of thereapy before she is ready for a healthy relationship and along with everything else, she may be scared half to death of losing you, but is also trying to be strong for herself, or is clutching at you because you are familiar and she is scared of where her life is going. Counseling for both of you is important TO both of you, and not just her. My husbands psychiatrist invited me to participate. My mother gave limited permission to her doctor to talk to me, and later gave full permission to discuss details with me. My mom was diagnosed bi-polar about 10 years ago. Prior to that it was hell around the house. The phrase "not now, mom's in one of her moods again" was heard a LOT. You need to decide if she is worth the wait. I warn you - reaching happiness could take years. It took us nearly 20 years of hard work, tears, and some laughs along the way, to reach a point where we didn't feel like we were walking on eggshells, or where I felt like if I made the least mistake he would leave me. Now we are rock solid and stronger than a lot of couples, but it was not easy and it still requires maintenance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostone Posted January 7, 2003 Author Share Posted January 7, 2003 THANK YOU HokeyReligions!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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