need advice from married people

[Caty]

Do you think passion is essential to a marriage?

 

I've been dating someone for three and a half years. We live 3,000 miles apart but have been monogomous and serious throughout the whole time. We have been considering marriage for a long time now. There's one problem. Although we get excited to see each other and feel happy when we visit each other, we don't experience the fast heartbeatings or butterflys that you hear others in love experiencing. We do get nervous around each other and find each other attractive, but it's not a heavy attraction like ones we felt when we were younger or even recently. Do you think this means we are not in love and just really friends who dearly love each other? Are we overanalyzing this?

 

Sometimes I just feel like we are missing something because we lack intense passion. Other than that our relationship is really amazing and special. Am I looking for something too perfect? What do you think?

[Jeni]

I'm not married, so i dont' know if my advice will matter much to you. But you have to take everything with a grain of salt anyway right?

 

Love- true love, the kind that lasts forever is tough to find. But true love doesn't leave room for doubt. If you really loved this person and were to be with them FOREVER you would have no doubts. I mean, yeah there will be those little butterflies of "whoah, forever" but there will be no denying in your heart or mind that this is the one. there are different kinds of love, different ways to love different people, you have to decide. If you can see yourself with this man for the rest of your life- truly happily. you may be giving up passion for practicality. That's a choice YOU have to make. Good luck and God bless.

[Wiser Woman]

Passion in a marriage can tend to dissipate after a while but it doesn't have to. My concern for you right now would be that the passion seems to be missing BEFORE marriage.

 

Love and passion, in my mind, are two different things. Love, to me, is steady and true. Passion can be unstable, sometimes scary and the best feeling, at the time, in the world. You may be confusing passion with sexual intensity also (??) Keeping passion (and sexual intimacy) in a marriage can take some work for both partners. It gets to be too easy after a while to be "too tired, too busy or too whatever" to take the time to keep passion in a marriage but if you are both committed to each other,love each other and want it to work in all ways, it is well worth the effort. It's when you let the external things in your life take priority over each other and how you feel and want to be with each other that problems can crop up. And it can depend on how young you are when you get married versus how much growing each of you do AFTER you get married. Some couples grow closer together as they grow as individuals while others grow apart - either of which can change the dynamics of the relationship.

 

I've been married for 18 years and have learned the hard way that keeping passion in a marriage takes some effort by BOTH parties. My marriage has grown stale and stagnant over the years because we both let the important things in our relationship slide. Since I've "woken up" I've discovered that we may have let things go for too long....

 

So... YES, passion in a marriage IS important. Love in a marrige is important. Sex in a marriage is important. The butterflies and all that can still be there but you have to commit yourself to knowing that passion can ebb and flow

 

and commit yourself to wanting to keep the passion and love flowing as much as possible.

 

We all try our best BEFORE the marriage to make the relationship good in all things... After all these years I've finally learned that trying my best AFTER and DURING a marriage is even more important. Just a few words from someone who has been there....

[Guy]

Just wanted to thank you for your excellent response to this issue which seems to have been coming up over and over and one which I have posted about myself. Your post is exactly what I was looking for.

Passion in a marriage can tend to dissipate after a while but it doesn't have to. My concern for you right now would be that the passion seems to be missing BEFORE marriage. Love and passion, in my mind, are two different things. Love, to me, is steady and true. Passion can be unstable, sometimes scary and the best feeling, at the time, in the world. You may be confusing passion with sexual intensity also (??) Keeping passion (and sexual intimacy) in a marriage can take some work for both partners. It gets to be too easy after a while to be "too tired, too busy or too whatever" to take the time to keep passion in a marriage but if you are both committed to each other,love each other and want it to work in all ways, it is well worth the effort. It's when you let the external things in your life take priority over each other and how you feel and want to be with each other that problems can crop up. And it can depend on how young you are when you get married versus how much growing each of you do AFTER you get married. Some couples grow closer together as they grow as individuals while others grow apart - either of which can change the dynamics of the relationship. I've been married for 18 years and have learned the hard way that keeping passion in a marriage takes some effort by BOTH parties. My marriage has grown stale and stagnant over the years because we both let the important things in our relationship slide. Since I've "woken up" I've discovered that we may have let things go for too long....

 

So... YES, passion in a marriage IS important. Love in a marrige is important. Sex in a marriage is important. The butterflies and all that can still be there but you have to commit yourself to knowing that passion can ebb and flow and commit yourself to wanting to keep the passion and love flowing as much as possible.

 

We all try our best BEFORE the marriage to make the relationship good in all things... After all these years I've finally learned that trying my best AFTER and DURING a marriage is even more important. Just a few words from someone who has been there....

[Wiser Woman]

Thanks, Guy. It's just from my heart and personal experience. If it helps a relationship survive or resolve itself in whatever way it's meant to.... then it's worth poring out my own feelings...

[Kenya]

It appears to me to that you may have some doubt. I am a married person and am a firm believer of the heart the old teenage love feeling that I call it with the heart pounding and butterflies in the stomach at the sight of the significant other. It would be wise for you both to maybe think about moving closer to eachother and date, but not live together being that you are considering marriage anyway. This way you would really know if this is the person you want to commit your life to, because things can be very decieving from a distant. So I would say take the chance and either you or him make the move. If you decide to get married someone will have to make the move anyway

Do you think passion is essential to a marriage?

 

I've been dating someone for three and a half years. We live 3,000 miles apart but have been monogomous and serious throughout the whole time. We have been considering marriage for a long time now. There's one problem. Although we get excited to see each other and feel happy when we visit each other, we don't experience the fast heartbeatings or butterflys that you hear others in love experiencing. We do get nervous around each other and find each other attractive, but it's not a heavy attraction like ones we felt when we were younger or even recently. Do you think this means we are not in love and just really friends who dearly love each other? Are we overanalyzing this? Sometimes I just feel like we are missing something because we lack intense passion. Other than that our relationship is really amazing and special. Am I looking for something too perfect? What do you think?