what do i do???

[Guest]

let me start by saying this is the first time i've ever posted something like this

 

i recently found that my GF of 2 and 1/2 years cheated on me twice... unfortunately i still love her.

i know this is the stupid part the first time it was with her ex-BF and basically she pecked him on the mouth not made out.<this happened over the summer in the first 6 monthes of our relationship or so. the second was something more serious. she made out with anouther guy.. just last thanksgiveing.

 

i dont know how big a deal this all is ... i could have forgiven a kiss. but 2? idk if i can deal with that...yes i could forgive her but i could almost certainly never trust her around a guy.

 

i am certain that all trhat happened was just a couple kisses and they were with men who don't even live in this state anymore. so it is not likely to ever happen again.

 

so far my resolve has been that i told her i need time to think ..i love her yes but i can't think striaght am i just over reacting or what? anyways i told her we will take a break and i will see other girls we have both decided on this i said that if i can't date anouther girl without thinking of her i will most likely be with her.

 

i know she feels horible and she is willing to never talk to these guys again or see them and she says it will never happen again... and i really want to believe her. btw i found all this out at once. but i dont know if i can trust her and i don't want to be the guy who sits there and has to monitor his GF.

 

please someone help me with an honest answer i mean i understand it is ultimately my decision. but unfortunately i can't make that decision myself.

thankyou

[SueBee3490]

Just wondering how you found out? Did she come clean with you or did you find out on your own?

 

My situation is that I dated my current H for 2 1/2 yrs and then we married. I didn't know at the time i married him that he cheated on me over and over while dating. I found out about him cheating - he didn't tell me willingly. If he had told me, I don't know if my feelings would have been different. But at the present, I can't stay with him. I just can't stay with someone who would cheat. That's just my 2 cents

[Woggle]

She will cheat on you again and you should dump her. You are better off without her.

[Trialbyfire]

Part of the issue is with her, "Will she remain within my boundaries of decency" and the balance with you, "Can I ever trust her again?".

 

I'm going to put more stress on the second part because in some ways, it doesn't matter if she remains faithful if you believe otherwise.

 

How important is trust to you? For some, they are able to forgive and forget. For others, it's a deal-breaker and no matter how hard they try, they can't let the mistrust go.

 

These are questions no one can answer for you, especially since we don't know your g/f personally or how emotionally invested/committed to this girl you are.

 

If you are young, keep in mind that you have a lot of time to find someone else who maybe better for you.

[Guest]

Just wondering how you found out? Did she come clean with you or did you find out on your own?

 

well what happened was her friends and her got into a fight one of them wrote her a letter. that said "i don't understand why you are so afraid of him cheating on you , when you are the one who has cheated on him" she actually let me read this letter. i got to that part and said "wait what" she denied it at first. but later called me and told me everything that had happened. i asked her other friends , and said i know she cheated on me what happened, both there stories were the same ,in that she did it twice. after fining this out i called to break up with her and she wouldn't let me go. she ran over and apologized in person, saying how wrong it was for her how she regretted it. and how she never ment to hurt me, and etc. i proceeded to tell her that basicallly if she believed all that she wouldn't have done it

 

for right now we are on a friend to friend basis, i have been asking her questions about everything and it really sounds like a one time thing.

but i won't know if it will happen again unless i give her a chance... which is to hard to do . b/c i can't stop thinking about her every moment i see her i just wanna be there with her. but i remember she betrayed me not her.

 

my motto for this all has been "forgive... but never forget" i believe i can get past what happened b/c that doesn't bother me. it was just a kiss. but ofcoarse i can't say it couldn't happen again. and i am not a person who basis a relation ship on trust. i can love her and not trust her. but i would like to be able to do both.

[Guest]

i noticed anouther thing everytime i have been away from her i have felt terrible but when we are together even as friends i feel like my heart is whole.

 

on a lighter note even though we are not together she is not talking to either one.

 

i think that i love her enought o give her a second chance after all we had. but we would have to start from the very begining, the reason we agrred i should date other people was that she was my first and i need to know what else is out there before i can tell if she is everything to me and it might take a month or maybe a year. but i will know

[SueBee3490]

and i am not a person who basis a relation ship on trust. i can love her and not trust her. but i would like to be able to do both.

 

I don't understand this. You need trust in a relationship - at least I do maybe not everyone but I guess in my case I couldn't love someone if I didn't trust them. Don't you feel trust is a component of love the same as respect?

[LakesideDream]

You sound young, at least young enough to put an end to this and move on.

 

Your lack of trust is a giant stressor in a relationship. Do you have "reason" to mistrust... sure.

 

Believe me, you don't want to find out after 25 years of marriage that you wasted your life on a cheat. Bail out now.. find someone who's more suited to you.