love? Posted January 6, 2003 Share Posted January 6, 2003 OK I have been dating this wonderful girl for about a month now and I *think* I love her. I've felt this way after only 2 weeks of being with her but I wanted to wait before I said something I may have regretted. So anyways, last night we had a couple drinks and suffice it to say, we were a little drunk. Then out of the blue, she asks me, "Do you love me?" I wasn't sure what to say! I really wanted to say yes, but then I thought, we are drunk, and she will probably forget everything tomorrow. We've gotten a little drunk before, things were said, and when asked about them the next day she had no memory of it. Hmmmmm....... I have been thinking of saying it to her, but like I said, we haven't been together that long and I don't wanna scare her off. But then she goes and asks me this!! I think it could mean 1 of 2 things: 1. She loves me and wants to know if I love her too. 2. She is giving me some kind of test. I am going with #1, but who knows. Well anyways, then she started acting silly and started saying if I didn't answer her that tomorrow we would be broken up. She wasn't angry when saying this, I think she was just pressuring me to give her an answer. I never did answer her, but then I asked her something. "Do you love me?" She said "No, I just really like you a lot. I'm not ready to be in love.....yet." I think the reason why she said this is because I never answered her and she didn't want me to think she loved me and I didn't love her. So anyways, I told her to ask me the question again when we're sober because then we couldn't blame anything on being drunk. I think it would be better that way. I don't think she will though because the reason why she asked me that is because she WAS drunk (I think she actually told me that, come to think of it.) Doesn't alcohol make you tell people how you truthfully feel? So what do you think guys??? What should I do??? I think I am in love. Should I just say it? Thanks for any input! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 6, 2003 Share Posted January 6, 2003 I think you should always be honest with your emotions but I also think it's a bit too soon in this relationship to be talking love. I'd wait a bit longer and use your good judgement about the timing. If she asks you again, in a sober state, simply tell her you feel it could go in that direction but you want to take time to get to know her better. But do tell her you like everything about her so far. You need to keep a bit of uncertainty in this. That's what will keep her interest. If you pour your guts out to her and let her know you love her big time, that could kill the deal. Take your time on this, especially if you really want this lady in your life. Regarding the influence of alcohol on truthtelling, I think alcohol reduces inhibitions and can help people say things they would not normally say. But as far as its realiability in gauging the truth from people under its influence, I don't think it has a great value in that regard. Link to post Share on other sites
martini Posted January 6, 2003 Share Posted January 6, 2003 Unless she was too drunk or was just joking, this statement bothers me: Well anyways, then she started acting silly and started saying if I didn't answer her that tomorrow we would be broken up. I'm a woman, but if I were a man in this situation, I would feel too much pressure and be a little hurt that she'd say this. Anyway, my advise to you is tell her exactly how you feel. I could be wrong, but from reading your post, I have a hunch that you aren't 100% sure about her. It's perfectly fine to say, "I'm not really sure how I feel about you yet, but I do know one thing for sure, I do love your company. Why don't we just let things roll for a while and see what happpens?" You can say something like that if you're not sure. But if you are sure you love her, than say it. You may find later that she IS the one for you and you will always love her. OR maybe you'll find later that you don't love her but like her a lot. If that's the case, then you have to tell her that when it comes up in conversation. I hope this helps. How long have the both of you been dating? Link to post Share on other sites
martini Posted January 6, 2003 Share Posted January 6, 2003 Oh and GOOD LUCK with whatever decision you make! Link to post Share on other sites
Author love? Posted January 6, 2003 Author Share Posted January 6, 2003 I think you should always be honest with your emotions but I also think it's a bit too soon in this relationship to be talking love. I'd wait a bit longer and use your good judgement about the timing. Yes, but how long should I wait? Why should there be a time limit?? It's obvious she feels the same way about me, right? If she asks you again, in a sober state, simply tell her you feel it could go in that direction but you want to take time to get to know her better. But do tell her you like everything about her so far. I have told her I like everything about her so far. However, I'm not so sure she will ask me in a sober state anytime soon, so I think I will just end up telling her sooner or later. You need to keep a bit of uncertainty in this. That's what will keep her interest. If you pour your guts out to her and let her know you love her big time, that could kill the deal. I agree, I think with a degree of uncertainty about it, she will stay interested. But what if she's the type of girl that doesn't like the uncertainty? Take your time on this, especially if you really want this lady in your life. Take my time, take my time. I guess I should, but saying it would just feel so good and having her say it back would be even better. Regarding the influence of alcohol on truthtelling, I think alcohol reduces inhibitions and can help people say things they would not normally say. But as far as its reliability in gauging the truth from people under its influence, I don't think it has a great value in that regard. Hmmm maybe I was wrong about that alcohol theory....... Thanks for the response Tony! Link to post Share on other sites
Author love? Posted January 6, 2003 Author Share Posted January 6, 2003 Hey Martini thanks for the reply. Yes that statement did hurt me a little bit, but I could tell she was just pressing me for an answer and was not giving up. She kept asking me over and over "So what's your answer?" because I kept changing the subject. I would like saying "I love being with you" or something like that. That is pretty close to the real deal without actually saying it. We have been together about a month now. I think you're right, I'm not 100% sure about her yet. But it's close. Real close. I don't know how I'd feel and what I would do if I said it and she didn't say it too. Don't really wanna think about that stuff. Thanks for your input Martini! I'll let everyone know how things progress! Link to post Share on other sites
Patty Posted January 6, 2003 Share Posted January 6, 2003 Just ask her when shes sober.You will then know for sure. Take things slow for now.When shes sober tell her you want to get to know her better.Take your time.Or you can just say your not really sure how you feel.But if you think you love her tell her,after you get to know her better. Patty Link to post Share on other sites
Author love? Posted January 6, 2003 Author Share Posted January 6, 2003 I wonder if she thought that I would only say something like that while I was drunk, so that's why she asked me. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 6, 2003 Share Posted January 6, 2003 Could be. Alcohol = liquid courage for most people. Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted January 6, 2003 Share Posted January 6, 2003 It could be that she feels she's fallen in love with you, and she wants to tell you that she loves you....but she's afraid of scaring YOU off......or taking the risk of professing this, and you not feeling the same...so maybe she's hoping you'll admit it FIRST, then she will feel safe to proclaim it, also. ??? Overall, it can often make a person feel rather vulnerable, when it comes to telling someone they love them, for the first time. The fear of being rejected, the fear that that they'll scare/overwhelm the other person, the fear that the feelings aren't mutual, etc. Booze usually does lower a person's inhibitions.....and gives them the courage to say what they would otherwise (sober) have a difficult time admitting. It can also be a 'safer' time to admit things, for some people....because if they, say, tell their partner that they love them while intoxicated, and their partner doesn't respond positively, they can later just "blame it on the booze talking." Ya know? Just out of curiosity, what ages are you both? Have either of you been in love before? Link to post Share on other sites
Author love? Posted January 6, 2003 Author Share Posted January 6, 2003 Hey Just A Girl2, thanks for the input. I think you could be right. She may love me and wants to tell me but is scared. I can understand that, it can make someone feel very vulnerable, that's why I was really unsure of saying it myself, even though it was so obvious that she wanted me to say yes. Plus we were drunk and I would like to say something like that to her while sober. And she actually did say something to the effect of "Mutual feelings......." so I am thinking she loves me but is scared of rejection. Although I was asking her "What do you think?" and "Can't you feel it?" and whatnot. I never did say it though. And like I said, this is something I would want to say sober, don't you agree? We are in our mid-20s. She has been in love before and I was kinda in love with a high school sweetheart, but it's nothing like this. Link to post Share on other sites
martini Posted January 6, 2003 Share Posted January 6, 2003 I agree. Definately, all that stuff should be said when the both of you are sober. Link to post Share on other sites
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