Odd situation with time apart

[love.exists]

So, this guy and I met three years ago. We dated for a little while and he actually took my virginity. He was the most amazing guy I ever dated, and did everything a girl could ask for. He made my first time unforgettably romantic and would do things like take me to his apartment, and unwrap a box of strawberries and candles. We would take a bath together feeding each other the fruit and enjoying ourselves. Then after we had been having sex for about three weeks, he up and disapeared. He just never showed up one day and i couldnt get ahold of him for the life of me. Three weeks later i finally got a sign from him. He was depressed and had a mental breakdown, feeling better but not seeing anyone still. I was younger and naive and it tore me apart.

 

Then about a month and a half after his disapearance, ive of course started onto other men. I tell him about this because it wasnt fair for him to expect me to wait. We break up and make plans to exchange stuff. I bring along a good friend of mine for backup. He and I meet, she shows and then we have a conversation for about half an hour. My friend and him are going the same way and I the opposite. That was the first time they had met. Two or three months later they are good friends and I hang out with the three of them. I find out they are dating, get drunk and wind up having a terrible threesome with them.

 

After that he hit some more rocky times, and would call me for support. Soon afterwards however he began to feel better, and stop calling. Of course I am still completely in love with him at the time. I was hurt once again by his inconsideration. After that Id had enough. This was about a year and a half ago. I cut off all contact with him.

 

About a year ago I recieved an email from him saying he missed my face and wished he could see me again. I told him to basicly get a life and get out of mine.

 

Ive been through a rough relationship (emotionaly abusive) since then and then out of the blue a month ago, he emailed me.

 

We emailed back and forth for a bit and finally made plans to meet. I told him this was the last chance I was giving him. And this time he followed through. Amazing what almost two years can do to a person's maturity. So we became friends again and dating again. Hes more stable now, with a set group of friends. And i told him about all the pain he caused me upon which he promised to never dissapear again.

 

I havent heard from him in two days.

 

 

I finally emailed a mutal friend that I met through him. Two days ago he went to court involving a party, alcohol and minors. Turns out they put him in jail. Till his birthday. In may.

 

On one hand Im relieved he didnt dissapear on me. But terrified for him. Hes 21 almost 22 and jail is a big thing. Im scared it will change him. I cant visit him because of this visitor list you have to apply for and it takes longer than he will be in jail. Hes going to be there for a month. I wont be able to see him or talk to him.

 

Im not sure what to do. I love him and hes finally come around. But should I wait for him? I want to but i just dont even know what to do in this situation.

 

Help

[norajane]

First, have you considered what he did that landed him in jail? You said he's more mature now, but a party involving alcohol and minors and something he did that put him in jail does not sound mature to me.

 

He might be more messed up than you think. Having been in one abusive relationship should be enough - this man sounds like he will be nothing but trouble for you in the future. Do you really want to get sucked into his dramas?

 

Why don't you stay away from all guys for a while until you are better able to judge whether they are actually good for you or not, stable or not, mature or not?