Hi, this is my first post!

[Trimmer]

I agree with you... I really don't know why they keep coming back at me... I have said what I had to say... but I suppose they need someone to spill out their anger and bitterness on...

Lizzie - will you consider my questions from earlier posts 301 and 340? I am interested in a little of your life history as it relates to family and marriage.

 

I also remain interested in why you decided to post. I'm not challenging your right to do so, or saying you shouldn't have in any way. But while "hey, it's a public forum" is a perfectly valid justification for your objective right to post, it doesn't give me any clue as to what your motivation was. It seems like you didn't look to get anything out of this experience; I am interested in what drove you to post your story here on LS, intead of doing something else with your time. Again, in the spirit of trying to understand what makes you tick...

[whichwayisup]

The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

 

This is why she posted. The thing is, MOST who post don't come here and discuss how great their affairs are with their MM/MW. MOST who do post here are wanting to get out, not give pointers.

 

Lizzie, this is why I think so many feathers have been ruffled here. You've read most of the types of posts that the OW/OM write. Most are miserable, barely coping, or on their way to ending the affair, not shouting out how happy they are to be involved with a married person.

 

Those who come here to boast (or is it boost, mindfog today!)(spelling?!) about their situation pisses people off and that's why you've had some pretty harsh comments.

 

All I can say is, if and when the time comes one of your MM's wives find out about you, show them respect. Don't be mean or rude to them as they don't deserve it.

[Trialbyfire]

I suspect Lizzie very much enjoys baiting LS's anti-affair wing. And bait these folks she does.

As do you Herzen, since you are/were an OM. Lizzie argues your points for you. Come out of the closet and present your own experiences so we can all share in your wisdom.

[Lizzie60]

Lizzie - will you consider my questions from earlier posts 301 and 340? I am interested in a little of your life history as it relates to family and marriage.

 

I also remain interested in why you decided to post. I'm not challenging your right to do so, or saying you shouldn't have in any way. But while "hey, it's a public forum" is a perfectly valid justification for your objective right to post, it doesn't give me any clue as to what your motivation was. It seems like you didn't look to get anything out of this experience; I am interested in what drove you to post your story here on LS, intead of doing something else with your time. Again, in the spirit of trying to understand what makes you tick...

 

I have said it before and I will repeat it... When I found out this forum, (by accident).... I quickly read the rules of the forum...then the different description of the forums... then I saw Other Woman/Other Man forum... for those involved with a committed partner...

 

So I posted my introduction (My first thread)... and this is IT! I am not the only one who is with a committed partner and is OK with it... come on, I have read a few other posts about OW who enjoy that type of relationship...

 

I really don't see the big hoopla... What I don't get though...is the persistent bashing of the OW... geezzz maybe those who don't like my posts should just skip them.. or better yet... stay away from this forum... There are so many forums in here that discuss all other aspects, this is the only one about OM/OW... SO BACK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

 

ps: Trimmer I think I know which posts you're referring to (301 & 340) (I haven't go back but I bet it is something about my father)... please, unless you have a PhD in psychology...don't try to analyse me... I can very well analyse myself... thank you very much. At my age, I know exactly what I want and what I don't want, and what I want: being single and free; what I don't want: judgement from people who have no idea what my life is and who are so narrow-minded to think that a person can only be happy with a lifetime partner.

[Trialbyfire]

judgement from people who have no idea what my life is and who are so narrow-minded to think that a person can only be happy with a lifetime partner.

Point blank lizzie, no one cares if you have single multiple partners, although STDs would be a concern. That you have multiple married partners is disturbing, due to the lives that you ARE impacting.

[Lizzie60]

This is why she posted. The thing is, MOST who post don't come here and discuss how great their affairs are with their MM/MW. MOST who do post here are wanting to get out, not give pointers.

 

Lizzie, this is why I think so many feathers have been ruffled here. You've read most of the types of posts that the OW/OM write. Most are miserable, barely coping, or on their way to ending the affair, not shouting out how happy they are to be involved with a married person.

 

Those who come here to boast (or is it boost, mindfog today!)(spelling?!) about their situation pisses people off and that's why you've had some pretty harsh comments.

 

All I can say is, if and when the time comes one of your MM's wives find out about you, show them respect. Don't be mean or rude to them as they don't deserve it.

 

I'm sorry if some people are miserable being the OW/OM... then they can get out of this situation...right? no one is forcing them to stay. On the other hand....what's wrong with someone being happy being an OW/OM... I'm sure there are some, but maybe they don't want to be bashed...I don't know. What am I suppose to say? That I am an OW who is soooo desperate to have a man of her own... Sorry.. this is not my situation, I cannot make-up stories just to please people here... Like I said, if people gets angry at my posts, who forces them to read them? I call that masochists.

 

If, and only IF, a wife ever find out (I truly doubt it, there is almost no chances to be caught) don't worry for me... I am civil, I will not do or say anything to hurt the person even more... I'm not stupid, I know they wouldn't deserve that.

 

My point is I don't want to take these guys away from their family... unlike other OW who wish they would leave their marriage... I don't and they know that from the start. NO COMMITMENT. For most MM, that is exactly the type of relationship they want... no commitment, so that they can stay with their wife (who they love) and their children (that they adore). So in my mind, I'm doing far less damages than many other women, I know it's hard to understand...but I don't know what else I can say.

[IpAncA]

I'm sorry if some people are miserable being the OW/OM... then they can get out of this situation...right? no one is forcing them to stay. On the other hand....what's wrong with someone being happy being an OW/OM... I'm sure there are some, but maybe they don't want to be bashed...I don't know. What am I suppose to say? That I am an OW who is soooo desperate to have a man of her own... Sorry.. this is not my situation, I cannot make-up stories just to please people here... Like I said, if people gets angry at my posts, who forces them to read them? I call that masochists.

 

If, and only IF, a wife ever find out (I truly doubt it, there is almost no chances to be caught) don't worry for me... I am civil, I will not do or say anything to hurt the person even more... I'm not stupid, I know they wouldn't deserve that.

 

My point is I don't want to take these guys away from their family... unlike other OW who wish they would leave their marriage... I don't and they know that from the start. NO COMMITMENT. For most MM, that is exactly the type of relationship they want... no commitment, so that they can stay with their wife (who they love) and their children (that they adore). So in my mind, I'm doing far less damages than many other women, I know it's hard to understand...but I don't know what else I can say.

 

Well I'm glad your happy but honestly your only fulfilling the needs his W can't. When she starts, he won't need you IMO. He's going to use you for whatever needs are not being met.

 

So when his W finds out, don't come crying to us about it. Chances of you still being with him once she finds out are slim.

[greeneyes78]

You know… there’s something that I simply don’t understand. I have to admit that I haven’t read the whole thread, as there’s simply too much to read, but this is another one of those OW vs BS debacles.

 

While you question the point of the original post, I wonder, is there any room/space/board for happy OWs to share? I could understand why the OP would expose herself to a lot of scrutiny if she posted in the Infidelity forum or something, but this IS OM/OW dedicated area, isn’t it? So if you don’t agree with her lifestyle or find her posts silly, or ridiculous, or whatever… why do you feel a need to be all over her? Why not roll your eyes and re-invest your energy somewhere else… maybe those that ARE going through a hard time and CAN use your advice/words of wisdom? It’s not like you will change Lizzie’s views by ridiculing her behavior; if anything, she will only get defensive.

 

I’ve always had an opinion that happy OMs/OWs are less prominent in these discussion forums, as they simply don’t feel a need to consult with others about the state of their union. This is not to say that infidelities have happy endings, it’s usually the other way around…… I just find it amusing that whenever there’s a new poster asking for advice in their OM/OW situation, everyone’s quick to say… oh, just read the various posts from unhappy OMs/OWs. But whenever we come across the happy posts, everyone will make sure that the poster is so uncomfortable that they leave sooner or later. And that’s how you end up with a discussion forum full of troubled people jumping at each others’ throats………. No wonder we rarely come across any “success stories”.

[IpAncA]

No wonder we rarely come across any “success stories."

 

Success Stories. Geez...that's hardly how one should look at it.

 

What exactly is the success? Stealing another women's H? Or maybe it's being able to see how long someone can sneak around behind someone's back?

 

Sorry but I don't see anything positive about being an OW.

[greeneyes78]

You know, shortly after I submitted my post, I realized that I will probably get ripped apart for that "success stories" remark. Sorry, wrong verbage. I keep forgetting that you have to be very politically correct when posting here.

[IpAncA]

You know, shortly after I submitted my post, I realized that I will probably get ripped apart for that "success stories" remark. Sorry, wrong verbage. I keep forgetting that you have to be very politically correct when posting here.

Well I think deep down OW/OM WANT to replace the W or H. Plan and simple IMO.

 

I guess you could call that a success. Don't think BS's or people against cheating would, but if that was your goal and you did met it, then I guess there is success.

[Lizzie60]

Well I think deep down OW/OM WANT to replace the W or H. Plan and simple IMO

 

This is sooooo not true... I could have replaced the W in one occasion for sure if I wanted, I only had to say OK but I said no, and I should add, that in this case, I told him that I would stop seeing him if he'd keep saying he wanted to leave his wife.

 

I don't want them full time... period.

[GreenEyedLady]

 

How can you steal something that no one owns?

 

Maybe it's the WS that wants to see how long he can sneak around behind his W's back...

[GreenEyedLady]

Well I think deep down OW/OM WANT to replace the W or H. Plan and simple IMO.

 

I'm sure that you would think that as you've never been an OW and have no idea what it's like...

 

OW don't want to replace anyone...they want to take their own place beside the man that they love, as his only partner...

 

An A really has nothing to do with the W...just like the OW really has nothing to do with the M...

[Trialbyfire]

OW don't want to replace anyone...they want to take their own place beside the man that they love, as his only partner...

 

An A really has nothing to do with the W...just like the OW really has nothing to do with the M...

In order for the OW to stand as the only partner, the existing partner will need to be removed...

 

An affair has much to do with the W, considering the fallout on her and the family. It's very much a distancing trick by OWs to refuse to accept their responsibility for the affair happening. It's like a drunk driver saying that he didn't kill the child's father, he only hit a pedestrian.

[Island Girl]

OW don't want to replace anyone...they want to take their own place beside the man that they love, as his only partner...

 

That means they want to take the place of the existing spouse, doesn't it?

[Touche]

That means they want to take the place of the existing spouse, doesn't it?

 

Absolutely, you and TBF have it right.

 

You have it all wrong, GEL. The OW has everything to do with the marriage once she insunuates herself into it. And believe me, the cheating spouse is a BIG part of that equation...but he's not the entire equation. He has a partner in crime...the OW.

[whichwayisup]

How can you steal something that no one owns?

 

GEL, you know what IpAncA meant by stealing another woman's H. In a married sense, the husband belongs to his wife, just like the wife belongs to the husband.

[Guest]

lizzie- hey honey, sorry to break your 'i'm an independent woman doing my thang' bubble but - yes i am sure a lot of bored husbands will bonk any woman who opens her legs for them no matter the age. sorry they are not seeing you as the sexy older experienced woman they can't control themselves around, more likely as a a bit of free action from a desperate easy lay. hope thats ok with you as thats what they will be telling their mates down at the pub.

[GreenEyedLady]

I do not wish to go 'round and 'round with both sides continuing the same argument...

 

No one will change anyone's minds, no one will see anything they haven't seen before...

 

Same argument, different day...

[Touche]

I do not wish to go 'round and 'round with both sides continuing the same argument...

 

No one will change anyone's minds, no one will see anything they haven't seen before...

 

Same argument, different day...

 

I agree with that. Those who have no morals aren't going to suddlenly develop a set of values. They're not going to suddenly see that what they're doing is wrong just because some us of say that it is....duh!

[scaredinlove]

GEL, you know what IpAncA meant by stealing another woman's H. In a married sense, the husband belongs to his wife, just like the wife belongs to the husband.

 

The problem with relationships are that people think they own each other .In truth people are free, and if we could all understand that a lot heartache would be saved.

 

Nobody belongs to anybody,and we should not try to make anyone feel that they are ours. If we treated our partners and are selves with more freedom we would be more honest to each other,domestic violence would not exist and people would not cheat.

 

So much pain would be avoided if we were honest and accepted honesty on others.

 

I think Lizzie in her own way understood that, she is free and she considere the guys she sees free too.And honestly no one can steal anybody from anybody. If they leave is because of their own choices.And the OW is just the OW not a powerfull,evil force.most of the times the married man pursue them anyway, and stay in the marriage when the s*** hits the fan.

Some radical thoughts for the end of the day. Good night all.

[Touche]

The problem with relationships are that people think they own each other .In truth people are free, and if we could all understand that a lot heartache would be saved.

 

Nobody belongs to anybody,and we should not try to make anyone feel that they are ours. If we treated our partners and are selves with more freedom we would be more honest to each other,domestic violence would not exist and people would not cheat.

 

So much pain would be avoided if we were honest and accepted honesty on others.

 

I think Lizzie in her own way understood that, she is free and she considere the guys she sees free too.And honestly no one can steal anybody from anybody. If they leave is because of their own choices.And the OW is just the OW not a powerfull,evil force.most of the times the married man pursue them anyway, and stay in the marriage when the s*** hits the fan.

Some radical thoughts for the end of the day. Good night all.

 

No. Wrong. If you're single then the bolded part of your statement would be true. But when you're married both parties actually agree to "belong" to one another. Do you not get that?

[NoIDidn't]

OW don't want to replace anyone...they want to take their own place beside the man that they love, as his only partner...

 

GEL

 

The intelligent woman that I have come to see you as could not have possibly meant the above statement as proof that the OW doesn't want to replace the W.

 

Sorry, but it absolutely proves the very point.

 

It seems that you are trying to say that MM and W are not the same couple as MM and OW, but we are still dealing with a basic substitution: W for OW. The MM is the same in both of these couples, so most people have enough common sense to know that the man replaced one woman for the other.

 

I am not interested in arguing with you either. I haven't read all of this thread or even see how it ended up at this point. But that statement stood out if for no other reason than the fact that it simply restated the same thing (OW wants to replace W) in a way that involved some mystical love as if that changes the basic substitution that the OW is wishing for.

 

The OW does want to replace the W. And you just so much as said it.

[NoIDidn't]

I don't mean to add more "unhealthiness" to this thread, but I have to wonder what is the point? Why dance around the obvious?

 

Ms. Lizzie is not an OW. She is something else. Something far more "garden variety", KWIM?

 

I mean, forget the fact that some of these men are married. Forget her age, that doesn't always imply wisdom. What else do most folks call a woman that sleeps around in this way?

 

No offense anyone, but this lifestyle of hers doesn't belong on the OW/OM forum either. Unless the W in OW really does stand for wh:eek: re.

 

(I had such a hard time typing that word, let alone submitting it. I personally don't believe in or even feel comfortable with name-calling, but I consider this more *descriptive* like an adjective.)

 

Sorry, Lizzie. But if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck. Then it must be a duck.