Would councelling work?

[4whatItsWorth]

K, first time I ever post about my problems.

 

Am 21, engaged and has the worst self esteem in the world. I've had that since I got bullied as a kid, and boyfriends who never understood me never made it better. My dad was always my rock until he cheated on my mom and left me feeling like I don't really know the guy anymore.

 

I suffered from anorexia and later bulimia as a teen from age 17 to 20, am 90% alright today but the mental issues are stuck with me. My problem is you could put the nastiest, most ugly and fattest horrible person next to me and I give me a day or two and I'll be convinced the person is way prettier, thinner and nicer than me.

 

If I died tomorrow, I feel like I know nothing positive to say about myself. Most days I am alright, but whenever I catch a reflection in the mirror of me I can fall downhill and be so depressed I fear going outside. I actually used to avoid holding hands with boyfriends because I thought they would be embarassed being seen together with me. I always feel everyone could do better than me, and that I am never good enough. Sometimes I think "it could be worse, at least I am not repulsive" but in a few seconds later, I am repulsed by myself.

 

My fiance's been great with me, but no matter what anybody tells me I just feel like I am worthless. Like all I do is bringing people down or making myself look like I am an ugly and fat idiot. (Which sadly is what I tell myself all the time too, and I know this is a destructive behaviour.)

 

I have never been to councelling. I have an ex-boyfriend who is a chronic depressed person, and he did say he had a great counceller but he still has serious problems and never seem to change. So would it help at all or not? Or should I just try to fix it myself?

 

I should add, I do have my better moments too. When I do think that I am quite alright. Sadly, they occur way less than 50% of the time.

[sparkles]

Hey there,

 

When my boyfriend broke up with me I felt like it was the end of the world... my heart was so shattered and I had this aching pain in my heart that I felt would never go away. My uncle suggested I go and see a councillor. I had actually thought of the idea beforehand myself but deep down I guess I was waiting for someone to tell me that it was ok to go and get help coz I didnt really want to admit to myself that I wasn't really ok. Well, i went and saw a councillor and It was one of the best things I could have done. For me, I needed someone who didnt know me at all and could give me some professional advice....I wasnt suicidal or anything like that, I just needed someone else to help me through a tough time, and even though i have friends and family, i just needed to speak to someone who you didnt know me at all and who could give me their opinion without getting tired of hearing the same story.

 

In saying that though, I knew why I was upset and it was becasue of the break-up that I was there seeing a councillor in the first place. You on the other hand dont seem to really know the cause of your feelings so I dont know if councilling may be the best option for you. When I went, the sessions were more for me to remember who I was again, and know that this wasn't the end of the world, and that Im not the only one whos ever felt as heart broken as I felt, even though at the time i couldnt believe that. It seems like you might need someone to help you figure out why you feel the way you do.... and you can laugh all you like but my suggestion would be to see a hypnosis.

 

Ive seen one myself and its not as crazy as you probably think. They just sort of get you into this hypnosis where you feel really relaxed and they just tell you things while your in this state of mind. You dont even have to say anything. Othertimes thay can take you into the past (kinda wierd actually) where you can figure out why you feel the way you do... and maybe work out a few things along the way. Ive done it and would definately recommend it but if thats not your cup of tea then thats fine too.

 

Whatever you chose to do, dont be afraid to admit to yourself that your not ok. Just keep looking for someone who can help.