Soul Mates?

[pelagicsands]

Your soulmate will creep up on you when you least expect it.

[Storyrider]

Your soulmate will creep up on you when you least expect it.

Sounds like there is a thin line between soul mate and stalker.

[pelagicsands]

Sounds like there is a thin line between soul mate and stalker.

If they're your soulmate, then they already know where you're going. They don't have to follow you. They also know when you least expect it, so they can creep up on you. Stalkers aren't privy to that sort of inside information.

[Storyrider]

If they're your soulmate, then they already know where you're going. They don't have to follow you. They also know when you least expect it, so they can creep up on you. Stalkers aren't privy to that sort of inside information.

 

Heffalumps and Woozles. And soulmates. Are you an expert?

[Craig]

Well...what is a soulmate?

[pelagicsands]

Heffalumps and Woozles. And soulmates. Are you an expert?

I just want to steal your honey.

[pelagicsands]

Well...what is a soulmate?

I thought you knew everything. So disappointing.

[Touche]

I thought you knew everything. So disappointing.

 

No, he just thinks he knows everything.

[Woggle]

I don't believe in some magical vision of what a soulmate is but I do believe that you meet people who you click with very well. My wife and I are very much like that and we knew it within a few months of dating. We can talk for hours still and not get bored. We are very compatible.

[Trialbyfire]

Soulmates? Nope. None-believer here. While the concept is sweet, life ain't so sweet...

 

If you think of best friends with chemistry and history, maybe this is what a soulmate is supposed to be. Who knows? Not I.

[lorr]

This whole soulmates crap is totally overrated.

 

It seems that too many women are buying into this concept.

 

:laugh:But then again it doesn't help when they show programmes such as "Days of our Lives" and "Sunset Beach"

[LucreziaBorgia]

I usually see 'soulmates' used interchangeably with "the person I'm cheating on my SO with" or "the person who is cheating on their SO with me". I guess its just shorter to type "soulmates".

 

I can see where they are coming from though. People who cheat are looking for what is otherwise missing from what they already have. They want to find it so bad, that when they find somebody they tend to map those needs onto that other person and convince themselves that this person has those 'missing pieces'. They want it so badly that they manifest it in another person. Of course, the person they find has a great motivation to show that person exactly what they want to see and will often become that which the other person is seeking, even if they don't really have those 'missing pieces' - they can convince the other person that they do, because that's what the other person wants to see.

 

Let's throw sex into the mix too. Sex usually seals the deal when it comes to 'soulmates'. The sex is fantastic because one person is going out of his/her way to overcompensate for what he/she isn't getting otherwise, and the other person is doing their damndest to blow his/her mind in order to convince them to leave who they are with and be with them. Affairs cause people to bring out their A game when it comes to sex (usually anyway). The better the sex, the greater the passion - the more likely you are to hear 'soulmate' thrown around.

 

It is basically looking for fantasy in the context of reality. You can create a reality out of a fantasy, but it never holds up in the end. It eventually becomes apparent when the initial lust and blush of "first love" ends - the person realizes that the other person doesn't have the 'missing pieces' after all, and the other person gets tired of holding up the charade.

 

Soulmates is all about putting someone up on a pedistal. You like to see that person up there, and that person likes to be up there. However, you can only stand on a pedistal for so long before you lose your balance and fall off. Some simply step off of it.

 

It doensn't take long for 'soulmates' in the context of cheating to wear off.

[pureinheart]

I am not an expert at love. If I were, I'd write books and make millions.

 

I just go by what I see in other people, and the most successful couples I've seen have genuinely just appeared to be at ease in each other's company. That's not to say that they enjoy every day with each other, but they seem to appreciate one another as friends, people and sometimes, lovers.

 

I think permanent relationships are like space flight. You need a lot of energy at first to get it into space. Then, something else takes over. I think you need a lot of fire early in a relationship, but it fades in time. In the end, you need to appreciate the other person, as a person.

 

People also need to drop the ego in relationships. That's one thing I've had to learn. One reason I have failed in past relationships. In a way, it has been good for me to sit out a few months and take a break from dating. I'm taking things in and understanding a lot about my past behavior that I didn't before.

 

But soulmates? Nah, I don't buy it. I think it's a destructive concept on a number of levels.

 

You may not be an expert, although your thinking is level headed and right on the money my friend. "Love" relationships have become the "drug of choice" in most parts of the world. The thinking of what a RIGHT and TRUE love relationship is has become distorted in the minds of many.

 

Many go from one relationship to the next, never healing from the devastations from the last, also many with the very first relationship are not aware of issues that need attention. From the beginning unhealthy patterns are formed, these patterns become "normal", and if not dealt with these patterns go from one generation to the next.

 

Storyrider brought up lust.....in unhealthy people lust=love.....nope.

 

I too have realized that I need some time and fixing before dating....many times in the past having said that I made wrong choices and sought out the wrong people....am re-thinking this....maybe they did, maybe I wasn't fit for them....did I provoke them into cheating????? I want to make clear that by this last statement am not trying to be the proverbial doormat, just exploring all possibilities as rationally as I know how today.

 

Hearing more so than not, "I have to have a man/woman in my life, I can't be alone"....now is this an honest statement or is this a statement out of an unhealthy need? Subconsciously I lived my life this way, but have found I am OKAY without a relationship, and for the first time am relaxing and taking care of me.

 

I want to be in a relationship for all of the right reasons this time, not out of a pathetic need....

[pureinheart]

I usually see 'soulmates' used interchangeably with "the person I'm cheating on my SO with" or "the person who is cheating on their SO with me". I guess its just shorter to type "soulmates".

 

I can see where they are coming from though. People who cheat are looking for what is otherwise missing from what they already have. They want to find it so bad, that when they find somebody they tend to map those needs onto that other person and convince themselves that this person has those 'missing pieces'. They want it so badly that they manifest it in another person. Of course, the person they find has a great motivation to show that person exactly what they want to see and will often become that which the other person is seeking, even if they don't really have those 'missing pieces' - they can convince the other person that they do, because that's what the other person wants to see.

 

Let's throw sex into the mix too. Sex usually seals the deal when it comes to 'soulmates'. The sex is fantastic because one person is going out of his/her way to overcompensate for what he/she isn't getting otherwise, and the other person is doing their damndest to blow his/her mind in order to convince them to leave who they are with and be with them. Affairs cause people to bring out their A game when it comes to sex (usually anyway). The better the sex, the greater the passion - the more likely you are to hear 'soulmate' thrown around.

 

It is basically looking for fantasy in the context of reality. You can create a reality out of a fantasy, but it never holds up in the end. It eventually becomes apparent when the initial lust and blush of "first love" ends - the person realizes that the other person doesn't have the 'missing pieces' after all, and the other person gets tired of holding up the charade.

 

Soulmates is all about putting someone up on a pedistal. You like to see that person up there, and that person likes to be up there. However, you can only stand on a pedistal for so long before you lose your balance and fall off. Some simply step off of it.

 

It doensn't take long for 'soulmates' in the context of cheating to wear off.

 

Very well said LB

[alphamale]

It doensn't take long for 'soulmates' in the context of cheating to wear off.

true LCB....but it also doesn't take long for 'love' in the context of marriage to wear off either.

[LucreziaBorgia]

true LCB....but it also doesn't take long for 'love' in the context of marriage to wear off either.

 

I think the type of "love" that drives people to get married in the first place: that romantic, passionate sort of love - does fade. Yes indeed - you are right about that. I think it fades and either one of two things happen:

 

1. When it fades, there is no other basis for the relationship - it was founded on that sort of "love" and that is all that held it together, so when it fades the relationship ends. If it doesn't end, it stays together based entirely on obligation. Preserving the relationship overrides the partners not really wanting to be together.

 

2. When it fades, there are other factors the keep two people together - a familial bond, mutual respect and friendship, a general sense of wanting to be in that person's company even when the "grand passion" isn't there, - and that "love" becomes something more of a family bond between two people.

[amerikajin]

I think the type of "love" that drives people to get married in the first place: that romantic, passionate sort of love - does fade. Yes indeed - you are right about that. I think it fades and either one of two things happen:

 

1. When it fades, there is no other basis for the relationship - it was founded on that sort of "love" and that is all that held it together, so when it fades the relationship ends. If it doesn't end, it stays together based entirely on obligation. Preserving the relationship overrides the partners not really wanting to be together.

 

2. When it fades, there are other factors the keep two people together - a familial bond, mutual respect and friendship, a general sense of wanting to be in that person's company even when the "grand passion" isn't there, - and that "love" becomes something more of a family bond between two people.

 

Truer words were never spoken. Nice post, LCB.