Thought I was OK w/BF's kids....

[hundesport]

OK. I googled and googled trying to find info on what I am feeling and found this. So, I'll post here and hopefully get some good advice and not too bashed.

 

I have been dating a wonderful man for a few months now (I am 32, he is 38). He has two very small children (boys 2 & 4) he is a good father and has them joint-custody and 50% of the time. When we first started dating I thought I was ok with the whole 'he has kids thing'. And, for the most part I am- when he has them, he is with them, I haven't met them other than in passing. Honestly, as of right now, I have absolutely no interest in being around them, if I had to choose going to Chucky Cheeses with them or going to do something else, I'd chose something else. I basically have no interest in spending any time getting to know them- I admit that- and I was clear with that in the beginning. When he said 'how would you feel about me being with my children while dating?" I said Great! Because I'll do my thing, I don't need somebody around constantly, I'll do my thing. I have a great job, I travel, I have side work that I do that occupies much of my free time, and he often participates in my interests because I made it clear that I wasn't going to stop doing what I normally do to accomodate his schedule, this is my interests, and he can come along or stay home- he chooses to come along because he enjoys going and wants to be with me.

 

That being said, there has been talk of long term relationships, marriage, etc. And I have been honest in saying I don't see how that would work unless we maintained two seperate homes because I had no intention of parenting his young and needy children. I have said maybe when they are older and in school we can talk about seriousness, but that is a long ways away. He has them every weekend, and during that time, I do my things, he does his kid time. Now he is starting to suggest that I come over and go to the park with them, or do various things, and I decline. I am not comfortable with that idea yet, and frankly, again- I have no interest in getting to know them at this point.

 

In my mind when I do think about the whole 'someday' I can imagine them being around, but not 50% of the time. So, I guess I want to know is this normal? Should I just cut my losses now and go and risk loosing this great person? I should add that I have been married, dated, LTR's, etc.- and am not willing to settle for a jerk, and he is a great guy- I am just questioning the likelyhood of this working out without me being unhappy and him resenting me, me resenting his kids, them being unhappy because daddy's girlfriend is never around them- despite what he says I'm sure they would pick up on that. Could my feelings change with time? Should I try to be more open minded. I am so confused at times.

 

Thanks.