Is she trying to reconcile?

[Johnny B]

Sorry for no recap but I hope many of you know where I am right now with my ex...

 

So on Friday, I had another work event to which I had to be in the presense of my ex. The event lasted all day and into a happy hour in the evening. I only spoke to her for perhaps about 2 minutes total.

 

I decided to leave the happy hour with some friends at about 9pm when I immediately got a text message from her, "I need to talk to you." So showing that I'm not a whimp, I ignored it. 20 minutes later, she writes, "Can we talk?" I also ignored this.. I was out with some work friends and having a good time, why should I respond?

Then at about 11pm, I got yet a 3rd message, "Are you going to ignore me?" I did not respond.

 

The next morning, I decided to respond so that any conversations she wanted to have were not because she had too much to drink and/or combined with the fact she misses her b/f (currently on a 6 month trip in Sydney).

 

I texted her, "I really don't think we have anything to talk about." Which is true.

 

Her response, "I think we should avoid each other from now on."

 

My response, "Is that what you wanted to talk about last night?"

 

Her: "No, but that's what I want to say now."

 

So I pick up the phone and call in an annoyed tone, left a voicemail saying, " If you have anything to really say, call me to figure it out because I'm tired of your games." I hung up and texted her, "I'm done."

 

She doesn't call, but writes, "I can't believe you think I'm playing games. The truth is I'm struggling with this whole thing and I know its not fair so i would rather not have contact with you."

 

Me: "Dont worry I'm going to make that decision for you. Now you dont have to struggle anymore."

 

Her: "So you think I'm playing games? So you no longer have feelings for me?"

 

PEOPLE CMON !!!

 

The night before she needs to talk and because i didnt jump at the chance or sound massively happy in my text response, shes thinks its time to avoid each other???

 

Since her b/f left, its HER thats been contacting me with random questions and about utter nonsense.. I have not been initiating at all !!!

 

Also, WHAT IS SHE STRUGGLING WITH? More than once she's told me that she loves this guy, they may get married, this is the best relationship shes had and that she wouldnt give up this good thing for anyone!

 

So what are you stuggling with hun???

 

Wow guys, it just never ends. Whats her deal? I have to assume that her wanting to talk was b/c she was wasted and that she is not really struggling with anything because she has made her choice and it looks to me that shes sticking to it... All this was, was another attempt to make sure that string shes had me on was intact.

 

Thoughts?

[2ndIINone]

She's too easy to read...

 

"Can we talk?" would've been talk about "the two of you."

but since you ignored her texts all night and made her sweat... (good move btw) she decided that she'd change her tune because of her now bruised ego. She expected you to JUMP at the chance to respond to her first text... fished for a second.... was on the ledge for the third. No response = bruised ego. She basically tried to turn the tables the next morning.

 

Games??? more like BS! Probably too embarrassed to speak the truth. Put yourself in her shoes... NOT that it's ok what she did.

 

Don't call her or pursue her anymore. IF she's got something to say... nothing will stop her... don't talk about games or emotions. Keep your responses, if any, to a minimum. (ex. "If you have something to say, say it without your drama bs..."

 

Also, WHAT IS SHE STRUGGLING WITH? More than once she's told me that she loves this guy, they may get married, this is the best relationship shes had and that she wouldnt give up this good thing for anyone!

 

She's struggling with her decision... not so sure she was right. Most likely she built him up just to get a reaction outta you.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I think she's addicted to the drama. That's why she keeps bothering you. but your right in leaving her alone. I would erase her number for good measure; if I was you.

[Johnny B]

Does anyone have an idea to what she might have wanted to say on Friday night? Was that a legitimate attempt to work things out or talk about the situation or attempt to reconcile, to which I ignored her?

 

I may be over-analyzing this but she hasn't in the 4-5 months since she started dating this guy asked/called/texted me that, 'i need to talk to you.'

 

Was no contact in this case wrong?

[CaliGuy]

Thoughts?

 

Ok, here's mine.

 

She's bored.

She's lonely.

You're around.

You're available.

 

"Any port in a storm", so they say.

 

The problem here is, she is still dating the guy she left you for, right? So, why on earth is she contacting you?

 

I know.

 

She wants someone to fill the space for her until her new guy comes back. And who better than the guy she dumped?

 

It would have been a lot more effective for you to have ignored the text messages for at least a couple weeks. You were doing great until you responded to her.

 

Use your God-given common sense and put two and two together, Amigo. You know exactly why she contacted you. She doesn't want to reconcile. She wants to make sure you're still on a string and available should she need you. But the minute her new guy gets back into town she'll drop you like yesterday's news.

 

She's not saying any of the magic words. She's just testing the waters to make sure you're still on her string. When you ignored her, it upset her. Why? Because she is used to being the center of your world. And the second you show her she is not, she gets angry. That's selfishness, my friend.

 

If she understood that it was not a good idea for you to talk, if she understood your desire for NC, then she would not be upset at all. She would have tried, you would have ignored her and then later if her heart changed, she would charge after you like a starving lion after a gazelle.

 

Remember, neither hell nor high water will stop someone who wants to be with you, when they REALLY want to be with you. They don't "test" the waters a bit. That's just general curiosity to make sure that, should their mind change, you'll come running right back to them.

 

She's feeding you crumbs and you already think she wants to reconcile.

 

Snap out of it.

 

Don't you have any respect for yourself?

[Johnny B]

CG - You are right, as usual.

 

Just last night she sent another text (I had not contacted her since the exchange on Saturday). She wrote,

 

"I know what you said and I know you think I was playing games but I really wasn't. I'm sorry for all the times I was unfair to you or made things harder on you. That was never my intention. I wanted you to know that, even if you don't believe me. I know you will be happier now."

 

She recognizes that her continuous contact was wrong (although she knew already), but my harsh reaction to it on Saturday was enough for her to finally say it.

 

These are certainly not the magic words and I know that I would not have heard them on Friday night either, even if I yielded to her need to talk.

 

She leaves this week for a 2 week trip to visit her b/f in Sydney, I think the events of this weekend were her trying to keep the string I'm on intact, even reinforce it.

 

I will not respond to that message. I think she will no longer call/text/email me either. My gut tells me this really is coming to an end now. I leave in June for a 3 month business trip to Europe and I feel good that I took a stand with her in saying "I'm done."

 

It's up to me now to hold it together for this last month and then my hope is to really move on after that.

 

Thanks again everyone, and CaliGuy...

 

You are truely the Master of this Domain

 

-J

[Johnny B]

CG - You're forgetting that I dumped her. When I realized the mistake that I made, she had already found someone new.

 

I'm the outkast on this board because my scenario is the one that everyone is hoping for: I'm the dumper who came running back, only to find that my ex had moved on to someone new and doesn't want me anymore.

 

People make mistakes...

[Chrome Barracuda]

Ok so your the agreessor in the case. So you F-ed up, you live and you learn. If she's happy where she's at when you dumped her? Than you need to move on. If she wants to come back because she forgives you and there's no one else. But also you have to mature to a point to know what real love is.

 

I suggest moving on with your life NC. And doing what enables you to move on. I wish you the best. Usually I'm against the people that does the dumping but with the remorse that I see in your words. I feel that you'll be alright.

[monkey00]

Well, I really have nothing new to say since everyone already said it. But ill say it again, she's looking for assurance whether you're still in the backburner in case things dont work out with the bf. If i was her bf, it would suck horribly not knowing all this crap is going on behind my back.

 

Again the choice is up to you. If you decide on NC and moving on, then do so truly. No need to stir up drama or respond with needless words about not having anything to talk to her about.

[CaliGuy]

CG - You're forgetting that I dumped her. When I realized the mistake that I made, she had already found someone new.

 

I'm the outkast on this board because my scenario is the one that everyone is hoping for: I'm the dumper who came running back, only to find that my ex had moved on to someone new and doesn't want me anymore.

 

People make mistakes...

 

I understand that, but now she has someone else in her life and she's using you as the backup.

 

If you're ok with being "second best" in her life, then go for it.

 

If not, respect yourself and keep walking. If she really wanted to be with you she would be saying the magic words.

[daphne]

Johnny,

 

Simply put, she's trying to exercise her power and control on you. She couldn't get you to respond so she felt like she was losing control. When you contacted her again she thought she'd push it harder and really let you have it because she mistakenly (or stupidly) thought you were sitting around waiting for her and would be grateful to hear from her.

 

Short answer, she's really selfish, manipulative and bad news.