luv2runmomma Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 A little into my background .... a little over a year ago I got myself out of a very emotionally abusive marriage. (thank god I like running .. it probably saved my life ...as a means of stress relief) At 99 lbs my ex hubby made me feel fat and worthless , extremely undesirable. I am now in a relationship with a very wonderful man. We get along so well most of the time. I know he loves me very much. However, we do have our issues. For one, he constantly "encourages" me to exercise ... to the point that I feel like I'm not good enough just the way I am. He is also very "encouraging" to the thought of me getting my breasts done. The other day we were out eating and he expressed to me not to eat so much. I think I would take most of this as just "encouragement" but I can't help but feel a little insecure when we are out and he can't keep his eyes off another woman ....while I'm on his lap! Or looking in the rear view mirrors just to get that last moments of viewing pleasure as we pass an attractive woman. I do realize, as humans, we all do look (hell I love looking at women myself) however the breaking of his neck to look and constant staring really hurts. As does his "delightful" Sturgis stories of ... well you know what I'm eluding to. I guess my question I'd love advice for is, am I just letting my past interrupt my self confidence? Or can a man be disrespectful by these things? He's admitted he can't/won't change ... does my way of thinking need to change? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Let him know EXACTLY how his "encouragement" makes you feel. If he doesn't back off and learn to accept you as you are....or if you are not motivated to exercise and eat less as he seems to be encouraging you to do...then simply dump him. He sounds like a controller and he could only get worse over time with his inclination to "encourage" you to do things spilling over into other areas of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 At 99 lbs my ex hubby made me feel fat and worthless , extremely undesirable. So you got out of one abusive relationship that made you feel bad about yourself and your body.... he constantly "encourages" me to exercise ... to the point that I feel like I'm not good enough just the way I am. He is also very "encouraging" to the thought of me getting my breasts done. The other day we were out eating and he expressed to me not to eat so much. ...and dove right into another abusive relationship with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself and your body... I can't help but feel a little insecure when we are out and he can't keep his eyes off another woman ....while I'm on his lap! Or looking in the rear view mirrors just to get that last moments of viewing pleasure as we pass an attractive woman. I do realize, as humans, we all do look (hell I love looking at women myself) however the breaking of his neck to look and constant staring really hurts. As does his "delightful" Sturgis stories of ... well you know what I'm eluding to. ...while adding one more issue that makes you feel insecure about yourself, your body, and your relationship. I guess my question I'd love advice for is, am I just letting my past interrupt my self confidence? Or can a man be disrespectful by these things? He's admitted he can't/won't change ... does my way of thinking need to change? Do you really want to be with a man who will always (because he won't change) always 'encourage' you to eat less, to exercise, to get a boob job (and nose job, botox, ass implants, whatever he wants for you to become his ideal sex object), and who will still continue to ogle other women? No, you don't need to change your thinking. You need to change your taste in men and stop choosing the ones that make you feel like you need to accommodate their disrespectful and abusive behavior. Dump Mr. Wonderful and wait to get serious with someone who likes you as you are. Link to post Share on other sites
LovesJim55 Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 So you got out of one abusive relationship and you have no found yourself in another. Get out of this relationship, it is extremely unhealthy and someone who loves you would not be doing this. Link to post Share on other sites
megnog Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 i feel terrible for you that you can't find a good guy. trust me, you don't need to change anything about yourself for someone else. if you want to change, you do it for yourself. these guys really deserve a punch in the face or something.. to disrespect you so badly. seriously, get rid of him .. any guy who "encourages" a girl to get breast implants, in my opinion, is a terrible human being. i don't think women should feel bad about their breasts but they do ..because of guys like this. find someone else, i know you could do a lot better. Link to post Share on other sites
AFarAwayPlace Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Sorry, but this piece of sh*t has no right telling you how much to eat, it's your life! And encouraging you to get your breasts done, holy hell, he sounds as bad as the first man! He should love you as you are, he's a pig, pure and simple. I wouldn't so much as give him the time of day anymore. Leave him. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 I agree with all the posters. None of these men have been good for you, in your personal development. Please consider therapy for your sole focus on your need for external validation, through how you look. Previous to this, get rid of the triggers such as your current guy. Stay single until you're able to get your feet under you and look in the mirror and say, hey, I like her but not for what she looks like but who she's become. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 A little into my background .... a little over a year ago I got myself out of a very emotionally abusive marriage. (thank god I like running .. it probably saved my life ...as a means of stress relief) At 99 lbs my ex hubby made me feel fat and worthless , extremely undesirable. I am now in a relationship with a very wonderful man. We get along so well most of the time. I know he loves me very much. However, we do have our issues. For one, he constantly "encourages" me to exercise ... to the point that I feel like I'm not good enough just the way I am. He is also very "encouraging" to the thought of me getting my breasts done. The other day we were out eating and he expressed to me not to eat so much. I think I would take most of this as just "encouragement" but I can't help but feel a little insecure when we are out and he can't keep his eyes off another woman ....while I'm on his lap! Or looking in the rear view mirrors just to get that last moments of viewing pleasure as we pass an attractive woman. I do realize, as humans, we all do look (hell I love looking at women myself) however the breaking of his neck to look and constant staring really hurts. As does his "delightful" Sturgis stories of ... well you know what I'm eluding to. I guess my question I'd love advice for is, am I just letting my past interrupt my self confidence? Or can a man be disrespectful by these things? He's admitted he can't/won't change ... does my way of thinking need to change? My second ex, was like that at first. He would literally turn his head when a beautiful woman was passing by... I told him that this was very disrespectful... He did it again a few times. I thought he was doing it on purpose to make me jealous... Then at one point, I was straightforward and told him that I would leave if he didn't stop and I was meaning it. He knew I would have so he finally stopped... I told him he could break his neck if he wanted to as long as I wasn't with him. This is very disrespectful, he needs to stop that. Be firm! When I go in malls, many times I see men turning their heads and smiling at me... right in front of their wives... or in their back, I feel sorry for the wife. I hate that. They don't even have the decency to be discreet about it most of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 This guy has control issues and it's slowly rearing it's ugly head. You are FINE the way you are. Your boobs, your body and most of all, your self confidence. This man IS going to beat you down emotionally! You don't need that crap anymore in your life! Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 Lovetorunmamma, I agree with all the previous posters here. "Hooking Up" with a guy who wants a woman to get her boobs "done" is a mess. Not to mention... critiquing your eating habits, and looking at every attractive woman who happens by. Sounds a lot like you have rebounded from one self centered, abuser to another. Find a guy who is attracted to you the way your are and spend the rest of your life playing twister with someone who's really interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luv2runmomma Posted May 5, 2007 Author Share Posted May 5, 2007 thanks to all who took the time to reply. I know what I need to do. It's just so hard ... the encouragement is greatly appreciated!!! xoxo Link to post Share on other sites
Wedded25 Posted May 5, 2007 Share Posted May 5, 2007 I too agree with all the other posters -- the quicker you ditch him, the better. Too bad a quick getaway is best, because that doesn't allow time to turn the tables on him: (1) Try telling him to get his member implanted -- and possibly some silicone in his testicles as well, because "women like men with large, firm, full b*lls." (Sorry -- if you have to get implanted, he doesn't get to skate by on mere Viagra.) Watch his squeamishness level shoot through the roof. (2) Every time a guy walks by with a bit of a tummy bulge instead of a ripped "six-pack," sneer, "He's really let himself go." (3) If he comes home with a worried face after a stressful day at work: Instead of sympathizing and fixing him a drink, tell him firmly that he has to take care of those worry lines, then slam a sample tube of the most expensive skin care product you can find down on the table in front of him. (Ever notice how the women's magazines never fail to mention the (stratospheric) price of every beauty product and every stitch of clothing, adding insult to injury by piling financial guilt on top of aesthetic guilt? Do the same with him.) (4) Of course, if you can't reveal the absurdity of beauty obsession directly, try doing it through his pet. Tell him his golden retriever would be so much cuter with highlights. Tell him his pug needs a "lifestyle lift" or a chemical peel. Or maybe his bluepoint Siamese should get "permanent makeup" to become a sealpoint. Or fur extensions to look like a Himalayan. Seriously: I've been there, too, though one step removed. Here's my first thread here, featuring both my wife's struggle and the travails my Mom went through. (Of course, dad made a point of leaving Playboys at strategic points around the house, and whenever a less-than-thin guest left the room, he'd say, "Thar she blows! Great white whale!" within Mom's hearing.) You deserve way better than this puke-witted, overbearing, never-to-be-satisfied, BLATANTLY disrespectful a**hole. {{{{{luv2runmomma}}}}} Link to post Share on other sites
Author luv2runmomma Posted May 6, 2007 Author Share Posted May 6, 2007 Great ideas!!! Thanks so much for putting a huge "fat" smile on my face!!! I needed that!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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