Funf Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Is there a way to figure out indirectly how your boyfriend feels about marriage without directly asking "How do you feel about marriage?" I know his parent's marriage plays a part, but what else? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 You can see how he reacts when friends or family announce their engagements or weddings. Some guys are congratulatory, and others make jokes about the ball-and-chain or whatever. If he never mentions marriage, then he likely isn't giving it any thought or has a negative opinion, or just thinks of it as something that will happen far, far down the road. If he brings it up, then it's something that he thinks about for his future. But really, the best way to find out his thoughts is to ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Funf, could one ask how old you are? Link to post Share on other sites
Tangerina Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 I think if it is an issue for him one way or another he will bring it up. I make a point not to talk about that stuff because I don't want to play into the stereotype of marriage obsessed girl but somehow he manages to bring it up just to talk about it in the context of his parent's divorce or what he thinks about his own future or "wow, my mom was married when she was my age" sort of thing. Or a few times it has come up naturally in the course of conversation. I mean, never in the terms "would you marry me" in particular because neither of us are at that point in life, but I think we both know what the other's values concerning marriage are. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 .... but I think we both know what the other's values concerning marriage are. Tangerina (and say this with feeling and respect) never "think" you know anything about another person's feelings about something so big. It's an assumption that can lead to misunderstanding, distress and resentment. After 3 years involved in Counselling, it still never ceased to amaze me how many long-term couples I met (single and married) who had no idea their partner felt such-and-such about something..... "I had no idea you felt that way about having kids!" (His words, he didn't want them, she did. Together 4 years.) "I didn't know you felt that way about my mother!" (His words, she felt she was too controlling. Together 7 years.) "Why didn't you tell me you didn't want to move south?" (her words, she found a new job, he had to leave his. Together 5 years.) "You want to do what - ?!?" (Her words, he'd wanted to attend a Naturist camp for 7 years. Together 9 years.) Don't "think" anything. Know. Just my advice, for what it's worth..... With metta. G. Link to post Share on other sites
Tangerina Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Good advice, though I'd be a lot more worried about this stuff if I was actually considering marrying this guy... we've only been together for 4 months and we are 21 and 23 so it isn't exactly an urgent issue, I just mean our values about those things have had the chance to come up naturally in conversation so I know a bit about how he feels about having kids, getting married, divorce, etc. in the context of his own family experiences and his future aspirations. If I ever decided to marry this guy you better bet I'd get the hard facts as they apply to my case. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Thanks Tangerina, that's great. Neat, mature head on young, carefree and happy shoulders. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts