rose45 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 I have only been with my b/f sexually so it bothers me that he has been with other girls..that he has someone he can compare me too bc its natural to do so, just more experiences, more life experience with relationships..and i almost feel that maybe some part of someone would like it if the other person has less experience b/c they dont have to worry--how was that b/f etc and my b/f is outgoing--one time talking about the gym came up and he said he would go up to someone and start talking if he was interested, why not(before me of course)...it just bothers me soo much even though i know it shouldnt that he has that type of personality where he is very social and just able to go up to some girl..and makes me insecure of maybe that could happen or he might start up a convo innocently and it can turn to something else...does anyone get what i am saying? it makes me mad/jealous he has all these experiences...or if we pass a restaurant and he says he has been there..it makes me wonder with who, and also now he is thinking of that person. what do i do..i almost want to make him jealous at times. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 This may be harsh, but it doesn't sound like you're ready for a relationship. It might take a couple relationships of your own before you come to realize that "past experience" is no big deal. Really, you only have two options: A) Break up. B) Go to counseling or something to try to curb your feelings about this. But like I said, it might be something only experience can teach (see A). Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted May 1, 2007 Author Share Posted May 1, 2007 i dont think those are the only 2 solutions. Im sure there are many others going through that i am going through..and i actually think most probably feel that way when they have only been with that person in a sexual way and the other has been with various. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 OP, please see a counsellor or a licensed professional. You need help to provide you with the tools for handling these consistent feelings of jealousy. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 i dont think those are the only 2 solutions. Im sure there are many others going through that i am going through..and i actually think most probably feel that way when they have only been with that person in a sexual way and the other has been with various. If you're hoping for an easy 3rd option, there isn't. You either fix the issue or your relationship is destined to fail. As far as fixing it, counseling is probably your best bet. Link to post Share on other sites
megnog Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 it may help to talk to someone who has been through this before that would be me! I understand where you are coming from, and I would like to think a lot of people at least think these thoughts, just don't get jealous because they realize everyone is going to have a past - past jobs, past homes, past LOVES. Whenever my boyfriend mentions something about his past - going fishing, camping, whatever, I get a bit jealous wondering who was he with? An ex girlfriend? Is he now thinking about her and him and that great camping trip they had? It bugs the **** of me, but honestly, you have to just let it go. There is nothing you can do really and you just need to try and live YOUR life to the fullest, by not getting down about silly things. I'm not going to lie, this is easier said than done, but I think with time you will realize that its not worth it, and that if you bring it up with him it will only push him away. My boyfriend told me he has slept with FOURTEEN other girls. Thats actually a low number in todays society, but its still less than me and it bothers me. But he didn't know me back then, and that was in the past. He still has old pictures and videos even and it sucks... but everyone has these things. My boyfriend tells me to let the small things go and get mad about actual real things , like him cheating on me (which he hasn't done). And this is true, you want to enjoy life . remember that... hope I helped. Link to post Share on other sites
Sheba Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 I too understand where you are. I know just what your problem is, because I have had the same problem: You are letting your imagination take over your reality. You are imagining all these things to be on your boyfriend's mind and you are imagining all of these possible scenarios. None of this is reality. You have no idea what is on his mind and you certainly can't read the future. Furthermore, even if you DID - you can't control what is on his mind, nor can you control what will happen in the future. You have to get control of your imagination. If you don't, you are destined to be unhappy. And, probably, alone. How can another person overcome your imagination? If you hope to have your boyfriend help talk you out of your imagined gloom, it is a ridiculous and hopeless quest. What is he to do - recite aloud every thought he has? Swear on a stack of bibles that in the future he will never do this or that? You need to learn to recognize when your mind is going down one of these fruitless and painful paths and put a stop to it. Remind yourself that it is not reality. Enjoy your real relationship. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ash519 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Having a past does not eliminate the fact that your partner has a past as well. I have a past! A big messy one, and my bf does too...i still get a tad yucked out at the idea of his past encounters and the things he'd do. No matter what, he will always have it and I have to except it. You have to just except it. Link to post Share on other sites
begood2urself Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 I too understand where you are. I know just what your problem is, because I have had the same problem: You are letting your imagination take over your reality. You are imagining all these things to be on your boyfriend's mind and you are imagining all of these possible scenarios. None of this is reality. I completely understand where you are coming from and agree with this quote. I have the exact same problem, especially when it comes to sex. Eventhough I am more experienced than my partner, I still wonder if other people have made her feel better than I do, or did things better than me etc. I have realized one thing that I keep reminding myself: NONE OF THIS IS RELEVANT NOW. None of it really matters in our current relationship. You have to stop living in the past/future and start living today. There is no point in living in the past, if you do, you are just setting yourself up to be hurt, and the worst part is that there is nothing you can do to change what has already happened. Look at it this way, if your partner wanted to go back to this other person or people, they could do it, but they are not, they are obviously happy to be with you. Instead of focusing on old memories, build new ones and enjoy them. Don't let the past and your imagination take you away from being present on what is happening today. Take care and don't feel alone in this, know that this is normal and that others have been where are at. Link to post Share on other sites
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