Girlfriend moving away :-(

[chocolate_boy]

Hi guys.. my girl and I have lived together for 6 months now.. i got made redundant and she spurred me on to apply for a cool new job in a faraway city... I was hestitant at first about leaving all my life and friends behind..but she said she'd come with me.. it's been great for a few weeks.. we moved a few thousand miles and have set up home.. have a beautiful riverside penthouse apartment.. great city..

 

thing is she wants to go to to uni as she never did when she was younger, she applied to go to uni in our new city but got rejected.. ironically she did get accepted in the city we used to live in.. she's now made up her mind she'll be going back home in september... I'm really bummed about this, I expected us to live together always now, setting up a new life etc. I prob wouldn';t have moved away if it meant leaving her, now i'm really regretting moving.. the job is good, but i have absolutely no friends here.. most of my work is done though the night and i'm on my own, so not got workmates or know anyone apart from my girl.. plus i'm worried our relationship wont last if she's going to be so far away for at least 3 yea.rs..

 

she's there this weekend looking at uni halls etc. just got a call of her crying saying she's been telling all her new uni mates about me and they think im selfish cos im hurt she's going away and i dont love her (she is drunk), i admit i have said a few things about how im feeling, but im a talker i dont hide my feelings... I would never try and stop her going though and do think its the right thing to do...

 

She's been ignoring me for the last 6 hours now I've tried calling and smsing but no replies to any of them.. not exactly sure what I've done wrong today.. she just said she doesn';t know if she can be in this... which is worrying as we have been getting on so well recently and i love her more than ive ever loved anyone in my life.. I think its just all these people have been sympathising with her and making out like im a bastard.. like women tend to do to comfort other women...

 

I know she's going and she should... but i am worried we won't stay together if its like this and shes not even gone for 4 months yet.

[catrocks]

One of the main things which keeps a LDR (or any relationship) together is communication. I'm sure you know this, and it sounds like you have been trying. It's good that you want her to go to school and that you want the relationship to work despite the distance. But it sounds like she is slightly less mature - unless you have actually said to her that you're mad she's going away. There's an obvious difference between being sad that she's leaving but wanting the best for her (which is what it sounds like you're feeling) and being mad and resentful that she's going (which it does not sound like you're doing).

 

The only thing I can suggest is scheduling a time to really talk about things. You can tell her exactly how you feel, and ask her how she feels. Distance is a tough thing to handle - I swore I wouldn't do it for more than a year but here I am more than 2 years later. If the relationship is something you both really want to work then you have to find a way. It's frustrating, sometimes you wonder if it would be better to just end it, and it just plain sucks. But it can work. Perhaps she just needs to know this.

 

If she doesn't know anyone in an LDR that she can talk to then there are books which can help. I think she just needs to understand that even though it'll be tough, it can work, and she needs to decide how badly she wants it to work between you. There are so many LDR success stories, perhaps she just needs to know that it can work. Good luck, I really feel for your situation.

[thatmatt]

had you guys discussed her going back to school before you moved? or had she mentioned it before at all? I guess her decision to go to school seems rather sudden, and on a VISIT she's having doubts?

 

I know my biggest emotion starting a LDR was fear, but i think it can range from sadness, frustration, confusion, emptiness, etc. I don't really see how you have been selfish because your actions haven't shown it. and although your emotions deep down may be a little selfish, in reality it's that way for everybody. The key is to talk about it with her, why you're feeling this way, your thought process, etc. You're supporting her, but at the same time, it's nearly impossible to control gut emotions like that.

 

You're not being selfish by needing to talk about those things. Whether she's willing to be mature and discuss what's going on with you, without playing games, is probably a good indication of what's in store for you.

[mjriii]

as a guy who has experienced both the beauty of an LDR working for a good year and now currently seeing one slipping away.......I'll put it simple, not to scare you, but it's tough.

 

I'm a lot like you since i left for college, i work, i study, and i've made few friends yet. I'm a shy person at heart, so it's only natural that it takes me time to feel people out. As for her, she needs friends and to be out and about more. As well, she's very......let's say......quickly jumps onto the views of new people she meets. It's not a flaw or anything, just the imperfection of people (as we all have them).

 

What's inevitable is change, she'll change and you'll change. One might make friends and be happy while the other is struggling and relying on the partner for their motivation to get through days and be happy.

 

It's touchy, but if you communicate, online and on the phone lots, you can keep it. What's also important is to see each other as MUCH as possible money wise. If there's any chance you can see each other every 1-2 months, DO IT. 3 months or more is just too long and incredibly hard.....

 

It's possible though, it all depends on your commitment, you BOTH have to be.