True Love or not?

[black84]

Hi everyone this is my first post so bear with me

 

Ok I met what I call my true love two years ago over the phone and I want so much to spend my life with him. The thing is I can't tell if he truly wants the same or if this is just sort of a fantasy for him. I live in montana and he lives in alabama and I still have never met the guy. When I started talking to him I didn't want to have anything to do with him because I didn't believe in long distance relationships. Lets just say his charm won me over and we have the same kind of personality and we both love children. (which is very important because I have two sons) At first he would write me letters, sent me pictures, wrote me poems, and sang to me over the phone. He said and still says I have his heart and that he is deeply in love with me and only wants to spend his life with me. Well our relationship was perfect like they always start out and than the love is burning so bright anymore and I had just gone through a divorce before I met him and his mom was dying of cancer. So we were there for eachother and helped eachother through all the bad and good times. The friend that hooked me up with him started telling me he was talking to other females here in montana and she tried breaking us up and we did break up and get back together a few times for that reason but he promised he wasn't talking to anyone else but me.

 

I also heard it from other people that he wasnt faithful from some other people that knew my friend so I ended it for good figuring he was playing with my heart. I was devasted because this is my true love and I didn't want to be with anyone but him and still want to only be with him. So like six months after breaking up and we stopped talking I thought I ruined it. I had my chance with my true love and I blew it. I tried going on with my life and everything reminded me of him and finally I couldn't take it anymore and I prayed that night please God let me stop hurting and get over him or if we are meant to be together please God help us find away back to eachother.

 

That very next day his name showed up on my cell phone and I haven't heard from him in six months. I was over joyed and answered it and he talked like old times and he said he still loves me and wants to spend his life with me. We talked about getting back together but Im scared because of our past and not sure if he is faithful and trustworthy. Though if he is my true love I don't want to screw it up again and I want to be with him. Plz help!!!

[Zona76]

It could be. You don't know for sure.

I was in a long distance 3 1/2 years before we met face to face.

He in Canada I in Florida.

It was hard on us both but we both felt this was the best we had ever experienced.

To know if he's faithful? Tell him to first stop talking to this mutual friend on who he communicates with. He may be talking to others, but you will know in the fact he is always available for you when he says he will be; with no excuses.

We have some doubts in these relationships. But it all goes away when we see their name in messenger. Use a microphone instead of Telephone. This way you never have to pay the long distance cost.

Until you find a way to meet, you both will need to be very open with each other.

Discuss your future openly.

Discuss where you will live. I would love Montana. But he may not as there is very little places to go to "club" or "party" if that is his thing.

 

Your future belongs to you. You can hold it tight inside and never open the next page, or you can open your arms to it.

The first thing is to be completely open and honest with each other.

*My view on CAM - it can be made public on the Internet very easily.

DON'T have cam sex!

[Zona76]

How many friends does he have that he would brag to them he's with others. And what makes you trust their word over his?

You didn't say he ever denied doing any of these things.

Don't base your relationship on stories you hear. Fact is if you're in a chat room there's someone that can't stand to see you happy.

These people will do all they can to mislead you.

You've nerve met your boyfriend? Well you've never met these people who are telling you lies either.

Who are you you going to trust with your heart?

Talk to your guy and tell him how in the past you were badly hurt. Let him decide what to do to these "so called friends"

[Guest]

Thanks for you reply zona! It has given me a lot of hope that this could actually work. A lot of my friends said it would never work and that I should find some one thats closer. I have tried to give up and get this guy out of my mind but my heart always leads me right back to him. I have never had this trouble before and I just don't want to loose him if he is truly my true love.

 

We still talk on the phone and we both want to get married some day but we both are scared something will happen to split us because of the past. The thing that holds me back the most is he promised quite a few times to come see me but something always came up at the last minute. Now I know it's hard to just pick up and go some where but I just wish he wouldn't have said it if he really couldn't have came. He is afraid to get closer to me (but he really wants to) because he is afraid some one will talk me out of being with him and make up things about him.I feel I am stronger now than I was than and will trust him completely no matter what anyone says. I'm really going to give it my all this time and try to go see him sometime soon and see where it goes from there.Thanks for all your advice and yours has been the best I have got yet. Thank you so much!

[Zona76]

Let me ad I was in an online relationship. Almost 3 years before we met. And we'd only first started talking about a month before the designated time to meet. Our distance was far. But we did meet and it was perfect.

2 more years of back and forth Florida to Canada till at last we married 2 years ago.

I hope to see you back in and let us know how it's survived.

It will get worse before it gets better.

After that first visit, it's painful going home and not being able to reach out for him.

Just know ALL the emotions and the pain you feel so does he. If you keep this in mind, you will get through it.

[Teddy and Jane]

Sorry but none of this is valid until you actually meet. Is this guy a broke loser who can't afford a plane ticket or something? If he was really into this, he would have made sure to have met you by now.

So to answer your question, this is all a fantasy and I'm sure he's seeing women where he is. sorry he sounds like a total loser. Go out with someone you can actually be with in real life.

[Zona76]

WHOA! T&J are you saying you can't love someone you've never met?

Come down off that high horse.

People have reasons for holding back; people have fears even in a face to face relationship.

The OP needs only to take more time. She's loosing nothing in this relationship. Certainly not her dignity.

I back 100% ANY one who is in an online relationship. They do work. But you have to have a STRONG communication!

[Teddy and Jane]

If he really was into it, he would have come to see her. She is losing: 1. a sex life (in this case he isn't though) and a 2. chance to be with someone who is for real and not keep putting her off and making her waste so much time.

It's very possible they could meet in person and the physical chemistry isn't there at all. Sorry but masturbating by the webcam isn't the same.

The guy keeps saying he's coming to visit and then backing out at the last minute? I bet he never even bought a plane ticket in the first place. He's never had any intentions of meeting her in person I don't believe.

[justagirliegirl]

I agree this is mostly fantasy until you meet.

 

Why hasn't he come to see you yet?

[Zona76]

Do you guys think long distance love is new?

Computers yes, But there are stories of how wagon trains of women would go west to find a husband.

War time...Letters back and forth and plans made to marry when it was over.

Ann Landers *famed advise columnist* Collected address's from men fighting in Vietnam. The girlfriends they had back home gave them hope to know they had someone waiting for them.

When you learn about a person, when you take the time to learn their inner self you discover sometimes lies but most of the time they have feelings. They have heart.

And you have a relationship not based on sex.

I never had a web cam. Neither did my lover. Now he's my husband.

You take your time. That's the basic idea. You hold on to what you feel. You hope and believe that your someday will come.

Was I living in a dream world back then when we first began to chat? Maybe ...yes. But I was happy. And who are you to knock anyones happiness.