Bbeauty Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 I've been with him for two and a half years and it's always my fault, everything that ever goes wrong. He leaves me crying on the floor after an arguement, he shouts at me to "stop f**king crying, for f**k's sake". Then he either watches TV and completely ignores me or goes to the pub with his mates. He'll call them up and be as happy as a sandboy as though nothing has happend. He says I'm too emotional, but I feel like he's this horrible robot with an evil streak. I beg him just to be nice. He can be so sweet and kind, but he turns in an instant. He kicked me in the back twice after I accidently sat on his foot (he was in bed, I was putting my socks on, there had been no tention) he said that he was just reacting to his foot being sat on. Does that make it OK? I don't even know or not. He towel-whipped my face for not changing the filter in the Dyson the first time it happend. He stormed out and was so apologetic when he came home. Now there isn't even an apology. I just want love, sometimes I only ever need a hug. Please help me, I am always trying to talk to him to make things better. Trying to understand him and why he hates me so much, asking what is it I've done. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 You need to get out of this relationship. You DO deserve love, unfortunately you're not going to get it from your boyfriend. He is sick in the head, uncapable of loving anyone but himself. Please, talk to your family, ask them for help so you can get away from him! You've done nothing wrong, at all, do not blame yourself. He is abusing you both physically and emotionally. And none of it is your fault. It's his. All his... Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 It baffles me that there are people like your boyfriend. It is just really....scarey. You cannot have a relationship with someone alone. You simply cannot feel enough, treat well enough, understand enough...without some reciprocation. From the few examples you give (I am sure there are more) this man? will never be the man you need to make you remotely happy. That is really sad for him, but his choice (over and over again). Things will continue to escalate (as they have) my goodness, what if you had children in the mix. Think about YOUR future. He has been physically and emotionally abusive to you.....Leave this relationship... There is no need to explain anything to him. I take it you live together. You need to make a very secret list (hide it from him well) and act by the weeks end. Get your stuff together and leave it with no strings or reason for any contact. Remove all your belongings/or his/ and kick this guy to the curb. If you do the latter, have friends (big strong ones) stay with you for a time because he will try to apoligize and come back to his doormat or he will become angry and become very abusive, probably both. Call some abuse hotlines or shelters in your area to gain some advice, and TAKE that advice. I really do hate to see people continue to suffer when they know it is wrong. It's okay to love yourself and stand up for injustices done to you, this is not your fault. You and most everyone else on this planet deserve better treatment then to be abused then told it's their fault on top of it. That is some crazy making behavior. Get out now before you loose your sanity to this sad sack. I am sure you love him and it sounds as though you have put in alot of your time and heart in this relationship. It will be hard to be without him, but you already know on some level that it has to end. Let him go, find yourself again (a painful, however, awesome discovery and the best journey you can make for you and anyone later). Get away from this guy and never look back....they never change only, eventually, find someone else to hurt. You however, have a chance at a better life. I am so glad you posted and I hope you find the courage you need to take that step. You might want to even ...once you get out of this toxic situation...go to counseler or co-dependancy therapy meeting. You esteem must be very low to take this kind of treatment and you can regain that....gosh, you have to. Go girl, get to work, and get out. Regards, Unders Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 Oh and one more thing.... Once you do get away (as in escape). When he tries to initiate contact you should really ignore it, NC for Sure with this guy, he is dangerous. However, if his crazy self should happen to cross your path, which I can almost guarantee, and the first few will probably be passive and apologetic. A really great response would be "Your just too emotional for me". Time to put the shoe on the other foot...all the while though walking away. Gosh, I don't even know him but he sucks. Okay, get strong and be well. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 You have based your own self-worth into this guy and I believe co-dependant on his affection. This is not good. He sounds like a very immature person who has a selfish attitude. There is no reason for him to treat you like this. You cannot fix him, he can only fix himself through counseling. You will endure years of hurt from this man if you continue to stay with him, so be prepared to live a lonely life though you are still with him. IMO you should leave, tell him to get the help he needs and then you will reconsider once that's done. You need to push yourself out of this pity rut and start making changes in your life. If you don't care about yourself, no one else will. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 Even if he does get help, don't go back to him. It's too easy to fall back into the victim/abuser cycle, especially when he's got your self-esteem just where he wants it. In essence, you deserve no respect whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 If he picked up a two-by-four and hit you over the head with it would you leave him??? You need to get yourself (& kids, if any) to a safe place and seek help thru local agencies. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 I've been with him for two and a half years and it's always my fault, everything that ever goes wrong. He leaves me crying on the floor after an arguement, he shouts at me to "stop f**king crying, for f**k's sake". Then he either watches TV and completely ignores me or goes to the pub with his mates. He'll call them up and be as happy as a sandboy as though nothing has happend. He says I'm too emotional, but I feel like he's this horrible robot with an evil streak. I beg him just to be nice. He can be so sweet and kind, but he turns in an instant. He kicked me in the back twice after I accidently sat on his foot (he was in bed, I was putting my socks on, there had been no tention) he said that he was just reacting to his foot being sat on. Does that make it OK? I don't even know or not. He towel-whipped my face for not changing the filter in the Dyson the first time it happend. He stormed out and was so apologetic when he came home. Now there isn't even an apology. I just want love, sometimes I only ever need a hug. Well you're not going to get it from this as$$hole. You need to leave him. Find a man that will treat you right. This guy will never change and will always treat you like complete crap. Please help me, I am always trying to talk to him to make things better. Trying to understand him and why he hates me so much, asking what is it I've done. If he hates you...there is nothing to understand. If he hates you, he will not all of a sudden "un-hate" you. This guy is just a downright prick and you need to get away from him before something else happens...like he raises his hand to you. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted May 6, 2007 Share Posted May 6, 2007 Please help me, I am always trying to talk to him to make things better. Trying to understand him and why he hates me so much, asking what is it I've done. I wonder what deeply rooted beliefs you have about yourself and your relationships with others. Something pretty powerful must underly this destructive conviction that you are both responsible for your partner's abusive behaviour, and possess some untapped (and as yet undiscovered) power to change it. Link to post Share on other sites
JulieL Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 Please don't try to figure out what makes this guy tick. He will play on your emotions trying to make you feel guilty or to feel sorry for him. As time goes by the abuse WILL escalate, intersperesed with good times and loving times. You will gradually tolerate more and more abuse until it almost seems normal, even though deep down you know it is not. I am speaking from personal experience. You may love him, as I loved my guy, but trust me on this, it can only have a bad ending for you. RUN. Link to post Share on other sites
Bbeauty Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 Thank you so much for all of your advice. You'll be pleased to know that last weekend I took your advice and plucked up the courage I never thought I had and left. I'm living with my Mum at the moment, and to be honest I've felt like there has been a weight lifted off my head. My only problem is trying to regroup the friends I used to have before I met him. I actually feel free though. I can do what I like, not wash up straight away and not panic about "not having done enough housework". I can talk to the opposite sex without interragation. It's just the midnight phone calls and text messages that still come, but I'm hoping it'll stop because I have made it quite clear to him I'll never take him back. Thank you for really making me see what sort of a relationship I was in before it completely destroyed me. Thank you all so much for your help Bbeauty Link to post Share on other sites
ely Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 I've been with him for two and a half years and it's always my fault, everything that ever goes wrong. He leaves me crying on the floor after an arguement, he shouts at me to "stop f**king crying, for f**k's sake". Then he either watches TV and completely ignores me or goes to the pub with his mates. He'll call them up and be as happy as a sandboy as though nothing has happend. He says I'm too emotional, but I feel like he's this horrible robot with an evil streak. I beg him just to be nice. He can be so sweet and kind, but he turns in an instant. He kicked me in the back twice after I accidently sat on his foot (he was in bed, I was putting my socks on, there had been no tention) he said that he was just reacting to his foot being sat on. Does that make it OK? I don't even know or not. He towel-whipped my face for not changing the filter in the Dyson the first time it happend. He stormed out and was so apologetic when he came home. Now there isn't even an apology. I just want love, sometimes I only ever need a hug. Please help me, I am always trying to talk to him to make things better. Trying to understand him and why he hates me so much, asking what is it I've done. I am so sorry for that, something similar happened to me. I was pregnant and cheated on and to top it off I forgave but never forgot and due to all that anger I constantly argued and was treated similar to you. sorry again Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 11, 2007 Share Posted May 11, 2007 Thank you so much for all of your advice. You'll be pleased to know that last weekend I took your advice and plucked up the courage I never thought I had and left. I'm living with my Mum at the moment, and to be honest I've felt like there has been a weight lifted off my head. My only problem is trying to regroup the friends I used to have before I met him. I actually feel free though. I can do what I like, not wash up straight away and not panic about "not having done enough housework". I can talk to the opposite sex without interragation. It's just the midnight phone calls and text messages that still come, but I'm hoping it'll stop because I have made it quite clear to him I'll never take him back. Thank you for really making me see what sort of a relationship I was in before it completely destroyed me. Thank you all so much for your help Bbeauty I am so glad you posted back and so happy that you're safe! If he harrasses you more or if you feel threatened by him, don't hesitate to call the Police on him. I'm very proud of you for finding the courage to leave, and go somewhere safe. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 11, 2007 Share Posted May 11, 2007 I've been with him for two and a half years and it's always my fault, everything that ever goes wrong. He leaves me crying on the floor after an arguement, he shouts at me to "stop f**king crying, for f**k's sake". Then he either watches TV and completely ignores me or goes to the pub with his mates. He'll call them up and be as happy as a sandboy as though nothing has happend. He says I'm too emotional, but I feel like he's this horrible robot with an evil streak. I beg him just to be nice. He can be so sweet and kind, but he turns in an instant. He kicked me in the back twice after I accidently sat on his foot (he was in bed, I was putting my socks on, there had been no tention) he said that he was just reacting to his foot being sat on. Does that make it OK? I don't even know or not. He towel-whipped my face for not changing the filter in the Dyson the first time it happend. He stormed out and was so apologetic when he came home. Now there isn't even an apology. I just want love, sometimes I only ever need a hug. Please help me, I am always trying to talk to him to make things better. Trying to understand him and why he hates me so much, asking what is it I've done. I hope not! Gosh, what are you doing with this jerk? Run... move on... you don't need a loser like that. He is an abusive moron so you need to get out ASAP before he really hurts you... I just can't believe that in this day and age, women still allow stupid jerks to abuse or bulley them... REALLY!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 11, 2007 Share Posted May 11, 2007 Lizzie, you should read the WHOLE thread, then you'd know that she is now safe and staying at her mom's house. She did an update about her situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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