old fwb has a gf now

[my body is a cage]

Hey everyone! This is my first post here. I'll try to keep it short.

 

I've liked this guy ever since we first hooked up in January, lets call him R, but I never trusted him as more than a 'friends with benefits' because he has had a past of being a 'bad boy.'

 

About two months ago, his best friend started telling me that R actually had feelings for me. During this time, R also started calling me every day to hang out with him and his friends. While I had feelings for R too, I didn't trust his intentions and started acting awkward, and not flirting with him.

 

Ultimately, R declared that he didn't like me because I don't go after what I want. His friend told me that he had said if I had gone after him, he woulnd't have stopped me, but I never did. I in turn also declared that I no longer liked him, even though I did.

 

Then, a week and a half ago, he randomly started dating this girl. He's never had an actual girlfriend before, and I do not say this out of bitterness, but this girl is nothing special. I suppose he finds her attractive, and she's a blonde which he likes, but the general consensus is that she is odd looking, and she also does not speak. She is completely passive, and he is able to control her.

 

Six days after they started dating, I was chilling with R and his friend, and all of a sudden R started coming on really strong to me. He was telling me that I was beutiful, telling me he didn't care about the relationship so why should I?, etc. At first I resisted, saying 'you can't have your cake and eat it too,' but, (after drinking a 40 ) I gave in.

 

Even though he wanted to keep it a secret, he ended up telling all of his friends, some of which responded very negatively.

 

I'm about to leave the country for a week to go to my grandmother's funeral, but I chilled him him and a few of his friends again last night. However, last night, his friend made references that we should hook up again, but this time he said, "no, I have a girlfriend, that I actually care about. I like her alot actually.' he also said things like, 'all I've been thinking about is *** lately.'

 

Now, I pretended that this didn't bother me, because I know being passive agressive would not have helped the situation, and we had a fun night. When I said goodbye to him he grabbed my chin and pulled it towards him, and I thought he was going to kiss me for real but he just kissed me on both cheeks.

 

I know he cares about me as a friend a lot, and I know he's attracted to me. He's always very flirtatious and sweet to me, and everyone says he likes me at least a little even though he said he doesn't anymore.

 

However, I feel hurt that while he was on the verge of dumping his girlfriend before because she doesn't speak, all of a sudden he actually cares about her. After he hooked up with me and knew that I care about him.

 

Basically, my question is, what can I do in this situation? How can he like this girl over me? Is it actually possible that this relationship might last?

 

I know I should get over him, but now that I see that he actually is capable of having a relationship, I regret that I had absolutely no faith in him before. I also don't fall for many guys, and when I fall for them, I fall hard.

 

PS. Sorry if this sounds like petty teenage drama: R is 18, his friend is 20, I'm 17 but turn 18 in a month, and R's gf is 15 (ew.)

[LoveLace]

First of all, if R only likes a girl that goes after what she wants, why does he claim to be so into a girl that is shy and passive? I immediately felt that he was using this girl to see if you would get jealous. When he said he "doesn't care about the relationship", which relationship was he referring to, the one with you, or with the GF? I can guarantee it won't last with his new GF though, especially if she is 15 yrs. old, and he is 18, you are all pretty young to be getting into serious relationships. A man his age is normally still too immature to know what he really wants, and if he's smart he will enjoy playing the field for a few more years before settling down, well that applies to anyone your age.

 

Having said that, if you two decided to be together, I wouldn't count on him being faithful...I mean he cheated on his GF to mess around with you didn't he? Then to turn around and say how much he likes her right in front of you...to do that after hooking up with you, etc, that's really kind of mean. I advise you to keep pretending like you don't care...and you absolutely shouldn't give in to him anymore, either...drunk or not you have the power to turn him down. You should also lessen the amount of contact and time you have with him. Let him think you are busy with more important things. The more you hang out with him, the more he's going to play these games with you, just to see how you react, just to stroke his ego.

 

He'll call you when it's over with his new GF, which will probably be soon, and at that time tell him he screwed up when he cheated on her with you, so how would you trust him?

 

There is a general rule for women that applies to ALL men. So far you seem to be doing well with pretending not to care. But you should also be scarce, hardly available, and keep yourself busy with other things in your life, weather it's friends or hobby. Don't answer all of his calls. If you do answer, pretend your busy and can't talk long. The more we do this, the more a guy will try harder to get your attention...that is, if he really likes you. If he doesn't, he will give up eventually.

[sweetbutcheeky]

You could be direct and go for what you want, tell him you want him. Yes he has a GF, though it doesn't seems to mean much to him if he was with you.

 

Probably be better to do that before you leave the country, so that nothing will happen with him and the GF while your gone.

[LoveLace]

You could be direct and go for what you want, tell him you want him. Yes he has a GF, though it doesn't seems to mean much to him if he was with you.

 

Probably be better to do that before you leave the country, so that nothing will happen with him and the GF while your gone.

 

I don't agree with this, only because I don't think its a good idea to throw yourself at a guy who obviously doesn't seem capable of being faithful to someone. You could tell him you want him, but even then he seems like the type that will always play with your head like the way he has been. At the least you can put your foot down and make him tell you how he really feels. Maybe go from there. But don't let him think you wait around for him.

[my body is a cage]

First of all, thanks for your advice!

 

As far as telling before I leave the country so something doesn't happen with him and his gf, it's too late for that. It seems that something did already happen. And as Lacey said, I still have big reservations about a relationship with him.

 

While I think he was playing games before, for SOME reason I think he's legitimate now when he says he cares about his girlfriend. (Now, I don't know why, since a. I'm hotter than her and b. she doesn't speak and is totally burnt out and smokes pot all day and goes to a school for people who failed regular school!!) The irritating bit is that he's actually being a good boyfriend now.

 

However, now that I think about it, a few days ago he was under the impression that I was trying to tell her about us to break up their relationship (even though everyone knows now) and I said to him, "I don't like you THAT much and I'm not trying to break up your relationship because I DON'T want to go out with you, ESPECIALLY after you cheated on your girlfriend after 6 days." hmm.

 

That day I was angry, because I was being accused of being manipulative and trying to sabatage his relationship when he was the one who was coming on really strong to me. He called me that afternoon and asked if I wanted to chill and I said, "Not really." He called an hour later and said, 'If you want to come over I have some beers for you." "Sorry, not gonna.""I have a show tonight if you want to come?" "Nah." THEN he called me at 11 and invited me to a party, then he called me twice at 2 15 AM, AND proceeded to wake me up by calling me at 9 50 AM, at which point I felt bad for being a bitch and relented to hanging out with him (in a state of half-slumber, have you).

 

I know youre right about spending too much time with him. The thing is I spend a lot of time with him in a group of people, you know? However, I definently should branch out and start spending time with other people, and I definently don't want to chill when that girl is around. I need to make sure that he does not take me for granted, but its also hard because these people are very fun and I'm a senior about to graduate and go to a good school and I want to have some fun first.

 

Either way, I'm glad I have a week to think things over.