Salicious Crumb Posted May 5, 2007 Share Posted May 5, 2007 Very True! It took me being pushed down an escalator by exmm's wife to get me outta that orbit!!!!!!!!!!! Good point...another reason he should end it...if the husband finds out, Richard just might find himself laying down in a pool of blood from his broken nose. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted May 5, 2007 Share Posted May 5, 2007 Well I did it. On the phone - I told her I didn't want to live like this anymore. She said "Well then don't!" - And hung up. I did the right thing finally. And I feel like sh*t. Why feel like sh*t?...she showed her true colors...which you should have already known. She was cheating on her husband. Now you know the selfishness of those who betray their spouses like that. You shouldn't feel like sh*t and, although I tend to have no respect for OM/OW that knowingly bed down other people's spouses, at least you ended it. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted May 5, 2007 Share Posted May 5, 2007 Why feel like sh*t?...she showed her true colors...which you should have already known. She was cheating on her husband. Now you know the selfishness of those who betray their spouses like that. You shouldn't feel like sh*t and, although I tend to have no respect for OM/OW that knowingly bed down other people's spouses, at least you ended it. Well if this isn't saying "I told you so," in different words, I don't know what else to call it... Can't you at least show a little empathy? Or not say anything at all? Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted May 5, 2007 Share Posted May 5, 2007 SC is just once again putting his anger from his failed relationship into other peoples because it fits his own experience... Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted May 5, 2007 Share Posted May 5, 2007 Well if this isn't saying "I told you so," in different words, I don't know what else to call it... Can't you at least show a little empathy? Or not say anything at all? Was he showing empathy while f#cking another man's wife? Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted May 5, 2007 Share Posted May 5, 2007 SC is just once again putting his anger from his failed relationship into other peoples because it fits his own experience... Hey, I told him he had no reason to feel like shi!t. His untrustworthy MW showed him what she really was like. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted May 6, 2007 Share Posted May 6, 2007 Was he showing empathy while f#cking another man's wife? You know what? I really don't care whether or not he was or wasn't...when someone's hurting, why is it so hard for you to either say something encouraging or supportive or not say anything at all? And why do you care so much about what other people do with their own lives behind closed doors? It was consensual...Not everyone is as perfect as you are... Link to post Share on other sites
Visu Posted May 6, 2007 Share Posted May 6, 2007 first, i am sorry you are going through this. i know how you feel. i can't take my own advice, but please try to stay strong and know you did the right thing. she can't continue to rely on you for her support. or it will go on and on and on. there will always be a reason why she needs you or vice versa. it is never seems to be a good time to end it (or perhaps that is just furthering rationalizations which led to the current situation), but you will be ok. and you did the right thing. you should be very proud of yourself. i am looking to people like you to inspire me to do the right thing as well, so thank you for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richard_J Posted May 6, 2007 Author Share Posted May 6, 2007 Just to let you know ... I haven't backed down. I check this each day and get some good encouragement which I really appreciate. I'll keep you posted Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 You know what? I really don't care whether or not he was or wasn't Well obiously since you are just like him. Protect your own eh? ...when someone's hurting, why is it so hard for you to either say something encouraging or supportive or not say anything at all? So you are fan of sugarcoating and telling people what they want to hear? Besides..I told him he did the right thing...lets hope he doesn't do it again. And why do you care so much about what other people do with their own lives behind closed doors? Then why have a forum if nobody is suppose to care. It was consensual...Not everyone is as perfect as you are... You don't have to be perfect to realize you are screwing someone over in the worst way. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 Well obiously since you are just like him. Protect your own eh?So you are fan of sugarcoating and telling people what they want to hear?Besides..I told him he did the right thing...lets hope he doesn't do it again.Then why have a forum if nobody is suppose to care.You don't have to be perfect to realize you are screwing someone over in the worst way. I don't need someone who doesn't know me, tell me I'm just like someone. Although, I'd rather be told I'm like a real person who makes mistakes than someone like you... I am a fan of supporting people when they need it and encouraging them when they're down... I'm not really sure why anyone would want YOUR approval anyway... The forum is for The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner... You're right you don't have to be perfect, but according to all your posts, you ARE... Link to post Share on other sites
Herzen Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 Just to let you know ... I haven't backed down. I check this each day and get some good encouragement which I really appreciate. I'll keep you posted Stick to your NC guns, dude. As someone who has been there I guarantee you'll feel lighter and happier in time. Let the marrieds wallow in their marriages. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 I don't need someone who doesn't know me, tell me I'm just like someone. I've read your posts...you tell everyone here how you are. You defend OM/OW because you are or have been one yourself. If you don't want people to know...don't post it. Although, I'd rather be told I'm like a real person who makes mistakes than someone like you... Knowingly sleeping with someone elses spouse is not a mistake...try to say it is all you want though. I am a fan of supporting people when they need it and encouraging them when they're down... As long as those people are the same people like you...an OW or OM. I don't hear many of you OW/OM expressing any remorse about the people you are hurting. Maybe a couple of people have said this...but the most don't care. I'm not really sure why anyone would want YOUR approval anyway... Hey then....stop responding. You're right you don't have to be perfect, but according to all your posts, you ARE... Nice try pumpkin. Link to post Share on other sites
Jinxx Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 Stick to your NC guns, dude. As someone who has been there I guarantee you'll feel lighter and happier in time. Let the marrieds wallow in their marriages. Good advice! Link to post Share on other sites
dignityback Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 From what I can see, the burning issue is about whether the mm who has children and says he is staying for the childen is doing just that. Or is that an excuse? OW who have been told that by the mm, seem to accept it, and some stay in the affair. If the OW wants to stay in the affair she accepts that reason for staying from the mm, otherwise the affair is over and she walks. Then there are OW whose mm (with kids) leaves the family nest for the OW, thereby putting her first in the sense that he gives up his married life to have a full time relationship with the OW. To my mind that man shows that he really is in love with the OW. Some people would say he was selfish to leave his children. I just think that he should do one thing or the other. Either leave home or end the affair and put some effort into his marriage. I am maybe being simplistic here, but I think if he was truly in love he would leave, kids or not. Several people here such as Pricillia are struggling with ending the affair and need supporting as they work it through. All I can say is that if I knew the mm wasn't leaving I would walk, because I would never be happy, staying and seeing him to fit in with his schedule at home. A home that he would rather spend the majority of his time with. If I stayed, he would have no respect for me and I would be taken for granted. It was only the hope that kept me going. Take that away and what is left? I did try telling myself that I quite liked being he OW, but deep down that was a lie and I couldnt take it any longer. I found myself resenting that he wasn't with me on nights out and that he was a secret or I was his secret. IMO if he doesn't leave, he doesn't love me enough and I would find it too painful and degrading to stay. This is my view and others will have different opinions I know. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 I've read your posts...you tell everyone here how you are. You defend OM/OW because you are or have been one yourself. If you don't want people to know...don't post it. As long as those people are the same people like you...an OW or OM.I don't hear many of you OW/OM expressing any remorse about the people you are hurting. Maybe a couple of people have said this...but the most don't care. Hey then....stop responding. You're right I do tell everyone how I am: nonjudgmental, compassionate and loyal to those who are my family and my friends...and I'm not afraid for people to know that...thanks for helping me on my road to self-discovery... I help people who need help...it doesn't matter if they are not OW's...I don't like to see ANYONE hurting...maybe that's why I respond to YOU... And where have you been reading?! Do you think that OW are happy that someone gets hurt? Everyone hurts in the triangle... As for stopping responding, I think you're right that I'll stop...you're very happy to stay in your little box and spout your venom and judgment on strangers because you are hurt that your W cheated on you...while you're entitled to feel hurt, you need to heal...the hate and bitterness will only eat you up inside...but apparently you don't want to let go...maybe if you forgave her, you could be happy again... (((HUGS))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richard_J Posted May 7, 2007 Author Share Posted May 7, 2007 Was he showing empathy while f#cking another man's wife? No. I was NOT showing empathy. I was being totally selfish, out to take what wasn't mine. I had several "tricks of the mind - in my head" to rationalize my way through what I was doing. At the same time, I was a pusillanimous p*ssy for letting it go on for years. My fault, that's on me. I swear - I'll never touch a married woman again. Although, I can certainly understand and have empathy for anyone else caught up in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richard_J Posted May 7, 2007 Author Share Posted May 7, 2007 Sting (in one of his songs): "If you don't love her, your best friend will." I've learned that some betrayed spouses have rationalities too, to evade any personal responsibility for the failed marriage. But a female cheater will typically have mitigating reasons that caused her to stray - more so than a typical male cheater. Mitigating reasons like going for years being unfulfilled - disapointed - sexually, romantically and quality time from the husband. It would be embarrasing for a man to face the hard truth that his wife strayed because he wasn't keeping her fire lit. Nevertheless, growing requires facing hard truths about our failings. Another interesting thing I've encountered. I've met several single girls who shy away from betrayed ex-husbands. They say things like "too much of a chance he's lousy in bed" or "too much of a chance he's a bitter loser". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richard_J Posted May 7, 2007 Author Share Posted May 7, 2007 you're very happy to stay in your little box and spout your venom and judgment on strangers because you are hurt that your W cheated on you...while you're entitled to feel hurt, you need to heal...the hate and bitterness will only eat you up inside...but apparently you don't want to let go...maybe if you forgave her, you could be happy again... (((HUGS))) Salicious, Is that true? Are you a betrayed spouse? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richard_J Posted May 7, 2007 Author Share Posted May 7, 2007 I did try telling myself that I quite liked being he OW, but deep down that was a lie and I couldnt take it any longer. I found myself resenting that he wasn't with me on nights out and that he was a secret or I was his secret. IMO if he doesn't leave, he doesn't love me enough and I would find it too painful and degrading to stay. This is my view and others will have different opinions I know. I agree - Too painful and degrading to stay. I suppose that sounds like a wussy - coming from a man. But I began building resentment and all. I tried telling myself, "Dude, she's hot, sex is great, stop complaining". We'd bang each other, she'd jump up and leave, I'd feel empty. For years, she's promised to make this right. I'm done! Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 No. I was NOT showing empathy. I was being totally selfish, out to take what wasn't mine. I had several "tricks of the mind - in my head" to rationalize my way through what I was doing. At the same time, I was a pusillanimous p*ssy for letting it go on for years. My fault, that's on me. I swear - I'll never touch a married woman again. . then you are quite different than alot of OW/OM here that don't care as long as they get their "needs" met. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 Salicious, Is that true? Are you a betrayed spouse? Yup........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richard_J Posted May 8, 2007 Author Share Posted May 8, 2007 Yup........ I'm very sorry to hear that your wife cheated on you. Why did she cheat? Most women only cheat when the husband isn't keeping her fire lit at home. Do you have any responsibility? Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 I'm very sorry to hear that your wife cheated on you. Why did she cheat? Most women only cheat when the husband isn't keeping her fire lit at home. Do you have any responsibility? Everything was fine...she never indicated a problem. Oh I kept the fire lit...there wasn't a night I didn't want to make love. She ask me to do something...I do it without complaint. And other than sex, she wasn't starving for attention by any means. She is just one of those types that can't say no to the flattery of attention from someone she hasn't been with for years. And don't even suggest its my fault that she cheated. Even if there was a little neglect, which there was definitely not...that is no excuse for cheating. Its the ultimate form of selfishness and betrayal. I sure as hell never got all my needs met and she was never the instigator at keeping the "home fires lit"...yet did I cheat?....no. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 SC first I want to prefacr this by saying all this is said and asked out of kindness. I just want to make sure I understand your situation first. Your wife apparently cheated before you were married correct? Has she cheated after she said her vows to you? Were you one of her only sexual partners? Did she want to experience sex with someone else before making a lifetime commitment? Does you wife have any idea any at all that you feel this way about her? From what I have read and can interpret she doesn't and she feels your marriage is fine. Do you feel that is being fair to her? Keeping her in the dark about your resentment? Don't you think after all these years of faithfulness and children and family that it is time to let go and forgive her or decide that you will never forgive her and move on. Let the two of you find true love. Link to post Share on other sites
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