MattNZ Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 Hey guys, Just wondering what people who wanting to reconcile or have a second chance think of this? I'm a believer that if you look after yourself and get on with things after a break-up/break then you are in a much better position to give things a go should you both want to. Obviously, the immediate reaction when the dumper suggests a break or permanent break up is one of begging and disbelief. I've been through this one! The next one is wondering whether to go NC or not. This is a dangerous one because it can be misconstrued as playing games. NC I believe is for the dumpee to heal and could misfire if you use it to show the dumper what they are missing. This leads me to my next point. I firmly believe that to show the person what they are missing, you need to concentrate all your energy on yourself! Look at areas you were unhappy with yourself during the relationship and try and address them. Were you happy or just comfortable before? When you are out of your comfort zone it isn't nice, but sometimes this is where the best discoveries are made. The reason I am writing all of this is because I have been going through a 'break' with my ex for the past few weeks. I decided to make the most of it and grow from the experience. Turn it in to a positive. I have just been offered a new job which has boosted my confidence and ego. I have been going to the gym 5 times a week for the past month and also joined the local Hockey team to keep myself busy and widen my social circle. We met up last night to celebrate my new job and she couldn't believe the turn around in me. The job is the main factor because it is a huge weight lifted after 2 years in a job I merely tolerated. It actually bought her to tears. She said this is the me she fell for originally. I did nothing for myself during our 2 years together and now I feel so much stronger and happier. She also commented on my physique and couldn't leave me alone She is coming to watch me play hockey on Monday night - she's more excited than me even! We had a great 'date' and spoke so intimately again. We actually ended up hooking up too which was a nice surprise. She was meeting the girls later in the evening so we couldn't tidy up our unfinished business - unfortunately! Today I feel like a million dollars. Obviously, I don't want to get carried away because I understand how easy it is for couples with a history to slip back in to touchy feely, but for the first time in a while there was a huge spark! So there you go guys. That's my bit of advice for anyone wanting to show an ex/dumper what they are missing. As hard as it is, you need to drag yourself up, dust yourself off and look after yourself. Pining doesn't work and will only force them away. Embrace the change. Feeling sorry for yourself is too easy (I've been there believe me!) but going out and keeping yourself busy and distracting (and even improving) yourself takes energy but it is worth all the effort and hard work. (Please don't mistake that for me saying there are faults with us in the first place. I'm sure all of us treated our partners amazingly.) Who knows what will happen with us two. I get so much strength from messing with her head (not in a sadistic way). I saw last night how much she was attracted to me and reignited her passion for me and is now one very confused girl as she initiated the break to see what she wanted as we were too serious! Would love to get in touch with her tonight to catch up, but, I am out with the boys for beer and curry! Just thought I would tell my story. I'm sure I'll have down days again but the main thing is to stay strong and positive and continue to look after yourself - after all that's all you have control over. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 It's always good to work on yourself. 100% on yourself after a breakup. It's NEVER a good idea to jump right back into a relationship in the same place you left for it's sure to end up the same way it did the first time. You need to learn something from the breakup. You need to make her appreciate you (something I think you do not do if you rush back into the relationship). So yes, commend yourself for improving the way you did, but put the brakes on. Don't rush back to end up right where you left off. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 Well done Matt. A touch of LC and NC combined. 'Tis the way to work it if the problems are not insurmountable. Link to post Share on other sites
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