sucks...

[Ally Boo]

I have a new boyfriend now...he's really great. I've been scared to get involved with someone again, but decided that I'm not going to let it get in the way of something good.

 

Well, then, last night, I dreamed about my ex...the only guy I've truely loved, and the one who treated me as if he had no soul. I miss him...not the bad things of course, but the good things.

 

Its weird getting to know someone different...having sex with someone different...not knowing them as well in bed as my ex...and not knowing how to please him like I knew with my ex. There's not much drama in this relationship, which is great, but I guess I got so used to it, it's weird to not have it. I have never wanted anything but to spend my entire life with my ex...but I guess what I'm dealing with is that love can't conquer all. My love can't look past what all he has done to me...even though I love him so much that it hurts...I miss him so much it hurts. I can't bear to hear people talk about him or mention his name.

 

So now he's all in my mind today, and I'm having to physically stop myself from calling him and asking him why. This really sucks. I'm going back to counseling tonight. I just don't understand how to not love him...and how to hate him for all the hurt he's caused me...or at least give up on him. UGHHHH

 

OK I just had to vent.

[quankanne]

I often think that's probably the worst part of any relationship, the having to "learn" someone after being in a relationship with a person you really, really loved ...

 

just look at it as an exercise in emotion, as sort of validating that you are able to still feel and give (even though it might not be to the same extent) after that relationship you'd had with the person you felt was/is your true love.

 

I don't envy you, Ally, but enjoy what good things you've got with the new boyfriend and concentrate on that, rather than keep reminding yourself who or what he isn't. It takes time, but eventually you'll be able to put your old relationship into a different perspective where it doesn't hurt so much to remember.

[Bizzit]

I hope that you can get over the thought of yours because i sure cant mine.. I have called a dr and talked to them and I go in to be seen again for some counceling to help me threw this.

[Ally Boo]

Well, after I wrote the post, I went through like a crying spell, missin him and stuff, and I ALMOST called him. I talked to a really good friend of mine who is going through kinda the same thing, and the moment passed, and I felt so much stronger knowing that I did the right thing...not contact him.

 

I feel better about my new relationship and about the ending of the old one. They are completely oposite relationships and its taking some getting used to, but I'm so grateful that I have my boyfriend and that I got rid of the bad one.

[Bizzit]

That is wonderful, I hope that you can make the most of it . I know it is hard to go on everyday with out the old memorys hitting you all day long .. God is with you and always hears our prayers. Best wishes to you!:)

[pinkroses]

about love not being able to overcome some of the hurts and unforgivable things done. But then there's memories of the good times and the good things about the person you still love and miss.

 

I think it's okay to allow yourself to miss those things, for what they were. I keep memories like that on paper or in my heart, like pictures, that I can refer back to when I want to. Over time they have less and less effect, but at one time they were a big part of your life and your heart, and you are entitled to remember, to grieve and to treasure for the good things they were.

[Bizzit]

I wished that I could get threw that with them thoughts. Im having a very hard time still with my breakup and I cant stop remembering the times or places or talks that we had. It makes me much worse but its still a fresh break up.

[Kbear71]

Okay, I hope that this helps you broken hearted!!

 

I was in a relationship 10 years ago. He was my world. He took me on visits to the jewerly store to "look at rings" for no reason. We had been together for almost two years and were totally in love. Until...he ended it for no reason. Yes, no reason. Do you think that I could get anything out of him? Nope. Talk about an ending. I went through years of confusion and regrets. Yes I tried dating, marriage, moving, education, church, therapy and anything else I could do.

 

A few months ago I discovered two books that have helped me so much to finally get over this past relationship. I am positive that you will find at least one of the two to help you move on-I promise!!

 

The first book is called "Letting Go: a 12 week personal action program to overcome a broken heart" by Dr. Zev Wanderer and Tracy Cabot. It is the kind of book for those of you that are schedule driven people and want specifice steps to get through your own situation.

 

The second book is called "The journey from abandonment to healing" by Susan Anderson. This book is more for the people who is truly a feeling kind of person, one that really wants to explore the reasons and feelings behind what is going on with themselves.

 

I purchased both books on Amazon.com. I don't think that they are too easy to find at a library or mall bookstore. These books are perfect for breakups, divorce or death in relations to the loss of someone you love.

[Bizzit]

Thank you for that responce and Im glad I got a copy threw my e mail or I wouldnt of this topic again. Im really having a hard time and I have been going threw councleing and I have been talking to my Drs and it dont change my insides.

Im still feel the pain everytime I get on line and when he isnt here for me to talk to it just really helps to talk to others I dont know on different forums or chats.

I guess I will be trying to figure out the rest of my life how this man said he loved me and then found another with without letting me know he was doing so.

Our rings we got together I still wear on my finger everyday to remind me of the love he once shared with me.

I dont think I will ever over come this because its been over a month now and the pain is still fresh as it was this morning.

[Ally Boo]

Thank you for the reply. This past week has been a really good week for me. I broke up with my "rebound" guy...bc I realized I wasn't being fair to him...and I hated the fact that he was a casuality of my own selfishness. I've spent some time with myself, and I've realized some valuable things about my past relationships. It's exciting bc it's only been a week...and I feel so much better.

 

Last week, I ended up talking to my ex. He found my online diary and got really upset about some of the things I said about him...although I didn't understand why, bc everything I said was true. So, we went to my favorite bar (that he has now made HIS favorite bar) and tried to talk about things. But it just ended up being bad, he told me to leave, I said no, bc I went to that bar way before he would even "step foot in it." So, he went to the other side of the bar, and tried to make me jealous of some girls that were drinking beer with a straw! I just laughed my ass off and realized how lame he is, and I'm so glad we broke up.

 

We've been split up a month now, and althougth my friends don't really believe that we'll stay away from each other this time...I know we will. Because I honestly believe he isn't who I thought he was...and I really don't think I love him anymore.

 

I'm going to get those books. They sound exciting!

[stewh]

Ally, I can only hope that my ex gets the same feelings you did.

 

We didn't split up on bad terms and to be honest during our relationship we got on really well. I just got complacent and comfortable and hurt her with a stupid act of madness.

 

Read my thread in Second Chances for all the details.

 

I would never be like your ex bf though if my ex did decide that she wanted me back because she still loved me. I would take the opportunity straight away. I love her so much and have learnt since our break up where we went wrong or where I went wrong to be more precise.

 

She is with someone else now who she started seeing about a week after we decided to split. I can only hope that in time she begins to feel the same feelings you did.

 

I think your ex behaved like a prick if he never wanted to get back with you, if that were the case I would stay well away from the pubs or clubs that you were going to be hanging out in.

[sissy2go]

Ally, it is very hard to get over someone....my ex was my hubby of ten yrs, and our relationiship was very dramatic as well. I don't know how to explain it, but one "gets used to" those things, and when the drama isn't there, you get to see what it is like to be in a more normal, well, should I say healthy relationship....what's normal anymore? But I, too miss him, so much some days that I sit at my desk and cry, and I want to hate myself for doing that, because I know and remember all too well all the bad times....and learning someone new, from top to bottom, inside and out, is strange after knowing just what to do for so long....I wish you luck, and I just wanted to let you know that I think for the most part what we feel is human nature, and without all these crazy emotions, we'd be quite the boresome bunch!